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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Finally got to reading all the way up to the most recent chapter, and I only have one word. Thatwasboss. That is all
281895
=D
O...M...G...Cover art FTW!
319991
Thanks! And yes he will never refer to Neo and Neo, he will always call him brother. The little end at the bit is supposed to be like the game were it asks you if you want to level him up, after all it is about these two right. Which is something I like about my story is it focuses on two ponies instead of 1. Oh and I know the three comments thing is weird lol. But I'm glad you like it so far.
*Edit* Oh, and I'm glad you took the time to read my story. (And don't hate it. I mean really, it took me seven times to come up with a decent story. Seven times...) But thanks again but just remember that past chapter 2 none of the other chapters have been proofread yet, or at least up to chapter 6 and beyond.
Sorry for taking so long about getting round to reading it. It's not that I haven't wanted to, just that I haven't had the focus to do any reading as of late, and that means that if I tried to, I just wouldn't be able to - if you know what I mean?
So yeah. Sorry for taking so long, but I will go through it all :)
I've just never come across an optional level up scheme is all. I mean. sure Skyrim holds the level up until you go into that menu, but still - that doesn't ask yes/no, it just waits for you to be ready.
I finally was able to read this and I have to say the bored thoughts I had at the beginning were destroyed by this last chapter. Marring some grammatical mistakes, this was a genuinely interesting chapter. I can't wait for the next.
ps. a while ago, you were asking for proofreaders. Is that offer still on the table?
332047
In a way yes, and no. I have 2 proofreaders including myself, I have 5 or so for THGLE which for some odd reason because I have more errors on it then I do BH. But they're just smaller mistakes, the only problem I have with using trackers as proofreaders is I feel like I'm spoiling it for them, which is what stops me. (Please don't stop tracking because of this.)
Over all I'm happy you enjoyed it. Occasionally like on chapter 8 I might get trackers to proofread, but with others I feel like it spoils.
*Edit* Wait, you thought the beginning like the first 2 chapters were boring? If so then I have succeeded in making you feel like life in Stable 142 is dull. If you mean all the chapters up until 7 then wow, that's odd, I mean chapter 3 and 5 should have been pretty cool considering those had bigish battle scenes. (I think you mean chapter 6, which was just setting up chapter 7 which was awesome)
ok, I noticed a few errors in this chapter, 2 of which I have noticed in past chapters as well, mostly grammar errors, 1 is a word usage problem.
1."Neo Adam turned away from the horrible scene." this sentence needs a "and" between Neo and Adam
(in previous chapters)2.Any instance of the name Neo in the narration, if Neo is supposed to be the main character AND the narrator then his name is supposed to be replaced with first person words such as "I, Me, ect."
(in previous chapters)3.Refering to full grown ponies as Fillies and Colts. Those two words are how you refer to child ponies, not full grown, as such it has made several parts of your story sound more f-ed up then probably intended, like the execution scene in this chapter, or the "relief slaves" part which I'm not sure if you intended that to sound so messed up or not. In those 2 parts it sounds like you are saying they are doing such things to children. also in an early chapter where you said "2 fillies and a foal" in my mind that was 3 foals, it should have been "2 mares and a filly" and where you said colt in the execution it should read as "stallion" unless the unicorn really was a child. By full grown I mean Teenage and older, so Adam and Neo would be called Stallions or bucks.
aside from those it is a very interesting story, and I do have to wonder if you read my story since your city has the same name as the Military Base in the first chapters of my story.
I'm sensing Neo an Adam are like to two brothers from full metal alchemist
The introduction to the ghouls was nice and the way you talk about the forboding feeling of the city was awesome.