• Published 13th Feb 2013
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Pride and Prejudice and Ponies - arglefumph



Rarity reads her favorite romance novel, Pride and Prejudice, to her little sister Sweetie Belle.

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Chapter 23

The Bennets were eating lunch when Pinkie Pie walked into the room. "Hi, family!"

"Pinkie!" Rarity shouted.

Her family members fell upon her, asking a barrage of questions. She tried to answer them as best as she could. "We just arrived ten minutes ago. He's getting a hotel right now. No, he hasn't given me a wedding ring yet. What? Of course I'm not pregnant! We haven't even—well, I'm not pregnant. He doesn't spend much time with me, because he doesn't like going to the same places that I do."

"Pinkie, you have to tell us what happened," Rainbow Dash said. "How could you just run out on us like that?"

"I...I don't really remember that night," Pinkie said. "One minute I was having fun at my birthday party...then he was kissing me...and when I woke up, we were in Manehattan with a marriage license."

"There has to be more to the story than that," Rarity said. "You'd never run off with a stallion you don't love."

"I...I must love him, if I agreed to marry him," Pinkie Pie said. Her ears flattened alongside her head. "I'm sorry, Rarity. I know you liked him."

"I wish I had never met that stallion!" Rarity said. "That smooth-talking fiend!"

"This is a punishment!" Mrs. Bennet cried. "A punishment, because we ran away and got married without our parents' permission!"

"Whoa, what?" Pinkie Pie asked. "You and Dad—"

"Look, all that matters is you're here now, safe and sound," Mr. Bennet said. "We're going to contest the marriage, and you can move back in with us."

"I...I'm not moving back," Pinkie said. "I...it doesn't matter if Blueblood isn't the best stallion ever. He's my husband, and I have to stay by him."

"But he only married you to get our money!" Mrs. Bennet said. "Which is stupid, because we don't have any money! The most we could give him is ten bits a year!"

"He's not greedy!" Pinkie Pie said. "Just the opposite! He loves spending money! He took me to a lot of nice places places in New Yoke!"

"Did you actually see him pay for anything?" Rarity asked.

"Well...no...but I thought the food was free! After all, there weren't any prices on the menus!" Pinkie said.

"Darling, that means the prices are extra-expensive," Mr. Bennet said. "Either way, where is your hus—where is Blueblood?"

"I asked him to come with me, but I think he was scared you would hurt him," Pinkie said.

"He's probably right," Rarity muttered.


It was decided that Blueblood would come to the Bennet household for dinner that night. What was supposed to be a nice family gathering quickly devolved into a large confrontation.

"What? I told you to give the dowry to my creditors!" Blueblood said, slamming the table. "Flim and Flam will be furious!"

"They're in jail, and you should be, too," Mr. Bennet said. "I have no doubt that you were one of the customers in their illegal gambling organization."

"Gambling? Oh my, how horrid!" Blueblood said, in a fake voice. "I had no idea those outstanding gentlecolts were involved in something shady like that!"

"I find that hard to believe," Mr. Bennet said. "They sang about their illegal activities in public. Quite frequently, actually."

In the corner, Fluttershy was crying softly. Big Macintosh was nuzzling her, softly whispering that everything would be okay.

"Look, just give me the thousand bits, and we'll be on our way," Blueblood said. "We'll move to San Franciscolt, and never bother you again."

"But I don't want to move away from my family forever..." Pinkie Pie said.

"You don't have a choice," Blueblood said. "I decide what the Wickham family does."

"Don't talk to my daughter that way!" Mrs. Bennet said.

"Look, I'm a reasonable stallion," Blueblood said in a low voice, so only Mr. Bennet could hear. "If you want me to sign divorce papers and leave Pinkie behind when I go, it'll be an extra two thousand. That way, everypony wins."

"My daughter is not for sale," Mr. Bennet replied.

The conversation was interrupted by a knock on the front door. It was the town's faithful messenger, Derpy. "Papers for Big Macintosh Bingley!" she said, holding a small folder in her hooves.

Big Macintosh eagerly opened the folder. "Eeeyup!" he said. "This is it! I thought they'd never come!"

"What is it, Maccy?" Fluttershy asked.

"They're from City Hall," Big Macintosh said. "There was something fishy with that marriage license, so I did some digging there today."

"It's 100% legal," Blueblood said. "You can't prove that I forced Pinkie Pie to sign it."

"That ain't the problem. The problem's with the date," Big Mac said. He pulled out one of the papers. "According to this copy of Pinkie's birth certificate, she was born early in the morning, on April Second."

"Yeah, I knew that," Pinkie said. "But we celebrate my birthday on the first, because it's April Foals' Day and—oooh!"

"She wasn't eighteen when you married her!" Big Macintosh said, pointing dramatically at Blueblood. "That means the marriage is ill-eagle!"

"I think you mean illegal, Mr. Macintosh," Mr. Bennet said.

"Er, right, that."

"Impossible! I assure you that our marriage is on the up-and-up! My friend, Judge Sombra, oversaw the entire ceremony!"

"Um...maybe we should check to make sure—" Pinkie Pie began.

Blueblood scoffed. "There is no way that I would—what in the world is that thing?"

Blueblood pointed at the far wall. When everypony turned their heads to look, Blueblood quickly flipped the table over and ran out the room.

"H-he's getting away!"

"No he's not!" Rainbow Dash cried. She flew out the room and gave chase. Blueblood tried to fool Rainbow Dash by teleporting away, but she was able to tackle him outside of the Carousel Boutique.


It took some doing, but Rarity was able to convince Big Macintosh to buy her a two-way ticket to Pemberly, the following week.

The estate was more extravagant than Rarity had expected. The house was a large, handsome, stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills. In front was a stream of some natural importance which swelled into a lake, without any artificial appearance. As Rarity approached, a well-sculpted stallion who had been swimming slowly left the water.

"Mr. Darcy," Rarity said politely.

"Rarity Bennet?" Mr. Darcy asked, as he levitated a towel and began drying himself off. "I never expected to see you again. What are you doing here?"

"I figured out that you were the anonymous pony who bought my family train tickets to Ponyville," Rarity said. "I came to thank you for it."

"How did you know it was me?"

"It had to have been somepony who was at the wedding rehearsal. Nopony else knew about it," Rarity said. "And you saved Pinkie Pie, too, didn't you? Big Macintosh took the credit, but I know it was you."

"I-I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Don't pretend. Why would Big Macintosh think to go over the legal documents? He's a farmpony. You, on the other hoof, are a lawyer. Legal documents are your field of expertise."

"I...you are as perceptive as ever, Rarity," Mr. Darcy said. "Yes, it was I whoo figured out how to nullify that sham of a wedding. I just didn't want anypony to know about it."

"Why?"

"I...I feel everything which happened was my fault. I should have stepped forward to stop Blueblood earlier, but instead, I left him free to destroy more lives."

"No, I mean, why keep your involvement in the affair a secret?"

"You...I know you dislike me with a great passion, Rarity. If you knew the source of your help, you would have rejected it out of hoof."

"I was wrong when we spoke at Rosings," Rarity said, gently touching her hoof to Mr. Darcy's leg. "The truth is that you are a great and noble stallion. Your letter and your actions have proven this, beyond any measure of doubt. I no longer despise you."

"You do not?"

"On the contrary. I admire you greatly." Rarity kissed Mr. Darcy on the cheek. "Thank you for everything you've done for me and my family, Fancypants."

"Rarity!" Mr. Darcy said. "I-I..."

"Sadly, I must leave you now," Rarity said, with a touch of sadness in her voice. "The train doesn't stay in the station for very long. Goodbye, Mr. Darcy."

"Fare thee well," Mr. Darcy said, bowing slightly. "Knowing you has been a great pleasure."

Rarity turned and walked down the path. She had not gone far, when Mr. Darcy shouted at her. "Miss Rarity, wait!"

"Yes?" Rarity said, turning her head backwards to look at him.

"I...I will be at the wedding of Twilight and Spike. Can I expect to see you there?"

"I will save my first dance for you," Rarity said graciously.

"Excellent," Mr. Darcy grinned. "You know how much I detest dancing with complete strangers. I daresay I might have to spend the entire dance with you."

"Anything to make you happy, Mr. Darcy."