A young Cadance walks into foal sit for her favorite charge only to find that Shining Armor has allowed Twilight to have coffee and now she's in for a rough day.
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Shadowlord
Joined 9th Jul, 2012 ·
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Made me chuckle.
Have a like & a 'stache.
been waiting for one of these storys sence i saw that pic
and i was not disapointed. and now shining you better watch out cadence is coming for you.
Never laughed so hard at a story like I did before. I almost couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard!
You have made a lot of punctuation mistakes this makes all your sentences run together and makes it really hard to read you should go back over it and clean all that up
That was a really fun fic to read ... i don't think i stopped smiling for even a moment after Twilight said she was "great, fine, super, SPECTACULAR!" and even still i'm grinning from ear to ear ... all i can really say to critique is Commas, commas, commas, commas, commas .... please use commas ... i can understand if it was just some of twilight's dialogue to try and emphasis the speed at which she spoke ... but they were missing all the way through and were needed quite frequently ... which made for some slightly awkward reading ... my recommendation is to read the sentence out loud, and whenever you naturally stop in the middle you're usually required to put a comma there
OK She's older now tell her. :D
2077788
I'm no good at that so I'm looking for an editor.
2078496 Well, at least you know.
Still, Full stops before a new bit of spoken dialogue in a paragraph and it all doesn't need to be one sentence.
2078511
So you want me to separate them?
2078514 yeah, it'd really fix up the whole thing and stop it all seeming like one long string of text.
2078516
I'm afraid I don't understand
2078531 well, see, your sentences are all pretty much blended together, as if you completely forgot about punctuation until the end of each individual paragraph. Try reading your fic over and put the punctuation marks where you feel they'd go best.
2078535 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style. Alternatively, you could have an editor read through and mark all the punctuation and capitalization errors, or you could fix them yourself. I've taken two excerpts from your story and marked where punctuation should be.
Cadence happily trotted through the streets of Canterlot[period] While many ponies her age considered foalsitting a chore[comma] the young princess of love simply adored the chance to spend time with little ponies. Currently she was on her way to foalsit for her favorite little filly Twilight Sparkle[period] Upon arriving at the house of the filly in question she found the door already open[period] “Hello?” she called in.
“No[exclamation mark] I don’t want to today[period]” said Twilight as an idea came to her[period] “I know what I wanna do[period or exclamation mark]” she said[comma] running off into the house with Cadence in pursuit[period] [Cadence tried]
tryingto keep up with the little filly but lost her in the hallway.“Twilight[comma] where are you
![question mark]” Cadence called.2078594
Thank you the corrections have been made if you can help me out more that would be appreciated.
2078612 Do you have a GDoc I can take a look at? It's so much easier to comment there.
2078617
Not really sorry
2078629 I'll copypaste it in when I get a chance then.
2078637
Thank you I'll mention you in the notes
this was so darn adorable that it was just wahat i needed. thanks for the huge dash of sugar
This sounds like it should be a flash back episode.
That was entertaining, now excuse me while I find a foal and give it coffee. On the other hoof, I found it very cute.
This was pretty awesome, and properly formatted(
). Buuuuuttt... You're missing a ton of commas, causing sentences that seem to go on to unnatural lengths without pause. You might want to fix that. 
Twilight meet Hammy, Hammy meet Twilight
I love comming across these one shots that carry dawww moments like these. This one was both funny and filled my Dawww-o-meter to the max. Well done.
lolz to this
This story was hilarious
loved it
This is pure gold, love it.
Is there going to be a sequel? with twilight asking her parents about wha cadance said?
2085371
No sequels planned at the moment.
Read title, EPIC!
Saw picture,
Went to MyLittleBrony and pulled this up:
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6974940928/h78216B98/
2085905
You made this?
2085930
Uh... Not quite. I found it on MyLittleBrony and bookmarked it because it was so funny.
Well that was fun read. However I don't understand all this coffe crazines and energy, for me and most of the people I know it just doesn't work like that (only in mind, that they have to start the day with coffe).
Oh my Celestia, she changed into Rebound.
And it was AWESOME!
2078612 A very cute story.
"Hey kid, the purple brat with you?" looks better, and possibly an exclamation point to emphasize his anger. Still, a well told story, sweet and funny. MUSTACHES!
I think Cadence should've popped her on the butt!
Great fic. Tons of grammar and formatting problems though. I almost stoped reading 1/4 of the way through. Glad I didn't because it made me lol pretty hard
. I'll be adding this to the main folders in Twilight's Library
I literally read the first word and had to comment: Cadance, not Cadence. "Cadence" is a musical term. "Cadance" is the alicorn princess of love. I will now stop nitpicking and read the rest of the story.
If I can try to look past the grammar errors I can see this as a decent story. The ending, in spite of the absence of any ending punctuation, was great. Pay attention during your English classes, and perhaps one day you will be able to write something that doesn't make me laugh and want to stab you at the same time.
Good luck in all of your endeavors.
DIABEETUS
That was good
2826889
I fixed it
2826931
Ummmmm Thank you?
3051490 Hey man, I was just wondering if it would be okay if I made my own version of this story. I think the idea has much potential, but I just wanted to see If it was okay with you If I made my own story.
3206917
Go ahead.
Mmmm, Sugary Sweet and Caffeine loaded.
UVF'd 
Good Job. You mad my day a little brighter than it was when I started. Thank you. 
Cute!
Now I want to see Adult Twilight drink coffee, see if she's any different.
3435394 Just imagine lesson zero but 10x worse (or better depending on your opinion)
3731997 dear luna there needs to be a royal decree "The unicorn twilight sparkle is forbidden from having coffee giving said unicorn coffee is a crime punishable by 1000 years banishment or death depending on how much coffee was drunk!'