• Member Since 12th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 30th, 2019

ForeverFreest


H'lo. I'm DJ, which stands for Dawn Jewel, not Disc Jockey. I'm a shy introvert who pretends to be confident a lot. Shhh. I'm pretty good with poetry and songwriting. Talk to me, if you'd like.

T

When they came over the wake
In a tide of crimson hue
When the anvil rang and the landers sang
Of the bright ones bathed in blue

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 45 )

I really enjoyed this and am looking forward to the next installment, you kept your word and I am quite impressed lukki. Stay awesome. Your bro, xXCondemnedSoulXx.

I actually really enjoyed this. You earn a :moustache: for being original.

ohsnap. Is this really MLP epic poetry, as it appears?

It's a little confusing to read, actually. But maybe it would be easier to follow if read out loud. I'll have to try that.

Regardless, optimistically tracking.

Well, that was certainly entertaining. I'm a big fan of epic poetry, and this was very well constructed. I'll be eagerly awaiting more.

I see that you do readings of other writers' works; any chance of a dramatic reading of your own? This was good to read, but would be even better heard.

2256243 Thanks! I'd like to do that, actually. It's a little daunting, doing something like this, but I could give it a try once the story is complete.

2253482 :pinkiegasp: Divide, that is you?! Guys, that was Divide! He commented on my story thing!

2250934 It's my wholehearted attempt at such, yes. I could do a reading, maybe.

2258348>>2259678 No, BOTH of you! And now that that's dealt with, I must say that this is very good and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Have this song:

2330584 thanks! New chapter has been done for a week and will be up as soon as my new house has Internet.

2370966 Mares, boy, mares!

But seriously, thanks. I don't consider it a great work by any means, but I do love poetry. I've been reading classic poetry since I was really young, like four or five maybe? And writing rhymes. I keep a journal that's all in poetry, which helps me organize my thoughts into a nicely comprehensible and rhymed flow. I've always considered the raps and lyrics I write for myself and others to be a form of poetry, no matter what type of song I'm working with. I consider poetry, read silently or out loud, to be music, just like I consider most things to be music. The way a rhyme or verse should go is greatly felt rather than thought, I think.

But eh, what do I know? I probably just listen to too much Monstercat.

2374322
All the same, great writings. I want to try writing something myself one day, just need to find the time. I even already have a good outline for it. Though it helps that am incapable of not thinking about, seriously I think about it 24/7. I even dream about it... That's not very healthy, is it?

2375562 Some say dreams are the precursor to reality. Some say fantasy is the reflection of another realm. Some say french fries are really good with mayo. They're right.

A piece of advice I got from Cloud Wander (who's a really, really awesome writer who nearly caused me to die simply by communicating with me) is to write the fun parts first. Just start with your best ideas, jot them down, and don't worry about writing every part of the story in order.

Another piece of advice I got is from Sir Squidfish (who's a wayyyyyy better writer than he thinks he is, and generates brilliance whenever he sets finger to keyboard) is to just write. Just do it. Having something written, having something put down on paper or screen and finished, is a good thing. Even if you hate it, it's a good thing.

The other thing I've heard is to write a lot. Practice makes perfect, I guess. The more you know, the more you... Kohl's. Write well, I mean. The more you learn from your own writing, successes and failures, brilliance and mistakes, the better writer you will become. That's the other thing-- you never stop learning. No one is a perfect writer, even famous authors like Tolkien or Tolstoy. So in a very real sense, we're all in this together.

Hope that helps. But eh, what do I know? I'm just a random guy who still thinks Gangnam Style is cool.

--ForeverFreest

2380363
Thanks. I'm going to try that. Also if you haven't already, go to YouTube and watch gangnam style karate.

2380501 Brilliant! And hilarious. Guys, this is hilarious.

Wonderful chapter, just like the first. The archaic dialect usage was wonderful, and your alliteration is splendid.

The only thing I'm having problem with is the redundancy of some of the description. You're spending a great deal of time focusing on the same thoughts or events, and I think once or twice even repeating words or lines - not to rush, but perhaps we could come along further with the story? This is already quite an epic tale, and one I'd hope to see turn to a climax at some point in the future.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Not nearly enough poetry on this site. This is only the second long-form epic I've seen, after The Six Deeds Of Harmony. Keep it up!

2392947 Thanks! Wow, everyone's being really nice. I could include more action for sure; I just wasn't sure, as I spent some hours reading excerpts from Beowulf and it seemed to take a veeerrrryyy long time on the descriptions. But I can adapt! Like I said, an epic is shaped and remoulded over millennia by those who hear and retell it. More action and direct plot can definitely be done!

2397713 I think The Descendant has done some cool epic-style songs, like, the really old non-rhymed kind. Deke's an awesome writer.

Epic pony poem? Sounds good to me.
Seriously, this is quite fun to read aloud. I look forward to more.

When the poetry came over the fiction wake

In a tide of enlightened hue.

When the rhyming rang and the poets sang

'Cause of the thumbs up I give to you.


Seriously though this is genuinely really good and you should be very proud of just having the ability to write an epic poem so long. Many, including me, would struggle holding interest throughout a poem (such as people maybe fading off during Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner :ajsmug:). My only criticism would be the lack of any form of grammar: full stops etc. which even poem's sadly have to have (I know, who knew?).

Otherwise, I can't wait to read more. If this story isn't already in the Poetry Group's folders (which honestly I'd need to check) it should be. EDIT: It is there. Coolios.

Well done.

2746543

The grammar-- I find it to glimmer quick
In the back of my mind it's a dimmer stick
Than the wand of the magic
Of speed-- it's quite tragic
And also, by now, it's a limerick.

Yay really like poetry so this is pretty cool! Please do more:raritystarry:

Also, what gave you the idea to do this?

2775348

Thank you,

I am currently at work on the next installment, and

The Norse.
:rainbowwild:

I've always loved writing poetry; I had no idea it would be so well-received on this site, though.

Well, I for one am very glad you're still working on this. Good poetry is hard to find on this site, especially epic poetry. Definitely looking forward to more, whenever it may come.

2775348 Hey, remember a year and a half ago when I said I was working on the next chapter? I wasn't lying...

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