Miss Cheerilee tells her class that the legend of Nightmare Moon's return is no emergency, and that the Princess will protect them all. Everything will be just fine.
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El Dante
Joined 31st Dec, 2012 ·
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Wow. I really have to say I hated doing this in pony form. The ponies in the show don't do pony things (unless it's a joke) they do human things. In my head, they're humans doing human things. But as this worked just fine with the show as it was, I figured I wouldn't change it. You may notice that in One is Silver, I sort of distance myself from the "cartoon" element of the show. That element is more embraced here.
God--it might be for that alone that I prefer to write in human.
But the worst part of it all was having to write "everypony" everywhere.
Well, as for the point of the story, here's a hint if you need it.
I fucking knew it before going in, this is referring to those old nuclear missile alert thingies and how people in the 50's told their children that ducking underneath their desks would keep them safe, when in reality they would die thinking they were going to be ok.
i.imgur.com/kyRea.gif
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I remember Duck and Cover in the Iron Giant, when the teacher is trying to teach some 1940's kids. Good times, good times. Also, it might help to read a ton of pony stories so that pony terms might take some residence in your mind.
Even a thin blanket can protect you from the radiation. I loved that movie. I shall now read your story.
Oh man.
Yeesh. Well, at least it's not actual nukes that she's trying to distract them from.
And yes, "everypony" is such an obnoxious part of the pony language, especially when they use it to refer to things which aren't ponies(which they do. Often).
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This one was clearly better received than my other one was, right off the bat at least. This one's just a cute little one-shot. I wish my other one got this kind of attention.
and dem communists won't be comin here no sir
Did anyone ever actually get to go inside a fallout shelter?
This gave me those "dark-chills," if you know what I mean.
If you want chills I suggest you watch C-130 Globemaster transports fly over every five to ten minutes headed for Key West, and then Cuba if they get the ok. Then watch your father, a combat Marine, quietly tell your mother to go stock up on groceries.
Doberman, oh yes, Duck and cover as well. Some of you will now understand why I use a dragon for a name
Good story.
+10 points for historical metaphor, +5 points for gratuitous yet entertaining language play, +5 points for nailing the kids' accents, and +5 points for the hilarious digression on classroom pet relations.
On to the nitpicks: -1 point for Cheerilee (Hasbro, in their infinite wisdom, made the spelling of her name incomprehensible), and -1 point for Bert (the US Government, in their infinite wisdom, made his canonical name Bert the Turtle). Those should be easy to fix with a simple search/replace.
And the 50s were a fucked up time, man. Exhibit B — Ol' Blue Eyes:
"Oops! There goes a billion-kilowatt dam."
indeed.
--
Edited to add: I would remove the "You either get it or you don't." from the story description. It's short enough, and you've got author's notes for those who don't, that you don't need/want a disclaimer up front.
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Nit picks noted and accounted for.
<canterlocks>HOW MANY POINTS DO I RECEIVE?!</canterlocks>
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Well, whadya know? I ended up writing something else after all.
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dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw6135-39055__safe_fluttershy_animated_putting-your-hoof-down.gif
TWENTY-THREE!
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For the most part, they seem to pun based on syllable count. Even though the appropriate pony-equivalents of 'ladies and gentlemen' would be 'mares and gentlestallions', they go with 'fillies and gentlecolts' because it scans the same. Ditto for dragons - at one point Rarity calls Spike a 'gentledrake'. So I have always assumed (I haven't carefully examined the episodes to be sure) that they use 'everypony' only to replace 'everybody', and that 'everyone' is still perfectly acceptable.
Also, the more I think about it, the less ridiculous the old 'duck and cover' drills seem. Yes, if you are at ground zero of the explosion, you're doomed. But what if you're a mile or two away? It's interesting to look at estimates of casualties during the only two actual bombings in history - around 30% of the immediate deaths were from falling debris (caveat - I'm using the figures from Wikipedia, because I'm lazy).
And how do you explain that to children? "Remember kids, if the bomb explodes right on top of you, you won't even have time to scream, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it!" Maybe read that in GladOS's voice? Of course not. You tell them what to do about it, as best you can, and gloss over the inevitable horrific consequences, so that hopefully they don't panic when/if the time comes. And if they follow the drill, some lives will be saved.
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adling her hand with her forelegs perched on the podium. "We
aside from that, it fully earns the Dark tag, although by the title I would have expected something about the over reliance on the princesses which seems to be the norm in Equestria....never mind the fact that now the princesses over rely on Twilight & Co. instead
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*head
Truth be told, it's a stab at our over-reliance on our own government. It's about the parallel.
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Well, i kida TLDR'd my own hint, but the link does go into an evaluation of the drill if you'd like to look at that.
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And now I feel justified in following you despite your protests.
I also remembered the other pony story that this reminded me of: Horse Voice's The Writing On The Wall. I think I may have to start thinking of this as some sort of weird time-loop prequel to it.
Incidentally, now I also have to thank you for writing this story so that I don't have to. I went back through my Ponyfiction Ideas File today to cross-reference a minific I was finishing up, and found the following entry from a few months back:
===================
Duck and Cover riff - FO:E perhaps?
http://www.atomicplatters.com/more.php?id=57_0_1_0_M
There was an armadillo by the name of Crown
And danger never would make her frown
When the moon came down upon her town
She knew just what to do
She'd duck! And cover!
etc.
===================
... I'm done commenting on this story now, I promise!
Bradel reviewing for "Serious Stories" here.
I like what you're doing here, but I just don't feel like the story sells the lack of trustworthiness as much as it could. It's easy to read this story and miss the subtext. The story is very well put together when you take the subtext into account, I think. Children and teacher parallels citizens and government quite nicely. I think, for me, one of the big problems here is that I consider Cheerilee's refutation of the idea that Nightmare Moon will return eminently reasonable. She may be wrong, but she doesn't seem wrongheaded.
Thumbs up, because I liked the story, but I'm not going to be recommending this for inclusion in the "Serious Stories" group because I don't think it's clear enough in asking a question that makes the reader think.
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Ah, fair enough, I suppose. I guess it wasn't about making the reader think as much as keeping them from forgetting, or something like that. The subtext was supposed to be subtle, a real you-either-get-it-or-you-don't deal. And yes, Cheerilee is level-headed, just sorrowfully mistaken--especially on one detail in particular. She says that everyone is safe so long as they have the Princess, but she fails to anticipate what they would do without her, as seen in the show when she is kidnapped. Circumstances went a bit out-of-the-box on that one.
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Yeah, I definitely do like the story, and (like I said) I think you put it together well. Figuring out what exactly we're looking for is proving a bit problematic, though we're slowly getting it sorted out. But I think this doesn't quite match up. If you write anything else that's a bit more directly challenging on themes like this, though, we'd be happy to see it!
(As for me, I'm just resigned to the fact that for the moment, I have no plans to write anything that has a chance at getting included...
)
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WELL, if you're at all interested, I am trying to write One is Silver, a novel-length one (have a deadline for six months). It's nowhere near done, and there simply isn't enough material in it yet to get a full grasp of the concept, but you might like where it'll eventually lead. It's a re-imagining of the canon show, centering on the Season 1 premier and the Season 2 premier and finale, wherein, as a humanist (though an oddly cynical one at that), I have humanized all the characters.
The humans receive much praise and much criticism in it. In fact, I have it so that it's actually Discord that designed them. It really stresses that there can be nothing more vile or more valiant than a human.
Moreover, I've turned Celestia and Luna into symbols, Cel as one for old friends and Luna as acquaintances mistrusted and scorned. This is stemmed from the saying "Make new friends, but keep the old; One is silver, one is gold," (hence the title) and each's affiliation with her respective metal. A recurring theme in the book is that death does not harm the life one lives, and although first mistrusted and scorned (as Luna and as an acquaintance), should be accepted and welcomed when ready for it. Using this, the overthrow of the Nightmare and the pardoning and eventual welcoming of Luna, the fulcrum of the story, become an allegory for the delay and eventual gentle acceptance of death.
I don't have a lot to show for this yet, but if you think you'd be willing to wait six months for it as I rush through it, tell me if this is what you'd be looking for.
[EDIT: Also, if you plan on reading it as it is, you'd have caught me with my pants down. I'm working with an editor, Horizon, if you know him, to shape up what I have and material to come.]
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I realize this conversation's been dead for some time, but I'd like to get something out of my head that's been pestering me since I found the words to say better what this story was meant to say.
It is on one level a stab at trusting our government, but the intent doesn't end there. It's meant to make you question your security in general. You correctly noted how reasonable Cheerilee's argument sounded. I'm sure your arguments to reassure your own safety sound equally valid, given all you can account for.
Depending on where you live, either tornadoes/hurricanes or earthquakes are practically unheard of, and the other is not about to happen. You've walked/driven down this street hundreds of times, never being hit by a passing car, so why should it ever be different? That next cigarette will not kill you, the aliens will not invade for centuries to come, and Judgement Day is not tomorrow.
As far as you know.
For something with a 'dark' tag this was an amusing post. I especially like the personification tactics used with the animals, it sounded like something Fluttershy would say. I'm going to see if I can get more people to read this.
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I'm glad you found it enjoyable, though I hope you understand why it's dark.
Thanks for spreading it around, of course.
This isn't so much dark as it depressing. Tragic, perhaps. I guess you could've been going for dark humor, hence the tag, but there's no real reason for it to be there. It's not like there's blood being spilled or there's some sort of deep psychological horror going on.
Regardless, it's pretty clear what historical time period you're satirizing: the height of the Cold War where everyone's in fear of nuclear annihilation and, somehow, something as simple as hiding under a desk would save one's life. Or, actually, in any real event where the building comes crashing down. Them desks are flimsy.
That said, this is a nice little story. It's one of those oddballs I wouldn't technically call a "story" per se, so much as it's a "scene." But eh, what can you do? For what it is, I like it.
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Jeez, man, it's not grimdark. Just the regular kind. And you and I have two different definitions of "tragic."
Our educational system would have you believe otherwise. Sure makes you feel secure, doesn't it?