• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 30th, 2016

Notgoingtoexplainthis


I write stuff and sometimes you read it, love hate relationship.

E

After being dumped by the mare of your dreams you don't think things can get any worse. Then you meet her, the rainbow maned pony that changes everything

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 15 )

i liked it. iv read quite a few 2nd person shippings and RDxOC have always been my favorite. this is nice for a start and id love to see more. it has good potential but id hate to see it turn into just another average OC shipping or worse ,gulp, a tasteless clopflic :pinkiegasp:

For the love of celestia capitalize your I's. Sorry for being a grammar nazi, but it just drives me crazy.
Also, good story. Have a track.

156731 haha I'll work on that < see I did it there and there ;)

156731 haha I'll work on that < see I did it there and there ;) 156714 haha not to worry it's guna be a gooder nothing predictable or boring ;)

156750 YAY! :twilightsmile: Just for that, here's some stars

Capitalization, please. Some grammar and misspellings in there as well.

The story seems really fast paced. I'd suggest to take some time to set the tone and be gradual about it. A little subtlety goes a long way., too.

Also, try using some more senses to describe what's going on. You have sight and sound, but not really smell, taste, or feel. Did we have a taste in our mouth after we fell down the hill (blood or something)? What sort of pain were we feeling when we first got up (something in the forehead where we were bleeding, our legs, etc.)? Did Twilight's library have any sort of smell to it (books and such)?

A lot of potential, but please as Whirring Gears, said please work on the capitalization.

:moustache: yes, yes very good. I'm quite pleased with it so far. Its fine that your taking a break and quality should always come before quantity. i like how even though you said you hit a wall i didint notice much if any filler. A few more capitalization kinks to work out but if you do then you have the makings of a good, deep, 2nd person shipping fic like Winters howl or until you meet her. cant wait to see more.

Better than the first chapter by a large margin. Again quality over quantity.

O no.... Rainbow is pissed... RUN!!!!
:rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:

O_O oh crap suicide note! not at all what i expected. nice plot twist and it il be interesting to see what happens. good job as always.

*Learn to fly has updated* Eeee!! Faints

finaly. :pinkiehappy: for a seconf there, i thought it had gone dead at a clif hanger. but now, all is right with the world. great job as always.

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