Epilogue
I’ve found myself spending more and more time in Equestria these past weeks, since I find myself never wanting to go back home to work and loneliness, and spend time away from Lyra when the other humans wait, stuck in the last moment I left. I wonder sometimes, what if I stayed here forever? Would I be listed as a missing person back home, or is it more solipsistic, and my world just freezes in time unless I’m there to perceive it? I don’t know any way to answer that, though. When I do go home, it’s to spend time with friends and family, and yet at the same time I’m drifting apart from them. I find myself to a large measure wrapping up my affairs. I think someday, when losing me won’t hurt anyone too much, that I won’t go back.
Lyra learned to tweak the spell to let me carry a few small objects, and I was able to share books and music with her, but her fascination with humanity as a whole has lessened. It hasn’t gone away though, and she can still be overjoyed if I bring her a picture of a work of art or tell her a story of the human world. Sometimes I forget to tell her which ones are fiction and which aren’t, but I don’t think it much matters.
The situation with Bon-bon is still in limbo. None of us has discussed moving out, and while she avoided me entirely at first, we’re now on civil speaking terms. I’m working on her, trying to get her to see me as a friend. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve taken over her share of the household chores. Sometimes Lyra will just come in and watch. She never gets tired of seeing me scrub dishes or fold their dresses.
And I’m also still working on ponies in general, trying to get them to be more open to us. I still think that they would be better off for knowing people one-on-one, and I’m sure there are lots of them at home who want to get here. But so far no other unicorn has asked to learn Lyra’s spell, and most ponies don’t want to talk to me. It happens that way sometimes, you think you’re going to start something but nothing comes of it. And maybe it’s better if I fail. I was serious when I argued that the human world and the pony world shouldn’t mix, and too many humans in Equestria might start us down a slippery slope. Still, I try, and I do think that we have a chance to be better people for knowing ponies.
I know I’m certainly happier. I don’t regret leaving my home, if that is my fate, and I sure don’t believe that I was “meant to be” back on Earth. I mean to be here, and that meaning is more important than what anyone else means for me. If I could have gotten here to Equestria on my own, become an immigrant or turned into a pony myself, I think I would have. But as it worked out I had the help of the nicest soul I know, and I’m even happier to be Lyra’s human.
Stats
Page generated in 0.03 seconds
Total duration
990 users online
67,890 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Dawwww nice story, hope to see a sequel, maybe something pertaining to his adventures in Equestria? But nevertheless great ending, very satisfying
Bravo, good brony/pegasister, bravo
Steeve? Sir Steeve? Yes, I do believe I recognize that name.
In fact, that person goes to my school, and I know said person quite well
Oh my... that ended suddenly.
That was a good story. I really enjoyed it.
That was a good story. I really enjoyed it.
201663
I tried as hard as I could not to make her cruel. One of the rules I set for myself when I started was, "Don't write pure villains; give them a motivation that makes sense to them." And I needed some conflict in the story somewhere so it didn't become just a Lyra/protagonist mutual admiration society. But also note that Celestia is never forced to do something she doesn't want to. I think she is a good pony at heart, it's just that anyone who rules over others sometimes can't help hurting them.
No! My favourite story! It just cannot end!
It's...over?
I liked this a lot, thanks.
One thing I wanted to mention is that ponies have baked goods, right? And eggs are used as a binder in baked goods, we've seen Pinkie use them. Makes me wonder if the components that would be harmful to herbivores are still present at the end of the baking process.
ΔΓ
I don't mean to sound mean, but that ending was pretty disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I loved the story up to this point, but it just seemed beyond rushed these last few chapters.
Think about it. Bon-bon shows up, then the princess shows up and goes LolTYRANTLESTIA, then it just ends. There were a lot of things that were never resolved. For one, why was Celestia so out of character this entire thing? I was honestly hoping you were going to go further into that, but I was disappointed to see that you didn't. Next (I could go on about Celestia, but since I went a bit into it in my last message, I'll leave that subject alone for now), what about the other ponies? Did they ever get used to him? Honestly, the guys pretty stupid for thinking that his life is so much better. He shows up in the world, has a single pony who actually likes him, and everyone else either is scared of him or just hates him. Not only that, but he got turned to stone, and then was threatened by royalty. Yet he thinks his life is grand?
202435
I think this was your problem. Yeah, it's good to have conflict, but only when it isn't forced. And I hate to tell you, but that was completely forced. In all honesty, the last few chapters should never have happened. Bon-bon would freak out, the princess would show up, and she would actually talk things over before throwing around monsters. Basically, you seriously changed Celestia's character in order to push in conflict. Showing the interaction he had with the ponies and showing him trying to befriend them (and actually have it work) would have made better conflict for the story, as it would actually fit. As it is, something that would normally be important (the interaction between him and the others) was pretty much ignored.
So, yeah. I loved the story, and I think you're a great writer, but I just don't like how it ended, and the events which led to that ending.
219007
Thanks! This is the kind of advice I need.
Part of the problem is that as I said this is the first time I've written fiction, and I desperately wanted to have a finished story so I didn't just lose interest and go back to playing video games or something. This is not to excuse the flaws of the story, but to psychoanalyze myself and to try to learn a lesson: Don't Rush. Don't rush and don't be afraid to excise long parts of the story if it makes it better.
That said, if I had made big cuts, I think the parts you liked most might have been the ones taken out. I completely did not intend the romance when I started plotting. This would have been six chapters of music and salads.
Another reason I think I failed to reach you is that I'm not really writing fan-fiction; I'm writing my stories, and using the MLP canon and fan-canon as crutches. Lyra is purely a fan-canon creation, and Evil!Celestia is optionally one as well. I didn't have to spend time writing character description and setting because the audience knows all that. It gives me a chance to practice part of the craft of writing while not taking on all of the weight at once. Eventually I'll have to learn those skills. Here the crutch hurt me in that I wrote an OOC Celestia. I think the story does need a tyrant, but she was the only authority figure around. Maybe I should have set this in an alternate universe where Nightmare Moon won?
I have to say that I think you're wrong in describing the guy as stupid for thinking his life is better, though this is also my fault. I may have been too subtle in his characterization. He's supposed to be completely loveless before the action of the story, and not really care about his friends too much. Then he finds one person (pony) who he does care about, and that's what makes him think his life is better.
But at the same time, I'm glad I could make a protagonist that you could call stupid. I was more afraid of the opposite reaction, of making him a Mary Sue.
219371
Thank you for the well thought out response to my post. I'll try to respond to all your points.
"I think the story does need a tyrant, but she was the only authority figure around."
I think one problem is this line of thinking. You say the story needed a tyrant, but did it really? I can easily see how you could have put in Celestia as she is in canon, without hurting the story. You see, I didn't mind the part where she rushes in thinking it's a dangerous situation, what bothered me is how she acted during and after that part, when it wasn't needed. She gets there, and one of the guards asks if Lyra is alright, and she says she's fine. That right there should have been more than enough of a reason for not breaking the door down and tossing in a dangerous creature. In my opinion, the best way to handle that scene would be to have Celestia go in and talk to him. I could easily see her calming down when she sees how much Lyra likes him, and how polite he is. Yeah, there wouldn't have been the scene with Lyra giving the dramatic speech (although, she could have still done that to get the rest of the town to give him a chance), but there shouldn't have been a scene like that with Celestia, since it just wouldn't be needed.
To summarize, you put in a tyrant when you really didn't need one.
"I was more afraid of the opposite reaction, of making him a Mary Sue."
This is another thing I consider to be a problem. People tend to throw the word Mary Sue around when it isn't true. Basically, having the characters respond in a way that would keep them in character does not mean your character would become a Mary Sue. Say Celestia talks with him, and they clear things up. Say after that, she allows him to stay since he doesn't wish to cause any trouble. Her not acting like a tyrant around him does not make him a mary sue. That's just how Celestia is when it comes to her character. She's not a tyrant, and it bothers me when I see her written as one. Although, that's just personal preference.
Anyway, thanks again for your reply. I hope my response cleared some things up.
I love it when that happens. Find random fic and start reading it. Find out it is indeed relevant to my interests and then continue reading. And while I've never been a fan of spontaneous love, I still thoroughly enjoyed this. I liked you kep Celestiia from full on Tyrestia but it was still kind of jarring how quickly she went from "Foul man-beast! Do not touch us!" to "What do you think my little ponies?" I mean I know she's the princess but how come noone in the crowd or at least the Mane 6 called her out on the fact she refused to so much as open dialogue before stoning the protagonist.
274200
I can see where you say that, but my intention was not to be misanthropic. I love people and I think they're generally good. But I think the systems that they make have unintended consequences that rebound to the ill of man, whether they be political systems or economic systems or social systems. If you read to the end, you know that the protagonist is trying to get other ponies to open up to humans, and I agree with him/her. I think just about every human would be better off for knowing some pony, and just about every pony would be better off for knowing some human. But I think if the societies themselves were to merge and meld, bad things would happen to both sides. So it's more anti-collectivist than misanthropic (or misequestric, if you're looking at it from the ponies' point of view).
Edited a bunch of chapter titles to give them a theme.
500489
That's right! It's one of my favorite things to make, especially as I've been on a diet for the past 16 months.
I'm sure this will be the most famous fictional depiction of that particular dish ever. Yep, no competition at all.
Squeeee can't wait to read part 2! I'm going to start on it right now!
500512 I like to have a bite or two of it but for some reason, I can't really get into it too much. It is the mixture of sweet and celery (which is already odd) and I am not much a fan of mayo so that kinda makes it worse. I do appreciate that one bite every once in a while, though, and I can see why people who like mayo/celery/fruits would love it.
Maybe I have to eat a lot of it to start liking it, kinda like I did with coffee, tea, sushi, coleslaw, sauerkraut, and olives. Ogawd.. sometimes I can just eat soooo many olives. (and somehow I am still average weight.)
500686
Well, all that stuff is low-carb, so it probably isn't too bad for you. Olives are a mixed bag for me. . . Love them on a pizza, but on their own I can take or leave them, unless they're stuffed in which case
. Olive oil is the proverbial bomb.
500713 I'm talking about just cocktail olives soaked in brine and stuffed with pimento. mmmmmm.
500755
Yeah. . . put that in an antipasto and I think I'll just stick to the rolled up meats. Especially the salted Italian ham. It makes me delighted. I guess you could say it's. . .
the prosciutt' of happiness.
500772 When you put that face.. do you mean "seeeeeennnnsaationalllll!!!"?
549004
Why presume that? If the human came through naked, would anypony notice? That was my thinking when I wrote it. . . I think.
549041
Well, he'd notice it, at least.
219371
"I think the story does need a tyrant, but she was the only authority figure around." Well, not quite. Stories don't usually need a tyrant; what they do need is an antagonist. The antagonist is the person or force that opposes the viewpoint character (the protagonist) to produce the conflict; she's distinct from the 'villain' or 'bad guy' in that she's not necessarily mean or evil. The Cake twins and Iron Will are antagonists, but they're not villainous. So, if you want to introduce some conflict, Celestia is a good character for that, but you don't need to make her evil. You can have her just come in and talk to Lyra about her concerns and how humans are dangerous, and that provides the conflict without making her OOC.
549105
I still don't think I made her evil. Overzealous, at most. But it was my first story, so I guess I didn't blunt her sharpness enough. More to the point, I hadn't *read* enough HIE at the time, and didn't know how cliche Tyrestia was. If I wrote it now, who knows how it would turn out?
549049
Yes, but as a first person narrative, maybe the human's too embarrassed? (He said, trying desperatly for the save
)
549308
Fair enough!
565415 1: Consumption: look it up, I just know the name. There is a "galloping" kind. Yeah.
2: Actual Response to him being Cockatrice'd.
3: Body's response to him being Cockatrice'd.
4: Orbiter reference.
Amazing. Busy, though, have only read first chapter.
Gonna read more later. Looking AMAZING.
Sorry about last comment, finished,
it.
791624
No need to apologize. I'm glad you liked my story. Indeed, I hope people aren't declining to comment just because the story's older. I love comments, good or bad.
792513
I meant the first one I posted. Did it on front page by accident.
792713
Oh. Lol.
802112
Oh, yeah. Way rushed. Longest chapter at 2000 words? I'd never get away with that today. But for my first fic, I was like, "If I don't finish this story RIGHT NOW, I'm going to stop caring and give up and never write." I'm still impatient with myself, but I'm less afraid of giving up.
160086You cried too? MLD was the first fanfic I read on this site. hard to believe it was 2 days ago that I read it and it depressed me so much that I just laid in bed all day.
-sigh- memories.
you know besides celestia being overly judgmental it was really good, i mean i get why you made her that way most rulers would do that lol but its celestia! she can all but read minds she would immedately see that the human wasent bad at heart XD i mean magical goddess here XD but i liked the story it was a fun read.
i enjoyed it! short but sweet :D faved liked and watching!
903269 Thank you! I had trouble with length then. . . still do, really.
903792 heh you can make up for it in the sequel >w> (begins reading) xD so no worries lol
957339
Just OOC.
959303
Oh. "That magician wasn't trying to kill me. Maybe I should apologize to his family."
Never mind that second sentence onward.
Hey I like the story and I cannot wait to read the next installment but the only problem I have with the story and with most stories in general is the timeframe within the story. It happen for three days and they both fell in love. Granted that the guy was a brony but I don't like that they fell in love instantly. I not saying that the story is bad, I just want them to be more realistic with relationships and what not. Sorry for harshing on you
.
1093684
Stranger is awesome, but Time Enough is better on multiple readings. Moon is a Harsh Mistress is also very re-readable. But my favorite RAH work is Lost Legacy. Actually, that's my favorite piece of writing, ever.
D'AWWWa.deviantart.net/avatars/d/a/daawplz.png?1
1093775 may i be frank without being offensive.time enough while a great read and interesting archetype i personally loved the story and concept but there is too much incest even if there is a 2000+ year gap in time it is still his mom not to mention the masturbation.i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/549/If%20you%20know%20what%20I%20mean..png
1382980
I agree with your point, if not your sentiment. But if you think that nothing is lost from innovation and technology, I think that's equally a strawman.
1427077
Completely unintentional, I assure you. That you found it before me makes me lipid with anger.
That ended too quickly.
And yes, that's a compliment.
this story was almost as awesome as my little dashie
