Changeling 011, a high drone in the changeling hive, is banished by Queen Chrysalis and is forced to live within the Everfree forest. After a fight with a chimera, he ends up nearly killed and is found by Fluttershy who tries to heal 011 back to health. Within the following days, she starts to regret bringing 011 to her home as he keeps attempting to escape. That is until she discovers a painful secret from the changeling which makes her see that even monsters have feelings as well.
Chapters (19)
epic have this
I don't have much else to say, so…
MOAR
i-love-cartoons.us/snags/clipart/Hanna-Barbera/Flintstones/Dino2.jpg
Looks like 011 shot himself in the hoof by teleporting Fluttershy to Twilight.
The story has promise but it needs some sentence structuring
Also Rainbow dash is a girl I noticed a his in one chapter
'Not at 002, but from remembering an event from his past from his past.'
Asides from that little redundancy the rest looks fine. :) The story is a little odd, maybe going far too quick for me and it just seems like 011 doesn't have a very developed personality yet, but i'll give it time.
2377208 Thank you for pointing that mistake out, I've fixed it now :) As for the rest of the story, It may take a little time before everything is properly pieced together but the next few chapters may help explain the story a little better ^^
Squee!
Worst tactic but worked, then what we can tell about Canterlot defenses huh
I sense problems of the Pinkish nature.
Well I would have thought Pinkie would have been more... Pinkie Pie than usual towards a pony (Or Changeling) that doesn't know what a party or 'fun' is. Buut I think you wrote her well enough and the chapter while fast paced and a little short is otherwise good.
2543232 She dosen't know yet that 011 has never heard of fun before. but don't worry, once she does I'm sure she'll be happy to help ;)
2543364 He is gonna hate her soo much.
Yay! Friendship!
We need a happy Applebloom emote.
2648142 Thanks for the tips. I'll be sure to use them in the next chapter
Oooh snap.
Ehm you need more spaces in the paragraphs...It is a hell to read...I sometimes skip some parts which I want to read...So that would help
But the storyy is good...just the fucking paragraphs makes me sick...
It is pretty rushed and I saw a few typos.
You mean "lose", not "loose". That error's a pet peeve of mine.
Once I got to Chapter 4 and you started using more than one character, I found I couldn't read any further. That's how bad it was. No two characters can speak in a single paragraph. A new one must be made every time another character speaks. It makes it impossible to tell who's talking. I don't understand why so many people have trouble with this. There are also a few other errors, like run-on sentences, but that dialogue problem is the worst, and is bad enough to be a deal-breaker for me.
It's too bad, really. I was looking forward to reading this, but until you get an editor to go through every chapter and fix it, I don't think that's going to happen. Do you know how to find one?
Interesting.
You could have just overwritten the original story. That is what most authors do when they plan on taking the original down anyway. No chance of keeping this up for posterity sake?
Damn, and I just read this whole story...
Dead?
So... when you said the 011 could no longer have the option to fly when his wings broke... couldn't he just turn into something else that can fly? He is a changeling after all.