Ponies and Griffons have been fighting for twenty-four years now without either side giving up much territory. The Ponies, having just negotiated peace with the Dragons, are shaping up to become a powerful nation. But the Griffons have held a solid empire for much longer and know how to survive a conflict of this magnitude. The Ponies are being pushed back and are quickly running out of resources. But all of that will soon change. A new addition to the army has been made. A group of unicorns bred from foalhood to fight in this war have entered the picture as newly instated "battle mages." This is the story of their leader, an exceptionally powerful unicorn, thought to be able to last more than a few a minutes against an alicorn before losing. These are the thoughts of a warrior.
Quick note: So, I'm doing a sort of "Inspired by Music" collection where I take the lyrics of songs I like and make stories out of them. Let me know what you guys think about this story and if the series is a good idea. The song for this is Warrior by Disturbed. Tagged [Dark] because no other tags seemed appropriate, but this can just be considered light-dark, nothing really intense about it. Told in 1st person, past tense. Enjoy.
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I definitely appreciate the review. Worry not, for I will finish this story. As for the part about showing Nova's emotions: you hit the nail on the head, to use one of my favorite cliches. The next chapter should actually address that point a lot more. If I'm going to show him slowly turning into something he currently isn't, I'm gonna have to get more in depth with his thoughts.
And I have a nice little surprise for wrapping this one up.
Thanks for your words of encouragement and I hope you continue to enjoy the story through its completion. There are more to come, especially in this Inspired By Music series.
god damn this is good!
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Thank you! That's pretty reassuring considering what I see as minor flaws abound. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I'll hopefully have something new soon (after finals being the definition of soon
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Congratulations. Your story has good enough grammar to be added to the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive directory of grammatically correct stories on FIMFiction.
There is just one small issues I wanted to bring up, although it's already good enough.
Thee vs thou. It's a rather arcane pronoun, so the confusion is understandable. But when the subject of the sentence is the "second person", it should be "thou," and when someone or something else is, it should be "thee".
For example:
"Thou hath failed to differentiate properly between these pronouns. For your error, the pronouns shall destroy thee."
It's comparable to "I" vs "me".
3023570 Ah, thank you! I was rather confused on those two (as well as thy vs. thine). I was able to come to a consensus on that issue, however thou vs. thee was more difficult to figure out absolutely. I'll go through and fix these as soon as is feasible.
what's funny is the fact that those lives could have lived if celestia were to not intervene
made a sequel with the "CRIMINAL" song
4517742 In due time my friend, in due time. The next one will actually have to do with The Night and Divide. I'll leave it up to your imagination with those songs to try and figure where this story's headed.
I waited far too long to finish reading this.
Amazing job, and thank you for the read.
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