• Published 13th Feb 2013
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Pride and Prejudice and Ponies - arglefumph



Rarity reads her favorite romance novel, Pride and Prejudice, to her little sister Sweetie Belle.

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Chapter 18

The Bennet grandparents were extremely friendly and glad to see their relatives. It was with some regret that Rarity had to leave early, so she could dine with Lady Chrysalis again.

Rarity gathered her sketches for Twilight's wedding dress and went to Lady Chrysalis' estate. Without her father there to constantly make jokes, Rarity had an easier time getting Lady Chrysalis' approval. The uppity mare decided that the third design was best, but she still demanded several changes which she insisted would improve the dress. The older mare was not used to being contradicted, and so Rarity did not voice her concerns; she was accustomed to demands from unreasonable customers.

Mr. Darcy was in attendance, as one would expect. His manner that night was more unpleasant than normal, as Trixie tried to cozy up to him. Rarity grinned at his displeasure and stuck close to Colonel Fancypants, whom she believed was the only tolerable member of the family.

When coffee was over, Colonel Fancypants reminded Rarity of having promised to play to him, and she sat down directly to the pianoforte. He drew a chair near her. Lady Chrysalis listened to half a song, and then talked, as before, to Mr. Darcy about his sister Fleur. After some time, Mr. Darcy walked away from her and, making with his usual deliberation, he stationed himself so as to command a full view of the fair performer's countenance. Rarity saw what she was doing and turned to him at the first convenient pause.

"What brings you so close to me, Mr. Darcy? Do you mean to frighten me, into playing poorly?"

"Not at all," Mr. Darcy said. "I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know that you are not easily swayed from your course. I daresay that nothing short of a rampaging manticore could stop you from finishing your piece."

Rarity laughed heartily at this picture of herself, and said to Colonel Fancypants, "Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me, and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky, because I had hoped to pass myself off as a native here in Canterlot. Really, Mr. Darcy, it is ungenerous for you to mention all that you know about me from Ponyville. Should you continue, I may be forced to retaliate."

"I am not afraid of you," said he, smilingly.

"Pray tell what you know," said Colonel Fancypants. "What dastardly deeds did my cousin perform in your hometown?"

"Prepare yourself for something very dreadful," Rarity said. "The first time of my ever seeing Mr. Darcy was at a hoedown on a farm."

Colonel Fancypants burst into laughter, thinking of his prim and proper cousin at a country hoedown. "Indeed? Did he join in one of the local occupations, such as wrassling or square dancing?"

"Exactly the opposite," Rarity said. "He danced no dances at all, even though gentlecolts were scarce, and there was more than one young lady sitting down in need of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny this fact."

"I...at that time, I did not have the honor of know any lady in the assembly."

"True," Rarity said. "But I understand that you went so far as to deny the loveliest mare in town, even when your friend offered to introduce her."

Recognition and regret filled Darcy's eyes, as he found himself unable to contradict the veiled accusation. "Perhaps I should have judged better, had I accepted the introduction, but I am ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers."

"How odd," Rarity said. "Colonel, do you know why a stallion of sense, education and worldly experience would find it hard to recommend himself to strangers?"

"Without naming any pony in particular, I can answer your question," said Colonel Fancypants. "It is because he will not give himself the trouble of talking to them."

"Yes, that seems like a fair estimate," Rarity said. "He is too quick to judge other ponies, and he does not allow himself the opportunity of befriending them."

Mr. Darcy looked thoughtful at this. "I certainly have not the talent which some ponies posses, of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or I do not appear interested in their concerns."

"Do you know, I am not talented at playing the piano?" Rarity said, in an offhand manner. "My hooves do not move over the instrument in the masterly manner that some ponies employ. But I do not blame my hooves for not being the equal to Mozart's. Rather, I accept the fact that it is my own fault, because I do not take the trouble of practicing."

Here, they were interrupted by Lady Chrysalis, who demanded to know what they were talking of. Rarity began playing again, and Chrysalis began to remark on Rarity's performance, mixing them with many instructions on execution and taste. Rarity received them with all the forbearance of civility. Meanwhile, Mr. Darcy said nothing and eventually left the room, casting a glance backwards at Rarity as he did so.


Colonel Fancypants walked Rarity back to the cottage. She thanked him earnestly, for being the one bright spot in an otherwise bleak night.

"I fear you are too harsh on my cousin," the Colonel said. "He is not as bad of a pony, as you would believe. Why, if you knew what he did with his friend, Mr. Bingley—"

"Big Macintosh, of the Apple family?" Rarity asked. "I know he is friends with Mr. Darcy. Both were in Ponyville, before their unplanned departure last month."

"Yes, and there is good reason for their hasty exit," Colonel Fancypants said. He seemed a bit uncomfortable. "Forgive me, Miss Bennet. It is not proper to speak of these matters, which were given to me in confidence."

"But you have piqued my interest," Rarity said. "Indeed, everypony in Ponyville is curious as to why Mr. Macintosh left town so quickly."

"Mr. Macintosh left, because of a certain mare," said the Colonel. "Neither he nor Mr. Darcy wants the circumstances to be generally known, for they do not wish to shame the lady's family."

Rarity had a sudden sense of dread, but she could let the subject drop. "I promise I shall tell no pony."

"That is generous of you. The truth is that Mr. Darcy saved his friend from marrying the wrong pony."

"Marrying the wrong pony?"

"Yes, Friend Macintosh had fallen madly in love with the most vile and deceitful of ponies. I am told that she won his affections, by pretending to be demure and kindly, when all along she had her eyes on obtaining for herself the Bingley fortune. Mr. Darcy was able foresee the coming disaster, and he was able to convince his friend to leave forthwith."

"I know the mare in question," Rarity said. "I can assure you that sweet Fluttershy had no designs whatsoever in pursuing Big Macintosh! Furthermore, who made Mr. Darcy the judge of these matters?! I do not see what right he had to interfere with his friend's happiness, or why he believed he should determine and direct in what manner Big Macintosh should live his life!"

To be sure, Rarity had briefly suspected Mr. Darcy of separating Big Macintosh and Fluttershy. But hearing the truth of the matter from a third party was beyond offensive, considering all that Fluttershy had suffered and still continued for suffer. Darcy had ruined every hope of happiness for the most affectionate, generous heart in the world, and no one could say how lasting an evil he might have inflicted.

Darcy must have been misled by his pride or his vanity, for there is no way an otherwise intelligent pony could come to such an erroneous conclusion, Rarity decided. There could be no possibly objection against Fluttershy, nor my father's station in life, nor my mother's...well, let's just say there could be no valid objections against our family!

"I have upset you," Colonel Fancypants said. "I apologize, Miss Rarity. It seems this matter is more personal to you than I expected."

"No, not at all," Rarity said. "I do not blame you for my anger. If there is any pony I am mad at, it is Mr. Darcy! How could he do something like that to my sister?"

"S-sister?"


In Ponyville, Blueblood prepared himself for the wicked deed he was about to perform. Tricking Pinkie Pie into marrying him was not a noble course of action, but there was no other option. He had to get the money as soon as possible.

Besides, it's not like I haven't seduced an underage mare before, Blueblood thought smugly, remembering the things he had done with Mr. Darcy's younger sister, Fleur.

The party at Carousel Boutique was in full swing, by the time Blueblood entered. The crowd was good, as it would provide cover for what he was doing. Blueblood prepared a special drink with high alcohol content and gave it to Pinkie Pie, toasting her for her birthday.

"I wish you many happy returns of the day," Blueblood said. "I must say, I find it especially appropriate that you were born on April First."

"Yeah, April Foal's Day!" Pinkie giggled. "That's me, the silly party pony!"

Blueblood decided to test the waters. "Tell me, Pinkie Pie...have you thought about marriage?"

"I'm too young for that!" Pinkie Pie said. "I don't even have a coltfriend!"

"What about me?"

"Don't you...like Rarity?" Pinkie asked.

"No, of course not!" Blueblood said. "Not in a romantic sense, anyway. You are clearly the most attractive mare in the family!"

"Hee hee hee..." Pinkie giggled. "Do go on!"

"I've loved you ever since the moment I laid eyes on you," Blueblood said. "You bring life to every room you enter—here, let me refill your glass—and I would like nothing more than to make you as happy as you make me."

He leaned forward and kissed Pinkie Pie. He hesitantly pulled back to see her reaction.

Pinkie swallowed her entire drink in one gulp. "Whoo! Bluey, you're all right!" she said. She kissed him openly, running her hooves through his long blond hair.

Across the room, Rainbow Dash gasped loudly. She ran to get her mother, but by the time Mrs. Bennet came from the other room, it was too late. Pinkie Pie and Blueblood were long gone.

Author's Note:

The picture in this chapter is the above scene from Pride and Prejudice, ponified. Before I started writing this story, I googled "Pride and Prejudice pony", and that was the only relevant search result I got. I wanted to include it in this story, even if it contains the characters from the book, and not Rarity and Fancypants playing Elizabeth and Darcy.