• Published 13th Feb 2013
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Pride and Prejudice and Ponies - arglefumph



Rarity reads her favorite romance novel, Pride and Prejudice, to her little sister Sweetie Belle.

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Chapter 8

Pinkie Pie trotted into the girls room and removed her traveling coat.

"It's done," she announced. "Spike's 'Welcome to Ponyville Party' is all set for tomorrow night, at Luna's Lodge."

"Great," Rarity said. "Maybe he can find another pony to obsess over, and leave me alone."

"He's not so bad," Fluttershy said.

"He doesn't have a crush on you!" Rarity said. "He's been following me around for two days now, whining about pointless things in his nasally voice!"

"Don't worry, I invited lots of mares to his party," Pinkie said. "And stallions! You should have seen Shining Armor in his uniform! He's so cuuuute!"

"You think every stallion in the Royal Guard is cute," Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes.

"Can I help it if those uniforms are the most attractive things I've ever seen?" Pinkie asked. "Next to Rarity's summer line of dresses, of course."

"Am I invited, or is this another adults-only party?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Of course you can come, squirt!" Pinkie said, rubbing her sister's hair. "Your friend Applebloom'll be there. I invited her family and Mr. Darcy yesterday."

"Big Macintosh is going to be there?" Fluttershy asked. "Oh...oh my!"

Rarity groaned. "Did you have to invite Mr. Darcy?" she asked. "He's even worse than Spike!"

"I know," Rainbow Dash said. "Yesterday, he lectured me for an hour on a gem pizza he ate two years ago. I think he only likes you for your gems, Rare."

Rarity threw herself on her bad. "Well, at least tell me that—"

"Sorry, Mom's gonna be there, too!"

"Ugh!" Rarity shouted into her pillow. A week ago, her mother hated Spike for taking the family inheritance. Now that he intended to marry one of the Bennet girls, she was Spike's biggest supporter. Mrs. Bennet was always forcing Rarity to sit next to Spike at mealtimes, and she forbade Rarity from leaving the room when Spike told one of his long, pointless stories.


Spike's party was held at Luna Lodge, named after its owner, Lady Luna. Lady Luna was the closest thing Ponyville had to royalty; she had been given her title by Queen Celestia herself. Lady Luna was quite wealthy, due to the military achievements of her husband in the war against Prance.

Lady Luna's greatest joy in life was playing matchmaker for ponies in town, especially with her two children, Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor. Needless to say, Lady Luna and Mrs. Bennet were good friends. At the start of the party, the two of them practically shoved Fluttershy into Mr. Bingley's arms.

Rarity tried to hide herself in a corner to avoid everypony, but her best—and only—unicorn friend quickly found her.

"Hello, Rarity," Twilight said. "How goes it?"

"Twilight! You're not wearing the dress I made for you!"

"Oh, I'm saving it for the Netherfield Ball on Tuesday," Twilight said. "I heard this party was for one of your relatives. Who?"

"Spike Collins," Rarity said. "He's never visited us before now, and I honestly wish things had stayed that way."

"Is he that bad?" Twilight asked.

"He's worse," Rarity said. "He keeps trying to court me because I am, quote, 'one smokin' hot mamma with a dynamite flank'."

"Ouch," Twilight said. "How is he related to you, again?"

"We're cousins," Rarity said. "On my father's side. I think we might be half-cousins, actually."

Their conversation was interrupted by the dragon himself. Spike, of course, wanted to spend some time with Rarity, so he walked over, twirling his bow tie. "Laaaadies," he said. "It's your lucky night! You get to hang out with the Spike-meister!"

Rarity looked as if somepony had stepped in something smelly.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle," Twilight said. "It is a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine," Spike said, smiling in what he thought was a seductive way. In reality, it looked like he had stomach cramps. "I'm sure you've noticed by now that I work out regularly. Every day, I do at least four sit-ups!"

He was, of course, counting "getting out bed" and "leaving his chair after mealtime" as a sit-up.

"Uh...yeah," Twilight said. She was a little disgusted when she saw a food stain on Spike's fat little tummy.

"Rarity and I are getting really close," Spike said, wrapping his claw around Rarity's leg. "She's really pretty, and I'm...me! We must be the best looking ponies in town!"

"You're not a pony," Rarity said curtly. "And please, don't touch my leg."

"Where do you want me to touch you, Babe?" Spike asked.

Rarity grit her teeth and tried to calm herself down by imagining what it would be like to slap Spike.

"Piano!" Twilight blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Rarity and I were about to play the piano," Twilight said, nudging her friend. "Sorry to cut the conversation short, but duty calls!"

"Oh, yes!" Rarity said. "Play we must!"

Spike pouted as the two mares walked away to the other side of the room. Rarity complimented Twilight on her quick thinking, and the two of them played some small songs together.

Rarity's performance was pleasing, though by no means capital. Neither she nor Twilight had very good voices; usually, they had somepony else sing in their places. A few ponies gathered to hear the music, most surprisingly, Mr. Darcy. For a brief moment, Rarity saw an admiring look on Mr. Darcy's face as he watched the two friends. The instant he saw she was looking him him, he frowned, turned away and wandered off quickly.

What is he up to? Rarity wondered.

Pinkie Pie took Rarity's place at the piano, and she played some jaunty music for the ponies to dance to. Rarity made it a point to avoid the dance floor, although her friend Twilight went in search of a dance partner. Twilight soon found herself at the mercy of Spike, who unsurprisingly had been unable to find a partner himself.

After some time, the hostess of the party came to the area. "Good evening, Fair Rarity," Lady Luna said. "Your sister looks quite happy with him, does she not?"

Rarity glanced at the dance floor. Fluttershy was dancing very close to Big Macintosh, with a dreamy look on her face.

"They certainly do," Rarity said. "I have not seen Fluttershy dance this much since...well, ever."

"Fluttershy? Nay!" Lady Luna said. "I speak of thy sister Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow Dash was with a muscle-bound white pegasus. He looked like he was shouting something enthusiastically. Rainbow Dash shouted right back in his face.

"Er...they seem...emotional," Rarity said.

"Yes, the emotions have been doubled!" Lady Luna said, clapping her hooves together. "Young love is wonderful, is it not? And I have heard that you, in particular, have no less than two stallions vying for thine affections. Perhaps some of your luck can rub off on my daughter?"

"I must protest," Rarity said. "Indeed, if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck with the stallions at all."

"Then you deny the rumors?" Luna asked. "They say that Mr. Spike Collins is especially fond of you."

"And I sincerely wish he was not. I could see myself falling for a pegasus or Earth pony, but I assure you that I have no interest in dating a creature of another species."

"A fair point," Luna said. "But what of Mr. Fancypants Darcy? Of all the visitors in town, he is certainly the most charming. Everypony knows he is quite handsome and rich."

"Yes, well, some ponies believe wealth and handsomeness are the same thing," Rarity said dismissively. "Mr. Darcy has been foul to me, ever since I first met him. He has demonstrated no affection for me in the slightest."

"If the rumor I heard from Sweet Apple Acres is true, then he is certainly masking his affections," Lady Luna said. "There is only one way to find out."

Lady Luna left abruptly, and she headed straight for Mr. Darcy. For a moment, Rarity pondered the look she had seen on Mr. Darcy's face, while she was playing piano. Could it be that her music had found an admirer?

Rarity's thoughts were broken off, when Lady Luna returned. She was speaking loudly, with Mr. Darcy at her side. With an air of surprise, she stopped in front of the white unicorn.

"My dear Rarity, why are you not dancing? Mr. Darcy, you must allow me to present this young lady to you as a very desirable partner. You cannot refuse to dance, I am sure, when there is so much beauty before you."

Mr. Darcy appeared to be extremely surprised at this, though not unwilling. He held out his hoof for Rarity to take, when she instantly drew back with some discomposure, and said, "Indeed, I have not the least intention of dancing. I entreat you not to suppose that I was standing here alone, in order to beg for a partner."

Lady Luna frowned at the objection. "You excel so much in the dance, Miss Rarity, that it is cruel to deny me the happiness of seeing you. And though this gentlecolt dislikes the amusement in general, he can have no objection, I am sure, to oblige us for one half-hour."

"Yes, Mr. Darcy is all politeness," Rarity said dryly.

"He is, indeed, but considering the inducement, my dear Rarity, we cannot wonder at his complaisance—for who would object to such a partner?"

"I would," Rarity said. She arched her eyebrows, then turned away. Lady Luna was much disappointed at this, but, as is often the case with stallions, Mr. Darcy's opinion of Rarity was not injured in the slightest, after being rejected.