• Published 5th Feb 2013
  • 2,437 Views, 97 Comments

The Midlife Crisis of an Extra-planar Being - The DM



Zircom is bored with life. After hearing hundreds of bard's tales, all he wants to do now is find an adventure of his own. Where his adventure will occur is a mystery. Zircom doesn't know, nor does he really care.

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An Adventure in National Holidays (Part 2)

The next morning at Applejack’s farm was quiet. The apples were gathered and the food was almost done. Twilight was supposed to meet me and finish making sure the event prep was finished. The only one we hadn’t seen the day before was Pinkie Pie. Honestly, I am not very excited to be meeting her. From what Applejack told me, she seems very high energy and quite unpredictable. However, I shall refrain from passing a judgment until I actually meet her in person.

So eventually Twilight showed up at the farm with her brother in tow. They seemed to be talking about something but were too far away for me to understand what they were saying. It didn't take long for Twilight to spot me lying under my usual tree. She picked up her pace and trotted toward me, her brother hesitated before following her.

“Good morning Zircom.” She said in a very cheerful manner.

“Morning Twilight… you seem to be rather chipper today. What’s up?”

“Well, Princess Celestia is coming later today. I’m just really looking forward to getting to spend time with her.” She had a grin that seemed to stretch from ear to ear. From this statement and her body language, I can conclude that this Celestia is a very dear individual to Twilight. Perhaps she is a mentor or even a surrogate mother figure. I can always ask about that later.

“I see. Do you know if Luna is coming?”

“That’s Princess Luna to you!” her brother almost snapped at me. I reared my head up and back at this sudden hostility.

“Woah woah woah, calm down. She only told me she was a princess last week.” This didn’t calm him down in the least bit. Before he could get off another word though, Twilight interrupted.

“Shinning please, he means no disrespect. Princess Luna has visited him in a few dreams.” I nodded in agreement.

“Yup, we kinda have a weekly schedule. Every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday we hang out in my mind. It’s quite fun.”

Shinning looked shocked and bewildered. I just looked at him with a smile and retorted.

“True story.”

Twilight once again interrupted.

“Well now, if you two aren’t going to try and kill each other can we get on with our day?”

I spoke up first. “Sure, cause I would totally win that fight.”

Shinning just followed quietly next to Twilight as we walked to town. It was clear that Shining Armor was very nervous walking with a huge dragon, especially with his sister in such close proximity. It was very clear that he didn’t trust me… at all. So it took us about twenty minutes to make it to town. This time when I showed up I got a few looks from the townsfolk but nothing more. The royal guard, however, began to muster and looked like they were going to try and stop me. Twilight rolled her eyes and called out to them.

“He’s with me.”

They seemed confused at first, but looked to Shinning before relaxing and going back to their posts. I shot them a smile as I walked by. It was then that we approached our destination… the giant gingerbread house of a bakery. Twilight was about to open the door when a pink blur shot out of the door at speeds I didn’t think any land mammal could manage. The blur tackled Twilight and just began speaking.

"Twilight! My pinky senses were telling me that somepony new was in town but they weren’t really a pony so I couldn’t throw them a normal ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party but then realized that it would be mean to not include somepony just because they weren't a pony so I decided to throw a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party anyway!”

It was incredible. She got off her entire statement in about twenty seconds in a single breath without using any punctuation. It was her next action that really caught me off guard. The pink pony pulled a canon… a full size canon out of nowhere and aimed it right at me. Before I could react, there was a massive bang, a bright light, and some strange sensations on my face. I opened my eyes and noticed that I, and the entire area around me, was covered in balloons and streamers.

On the front of the bakery was a giant banner that read ‘Welcome to Ponyville’. I looked at the banner then at all the party decorations that seemed to be conjured out of thin air.

“H-how… how is this possible? Normally I would just chalk it up as ‘Magic, aint gotta explain shit’ but this is absurd.”

“It’s my special talent! I’ve always been good at throwing super amazing parties!” Pinkie was bouncing up to my eye level with a pair of fake glasses, a clown nose, a fake arrow going through the side of her head, and what looked like an alligator biting her head. Then I realized that the alligator was real when it made eye contact with me.

“Um… Pinkie… I don’t mean to cause any alarm… but why is there an alligator on your head?”

“Silly, that’s Gummy. He’s my pet alligator. He doesn’t have any teeth though so it’s okay. Say ‘hi’ to Zircom Gummy.”

As she bounced up to meet my eyes once again the alligator jumped off her head and attached to my nose. I just sat there slack jawed and looked at this alligator now clamped firmly to my snout. I even tried shaking my head to dislodge the small reptile, but to no avail. Eventually Gummy became bored and let go, dropping almost twenty feet before clamping onto Pinkie’s head midflight.

“C’mon Zir, let’s get a photo of your first Ponyville party!”

Before I could protest, Pinkie once again jumped up to my eye level before grabbing my face and pulling it down to ground level. How she managed to make me move like that I will never understand. Out of nowhere Pinkie then slapped a party hat on my head and a kazoo in my mouth before slamming a box like device on a tripod stand. She then pulled in Twilight and her brother before grabbing the side of my face as if she were trying to wrap her arms around my snout. My eyes went as wide as dinner plates as she turned toward the box and smiled just as a blinding light went off for the second time that day.

“Yay! Picture’s done!”

I could only blink in disbelief of what had just happened in the span of nine seconds. Even Shining Armor was having a difficult time believing what had just happened. Twilight didn’t seem fazed by this at all. I spit out the kazoo and removed the party hat.

“I’m done here. I’ll meet you at the town hall.” With that I got up and began to walk away.

Pinkie could only watch as I walked away, her face sinking and her mane losing its fluff. "He...he's not mad at me... is he?" Pinkie asked, her voice cracking as sadness and worry crept in.

"He's not mad at you Pinkie. Don't worry; I'll go talk to him." Twilight tried to comfort her friend.

~~~

I was sitting outside the town hall for about ten minutes before Twilight and her brother walked up. I glanced over at Twilight, “So, is everything alright?”

She sighed and nodded. “Yeah. Pinkie Pie wanted to apologize for frightening you.”

I sighed. “She didn’t scare me… she just made me feel… really uncomfortable. Look, it’s not that I don’t like her, I’m sure she is quite a nice person. But her... attitude... made me very uncomfortable.”

Twilight seemed to accept this and looked around. “I see. Pinkie Pie means well. She just wants everypony to feel included and loved.”

“I can tell, and I’m sure she does a great job at it. I’m just uncomfortable around her. I don’t know why, but I just am… so what’s left for today?”

Twilight pulled out a checklist from space and began looking over the pages before putting it away. “It looks like we got everything. I’m going to go check in with the mayor and give her an update. I’ll be right back.” She turned and walked into the town hall, leaving Shining Armor and me outside.

Sensing that nothing was going to be said between us, I laid down and set my head on my arm. We sat in silence for a few minutes before a certain rainbow Pegasus flew overhead and began hovering just above me.

“Hey Zir, what's up?”

"Meh, not much."

"You got some streamers on your horns."

I reached a hand up and flicked colorful pieces of ribbon from my horns. "Thanks." I returned to my resting position.

"You okay dude?"

I looked up at Rainbow before sighing. “Yeah.”

“You know you’re a bad liar, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So what’s up dude? You seem really down.”

I sighed before going into detail about my encounter with the eccentric party pony. Rainbow looked surprised and unsure of what to say.

“Wow dude… I don’t know what to say. I’m sure Pinkie didn’t mean to make you feel like that, it's just her way of welcoming new ponies.”

“I have no doubt about that." I sighed and looked over at Shining. "I think I’m gonna fly home, can you tell Twilight.”

He nodded. “Sure.”

I kicked off and flew toward the farm.

~~~

It was a few days later. Twilight came and saw me twice since the encounter with Pinkie. I had also apologized to Pinkie for my reaction; she too began to apologize and said she would throw a much calmer party for me if I were okay with it. I told her that it would be fine as long as it was not too crazy. She seemed to be okay with this and bounded off much happier than when she arrived.

The party would wait though. Tomorrow was the Summer Sun Celebration and I would be helping Applejack set up the food tables in the morning. It would be an early morning, but tomorrow promised to be an enjoyable day.

I decided to take a night flight before the day of the celebration. It was calm and quite refreshing. The moon was full and the air was nice and crisp. I really enjoy the colder temperatures. There was also a lack of clouds; it would seem that Rainbow had done a great job at keeping the skies completely clear. One thing I noticed was a building that seemed to be made of clouds with a rainbow waterfall; quite possibly the home of Rainbow Dash.

I flew for a few hours and reflected on the past few days. The incident with Pinkie Pie still left me feeling a bit guilty. Shining Armor didn’t trust me… at all; rightfully so though. He was just trying to protect his sister and his nation. I can’t really fault the guy, all I can do is prove to him that I am not a threat and maybe he will come around to me.

During my flight back to the farm, I noticed what appeared to be a camp of sorts; a small fire with a ring of six small tents situated around it. Whoever was staying there had a cooking fire going, as I could smell what amounted to cooked flesh. Whatever was down there was carnivorous. They seemed to be far enough away from town that it really didn't ring any alarms in my mind. Even so, I would mention it to Shining when I saw him next.

~~~

The next morning came quickly. I helped Applejack carry all the food to the town center and then set up the banquet tables. It took an hour to get everything set up, leaving us with two hours before the event would start. Ponies were slowly beginning to line up outside the town hall in hopes of getting a good seat.

After setting up, I took a front row seat with Twilight and her friends in my Earth Pony form. I wasn’t going to be that asshole that just blocks everyone’s view. So there we were, waiting for Princess Celestia to come out and raise the sun for the first day of summer. There were royal guards along the inside perimeter of the building; they seemed relaxed but alert. Next to catch my attention was Shining Armor standing on the far left of the stage where the princess would raise the sun. His armor was polished and very well kept; about what I would expect from the guard captain.

So there we waited. The sounds of idle conversation filled the air as ponies waited. It wasn’t much longer until Fluttershy’s bird choir began to sing, announcing the arrival of the princess.

In strode a pony, easily twice as big as any of the others, with a mane and tail that I will not soon forget. It swayed in an unseen wind, much like Luna's. She ascended the stairs of the stage and took her place in the center of the stage.

“My dearest ponies, thank you all for coming to this year’s summer sun celebration. Today we mark the beginning of summer, as well as the anniversary of my beloved sister’s return.” The room instantly erupted into cheers and stamping of hooves.

The princess’s horn lit up and she very slowly and very dramatically began to fly up, bringing with her the light of dawn. It was beautiful, watching the sun rise like that. I'm not sure why this was any different, but it was. It was almost indescribable. As the Princess reached the apex of her ascent, so did the morning sun. A warm orange glow filled the room and cast a feeling of... love. It felt as though the Princess was bathing the crowd in not only light, but in love as well. As Celestia neared the ceiling someone in the back of the room let out a blood curling scream. All eyes then shifted back toward the source of the disturbance, the guards were instantly on edge.

There in the door stood four bipedal dog looking figures, all wielding crossbows. Before anyone could react, all four unleashed their deadly weapons. I watched in slow motion as the first bolt pierced the armor of a guard to Celestia’s left and embedded itself in his shoulder. The second one grazed the princess, while the third one found its mark and struck her side. The fourth one, however, caught one guard under the chin and killed him instantly.

This guard was named Shining Armor.

Author's Note:

Well BLAM! This chapter was a lot of fun to write.

I'm not really sure if there is anything to really say here, so Imma just type stuff till I get bored or decide that I should stop rambling.

Questions, comments, concerns, and haiku poetry can be tossed in the section below.