There are strange goings on in Equestria and the ponies are here to help. Twisters have been heard wreaking villages along the north coast, ponies are being turned to stone by a mysterious entity and no-one is to be trusted.
The Elements of Harmony, once a sign of freedom, have been destroyed. The mane six must look inside themselves and evolve to the next level, with help of their friends and unlikely allies.
Author - ParsleyParsnips
Editor - Flipturn
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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(Joke) Alt. Title: How Could This Happen To Me?
Kind of helps your story to actually have a title.
2047266 I agree, however I have no clue as to what to call it xD
I want to like this story, i really do, but its soo spread out and harder to follow than pinkie. i feel like I'm being thrown around through a time portal of sorts, catching random glimpses along the way. its because of that that i can't like it just yet. I'm sorry.
2047472 I understand what you saying, I wrote the chapters separately, the second half of chapter 1 being what I initially started with, but had to increase the word count. I wrote the prologue as a backstory for my OC but then decided to implement it into my fan fic somehow. Any ideas to how to I can improve it? I had Chapter 2 to follow Chapter 1 and Chapter 3 to follow the end of the Prologue and it all converging (kinda like an anime sort theme, where it shows different characters perspectives at the same time period)
2047527
Well I'm no master writer myself. i just kinda lost where it was heading when we see discord fight, then next thing we see is trixie studying under twily ten years later? Like, i love the plot idea and all, just maybe some elaboration on what the strange miasma is, what caused it, and how trixie or blaze fit into it all. like, it feels more like a story outline, you just gotta beef it up a bit. Right now, its kinda like saying you got a job as a cashier, then the next sentence says you opened a restaurant chain. like, how'd you get from point A to point B?
Do i make sense? Cause i dunno myself!
2047564 Yeah I get ya, I personally wanted to explain everything later on, cause otherwise the story gets too short. Maybe I could put at the end that they go their separate ways at the end of the discord fight because of what happens with the elements?
2047592
do whatever you feel advances your story better to fit your goals. we are just readers. no matter how lost we get, as long as you know where to take it, i can respect that.
w..what?! They split because the elements broke?! Wah!
Really need Feedback! Please post your thoughts!
It's either 16:37 or 4:37pm
It's Applejack not AppleJack.
I also don't like the description of Applejack.
It makes sense to write that Rarity is an artistic unicorn, it explains why she's helping Applejack whit the dress. But writing that Applejack is honest just doesn't really fit. "Applejack, the local farmer", or something like that, would explain why they make the dress at Sweet Apple Acres. "Applejack, a orange earthpony" would describe her better. But mentioning her Honesty just isn't necessary.
If you mention all the other names of the characters, why not do the same with Rainbow Dash?
Why are they delivering muffins? Did somepony order them? If so, why do they give them to Twilight? Or are they just giving away the muffins for free?
They stood outside, talking for 5 hours? Thats a bit long, they could have gone to a café or something.
The main problem is the amount of stuff that happens in this chapter. Twilight enters a state of trance, muffins get stolen, a magical black storm cloud appears, discord appears, the mane six learns that he's still evil, discord gets turned into stone again, the elements of harmony break and the bad guys get introduced - ALL IN THE PROLOUGE.
Try to describe important sences more detailed or let the characters act more, for example:
The freakin Elements of Harmony just broke! Don't jump right to the next problem after only 2.5 sentences of confusion. Let the mane six freak out! Let Twilight freak out! Let her run around in panic and yell things! Let her try several repair spells that all fail! Just think of something creative to emphasize scenes like that.
The idea seems intersting though, I'm definitley going to read the next chapter.