Time To Spill The Beans.
It was another day in Miss Cheerilee's class. As always, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were acting all high and mighty, while most ponies were just having their own conversations before class. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were staring at an empty desk. They then look at each other and shrug, wondering where Scootaloo was. Soon, Miss Cheerilee walks into the classroom and everypony settles down. "Alright everypony, time to call for class attendance," She informs them.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were worried. It was only every so often that Scootaloo was late, and they didn't want her to get in trouble for it. She usually was let off easy, depending on how late she was. Just as Cheerilee was about to say the first name, the door to the classroom swings open. There was Scootaloo panting heavily and with her mane in a bit of a mess. "Relax Scootaloo, catch your breath and take your seat dear, we were just about to do attendance," Cheerilee tells her.
"Miss Cheerilee(pant) I'm so sorry. (pant) I didn't mean to..." was all she could say before Cheerilee replies so her student wouldn't pass out, "It's alright Scootaloo, you're not in trouble. Judging by your mane, I suspect you were woken up late."
Scootaloo straightens out her mane best she can and walks to her desk, red with embarrassment. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon of course snicker at Scootaloo's tardiness and bad mane day. Scootaloo soon seats herself in her desk next to Apple bloom and Sweetie Belle and attendance was taken. "Alright everypony, now before we begin our lesson today, I'd like to announce that we will be going on a field trip to Canterlot in five days to learn about the many windows in the royal throne room. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna themselves will be our personal tour guides," Cheerilee says.
The class cheers with excitement for they all loved field trips, then came the part that they didn't like. "So, with this field trip, I'm going to need each of you to give this slip to your parents to sign and then bring it back to class," She tells the class and starts handing out slips.
This information was a hardball for Scootaloo, for even though she had shown up in Ponyville last year, she knew she wasn't able to go on this field trip as it was every other time they were given this slip. As Cheerilee passed around the slips, she notices Scootaloo's head facing down at her desk. At this particular time Cheerilee did not say anything to the little filly, for the lessons had to start. She finally gets to her front desk and says, "Alright, today we are going to be learning about the different kinds of birds we see here in Equestria."
As the day went on, the class learns about all types of birds, including Princess Celestia's majestic pet Phillamena the Phoenix, and the CMC were most eager to ask questions about them. Diamond Tiara only kept braging that she would have a bird the would be majestic enough for her. Soon the day had finally come to an end and everypony packs their bags and head out of class. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom tell Scootaloo they would be busy today and soon hurry out the door. Scootaloo finishes up packing and was heading out the door when Miss Cherrilee stops her and says, "Scootaloo, I must speak with you."
The filly stops in her tracks and was shaking, thinking she was in trouble. "Relax dear, you're not in trouble, as I said earlier. I just need to ask you a few questions," Cheerilee assures her as she sits down on a cushion.
"Come sit with me," she continues as she motions Scootaloo towards another cushion she had set out.
Scootaloo obeys her teacher, knowing there was no good excuse around this. Once Scootaloo sets down her back pack and gets comfortable, Cheerilee says, "Scootaloo, I know that you have been late to class a few times in the past year, and I went easy on you since you didn't do it often, but that's not all. I noticed today that you were looking down when I passed out the slips for the field trip. This isn't the first time you haven't gone on a field trip with us and I know that because every other time I asked you to turn one in, it showed no signature. I feel there's something behind all of this and it has bothered me for quite some time. Now I have my suspicions but I need to know something. Is there a deeper explanation you haven't told me as to why you have been acting this way since you first came to my class and why you never have these slips signed? Don't your parents want to make sure you that you get a good education?"
As soon as Miss Cheerilee asked that last sentence, she wished she hadn't, for she saw tears start to swell up in the little filly's eyes. She then realizes her suspicions were confirmed and why Scootaloo had been so down today and why she never went on said field trips. "Oh, Scootaloo, I'm so sorry, please forgive me," Cheerilee says.
"It's okay, (sniff) you didn't know. (sniff) I never told anypony," Scootaloo informs her.
"But why didn't you let anypony know of your situation?" Cheerilee asks.
"I didn't want ponies (sniff) to treat me different, and I didn't want (sniff) to back to that orphanage in Fillydelphia. (sniff, sniff) Please don't send me back Miss Cheerilee. (sniff) I don't want to leave Ponyville," Scootaloo begs as tears kept rolling down her cheeks.
"Scootaloo, I would not do that. You have friends here and you are one of the best educated students I've come to know. I would never tear you away from your friends," Cheerilee says as she starts to feel tears come to her own eyes.
"(sniff) But the orphanage is the only place (sniff) I can go to get this slip signed, (sniff) and they'd never let me leave after (sniff) running away from them," Scootaloo says as she continues to cry.
Cheerilee pulls the filly close to her and lets the little orange pegasus cry into her shoulder as she explains her story and lets her feelings out after being bottled up for so long. "Oh Scootaloo, I understand how you're feeling right now and to be honest, I've always felt some sort of connection with you that I don't get from the other students. You're smart, caring, fun for other ponies to be around, honestly, I haven't met anypony with your personality. I always felt something about you when you first arrived, but I couldn't place my hoof on it. If I had known what was going on way before, I would have taken action immediately once you had explained it dear. But I suppose it's better late then never, right?" Miss Cheerilee states.
"W-what do you m-mean Miss Cheerilee?" Scootaloo asks confused as she pulls her head away and wipes away her tears to look at her teacher.
"Oh Scootaloo, I guess you didn't know this, but once information about you is given to one orphanage, all other orphanages are soon informed through mail, that way, should one close down for any reason, the next nearest orphanage can immediately take in the orphans of the previous orphanage. We'll head to the one here in Ponyville," Cheerilee tells her.
"I still don't understand how you'll take immediate action. It sounds like you are sending me back," Scootaloo says.
"Scootaloo, don't you see what I'm trying to do? I'm going to adopt you dear, and become your family. Your mother," Cheerilee replies.
Scootaloo's jaw dropped immediately upon hearing this. "But, but you're my teacher," She says in shock.
"Doesn't mean I can't be your mother as well, and besides, I'll be able to keep you out of trouble this way. Well, as much trouble as I can manage when you're not, what was it again? Crusading?" Cheerilee jokes.
This in turn makes the little pegasus giggle. "Now, how about we take you back to my house and fix up your mane so we can have you look presentable when we head to the orphanage," Cheerilee says.
"Does this mean I need a bath too?" Scootaloo asks.
"Yes it does," Cheerilee states.
"Good," Scootaloo replies.
This gives her teacher a sense of shock at her statement. "I havent had a warm bath since my parents died two years ago," Scootaloo tells her with a sad tone.
"Well I'll give you one at my place. Lets get our stuff packed and get out of here," Cheerilee says as she hugs the little filly.
"Okay 'mom'," Scootaloo replies.
Cheerilee smiles at her statement and soon she and Scootaloo get ready to go. After they were done packing, Cheerilee locks the door to the school and soon she and Scootaloo start heading into Ponyville towards Cheerilee's house. Once they arrive, Cheerilee sets down her school supplies on her table in the living room and Scootaloo sets her backpack down near the door. Cheerilee then motioned for Scootaloo to follow her upstairs towards the bathroom. Scootaloo follows and smiles as she does. As they walk up the stairs, Cheerilee thinks to herself, 'Why didn't I ask her about this sooner. She was always so ready to learn, but I should have seen this coming sooner when her parents were never able to attend those parent teacher conference meetings. I always did wonder why she never mentioned her parents, but it seems logical why I didn't pry into her personal life. Maybe that's why I had such a maternal feeling toward her in the past. Because she needed me, and I didn't even push myself to see it until now. Well, now she's getting a mother she needs and deserves.'
Once they reach the bathroom Cheerilee turns on the tub and checks the temperature of the water to set it to a temperature Scootaloo would find comfortable. Once the bath was filled, Scootaloo set herself in the bath, but then felt a sting near her right front hoof, immediately pulling it out of the water and saying, "Ouch."
"What's wrong honey?" Cheerilee asks as she bathes her daughter to be.
"My hoof, I must have scraped it when running to school this morning," Scootaloo shows her.
"Oh, let me see," Cheerilee says.
Scootaloo lets her take a closer look at the scrape and upon inspection Cheerilee decides to pull out a waterproof band aid and puts it on Scootaloo's scrape. She then kisses it and says, "There, all better dear."
Scootaloo smiles and soon her bath was over. Cheerilee dries her off and takes a comb to straighten out Scootaloo's mane. Once that was done, they were soon out the door again and heading towards the orphanage. Scootaloo was a little worried, thinking that the orphanage may send her back to Fillydelphia. Cheerilee looks at her and says, "Don't worry Scootaloo. I know the staff very well and how they treat the children here. The children who live here are always happy because of the people who take care of them."
"But what if they send me back?" Scootaloo asks.
"They won't," Cheerilee says.
"But what if they...." Scootaloo was cut off by Cheerilee putting a hoof on her and says once again, "They won't."
With that Scootaloo breaths out a sigh of relief and soon they were at the entrance to the Ponyville Orphanage. When they walk in, they are greeted by an elderly, teal colored mare. "Why hello there Miss Cheerilee. How may I help you?" the Mare asks.
"Good afternoon Mrs Hearty, I'm actually here to adopt this young filly," Cheerilee says as she looks to Scootaloo retreating behind her leg and nervously waiting.
"And what is this cute young filly's name?" Mrs. Hearty asks as she looks in a loving manner at Scootaloo.
"Her name is Scootaloo," Cheerilee states.
"Alright, let me just pull out the records here," Hearty replies.
She scans through the files and finally finds Scootaloo's file. "Here we are, Scootaloo, parents passed away in fire, and a runaway orphan from Fillydelphia Orphanage. Well that's no surprise, I always did tell the staff that place was horrible. Been trying to get as many foals out of there as I can and at the same time take the orphanage to court for mistreatment," Hearty says.
"Well that's good to hear. Now, can we get the adoption forms taken care of Hearty?" Cheerilee insists.
"Of course Ma'am," Hearty replies.
Soon the forms were pulled out and Cheerilee asks Scootaloo questions only Scootaloo could answer herself to help with the adoption papers. It took most of the day to fill out many of the forms, making them stay for dinner and Scootaloo even brushed her teeth, and by the time they were done with about three quarters of it, Scootaloo looked like she was going to pass out. Cheerilee saw this as she finished the last of the adoption papers that would give her the right to take Scootaloo home with her until the rest of the papers could be signed off, and she hoisted the filly up onto her back. "You can sleep while I carry you home, okay honey?" Cheerilee asks her new daughter.
"(Yawn) Okay. Thanks mom," Scootaloo replies exhausted.
Cheerilee smiles as her new daughter falls asleep and she says, "You're welcome my little daughter. Sleep tight."
With that Cheerilee left the Orphanage with her little filly on her back and Mrs. Hearty smiling at them. Cheerilee was imagining how the class would react tomorrow as Scootaloo was deep in dreamland. Scootaloo was happy and content, because now she had a new mother and a guardian to take care of her. She had been saved from the streets that she had been living on for a so many months, now with somepony to help protect her from the harsh winter to come.
Soon they arrived at Cheerilees house and being as quiet as possible, Cheerilee took her daughter inside and laid the little filly on her bed gently enough not to wake her. She soon got herself ready for bed, then pulled herself and Scootaloo under the covers, since it was going to be a little while till Scootaloo had her own room. She wrapped her legs around her new daughter, and soon both were in dreamland, preparing for tomorrow.
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aww. Da feels!
That was really good.....
*Ded From Adorableness*
Wait..... what is this feeling in my chest......
OH GOD MY HEART CAn'T TAKE IT!
This has the potential to be good, but I can't help feeling it's a little rushed
Cheerilee just somehow understands what's going on and without any hesitation proclaims she's adopting Scootaloo. I can buy her being concerned, but not rushing into an adoption. I would have loved to see her offering to foster Scootaloo first, then adopting her later. You also kind of really glossed over the adoption process -- Would it really be that easy, even in Equestria? I'm betting no. If you explored the emotions and the process that goes with adoption more thoroughly, it would have been more realistic and made for a more fleshed out, detailed story.
Also, you seem to have some problems with picking a tense and sticking to it. You switched from past to present frequently. A great example of that would be these two paragraphs:
In the first one, you have the action in the present ("cheers" rather than "cheered"; "tells" instead of "told"), but in the second, it switches back to the past ("was" rather than "is" and "passed" rather than "passes"). If you want the story to flow well and not confuse readers, you need to pick one tense and stick to it.
In any case, I hope that's helpful. Keep writing!
I agree with what 2067213 says. You really need to fix the pacing and the grammar.
Other than that it is a lovely story, and I will be following it patiently.
I am always partial to fics having Cheerilee adopting or being family to Scoots. 2067213 and 2067246 are both right, the pacing is fast.
the comments have it right, this can work....take your time
I have to agree with everybody above me. Especially on the fact that you keep switching tense. Also,
This sentence is just... confusing. It seems like you phrased the same sentence differently, and then sandwiched them together.
Great story line, just get a good editor and be on your way.
great story excelent writing, you just need to slow down and take your time writing, other than that great story
Nice story so far but seems a little ast pace but still great story.
Hm...I better change my story's title since this is becoming a good read
Right. All though this is being rushed some what. You still wrote it out properly with pretty much no mistakes. I can certainly say that this is ONE story I would like to see about Scoots over a certain dark tale that shall remain nameless
... Also in case anyone complains, people can be a term for any sentient race of PEOPLE, ponies included. Meaning that was not a mistake in the story... Just saying ANYWAY MOAR! 
Take your time with this. You have a great thing going here but you are rushing it. There was zero build up to Cheerilee adopting Scoots.
What made her come to this decision?
Why does she feel closer to Scoots than others?
You need to pace it a little and lead the reader into the idea that Scoots could be hiding something. Have Cheerilee trying to figure it out while still trying to teach. How she wants to help but doesn't know where to start? Would Scoots accept that? Is it over stepping a boundary?
You need to leave the reader asking these questions and wanting to know and read more.
Your perspective keeps changing as well. Find a groove that works for you and stick to it. Try doing this in 1st person (Cheerilee telling the story) and see how that feels.
You definitely have something original here but it needs work. Have you seen the film "Matilda" or read the book? It sounds like that but with a pony twist. If you haven't read it, then do so and see how it panned out and then how you could do yours. Don't copy it though.
Well that escalated quickly
It seemed a little rushed but all in all a sweet story.
It is beautiful. I am glad you wrote this. I love it so far.
Royal 'Thrown' Room?
That would hurt.
First chapter was pretty good if feeling a bit rushed.
If I am honest you rushed into "mom" and "sweetie" way too fast. it should have been a bit more gradual.
EDIT: After a couple more chapters the overt emphasis of their relation to each other and that of their extended family just kinda got to me. It was all super sudden and I would have had an easier time digesting the diversions from canon (like Scootaloo's attitude). Not a bad story by any means but one I think I will end up breaking up myself with other stories.
this is an awesome fic
Good story but a bit too rushed.
It should have taken alot longer for Scootaloo to start thinking of Cheerilee as her mother. Greatful for a new home yes, but seeing as her mom right away just seems forced.
Felt it. Was a tiny bit rushed i the realization cherliee had, but then again, I've read fics where it to an while and it drove me nuts, so I guess this is a nice change. ANother nice change is that the ponyville orphanage was a nice place. I'm embarrassed to say, like so many others have with scoots being adopted from an orphanage, I made it a horrible place
I still have at least 8 percent power so I'll see how many more chapters I can read. And if I fall asleep after midnight, I don't care. Going to works gonna be a bit easier for me tomorrow since I don't have to set my per to tape anything tomorrow morńing while I'm at work.
I'm gonna stop rambling now and read the next chapter
Hold on a second! I have something to nitpick about. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't adoptions usually done by married couples when they want a child? For that matter, is Cheerilee even married? I would imagine Equestrian life isn't as different add real life!
Minor nitpick, but I really want answers. Thank you.
4473868 To my understanding, You didn't need to have ever been married or even be with someone in any kind of relationship to adopt someone, yes its rather uncommon for just one adult to adopt but thats mainly because of the stigma that still exists related to signal parenting so theres alot less single adults that choose to adopt . I'd go into details on the stigma aspect but it should be obvious on the main stigma's that's still around
So... you've heard about "show not tell" right? It's really "describe not declare." Whenever you find yourself writing that something is, that is an opportunity for you to improve by describing it instead. So, I'll list a few examples here. Doesn't mean your story is bad, just a little... nondescript.
etc
love it
A little rushed, but I shall see when I will continue to the next chapter!
i see some readers already mentioned pacing and grammar, so i won't repeat it. that said however i get what you're going for, and i love it. great story/idea.
tell me, what have you learned from writing it?
Oh, I just love the feels this story produces. I had always expected Cheerilee to be a great mother.
Dawwed so hard
cute!
