A "Lyra's Human" Christmas
Note: The events of this story take place contemporaneously with those in “A Derpy’s Human Hearth’s Warming Eve.” It is split into three sections, each of which covers one day. You can read that one first, or read this one first, or you can switch back and forth as each section comes about. I hope you enjoy this little gift.
Friday
“Hey, honey?”
“Yes, Lyra?”
“What’s Christmas?”
I sat up in the chair where I was sipping a cup of hot chocolate that Lyra had just brought me. We had spent a dozen winters together and I had never mentioned Christmas to her. Ever since the series of incidents that had brought us together, life had been pretty routine.
I had, as I had anticipated, closed the books on my life on Earth, and was now living full-time in Equestria. I maintained a low profile, still afraid of what Princess Celestia might do. On occasion, I heard rumors that she was more welcoming to humans than the initial first impression I had. Lyra even told me that another one was visiting on occasion, but not to stay.
The question still hung in the air. Lyra was long used to me taking a long time to think over answers. I was always self-censoring, trying to keep the shameful aspects of Earth life out of her cognizance.
“It’s a holiday for humans. Kind of like Hearth’s Warming Eve, only not like Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
“Separate it out for me. What’s the same and what’s different? You’re still here to tell me how the world of humans works, you know.”
“All right. Well, on Hearth’s Warming Eve, you get together with the ponies you love and go over the origin of Equestria with the windigoes and the three tribes, right?”
“That’s right,” Lyra said.
“Well, that’s supposed to be the idea of Christmas. But first of all, it’s not based on actual history, just on something that some people believe, and might have made up. This guy was born who eventually, they say, saved everyone.”
“Like Twilight Sparkle did from Nightmare Moon?”
I sighed. This was harder that I thought. “No, it was more of a vague salvation. I really don’t want to go into it. Anyway, they celebrate his birthday and tell the story of how he was born in a stable surrounded by oxen and sheep and other animals. Supposed to show his humility, I guess.”
“What’s wrong with sheep and oxen? I have good friends who are sheep.”
“Oh, right. It’s a little different. Point is that it’s not a great dramatic story, but everyone knows it and that’s what the holiday is based on.”
Lyra looked at her desk as if wondering if she wanted to get her quill and take notes. “But you still celebrate it like we do?”
“In theory, but not in practice. I guess there are some people who love their families enough to be with them, but for a lot of people it’s a hassle. And then there are the presents.”
“We give presents too! It’s great fun.”
“And super expensive,” I said. “The more people you know, the more you have to spend. Everyone else gets you stuff that’s expensive too, but you don’t need it. The whole holiday is just an orgy of consumerism and greed, and even that wouldn’t be so bad if half the people weren’t telling you that the consumerism and greed are wrong while participating in it! Then there’s the fact that every year it starts just a little bit earlier. It takes over other holidays and makes you pay attention to it. And even that’s not the worst part.”
Lyra leaned in, fascinated. “What is?”
“You remember how I said that not everyone believed the story of Christmas? Well, it used to be that everyone would say Merry Christmas around that time and the people who didn’t believe, well, no one worried and they didn’t complain. Then they decided that they didn’t like that and insisted on people saying Happy Holidays instead. The first group didn’t like that and now Merry Christmas, instead of being a happy sentiment, became an argument.”
I wound down my rant, and Lyra gave me a gentle pat on the shoulder with her hoof. “That all seems such a shame.”
“Yes, but at least I don’t have to be around it anymore. I liked Christmas at one point, but don’t mind missing it.”
“If only you could go back. Oh! What if we had a Christmas themed Hearth’s Warming Eve party?”
After going on about how much Christmas bothered me, I was all ready to say no, but it intrigued me to see what she would come up with, so I agreed.
“Perfect! We’ll have it this Sunday,” she said. “That gives us plenty of time to set up.” It was at that moment though, that Bon-bon raced into the room.
She and I had learned to be civil to each other for Lyra’s sake. She liked both of us, and both of us liked her, and we each understood that we couldn’t insist that Lyra choose. But Bon-bon and I didn’t go out of our way to talk to each other. She brought Lyra aside and spoke to her, then raced out the door. Lyra started packing a bag.
“The party’s going to have to be put on hold,” she said. “No, rather, we’ll keep it for Sunday, but I’ll need you to do a lot of the preparations. Bon-bon’s mother fell and broke her leg.”
“Bon-bon has a mother?”
“Um, yeah. Everypony has a mother, silly human.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’ve just never met her mother.”
“Yeah, she has one. Anyway, she’s got to go visit her in the hospital and I’ll have to take care of a few things with her. So do the best you can. I’ll be in and out with some ideas, and you can come up with some Christmas-y stuff on your own. OK?”
She ran out before I could respond. But how hard could it be? After all, most ponies still avoided me, so the party would probably be a quiet and intimate evening with Lyra and maybe a few friends. All I’d need to do would be to put together some decorations and some food, maybe pop back to Earth for some instrumental Christmas music, or even get it in sheet form and have Lyra play for us.
The mint-green head popped back in through the door. “Oh, and since I’ll be out and about, I’ll invite everypony, so you won’t have to worry about that. And the other human too! You haven’t met her!”
What was I getting into?
Saturday
It wasn’t so bad at first. I sat down with a piece of butcher paper and found one of Lyra’s quills that she had left lying around. I listed things from Christmases that I remembered enjoying and felt were safe to let the ponies in on. It was almost a game, trying to think of which Christmas carols I could have for them without having to explain what a tannenbaum was and why we didn’t just call it a Christmas tree. There was certainly a challenge in coming up with a Christmas dinner not centered around a turkey, goose, or ham.
Decorations were definitely not my forte, but I reached into what I remembered my parents telling me about their Christmases, and about stringing popcorn to hang on the trees. That would help bolster the food supply as well. With a picture in my head of how the affair should look, I made a list of items to obtain, shoved it in a pocket, and headed out the door.
Into a raging blizzard.
The sky had been overcast as I had worked by candlelight, but my eyes hadn’t adjusted as the sun went down. All I could see in the dim glow of the lights of Ponyville was the flying snow drifting into piles against the buildings.
“Why didn’t Lyra warn me about this?” She always paid more attention to the weather bulletins than I did, but a big storm like this should have gotten through to me. Well, there was only one thing for it. I ducked into the closet and found a thick coat, bundled up as tightly as I could, and braved the storm.
That was when I discovered the downside of predictive weather. Everypony had closed up shop ahead of the blizzard, and only a few were out at all. As I gave up and went back home I saw, one pony, Roseluck I think she was called, covering up her flowers with a tarp.
“Hi there!” she called to me. “Hear you’re planning the big Christmas event.”
I was a little surprised at how quickly word had spread. Lyra was good. “Yeah, though I don’t know how well it’s going to go off with this storm.”
“Better get inside quick. It’s cold!”
No fooling. “I will. Do you know how long this storm is supposed to last?”
“Only overnight. The sun will be out tomorrow!”
Well, one night’s delay wasn’t the worst thing. “Thanks!” I said, and ran for shelter.
Shaking the snow off my coat and melting it into my hair, I looked out the window. The howling of the wind would make it difficult to sleep. I wished that Lyra would come home so she could at least send me to Earth for a while. There was nothing I could do. I blew out the candles and went to bed.
The morning when I woke had the particular quiet that only comes when snow is on the ground to absorb the sounds. I peeked out the window and saw snow that had to be two feet high. Hoping it was just an exceptional drift, I opened the front door. No luck. A white wall that came up to my thighs sloped down only a few inches. On the trees, branches hung heavy with thick, wet snow.
I didn’t know if Lyra even owned a shovel. For all I knew, she could magic away the snow or just melt it with heat from her horn. I still had my list of things to get, though, so with no better option, I put on as many layers of clothes as I could fit on, lifted my leg as high as I could, and stepped out into the snow.
Having snowshoes would have been nice as well.
My idea for the main dish was to take asparagus and make it look like a crown roast, then fill the center with candied fruits. I could roast asparagus pretty well, making it taste good with lots of butter, oil, garlic, pepper, and grated cheese. I managed to pick up all of these ingredients, taking my time and making each step only with effort. At least I was getting some exercise.
I remembered the asparagus stand as being across, and one over, from the avocado stand. That one I found easily enough, but when I turned around I couldn’t see my target. A stallion was brushing the snow off of a sign, and I anticipated seeing the drawing of the asparagus, but instead an unmistakable image of broccoli came up. I trudged over.
“Sorry, I’m a little lost. Isn’t this where they sell the asparagus?”
“It sure is!” he said.
“Oh, wonderful. Can I have two packs please?”
“I don’t have any asparagus.”
“Huh?”
“Asparagus is a spring vegetable! Come back in three months, you can have all you want.”
His smile irritated me, and only the fact that I was, after all the years, still a foreigner in their land, kept me from losing my temper at him. I was probably more angry with myself, but back at home, everything is in season, or at least available, all the time. I swallowed my feelings and took another long walk in the snow. The slow pace was getting to me, but when I made it back to Lyra’s and my house, it wasn’t much better.
With nothing to do it wouldn’t be so bad. I would have a cup of coffee and enjoy watching the ponies in the snow. I had learned to enjoy simple pleasures. But the specter of planning this was hanging over my head, and Lyra wasn’t around for me to explain why I hadn’t accomplished anything.
In the late evening, I finally heard the door open and Lyra come in. All of the frustration I couldn’t express to the snow or to the stallion at the asparagus stand came out to the pony I loved.
“And just where have you been all day?” I said in a nasty tone.
“I told you, helping out Bon-bon with her mother.”
“Yeah, well, I needed you around here.”
She sounded concerned. “Couldn’t you get everything for the Christmas event?”
“No! I couldn’t, because there was a storm that nopony told me about, and what I wanted to make I couldn’t because it’s not in season, and I couldn’t get anything else done because you weren’t here to send me to Earth, so nothing happened, and nothing’s going to happen!”
“Calm down, dear. It’s all right.”
Now, this may just be me, but I think the worst thing you can do to someone who’s upset is to tell them to calm down. It just make them ornery. “It’s not all right! Forget about Christmas. This is why it’s rotten!” I ran into the bedroom and slammed the door. I was satisfied when I didn’t hear Lyra come in after me.
Sunday
I tend to get irrational when I’m upset. I suppose we all do. Part of me wanted to storm out of there, but the only place I could really go to get away was back to Earth. To do that I needed Lyra. To have to ask Lyra anything would be to admit fault on my part. I didn’t want to do that. What I really wanted to do was to storm out of there. It was an endless cycle.
If I had known how to walk away just a little sooner, I suppose it would have been different. We would have gone to bed and then figured out the Christmas celebration the next day. But I’d always had an instinct for saying just the wrong thing and then going away. So now, maybe she’d come back that night, or maybe she’d wait till morning. I slept.
In the morning, I still didn’t want to come out, and I waited for a long while. I was being stubborn, but I really wanted Lyra to make the first move. Everything else had been screwed up. I would at least have this.
I heard a lot of activity downstairs, so I concluded that Bon-bon had returned, or maybe Lyra had somepony else over to keep her company since I was staying away. Eventually things got quiet, and I heard a knock on the door. Lyra walked in. “Are you ready to talk about it?” she asked.
“No. . . but I suppose that I have to so that you know.”
“Yeah. If I can understand why you dislike Christmas so much, I might understand it. I might even join you.”
I sat up and looked her in the eye. “It goes beyond Christmas. But I guess that’s the biggest example. When I was very little I would look forward to it, and I’d get all my presents, but then the rest of Christmas day was always about going to see the family and having Christmas dinner. I had made my list and planned on how I was going to use all my presents, what toys I would want to play with first, what clothes I would want to wear in what order. And every single year I didn’t get to do it. Because I wasn’t in charge, but that’s understandable. I was only a kid. So when I grew up, I would make my own Christmas plans, sometimes spending weeks ensuring that not only did I get everyone on my list what they wanted, but that they would get me what I wanted as well, with no duplicates. Then, on Christmas night, I would finally have the freedom to do what I wanted. That never worked out either. Something always came up. Like what happened here. A family emergency, or bad weather, or something like that.
“Now here I am in Equestria. Things were better here, because for Hearth’s Warming Eve I never had to make plans. It’s not my holiday. We only had to do what everypony did: be together and go over the story of how Equestria was established. I suppose I had the first inkling of trouble when you asked about Christmas, but I went along anyway because I hoped things would be different here. I tried, but once again nothing’s going according to plan.”
I finished my story holding back tears. Lyra leaned over and gave me a hug.
“I understand,” she said, “but I can’t really sympathize. I’ve always been a spontaneous pony.”
“That’s not true. It took a lot of planning to bring me here.”
“But look at how flighty I was when it worked. No, I’m better when I can improvise in a social situation. Or at least it doesn’t bother me. There’s an old pony expression that goes, ‘If you want to make Celestia laugh, tell her your plans.’”
I grimaced. “We have a similar saying on Earth. It doesn’t go back that far though. I don’t like it though. What does it say about us if we can’t count on anything? Are we really just bits of dust clinging to a bigger speck hurtling through space?”
“Your cosmology is so weird. But never mind that now. If it really matters to you that much, I’ll give you one thing you can always plan on.”
“What’s that?”
“That I’ll never leave you.”
“Thanks.” I smiled.
“So, are you ready to come out of the room and go downstairs?”
“Yes. Now that this whole Christmas thing is over with and I don’t have to make plans anymore, I’ll be just fine.”
Lyra’s horn gave a gentle glow. I held it in my hands, and we walked down together.
**
The house had been transformed. Everything was done up in red, green, silver, and gold. A genuine Christmas tree was waiting in the middle of the room. From the kitchen, the scent of baking cookies came through the house. Christmas music was playing softly.
“But how?” I asked.
“Everypony helped.” Lyra said, and from every corner of the house came ponies, Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, and all the rest.
“I still don’t understand. Ponies don’t celebrate Christmas. There’s no way that even Twilight Sparkle should know about Christmas trees, and where did you get the music from?”
“You’re not the only human in the world. Just the only one that belongs to me.”
Everypony was smiling at me. In the back, between two other heads, I saw Derpy Hooves shyly looking down. I know she was always a little nervous around me, but it amazed me to see her hanging on to another human, a young lady with blonde hair.
Between the music, the tree, and the smiling, something happened. Maybe my heart grew three sizes, or maybe it was just the stress relief of having everything done for me. I kissed Lyra on the cheek, then went over to the young lady.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said, extending a hand. “Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
She took my hand. “Merry Christmas,” she said, and there was no argument in the way she said it.
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I loved this. Great tie-in with the other story!
You're awesome
1703685
So are you.
1703717 thank you
I liked this, it's very nice that he got a good christmas, and I'm glad the two humans met, will there be any more interaction between them later? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png
woo
great combo story, loved it
1703889
I'm going to save their interactions for the most special of occasions. But Christmas qualifies IMO.
"The whole holiday is just an orgy of consumerism and greed"...thats one way of putting it...
DJ-Pon-3 approved
Merry Upcoming Christmas, everybody.
Do my eyes deceive me!? Yes!! Ok ok I'm gunna read back and forth (awesome that way) done with Friday off to karyn!
Edit: aww no extensive after party? XD its really good the other ponies are much friendlier and warmed up to the protaganist heh actually reading between these 2 I've noticed I love how this is first person while karyn is 3rd person reading back and forth with these to views is pretty unique, time to finish karyns!
1706824
Yes, but that's only meaning to us. If you're a materialist as opposed to a spiritualist or a dualist, then it doesn't matter, since all we are is functions of physics. But the protagonist is clearly not a materialist.
1703717 This story was pretty interesting, it had a good plot and great grammatical use but one thing stuck out of this story that just didn't sit with me. It was how Celestia acted when she found out about the human being in equestria. Celestia acted like a child, i hate to say that but it is true. The fact that she is well over 2000 years old and has had the wisdom of the ages gifted to her over the centuries, she should have acted more logically and unbiased in a situation like that, instead of acting hostile towards the human just because she doesn't understand them and calls them violent, mindless, greedy creatures who would turn her ponies into slaves as soon as they met them. I understand she wants to protect her little ponies but what she did in this story was very child like and unproper of her age as the ruler. The fact that she was even willing to turn the human into stone made me lose respect for her as a ruler. If this is how a goddess princess is going to act when having a first contact situation with another sentient race then i believe she is unfit as a ruler of equestria and needs to go back to school and learn friendship and harmony all over again because what she did there was disharmony and gos against everything she has those schools teach the young fillies and is quite possibly worse than anything discord ever did when he ruled.
I only caught this update from reading the Hearths Warming chapter of Derpy's Human, I preferred the other chapter but what can you do... Anyway, it's a nice addition to a good story, even if the human was being stupid and almost cried after telling a story of how he never gets his way. Even though I do have qualms, I still liked it! Good luck
2291082 It's fine. When I wrote this, I had no idea of the way fans reacted to that. I didn't read a lot of fan fiction before I started in.
Yeah idk what it is. I really like this story but I tried to read Derpy's Human and it just didn't work for me for some reason.
2354640
I can understand that. They're really different stories. Even though it's a sequel, it's really just a story in the same universe, not "the same, only moreso."
When I wrote this, I basically found myself saying, "Holy crow, I'm writing a story! What do I do?!" And so I wrote with passion and abandon. When writing Derpy's Human, I was saying, "I'm a fanfic writer. I can do this." So that one's written with structure and skill.
Everyone likes different things. That's cool.
2355069
Oh i totally agree, Derpy's Human is written way better. And while I did over all like it I couldn't get into it. One of the things that broke the world logic for me was that it seemed like Lyra's Human didn't exist in Equestria except for the fact that Lyra brought him over. That is aside from the christmas stories, which I loved from both sides btw. When Derpy brought her Human to Ponyville I felt like there should have been at least some reference to him and what he had been doing even if he wasn't a main character of this new adventure. But that's just me.
2407891 Yes and the ponies are without evil. There have never been times of great conflict.
That is sarcasm
We do not have the benefits that they do. Life is not easy for us. We as a people had to struggle to survive. They did not have to face drought, famine, and hunger. Except once that we know of and oh ya they were fighting. King Sombra enslaved a nation. For her pride Luna was going to force hardship on everyone and likely kill off entire peoples on the other side of the world. The list goes on. They are no better than us.
Just more lucky.
The story started off well;however, the "Humans are Bastards" statement at the end was a turn-off for me.That's especially when the protagonist more or less agrees with it.
I know why celestia would be angry with humans...
a Human is smart
Human(s) are idiots... It's true, Humans panic. A Human tries to rationalize
2516386
Am I smelling some Dune?
2551244 some what?
global3.memecdn.com/how-rainbows-are-made_o_949533.jpg
2553952 Appropriate, since I just got back from seeing Iron Man 3.
2554725Hey, Discord is to Obadiah as Dashie here is to Iron Man
wow there was a 2nd part ? the first one was not bad !
D'awww!
2970914 when was the peak of the british empire? i'd say then, cause we had so much fucking money and tuck we couldnt be arsed to go around calling each other barbaric scot, thieving irish, sing-song welsh or bastard english. so yeah, long time ago in an age turned to dust. and you and yours?
3048855 IKR
3121686 That was the most philosophical thing I've read in a while. Though I can't tell if that was supposed to positive or negative to my comment.
3121570
Yes... I was... generally confused.
Yes, the only reason I had that name was for the pun.
3143314
" that they completely overshadow and make the canon cast look worthless or just accessories to make the OC look good.
Haha, thanks for the tip; the last few days I've poked around and I've noticed that's an...unfortunate possibility. As you mentioned Mary Sues/Gary Stus do make things a little crazy to read; as with any series when introducing your own character to a series it's a fine line in making them fit in with the original cast, but not make them so "super-duper-wooper wazoom!
As a writer myself, it is a hard thing to pull off and you've got to know where to tow the line, but as long as you are within the logics of the series you're writing in and whatever additional logic you add to explain events makes sense, it's not too hard to make your character cool, but still contained so he's/she's not overshadowing the original cast of whatever yer writing about.
This story was pretty good, the human was believable enough, and most ponies seemed in character...but I didn't really agree with how Celestia was portrayed in this one; it just didn't mesh with how she is. Still, it was worth reading so it was nice to find a good story in this genre amongst many other...questionable ones. XD
Forgive me for reading between the lines a bit, or perhaps seeing what isn't really there, but I think there may be a few lessons to be learned here, particularly among a somewhat human-fatigued fan community. Humans can be ponies too.
The Christmas theme, too... gosh... this resonated strongly with me, and I felt that there was so much that was left unsaid about the disenfranchisement of this holiday, and how that changes as the lens of a child becomes the lens of an adult, through which we interpret the holiday. I started tearing up a bit when this part began, but it lost momentum for me partway through, somehow. You've done nothing wrong, but something just felt missing, like I was led partway down this road and then forced to turn back. Regardless, you've got my thumbs up.
3330468 but its in another universe, taking you from a third alternate universe. It can't take from the universe creating the one (or two) other universes.
I haven't read this yet, but I wanted to say this anyway. I had an idea in my head for a while about Lyra going into the human world. It's grimdark, and involves Lyra replacing her hooves with human hands. Has the idea been done already?
3548397 That comment is:
3723497
Thanks. I try.
... Fuck you Celestia.
not to be critical or anything, but the transition of lyra's and the human's relashionhip was a bit clunky.
And what are they in this chapter, friends, a couple, roomates, lovers, married?
3717464 ....wtf did I just see? and why can't I stop replaying it?
3855200
You don't know about unacceptable? well thats just........
4010755
Well, now mayonnaise is canon since Cheese Sandwich mentioned it, so the whole fic is ruined.
Hands that do dishes can be as soft as your face, with Starbreeze Breezy Liquid.
3345149
then what's the point in using ones own imagination
4056545 The point? Imagine the day when humanity has cross dimension technology. You can literally think up some epic ass universe then go there.
4059998
THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK ALL THE TIME
1d4chan.org/images/1/1e/Praykillburn.jpg
Enjoy, Lyra
... 
4010836
Maybe he's the reason why there's mayo? XD
4077283
Well that happened...
*Reads second picture*