Legacy: The End of Harmony

by Ficta_Scriptor

Volume 1: Eruditio - Chapter 15 - A Royal Request

Legacy volume 1: Eruditio

Chapter 15 – A Royal Request

“Rosa! You have a visitor!”

Daisy Bloom welcomed Sparks into her home. Rosa could hear the two of them chatter as she sat with her back to her door, sheets of paper spread out on the floor in front of her. They were sections of the Dreamworld script, divided into scenes with notes scribbled in the margin. She’d read them close to a hundred times by now, to the point she could probably recite the play in its entirety. Still, the compulsion to read and re-read remained. Only perfection was acceptable.

It had been a while since she’d spent any quality time with Sparks. He’d stopped by a week previously to suggest a day out and perhaps a picnic, but Rosa quickly declined, saying she was a little too burnt out. It was partially true; her schedule was busier and more intensive, despite the fact that her work hours had been relaxed somewhat.

She seldom spoke to Clover. She’d seen Summer on a couple of occasions, but not recently. The last meeting with Nico was barely more than a distant memory. Some days she wondered if they would ever speak again or if her anxieties would make it impossible. Meeting him again would hurt. Not meeting him again would hurt too. In the end, there was no right answer.

Realistically, she supposed, things would get back to the way things were (or at least, a close approximation) once her career as an actress took off. That way she wouldn’t be bound by her family’s bookshop and would finally have something to show for all the hours of hard graft. Freedom would ease its way into her life and she’d be able to spend time with her friends again, and things would become normal. Life would once again flow as it should, the pain in her head and her heart subsiding. Or at least, she hoped.

Rosa ordered the wads of paper in front of her and stacked them on her desk, brushing back her mane as she opened the door.

“Just a moment,” she said unenthusiastically as she hopped down the stairs, forcing a smile.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” her mother crooned, walking into the kitchen.

Rosa couldn’t fully explain it, but she simply knew that her parents trusted Sparks completely. It wasn’t exactly a problem, but it always struck her as odd. She’d always heard of the stereotypical overprotective parents shielding their daughters from the looming threat of ‘lustful stallions.’ In fact, that was what she’d expect of her mother since the beginning. At least she hadn’t been faced with the dreaded ‘talk.’ Yet.

“Hey Rosa, how’re you doing?” Sparks asked.

“Oh, not so bad. How about you?”

“I’m not doing so bad either.”

An awkward silence filled the room. Rosa had no idea what to say. In truth, she wasn’t particularly thrilled by his unannounced appearance. There was no doubt that she liked him, but looking into his eyes only made her think of Nico, and that was painful enough without having to fend off other bubbling emotions. But no matter what, she didn’t want the relationship to end. If that happened, what hope would there be to feel the touch of another pony? To feel loved by another pony?

“I was wondering if we could go for a walk,” Sparks finally uttered, his smile faltering to a look of concern. Rosa’s heart skipped a beat, her mind running through every horrendous scenario possible. Maybe he wants to break up! Maybe he knows about Nico! Maybe he thinks I’m being a bad filly-friend! I guess I am, really…

“I guess so, but what’s this about?” Rosa asked nervously, trying desperately to downplay the fact her heart was thumping at a mile a minute.

Sparks sighed and looked to the ceiling. “I just thought we might be able to spend a moment together. I know you’ve got to study for your play, but I think maybe you could take a break from that for just a while.”

His tone sent shivers down Rosa’s spine. It might have just been a request, but it sounded almost commanding. He’d never been one to order her around. If anything, he would unconditionally put her needs first before anything. He’d never even questioned the long study periods for Dreamworld, so for him to act like this now… It set off every alarm bell imaginable.

Rosa felt one of Spark’s hooves wrap itself around her neck and stroke the back of her mane. As comforting as it was supposed to be, it had the complete opposite effect.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Sparks whispered, planting a small kiss on Rosa neck. “I promise.”

Rosa took a deep breath, her right hoof instinctively returning the embrace. Am I really so easy to read? Why am I one mare on stage and another in the real world? “Alright,” she finally answered. “Let’s go for a walk.”

After saying a quick goodbye to her parents who left her actions completely unchallenged, the two ponies headed out into the cool evening air, a tangible disparity between them. It was the first time Rosa had ever felt this, and it terrified her.

“What did you want to speak to me about?” she muttered as they reached the next street, merely giving a quick glance in his direction.

Sparks slowed his step, a pensive look washing across his face. “I’m going to be completely honest, Rosa. I’m worried about you. I’m worried that all these rehearsals and everything else is… wearing you down.”

Rosa looked up to see her own terrified emotions reflected in the face of her colt-friend. “Oh don’t worry about me, please.”

“Easier said than done,” Sparks said with a nervous chuckle. “I don’t see you anymore. I’m worried that something’s happened, or that something’s bothering you. I want us to be together, Rosa, but I…” He trailed off, his walk stopping completely in the process. “I need you to be honest with me.”

Rosa could feel tears threatening to stream from her eyes but managed to hold them back. How could she tell him the truth? Should she tell him the truth? “Okay, but can we find someplace to sit?”

“Sure,” Sparks said, his smile briefly returning. They made their way to a nearby patch of grass and sat beneath a large oak tree. Rosa wasn’t sure what she was even going to say at this point but found herself speaking before her brain could fully rationalise it.

“I know I’ve been a little distant and for that I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot going on and it’s been tiring to say the least. I’m sorry, I really am.”

Sparks listened intently, his gaze barely flinching as she continued.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is… I don’t really want everypony taking up my free time, since I don’t really have much of it. I know it must seem like a horrible thing to say and I shouldn’t feel burdened by you or anypony else, but it’s how I often feel. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

She tucked herself into him and he wrapped his forelegs around her and began stroking her mane. A tear escaped down her cheek unwillingly and she wiped it away with a flick of her hoof. They sat there for a moment as he comforted her, but instead of whispering “It’s okay, it’s okay,” into her ear he said something that did nothing to relieve her anxiety. Something that sent her heart into overdrive.

“Is there anything else?”

Startled by this, Rosa met Sparks eyes and saw more than just sympathy. It was almost as if she could see… Anger? Suspicion? Sadness? Or maybe all of the above. She couldn’t bring herself to lie at this without squealing in an unconvincing manner, she could just feel it. She buried her head into his torso and held him as tightly as she could.

“I don’t think now is a good time,” she whispered.

Sparks looked into the distance, appearing to mull over what she’d just said. Seemingly satisfied, he planted a kiss on her lips and returned the embrace. “Alright.” As he pulled her in closer and softly kissed her cheek, all Rosa could think of was the consequences of what she’d just said. She’d have to explain it all to him some day; he’d be expecting her to. She could only hope that in due time, her emotions would subside and she could carry on with life without what felt like a heart made of iron. She felt helpless now, but that would change. It would have to change.

They spent a few minutes simply huddled up under the tree as the stars began to gleam in the night sky. A few passing ponies gave them curious glances but made no effort to intrude on the situation. The two eventually reached a silent mutual agreement and strolled back to Rosa’s home, sidled up against each other like conjoined twins.

As they reached Rosa’s front door, Sparks took a step back to gaze at her in admiration, a slight grin spreading across his face. “I just want you to remember that I’m here for you,” he said softly, his eyes appearing larger than ever before. A trick of the light, Rosa assumed.

“I know you are, and thank you. I know I’ve been a bit… reserved as of late but if all goes well with the play and everything, things should be back the way they were.”

“I look forward to it,” Sparks chirped, winking evocatively. “If you ever need to talk to anypony, you know where I am.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well I guess I’ll be seeing you around.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

“Good luck with your acting. I’ve heard good things about you.”

“Thanks.”

Rosa smiled sheepishly, feeling overwhelmed by mere flattery. It was refreshing to be genuinely complimented despite her downfalls. However, the happiness was short-lived, shrinking into nothingness by the time Sparks had made the turn into the next street.

She could feel herself trapped in a vicious emotional cycle. One minute she would be hit with unbearable, dizzying depression. The next, she would feel a warm rush of energy flow through her and think, Yes, I can feel myself accepting my life. I may not like it, but I can deal with it. I’m getting through this. Sooner or later, her happiness would screech to a halt. She’d come to the conclusion that she was just convincing herself that she was beginning to feel better and the crushing reality would burst into the forefront of her mind. Yet she would still experience that surge of energy again and forget the sadness, her mind filled with hope. And again. And again. And again. Over and over.

The brief time she’d spent with Sparks had cycled through these emotions at record speed. She’d heard the term ‘emotional rollercoaster’ many times before, but now she fully understood what that meant.

Do I love Sparks? she asked inwardly, almost involuntarily speaking it aloud.

No, no you don’t. You just like having him around because of the way he treats you. If you truly loved him you wouldn’t start thinking about Nico every few seconds.

It doesn’t make sense. Surely Nico is just some silly crush and I should be over it now that I’m with Sparks. He was the first stallion I’ve ever kissed and he cares about me. When he holds me close…

Yes, he stimulates the side of you that revels in sexual contact. That’s all it is and you know it.

Rosa sat at the foot of her bed, forcibly pounding the back of her head to erase the spiteful voice at the darkest corners of her mind. Maybe I’m going crazy. That’s why I feel like a completely different pony from one minute to the next. But ponies don’t go crazy over stupid stuff like this! Some ponies have gone through hardships far beyond this and been absolutely fine. Some ponies have had their families killed or been cursed with horrific diseases or suffered unimaginable trauma but now I’m going crazy over some STUPID BUCKING THING LIKE THIS!

She wanted to scream. She wanted to bellow as loudly as her lungs would allow. She wouldn’t though, no matter how much it hurt. If she did, it meant losing the battle.

---

“I’ve had some excellent news,” Floyd began, levitating a pristine scroll with a red wax seal in front of him and unravelling it. He squinted at the writing within and read its contents to the large group of actors, stage-hoofs and musicians before him.

“Dear P. Floyd,

We are delighted to inform you that thanks to the stunning performance of your production team my associates at the South Canterlot Theatre would like to arrange the premier and subsequent performances of Dreamworld. We would preferably like to organize for a coming Saturday evening to fill a vacant slot in our schedule .We would require your team to travel to Canterlot beforehand to allow for any needed stage modifications or prop changes. Please contact me at the address written at the bottom of this letter.

As for your request, we are currently in the process of attempting to make it possible and will ensure that you are made aware of our progress as soon as we are able.

Sincerely, Tan Batemane.”

Floyd dropped his gaze to the now gleeful ponies, excitable murmurs emanating from circles of friends. A young stallion — a stage-hoof — piped up with a question.

“What did they mean by ‘request’?”

“Good question,” Floyd replied with a smile, and presented another scroll bearing the same wax seal as before. “I’m afraid I’ve not been entirely honest with you. The letter I’ve just read was delivered two days ago. I would have called you all in, but…” Floyd cleared his throat and opened up the new scroll. “I think this is the kind of news you would want to hear at the same time.

“Dear P. Floyd,

I am happy to report that your request has been successful. It took a degree of persuading, but Princess Luna herself has agreed to attend the premiere assuming we—”

“Wait, what!?” Court cried out, immediately clamping a hoof over his mouth as he realised how rudely he’d interrupted. Instead of becoming enraged Floyd simply dipped the scroll below his eye-line and chortled quietly. Rosa still found it difficult to get used to the now high-spirited Floyd. Before the production had started to truly come together he’d been an irritable old codger, but his demeanour had taken a rapid upturn in recent weeks.

“Yes? What is it, Courtney?”

The group turned to look at the now flustered Court, all knowing what he was about to ask. “I… How did you… Princess Luna… what was…?”

“It was actually a suggestion from a fellow actress of yours, I’ll have you know, young Courtney.” Floyd rested his eyes on Rosa and the other ponies followed his gaze, all of them now staring at the trembling crimson-haired mare.

“Me?” Rosa gasped, her voice taking an unwanted incline in pitch.

“Don’t you remember?” Floyd asked back with a look of mild surprise. “I was sure it was you that mentioned it first.”

Rosa thought back to all of the conversations she’d had with Floyd about ideas for the script and various other aspects of the play but couldn’t quite put her hoof on whether she’d made any kind of mention of Princess Luna. I don’t think I… Oh wait, maybe…

“I wasn’t being s-serious though,” she finally stuttered.

“Oh? Well, no matter. It’s still thanks to you that this has even been made possible. It’ll do wonders for us all, you know.”

“But why would Princess Luna even want to?” Court interjected, finally forming the question in his mind.

Floyd sighed and cleared his throat theatrically. “It’s a kind of unspoken fact that Canterlot isn’t what it once was. After the surge in population count over the past few decades the city has become, how should I put it? Segregated. There’s the main area of Canterlot famous for being the epicentre for the regal and wealthy, but other areas house those who are from a poorer background, and in the most extreme cases some sectors resemble slums more than anything else. In these poorer areas many ponies aren’t able to enjoy the luxuries within the main hub of the capital given their near unfathomable costs.

“This segregation has caused problems for the princess and her Royal Society as it has given her a bad name with many ponies living in these areas, a lot of them blaming her for this divide in the first place. They claim she hasn’t done enough to support them despite a number of attempts in the past.

“The theatre we are due to perform in lies close to one of these so-called ‘lesser areas’ of Canterlot. Admittedly, the overall plan by theatre associates means that ticket prices for each showing will be considerably less than if we were performing at the Royal Canterlot Auditorium, for instance, but this is part of the idea. If they can entice the less wealthy ponies to come — which I believe they are going to great lengths to accomplish — hopefully this way of doing things will spread throughout Canterlot, and we won’t see so many places charging ridiculous prices that only the more fortunate citizens could afford.

“By attending the premiere, Princess Luna can be seen as making a gesture towards the ponies that have felt abandoned by her. It’s quite simple, really. All it takes is for her to spend a few hours watching a play, so it’s no great strain on her workload either. It’s good for the citizens of Canterlot, it’s good for Princess Luna and it’s good for our play’s publicity. It’s a win, win, win situation.”

There was a room-wide silence as everypony collectively mulled over what Floyd had revealed. Rosa was surprised to hear that Canterlot wasn’t the city-wide palace that she’d always thought it to be. The revelation that they had finally found a venue was taking its time sinking in. It almost felt like a dream.

“I should be hearing from Tan Batemane soon and hopefully we’ll be able to perform a trial run this weekend, with our first performance the following weekend. Tan promised to pay for the initial train fares, though by the time you’d need to start paying we should be receiving our share of royalties from ticket sales. As for how much, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until a later date as this still needs to be worked out. But have no fear. I wouldn’t want to offer anypony here a meagre wage. As for the next couple of days, well…” Floyd stroked his chin thoughtfully. “We’ll reconvene this Friday.”

There was a gasp among the crowd. Rehearsals had been almost every day since they began and now Floyd was proposing a three day break not far from their first time performing in Canterlot.

“Are you serious?” Court asked.

“I think you all could do with a little reprieve,” Floyd replied with a smirk. “I wouldn’t want everypony to be worn to the bone.” He smiled to himself and began nonchalantly walking to the exit. “I’ll be seeing you then.”

Everypony else in the room was a picture of happiness, chattering excitedly and gathering their things to rush off home with. “I’m off to the pub! Anypony else with me?” a young stallion announced, which was met with a torrent of cheers.

“I’m up for that,” Rosa chimed in with, surprising many in the group. “How about you two?”

Court and Melon gave each other opposing looks of unbridled glee and condescending unwillingness. “Fine,” Melon said, shaking her head as Court bounded around like a foal.

“I didn’t think you’d be one for that kind of celebration!” Court exclaimed, giving Rosa a playful nudge.

“Well I guess you don’t know me well enough.”

“True, true. So what are we waiting for? Let’s get wasted!” Court zoomed out of the door, shaking his tail wildly.

“You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into,” Melon drawled. “You don’t know what Court’s like when he’s drunk.”

“Oh I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Rosa said without worry, and the two mares began to follow the energetic stallion.

It wasn’t a need to celebrate the pushed Rosa to venture out for drinks. It wasn’t even the need to spend time with her friends. If she had days to spare, it meant days where she would be inadvertently forced to spend time with other ponies while she had the chance. She didn’t feel ready for that yet. It was a nightmare having such feelings of pain and self-hatred and not being able to express herself to anypony. Thanks to what she’d said before she was sure that Sparks would be continually trying to second-guess what her problem might be. Summer was switched on enough to work these things out. If everypony knew that her schedule was now free it might even mean having to spend time with Nico. I could do with a few drinks. Something to take my mind off this.

As they left the building, Rosa barely even noticed a certain green pegasus they’d left behind.

---

The Brightly Coloured Horse was where the trio eventually ended up, Court insisting that it was the ‘best place in Ponyville.’ It wasn’t one that Rosa was familiar with, but it wasn’t disappointing in the least. One section was brightly lit with traditional mahogany tables and chairs, floral patterned wallpaper and black marble floor tiles. It seemed more suited to a family meal area, but another section of the pub housed a dimly lit bar with plush sofas, faint rock and country music coming from a strange variation of a gramophone that would switch records by itself, and pictures that were a cross between traditional paintings and graffiti, including a gallant looking prince whose head was half skull, half flesh and a griffin with its wings outstretched, flames rippling from its back. An appropriate ‘Nopony under 18 allowed’ sign was posted at the entrance. Various candles looked to have been purposely melted, with strings of wax hanging from the sides of the candlesticks. Despite being a place one might expect hardened, punkish types covered in tattoos and piercings, the few ponies that were present looked perfectly ordinary.

They took to one of the corner sofas and Court bought a round of three pints of cider, taking a large swig before even taking his seat.

“I don’t know why we haven’t done this before!” he said gleefully, slamming his tankard on the table with a satisfying thud.

“Because you’d always get too drunk for your own good,” Melon retorted, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, so you’ve never gotten ridiculously drunk and done something that you’d rather forget?” Court replied, a mischievous grin on his face.

Melon shifted her eyes away. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh sure, so you won’t mind me telling Rosa about that time you tried to—”

Melon forced both hooves over his mouth and bared her teeth at him. “Don’t you dare!” she yelled, gaining the attention of nearly everypony in the room. Realising she’d made a spectacle of herself, Melon shrank back down and sipped casually at her cider looking as flustered as ever.

“I wasn’t really going to say anything about that,” Court whispered, trying to contain his laughter.

Rosa had begun drinking, her spirits lifted a little by the almost sibling-like rivalry between the two best friends. To her, Court and Melon were categorized into a certain part of her life, one outside of her family and other friends. The side of her that dealt with the theatre was a lot happier, a lot more capable of holding back those terrible feelings that plagued her. They didn’t come into the other part of her life. Court and Melon had no knowledge of Nico, and she’d only mentioned Sparks on brief occasions so they hardly knew of him either. She could actually be herself.

After finishing her first pint Rosa was beginning to feel more at ease. It had been a while since she’d actually consumed any alcohol, so her body was being greatly affected by it. Subtle sways at first, but after shelling out for the group’s second round of drinks, (With Court slyly buying a trio of tequila shots, much to Melon’s annoyance) she was slurring her speech and nearly spilling her pint with each movement.

Melon pretended that it wasn’t affecting her much, but Rosa noticed how her mood had become more relaxed, even tapping Court’s shoulder and joking as she spoke to him, which was uncommon for somepony who winced at any physical contact. Court’s speech had become louder, and he occasionally laughed to himself about something, only to insist that it was nothing. They nattered happily for a while, the conversation turning to the upcoming performance in Canterlot.

“You know,” Court blabbered in between gulps. “I’ve always had a thing for Princess Luna. I mean, I know it would never happen but a stallion can dream, can’t he?”

“She’s a bit old for you though,” Rosa said with a chuckle. “By one or two thousand years.”

“Hey, if she’s been living that long she must have a crazy amount of experience! Does anypony know how old she actually is?”

“I don’t know,” Rosa replied. “Ten thousand years, maybe? I don’t really know all that much about her to be honest.”

“I guess she wouldn’t need to keep count if she lived that long. You know, I’ve never known her to get with a prince or any stallion for that matter. Maybe she hasn’t been with another pony for so long she’d happily let me take her out! If she used the royal Canterlot voice I’d do anything she wanted me to do.” Court rose up and held out a hoof, imitating Luna. “Insert thine appendage into the royal money-maker at once, lest I send you to the sun!”

Court and Rosa started giggling at this point, but Melon walked off in a huff, hiding her eyes behind her mane. “I just need to use the restroom,” she murmured in an uncharacteristically low voice.

“What was that about?” Court asked, finishing his drink.

“You really don’t kn-know?” Rosa replied, her mouth speaking ahead of her brain. A sober Rosa would have changed the subject. She’d noticed a few things after spending so much time with the two ponies. The way Melon would blush whenever Court toyed with her mane, the way she would grow distant if Court ever talked about other mares. Rosa even felt that Melon was threatened by her at times.

Instead of coming back with a bemused “What?” as she expected, Court lowered his head for a moment and began circling the top of his tankard with a hoof. “Oh, I guess it’s just her time of the month or something.”

Not falling for his attempt to derail the conversation, Rosa found herself probing further. “You know the reason, don’t you?”

Court met her gaze for a brief moment before dropping it again. “Ah, it’s nothing.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Rosa asked, finding herself increasingly intrigued by the situation. In a sense, she was on the other side of it. If she could work out what Court was feeling, perhaps she could work out what Nico was feeling. Or at least, that was the theory. “Don’t you like her?”

Court rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. “I had my suspicions about it, but really, there’s nothing I can do. Do we really need to talk about this?”

“If I’m honest, I-I-I always thought you two would make a great couple.”

“It’s not as simple as that. Going from best friends to being in a relationship would just be too weird.”

“Are you saying you’ve thought about it?” Rosa asked.

“I’m… not saying anything,” Court replied unconvincingly.

“Come on, tell me. What if things worked out between you two?”

“That’s not something—”

“And, and, and what if things could be different from how they are now?”

“I just… look, don’t ever tell her I mentioned this or I’ll never speak to you ever again,” Court ordered. The terrifying steeliness of Court’s eyes made it clear that he was far from joking, and at that moment Rosa completely regretted ever bringing the subject up. “This one time when we were about fourteen or fifteen, Melon got stuck out in a blizzard during winter. She was lost or, something. Anyway, she knocks on my door just shivering all over the place. I’ve never seen a pony look so cold. For a moment I thought she was going to die. So I got her a blanket and let her have my bed, and she starts crying, saying something about being so stupid. And she’s so cold, so I…” Court took a deep breath before meeting Rosa’s eyes and continuing. “I huddled up to her, and we just led there together for hours. We didn’t say a word to each other, and we didn’t have to. It was so… bizarre. She shivered so much, and my body heat healed her. I almost didn’t want it to end. Anyway, after that I started having feelings for her.”

Court sighed and checked around the corner to see if Melon was on her way back.

“But eventually the feelings just stopped. I saw some of my other friends going out and breaking up, then moving on to the next one and I thought, ‘I don’t want that to be us.’ I look back on those times and I see how deluded I was to think that we could be together. She’s my best friend, and that’s the way I want things to stay. I know she’ll eventually feel the same way too, just like I did.”

The two ponies fell silent once again, the air now filled with depression and sorrow. Rosa could feel her own feelings flooding back to her, stabbing at the inside of her heart.

“I’m sorry I brought those things up,” she apologised, looking to Court for acceptance.

“I’m sorry I threatened you,” he said back, his usual cheeky smile returning to his face. “You didn’t deserve that. I wouldn’t want to stop talking to you. We’re friends too now, you hear?”

Rosa blushed, a smile forming involuntarily. “I’m glad to hear it. So uh… what did Melon do while she was drunk?”

Court shook his head, smirking. “If I ever told you that, she would probably kill me.”

Melon arrived back just in time for the air to have cleared, and Court promptly asked her to order in the next round of drinks, much to her annoyance. It was a strange bond that they had, at least in Rosa’s eyes. She’d never really bickered with her friends, not even…

“Oh buck.”

Rosa nearly dropped her tankard at what she saw at the far end of the pub hallway near the entrance.

“Huh? What is it?” asked Melon, clearly shocked by Rosa’s language.

“I have to hide,” Rosa said stoically. She hopped behind the sofa, praying to the heavens that she hadn’t been spotted. Reflected in the window, she could see a certain stallion’s face, his eyes as piercing as ever. It was Nico.

“Rosa, what’s gotten into you?” Court asked with a chuckle.

“Just be quiet! Pretend I’m not here!”

The two friends gave each other disconcerted looks before reluctantly obeying the order. The pony at the bar shook his head as he watched the events play out and muttered something to himself.

What is he doing here? Rosa thought, watching as Nico’s face went out of view and ducking further behind the sofa. Why would he come here? Is he looking for me? Wait, why would he be looking for me here? Trying to ignore the amused looks and staring from the other patrons, Rosa kept herself hidden, her heart thumping madly. Why would he be here? He’s not going to just be drinking on his own. He was never like that before. So that must mean…

Rosa felt a tear trickle down her cheek as she came to her conclusion. There was no other possibility. Nico was meeting with another mare.

“Woah, Rosa, are you okay?” Court asked, noticeably startled. “Seriously, you’re freaking me out. Who are you hiding from?”

“I-I can’t—”

“Lishen,” Court said, trying to sound authoritative but slurring in the process. “Melon and I can get you out of here if you’re trying to avoid somepony, but you need to let us know what’s going on.” Melon nodded in agreement.

Rosa mulled this over, thankful that her friends would help her out in a situation like this. “Okay, he’s a b-brown earth pony with a black mane, and a—”

With surprisingly quick reactions, Court shoved Rosa’s head out of view and gave her a look that said ‘shhh!’ A few moments later, and he released her.

“What was that for?” Rosa whispered harshly.

“I have a feeling that the stallion you were hiding from just came through here. I think he was looking for somepony. He just came in, looked around for a bit and walked off.” Court paused and peered out of the archway. “I think he’s going to the other end. If you wanna go, we’d better do it now.”

Without hesitation, Rosa pulled herself up and held Court and Melon in front of her like a pair of shields. At this moment most of the other ponies were in fits of laughter as Rosa practically pushed the other two ponies out, hurrying them towards the exit. In a flash of dangerous curiosity, Rosa caught a glance over Melon’s shoulder and towards the other end of the pub. Court was right. Nico was looking for somepony.

“Well that was a bit of an overreaction if you ask me,” Court said, rubbing his back after Rosa had snagged his skin a little too hard.

“Why were you running from him?” Melon asked, looking as confused. “And why was he looking for you?”

“I don’t think he was looking for me,” Rosa answered, moving quickly out of the street and towards her home. She staggered, nearly tripping over the very cobbles she was walking on.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I can’t explain. Sorry, but I have to go home now.”

Before the other two could properly say their goodbyes Rosa was nearly out of sight, her legs pumping as fast as she could manage. That night, she would lay awake for longer than she would ever want to, her mind playing the night’s events over and over. Was it Nico? I was sure of it. Maybe it was somepony who looks really similar to him. There are lots of ponies with brown fur. Was I just imagining it because I keep thinking about him?

---

Nico stood awkwardly at the bar, his previous search futile. He ordered a whiskey, something he rarely drank socially. He liked the taste, but found that trying to drink it alongside others who stuck to wine or beer just made him out of place, sipping loudly to extend the drink’s life. He didn’t care for mixers, something ingrained in him because of his father who had always said, “Mixers take away the taste of the whiskey, something that took years to make. You wouldn’t want to spoil something like that, would you?” Suddenly, he felt a hoof tap him on the shoulder and saw the pony in question stood before him.

“There you are! What took you so long?”

Comments

[Rostok]

Oh you tear jerker you.

I'm still kicking myself wondering what the big Pink Floyd reference is here. Great chapter as always.

[Final_Draft]

All right! *cracks knuckles* It. Is. ON! I have FINALLY finished reading your story, and return a review, as promised, for your own on Phyre in Ponyville!

Fanfiction Name: Legacy: The End of Harmony
Grammar: 8.3/10 Very few spelling and grammar error here, especially in the chapters that have been re-written. The biggest thing I noticed was the repeated use of "was stood", which really interrupted the flow of the paragraph, and reading it out loud it sounds kind of awkward. I suggest replacing that with "standing" or just plain "stood" -- of course that depends on the nature of the sentence in question. In some of the latter chapters there are tense issues, but they are few and far between. Other than that, S&G is very good.

Pros:
- Characters that can be related to, such as Rosa Bloom. Her and others are far more down to earth (you know what I mean... ) and are far from being Mary Sues or Gary Stus.
- Sentence flow and wording roll nicely and doesn't feel like a chore. Word variety diverse enough to not feel repetitive.
- I, too, am a sucker for slow and deliberate pacing. And just as on your review, I was thoroughly interested in the tale.
- Clean, thoughtful humor, which is a nice change.

Cons:
- Good grammar aside, the "was stood" error comes up often enough that it stands out, breaking flow.
- The chapters about Twilight and her friends, along with Voice Of Reason, seem out of place as there has yet to be a connection between those few chapters and the bulk of the story surrounding Rosa Bloom and her friends.
- A few instance where it was a little difficult telling who was speaking, but I think that was more or less just me.

Notes:
A fic that definitely deserves more attention than what it currently has -- especially with how many chapters you've posted thus far.

Character development is fantastic in Legacy: The End of Harmony, as Rosa's life and issues are laid down to bear fairly quickly, and situation this and problem that arise. What's refreshing for me is that the obstacles aren't the typical "Equestria is ending and needs to be saved!" kind of things; they're down to earth, realistic problem that any pony may have to deal with -- and that for me is more fun to watch. Rosa's growth is evident as she comes out of her shell through those experiences; her uncertainty and trepidation in the face of life-change is dramatic and interesting, and in my opinion, hits home more because they are problems that people may deal with in real life. And that makes her more real.

Chapter length is good. They are long enough that reading a whole chapter feels satisfying, but not so long that reading feels like an Olympic obstacle or a tiresome chore (Something I wish I had realized earlier... ) On that note, there's enough of a cliffhanger that I want to know what's going to happen next, but not without being left high and dry.

If I had to fault something, it would be in the chapter where we switch perspectives between many ponies involved in Rosa's life: Spike, her parents, Sparks, Clover, Nico, and a few others. The sections ended in a kind of cliffhanger that just cuts off. I feel as though they could have ended with a much more natural flow and conclusion while still accomplishing what you wanted as a writer -- to leave the reader wondering what happened. As it is, with the sentence or thought just suddenly cut off, it feels more like you just decided to stop writing and move on. Like it's unfinished. Basically when I would finish a section, instead of wondering what they were about to say, or what had happened, I was more distracted by annoyance that it had ended so suddenly.

While slow and deliberate pacing is fine -- not to mention it's something I personally enjoy -- I feel that there should be a connection forming already, concerning the Voice Of Reason segments and the main story. So far, it feels disconnected and seems completely unnecessary, like they're unrelated at all. I imagine that that's intentional on your part for your plans. So much so that the Voice segments feel like unappetizing filler, since there's no connection as of yet.

Even with that in mind, I love the different books that are mentioned throughout the story; such as An Equestrian Night Mare and Dreamworld. They themselves seem like interesting tales, and I like how they tie in with the story itself in physical ways as well as themes.

All in all, a fic that should get more attention in this reader's opinion, and I await more with anticipation. And thank you for your read and review of Phyre In Ponyville.

TOOS0BER

[Ficta_Scriptor]

3764009

Thanks very much for your review!

I'll be taking your opinions on board. I never knew I was overusing the word 'stood', so I may go and have a quick edit of that. Looks like the perspective swapping chapter didn't have the desired effect...

As for the VOR arc, I know, I know. It feels disconnected and meaningless. But it has a purpose, I swear! I've mentioned many times before how it was a difficult decision for me to have the story arc play out bit by bit amongst the main storyline, but it was honestly the best way I could come up with. Simply having the VOR arc first or just giving a fleeting mention to the events wouldn't have worked. But still, that doesn't excuse the lack of interest when compared to Rosa's tale.

Speaking of which, I'm happy you like her character and the events thus far. As a male writer, it was always a tricky endeavor to write about a female OC as the central character, so I'm glad it's come across rather convincingly.

Here's hoping you enjoy my future updates. And thanks for the follow!