Chapter 2
A few weeks later, two Mare-do-wells stood in the rear inspiration room of Carousel Boutique. They looked similar, but there were slight differences between them. One was clearly a pegasus, and the other was likely an earth pony. One’s rear legs were finely toned and developed, while the other looked more sleek and aerodynamic. Other than that, they looked identical, from the hat to the cape with the clasp engraven with a stylized 'M' to the purple costume that covered their bodies.
Applejack lifted her mask and inspected the suit she wore. “I gotta say, Rarity, you really outdid yourself this time.”
Rainbow Dash lifted hers as well. She wiggled her hips experimentally. “Yeah,” she added. “This spandex is good stuff. It’s fitting just right and isn’t riding up at all.”
Rarity walked... nay, strutted in front of the two, happily explaining what she had done. “It only looks like spandex, dearie. It’s thicker and can help diffuse impact. It is also magic infused, providing warmth and protection.”
A third Mare-do-well, this one with the middling and slightly awkward proportions of a growing filly, came into view. Rarity gestured to her without looking over, almost as if this were rehearsed beforehoof. “I made a prototype outfit, which Sweetie Belle has graciously decided to model for me, and which we will use to demonstrate.”
Sweetie Belle bounced once happily. “This is so cool!”
Both Applejack and Rainbow did a double take. The sound that came from the filly was definitely not Sweetie Belle’s high-pitched voice.
Rarity smoothly continued (and with no small amount of pride in her voice), “As you can clearly see, the masks have been woven with a voice disguise spell, which I designed myself. It will change your voice, but not your accent, so do watch out for that.”
Applejack glowered before pulling down her mask. “Ah don’t have an accent,” she grumbled.
“I am Rainbow Dash, and I... Whoa,” Rainbow Dash said, experimentally poking at her mask. “It really does change my voice! I sound... I sound...”
“Dark?” Rarity suggested eagerly. “Mysterious? Sinister?”
“Like I have a cold,” Rainbow Dash finished honestly.
Rarity sniffed. “Nopony appreciates genius in its time,” she said dismissively. She resumed her pacing. “The material is thin, providing flexibility, but thanks to numerous enchantments, it is also is warm and waterproof, which will be good in Manehattan snow. It also has the ability--” Rarity spun, shooting a blast of magic at Sweetie Belle, who merely crossed her hooves in front of her body defensively. To the surprise of Rainbow and Applejack, the blast ricocheted off, going straight through Rarity’s roof.
Rarity looked up at the new hole in mild bemusement. “...to deflect magic,” she finished absentmindedly. “I can honestly say I didn’t plan for that.” Hitching a smile back on her face, she turned back to the two larger Mare-do-wells. “Obviously, this is a last-resort measure, as the fabric is resistant but not impervious, so don’t go jumping in a ring of unicorns and expect to come out unharmed.” She returned and lit her horn, and both capes fanned out as if on display. “The capes are special for each of you. Rainbow, yours is light and tear-away, so if something happens and you need your wings, the cape can rip off and leave you free. Applejack, yours is reinforced along all the seams and is made of a much more... special material.”
“What kind of special?” Applejack asked.
In response, Rarity turned and gestured at a bookshelf, where they suddenly noticed Sweetie Belle was standing rather high up. Without any warning, she wrapped the ends of the cape around her hooves and jumped off. The cape snapped rigid, forming a hang glider of sorts that let her glide gently to the ground, where she landed with a flourish.
Both Mare-do-wells had expressionless faces thanks to their masks, but Rarity sensed that behind both, there was an identical look of awe. She tittered. “Yes, it is rather impressive.” She continued her strutting. “The medallions have a charm on them that Twilight will finish. When one vibrates, both will, so you can use that as a paging mechanism, or to 'tag in' if you want. It can be either pattern activated or voice activated, so choose a phrase that you wouldn’t normally say under duress.”
“Kindof like a safe word,” Rainbow said, poking experimentally at the medallion.
Rarity kept her head high, even as her left eye twitched once. “To use a crude term, yes.” She cleared her throat. “Your belts have smoke bombs and flashbang pods, courtesy of Zecora. Each side has one kind, so be sure you remember which is which.”
Applejack looked down and examined her belt. The left side had longer rod-like pods, while her right had rounder pods. Upon closer observation, she could see where the round ones were like eggs, but they had been resealed with something purple.
“Which one’s this one?” Rainbow asked, pulling one of the longer pods out of the left side of her belt.
“Flashbang,” Rarity answered, a hint of nervousness entering her voice. “Put that away.”
Rainbow nodded and attempted to, but it slipped out of her teeth. She reached out to catch it with a wing, but hit it instead, sending it flying across the room. When the pod hit the ground, it exploded in a bright flash and a loud bang reverberated through the shop, sending four disoriented ponies tumbling to the ground, clutching their heads or covering their ears in pain.
“How ‘bout that,” Applejack muttered, rubbing her eyes furiously. “Does just what it says on the label.”
“I did warn you,” Rarity agreed, gently massaging her ringing ears. “Obviously they will affect you, too, so do use caution.” She drew herself up, shook her mane back into place, and continued. “As I was saying... the hats have an emergency distress signal. Pull out the lining and both Twilight and I will know where you are.”
“Why is that an emergency only thing?” Rainbow Dash had to ask.
Rarity answered as if it were blindingly obvious. “Because then you’ll ruin the hat, of course!” She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash, you and your blatant disrespect for fashion and all the hard work involved...”
Sensing an incoming conflict, Applejack intervened. “So, are we good to go?” she asked.
Rarity nodded. “Ready to go out and fight crime. Have fun, you two!”
“Ah will,” Applejack muttered as she left.
“Yeah," Rainbow said, much more enthusiastically. "This is gonna be great!”
After storing their suits in the special garment bags Rarity had provided, the two soon-to-be vigilantes headed out.
Rainbow jumped off the ground and pumped a hoof into the air. “This just feels so real now! We’re ready to go! And it’s awesome how cool our friends have been about it.”
“Yeah,” Applejack said. “They’re somethin’ special, aren’t they?”
“You bet they are!” Rainbow agreed. “Hey, I never asked, what did your family say when you told them you were leaving?”
“...”
Rainbow skittered in front of Applejack, stopping her short. “You didn’t tell them?” she demanded.
“Ah was plannin’ to...” Applejack defended herself weakly.
“Applejack!" Rainbow suppressed the urge to facehoof. "It’s been almost two months! You were going to tell them three weeks ago!”
“And Ah meant to! It’s just... Ah didn’t. Ah don’t know how they’ll react, if they’ll think Ah’m abandonin’ them, Ah don’t know if Ah can look Apple Bloom in the eye and leave like this...”
“You can always back out,” Rainbow said sincerely, resting a hoof comfortingly on her shoulder. “I don’t want to force you to go.”
“Ah made my choice,” Applejack retorted, before sighing in defeat. “Guess there’s no time like the present.”
“Want me to come with you?” Rainbow offered.
Applejack shook her head. “Ah think this is somethin’ Ah have to do myself.”
* * *
“So now you know why I gotta leave," Applejack finished weakly. Confessing her departure to her brother and sister was definitely harder than she was expecting. Apple Bloom's expression had gone from surprise to disbelief to sadness, with perhaps a hint of betrayal; and Big Mac's unchanging expression certainly hadn't made Applejack feel any better. The presence of Babs Seed, who was visiting over the summer and had just arrived that morning, was also unexpected and unhelpful; but that was because Babs had taken it upon herself to make silly faces at Applejack during the more serious parts of her explanation.
Big Mac stood stoically. “Eeyup,” he said simply.
“And y’all will be fine without me?”
Big Mac nodded and spoke. “Do what you have to do, AJ. We'll get along fine." He gestured to the two fillies next to him, both strong enough and willing to help in the harvest.
Apple Bloom crossed her forelegs defiantly. “Still think Ah could get a cutie mark in crime fightin’,” she muttered.
"We could get us a cutie mark in real fightin'," Babs suggested, jabbing a hoof into the air in Apple Bloom’s general direction, but the identical glares from both Applejack and Big Mac quickly killed that idea.
Applejack ruffled Apple Bloom's mane. “It ain’t permanent, Apple Bloom. Ah’ll be back. Promise.”
Apple Bloom gave her sister a hug. “All right,” she said, “but you’d better.”
Babs nodded. "And if you don't, we'll come n’ bring you back ourselves," she threatened, smacking her hooves together. "Don't think we won't, neither."
Applejack smiled as she left to finish packing. All in all, she approved of this last meeting with her family.
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Awezum!
Well, duh! You needed the voice change! How would they say "I'm Batmare." otherwise? Or "I'm Mare-Do-Well." I suppose, but that does not have such a nice ring to it.
As for updates... well I waited for many different updates so I can wait for these ones. Not to mention that, for me, 10k chapter is kinda moderate, bordering on short, really... I'm weird!
Though honestly, that note about the contest in description might be misread as "It's already done, I'm just fleshing out/creating suspense by taking my time with updates".
And I am wondering why did you not cover their supply of those flashbangs and smokescreens. I mean, they don't seem to be magically limitless, no? Oh well, maybe next chapter?
Keep up the good work!
2946373
It really doesn't flow, does it...
Oh, I can't do ten thousand. I can't even read anything over around six and a half thousand.
...it's not done... Not even close... I've got it outlined to them in Manehattan, finding an apartment and jobs, their first night and their much better second attempt, and then it kindof trails off from there. Frankly, it was submitted unfinished and untitled, and I'm still surprised it won.
Valid question on their tools. I kindof hoped to imply that Zecora made them, and they could send for more later; but to be honest they aren't going to use them that often.
2946431
They do need a good catch-phrase, don't they?
I never said I expect ten thousand. It's just that I like to come clean: "less than ten thousand is not impressive, so don't try luring me with it". Frankly, I don't know why I do it... I am weird like that. Also, apparently many people find that statement hard to believe... dunno why.
Oh, thank you for clarifying the completeness issue. Well, it's hard to say now... either the rest was that bad or that small bit of yours was that good! And I am leaning towards the latter!
Yes, I did got that impression. "Here, have some tools, if you're out, mail for more!" It's actually quite sad for me that we did not get to see the reactions of the gang to that idea. It was irrelevant, but I would like to see it.
All in all, great work and I am waiting for more!
So Twilight and Rarity are their backup in case things go south? Ya I cant think of anypony better suited for the role then the unicorn that can repair a dam in a matter of seconds to come in and throw a goon through a wall from 200 feet away.
...Why is Babs in Ponyville?
If she's visiting, well, it's pretty rude to go off on crime-fighting leave while you have guests over!
2946464>>2946431
How about "In the name of Celestia, We'll punish you!"
2920786
We not-so-old geezers who were going to elementary school in the early 2000's remember a time when Spongebob was good. And that song was the [Naughty Word!] back then.
Very nice work! I like how you introduced the story so quickly, but did so without making it feel rushed. And the Appledash interaction has been excellent so far - I'm very much looking forward to seeing them fight crime together
This chapter length is great, in my opinion, so I'd say keep going at around 2k-3k. I generally prefer shorter chapters to longer ones, since it's easier to figure out where to stop reading for the night or take a break, and also there's more potential for cliffhangers. And I love going to sleep after ending on a cliffhanger
Also, I love one-liners too. I'm more excited to see what Applejack comes out with, rather than Dash!
I like all the thought that went into making the costumes. The pacing seems a little too fast though. Rushing through their friends just accepting and going along with the notion that Dash and Jack are going to risk their lives fighting crime in another city kind of on whim. I would suggest possibly slowing down the pacing, making chapters a little longer.
2946464
Hey look, someone who has similar taste in chapter length to me... I must say for me though anything shorter than 15k I consider to be an easy read, anything over 25k I grab a drink because I'm not leaving my chair for a couple hours (15k words/hour) to which I proceed to salivate at having a good solid update.
So, I suppose it's kinda redundant to say I'd prefer longer chapters?
In most cases anything shorter than 3k just never really stays in my head, but I am a little bit insane so my views are almost never shared by the majority.
2947839
Definitely similar taste! Though I am yet to find over 20k chap... oh, wait, no, my personal Top 1 story has one or two like that! I think?
Though I can't really say I read 15k/h as I'm pretty sure that's not the case and I actually read slower in English what with it not being my first language.
Though we should stop or we'll push the author into depression or something...
This looks really interesting and good. I'm curious on how they're gonna find a life style in Manehatten. Also, since they are the "Elements of Harmony" aren't they gonna be famous and stand out? Unless that whole "fake our death" thing happens.
Also, will there be like "villains" like Two-face, Joker, Riddler and such?
2946483
"We have an army!"
"We have a Twilight."
2946688
Valid point... to be honest, she's there because I wanted somepony to be making funny faces at Applejack while she was trying to be serious. And it's totally not foreshadowing.
2946761
Thanks! Hope it doesn't disappoint.
2946823
Next chapter will be a bit longer (couldn't figure out where to split it).
Point. I tried to handwave that away with the "A few weeks later", the first line in the chapter. This was supposed to be a shipping story for a shipping contest, and putting in those discussions with their friends and Twilight's "are you insane?!" moments felt like they'd be just filler so I just never wrote them.
2950943
If Bon Bon can waltz into Rarity's shop in the smallish town of Ponyville and ask, "And who are you, again?", I think they'll be able to blend in just fine in Manehattan. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
And no, I wasn't planning on it. At least, not those characters specifically. This was first and foremost a shipping story; but it's safe to say they won't just be fighting muggers.
2958454 Wait, wasn't Babs from Manehatten? And being their cousin from Manehatten wouldn't it that pretty much make her the oranges daughter? I know it was never stated in cannon, but that is just something I assumed was intended when they told us of where she lived. That makes this entire affair a little darker if you think about it
I REALLY badly want to see how this all turns out with theirs first night fighting crime the suspense is killing me for how much I love this book
your writing is fantastic keep up the good work