• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen July 12th

Noakwolf


*Insert dramatic/military/deep quote here*

Comments ( 236 )

This sounds like it could be really interesting. Always great to see Fallout: Equestria inspiring more authors. :twilightsmile:

166217

I'm very glad you think so Kkat!

“Code, 1337-473-913.”
1337
leet...
dude i fucking love you!
:pinkiehappy:

239049

Sorry I'm taken... By SCIENCE!

Oh and here is a muffin for the comment.

*Tosses muffin at screen*

You got Kkat to comment?!
:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

*furiously writes own Fo:E story*

Personally I'd say not every end of speech quote needs a "he said" or such on the end, though it is common practice to do it most times, sometimes it works just as well to simply continue with the story. The times this really matters is when there's a certain way something is being said.
Sarcastically, he muttered to himself "..."
"..." He shouted back...
Though not at all a problem, just a personal preference of mine over seeing "he said" after every time.


Tiny metal shacks followed by tiny metal wall in a new sentence? I'd personally either make it a different describing word, or read something like:
"with tiny metal shacks and an equally tiny metal wall"
just feels more proper to me.


With that out of the way;
I did enjoy the fact that you bring up names from previous settlements, leaving it completely open (thus far) about -why- they had to leave them.
Asking one another if they'd be remembered is also something I liked, because that stuff is something I can imagine characters who've had to leave a settlement asking in curiosity after some time.

Overall, pretty decent. I know the majority of my comment may seem like it's negative; it really isn't. Like I said over the PM, everything I'm handing you is purely out of the fact I'm accustomed to reviewing Project Horizons. I'll only make a comment on something if it's something that can be improved on without much hassle - nothing I say is to hurt your feelings. promise! :pinkiesmile:

270984

I'm glad you brought that up! I enjoy the good criticism, seeing as this is my first time writing a real real story I think I did pretty well. I'm glad you liked it! :pinkiesmile: I write the way Americans write so I see why some of the stuff is kinda odd to you. But the overall review was nice! Thanks!

Finally got to reading all the way up to the most recent chapter, and I only have one word. Thatwasboss. That is all :moustache:

O...M...G...Cover art FTW!

Just finished this chapter [after lots and lots of procrastinating].
Pretty cool to see a peaceful fallout 3 start. a bit weird too, but nothing bad about it.

The only two things I'm really sure of with your story are:

-The way the younger of the two keeps calling the other 'brother' in such a formal way. I mean, if that's the pony he is, so be it. but if he's supposed to be the average pony, and not super formal, then yeah - but then again, he does have mumma's boy perk right?

-The "do you want to level up" at the end of it.
Should be a simple, flowing "Level up; Adam. yadda yadda. Level up; Neo. yadda yadda" in my mind.


otherwise, really good so far.

edit: sorry if you get three notices for this comment. for some reason it triple posted o___O

319991

Thanks! And yes he will never refer to Neo and Neo, he will always call him brother. The little end at the bit is supposed to be like the game were it asks you if you want to level him up, after all it is about these two right. Which is something I like about my story is it focuses on two ponies instead of 1. Oh and I know the three comments thing is weird lol. But I'm glad you like it so far. :twilightsmile:

*Edit* Oh, and I'm glad you took the time to read my story. (And don't hate it. I mean really, it took me seven times to come up with a decent story. Seven times...) But thanks again but just remember that past chapter 2 none of the other chapters have been proofread yet, or at least up to chapter 6 and beyond.

Sorry for taking so long about getting round to reading it. It's not that I haven't wanted to, just that I haven't had the focus to do any reading as of late, and that means that if I tried to, I just wouldn't be able to - if you know what I mean?
So yeah. Sorry for taking so long, but I will go through it all :)

I've just never come across an optional level up scheme is all. I mean. sure Skyrim holds the level up until you go into that menu, but still - that doesn't ask yes/no, it just waits for you to be ready.

I finally was able to read this and I have to say the bored thoughts I had at the beginning were destroyed by this last chapter. Marring some grammatical mistakes, this was a genuinely interesting chapter. I can't wait for the next.

ps. a while ago, you were asking for proofreaders. Is that offer still on the table?

332047

In a way yes, and no. I have 2 proofreaders including myself, I have 5 or so for THGLE which for some odd reason because I have more errors on it then I do BH. But they're just smaller mistakes, the only problem I have with using trackers as proofreaders is I feel like I'm spoiling it for them, which is what stops me. (Please don't stop tracking because of this.)

Over all I'm happy you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile: Occasionally like on chapter 8 I might get trackers to proofread, but with others I feel like it spoils.

*Edit* Wait, you thought the beginning like the first 2 chapters were boring? If so then I have succeeded in making you feel like life in Stable 142 is dull. If you mean all the chapters up until 7 then wow, that's odd, I mean chapter 3 and 5 should have been pretty cool considering those had bigish battle scenes. (I think you mean chapter 6, which was just setting up chapter 7 which was awesome)

Currently reading through Luck. Haven't got a great deal to say about this so far. Not in the bad way, it just hasn't really kicked my mind into order with much to say - and the few things I could say I've already mentioned so there's no point in repeating myself.
It's a good fic. I'm picky about grammar and such so that's the only thing that really catches my attention to be honest. Not a huge problem though :)

346993

Thanks! I hope you like it in terms of story and stuff. I will be writing chapter 9 slightly different just to mix up my writing and to test my hand at a semi-new style. Oh and me and my proofread will go over those chapters soon.

347579
yeah, I like the story. it's going well so far. I just haven't had much to say about it for some reason, which is weird, but its good.

Not a fan of Lucy Luck. Not that she's written poorly, I mean in character, not a fan of her.
Supposed to be a guardian of good, yet she's short tempered and such?
Not bad over-all. not bad.

349186

Yay I have the proper response for her! She has that personality where you don't really like her and she's a complete jerk, but in an almost funny way.

ok, I noticed a few errors in this chapter, 2 of which I have noticed in past chapters as well, mostly grammar errors, 1 is a word usage problem.
1."Neo Adam turned away from the horrible scene." this sentence needs a "and" between Neo and Adam
(in previous chapters)2.Any instance of the name Neo in the narration, if Neo is supposed to be the main character AND the narrator then his name is supposed to be replaced with first person words such as "I, Me, ect."
(in previous chapters)3.Refering to full grown ponies as Fillies and Colts. Those two words are how you refer to child ponies, not full grown, as such it has made several parts of your story sound more f-ed up then probably intended, like the execution scene in this chapter, or the "relief slaves" part which I'm not sure if you intended that to sound so messed up or not. In those 2 parts it sounds like you are saying they are doing such things to children. also in an early chapter where you said "2 fillies and a foal" in my mind that was 3 foals, it should have been "2 mares and a filly" and where you said colt in the execution it should read as "stallion" unless the unicorn really was a child. By full grown I mean Teenage and older, so Adam and Neo would be called Stallions or bucks.

aside from those it is a very interesting story, and I do have to wonder if you read my story since your city has the same name as the Military Base in the first chapters of my story.

357203

Thanks for pointing out the errors, I have to say even I my proofreaders miss some stuff. :twilightsheepish: I'm glad you enjoyed it, and when I created Ironhoof city I suspected someone else had the same name for a base or town etc. Just note, if you plan to read further that past chapter 2 it has not been looked over by any proofreaders yet. I plan to go over those chapters sometime soon. Thanks very very very much for the comment! :twilightsmile:


*Edit* For the first 2 chapters or so it seems like he's the narrator because he's alone, though once he's with Adam it stray's towards both of them. Yes, I understand the age, with stallions/mares and once again I need to fix it, that and several other typos Kippershy has pointed out.

357213 Ok, just wanted to make sure you were aware of those errors, and I was actually saying that 2 of the errors were from previous chapters, I've read up to "Ground Level"

357237

:pinkiegasp: Wow, your fast... So far people have liked that chapter a whole lot. :pinkiesmile:

357253 I've mostly been reading from my 3ds for the past couple weeks, mostly when I haven't had much to do and been away from my computer. When at my computer most of the time I've been working on my story, or my Minecraft texture pack(Digimon Themed)

357260

Haha, that makes sense. :eeyup:

I'll keep my eyes on this one. I'm liking this.

423365

Thanks! I hope you'll enjoy it! :pinkiehappy:

I like it! Curious as to what they do next after discovering the burning town.:pinkiegasp:

443763

You will soon! Thanks for the comment! :twilightsmile:

Let me just say that Rick Shaw has been possibly my favorite name I've seen for a pony in i long time. (mainly because i know a guy irl with the same name) Love that there's more character development for Lucy. Looking forward to the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

Starting to like this more and more.... Keep it up dude :rainbowkiss:

493102

That statement makes me a very very very happy pony. Thank you.

Very good friend. Keep it up!

I like where this is going. :pinkiehappy:
Looking forward for the next chapter. :pinkiesmile:

New Perk: Fixed concentration: Your consecration... Oh he has a +3 to his piety? :facehoof:

650468



lol that's one mistake I will need to get rid off. lol Thanks.

new chapter yay:yay::twilightsmile:

This was torture...

696327

Fall to the cuteness, and other emotions you should not feel! >:3

LU is just so adorable:scootangel:

great chapter by the way:rainbowdetermined2:

698885

I wub her as well :3

Damn my obscure timetable!
Anyways, hot damn! You haven't disappointed me with this huge update and have to say I love the fact every yellow pony has to be a bit socially awkward one :ajbemused:, no matter the race or gender. Lu... Dunno where this comes from, but I instantly though Dinky for some odd reason.

Hopefully the next update will be out oon, and sorry for being a bit late!

763131

You caught me! Congrats on seeing my yellow pony thing, I am in fact doing something there and you are the first to spot it! *Claps* Anyway I'm glad you loved it. :twilightsmile:

775125

YES YES! you got it! DING DING DING!

good chapter if I dont say so myself

861223

Thank you :3 I enjoyed writing it.

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