- Member Since 9th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 27th, 2020
Prince Solstice
My dick maybe large, but really only in your heads. I'm quite the average guy, from day to day life, I seek answers only to get more questions. And yes, I am that guy who fucks mothers.
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Just finished reading the chapter of 'Adventures of a Teenage Foalsitter' where there's a contest on making your mare relative climax. Applejack and Big Mac participated, so this story make much more sense. And also, all of my chuckles.
5 out of 5.
You jumped between tenses a few times.
And yes, I would call that incest.
"He twirled around her and teased the shit out of her."
uhhh... Consider revising this. There must be a better word to use than "shit." It isn't consistent with your other descriptions. It sounds like you couldn't think of anything so you just wrote "teased the shit out of her." I'm not saying that's what actually happened but that is how it appears.
Take your time and don't repeat the same words often. You used the words "entire being" when referring to the ponies on several occasions. This is a short story and when you use the same phrase over and over it just comes off as repetitive.
Overall, fairly well written.
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/OhCelestiaWhy.png
2077719 I appreciate the input, and you are correct there are a few places I jumped tenses. The comment about teasing the shit out of her was purely a just because moment. Trust me I could have put something else I just didn't because this is not a serious story. I don't pour my heart and soul into non serious clop fics. I have other stories I'd rather work on, and I write every one of these in like an hour. Sometimes I'm too tired to edit out the kinks, and this was just one of those times.
I'll fix it, but I won't rush to do so.
Not bad really but it could do with some work.
Now all that's left is Pinkie Pie.
2078745 That's the impression I got. It was entertaining though, and I guess that's all that matters.
Cheers!
I'm guessing all the downvotes are just because incest.
I love how incest is frowned upon... Even if the pony is inanimate, and the brother is unaware, on top of that there really is no sexual acts happening. Big Mac is repairing a fence and a door, and it's just life from the nail and screws perspective.
Don't know why this has so many downvotes, it's not any worse than the other inanimate object stories.
2192970 People thought this might have been incest, to which I would protest but I am too lazy to care really.
Incest.
2254071 Not really.