Epilogue/Lonely Mare
“Greetings, everypony. I’m Jack Maregee. Last night, disaster struck the city of Las Pegasus. Two titanic forces collided in a midtown brawl. The mysterious hulk as well as another creature waged their own personal war in downtown Las Pegasus. The creatures caused millions of bits in damage, leaving hundreds without power and shelter. As many as two-dozen were injured and at least six ponies, including three police officers are dead.”
“And earlier this morning, the same hulking creature battled a different creature at the Molhoofend Dam. Their battle caused the dam to rupture. At least seven ponies are unaccounted for.”
“The failure of the dam caused millions of gallons of water to be poured towards the city. Fortunately, by some Celestian miracle, a tremor caused one of the canyon walls to collapse and create a barrier, stopping the flow of water before it could reach the citizens of Las Pegasus.”
“However, the question still remains. What are these creatures and where do they come from? It was bad enough Equestria had to deal with one of these beasts, now there are three of them that are out there right now. And while sources do tell this reporter that one of them, which was once a respected scientist and teacher at Las Pegasus State College, Steel Smolder, was brought into custody, that still leaves us with two that are unaccounted for.”
“Fillies and gentlecolts, how are the citizens of Equestria supposed to feel safe when there are two of these monsters roaming our country?”
Shining ‘Fury’ Armor flipped the off switch on the television set, silencing Maregee.
“How indeed, general?” he asked the pony sitting directly across from him.
Thunderbolt had sat silently through the broadcast. Out of all the reporters in all of Equestria, Maregee was one reporter he couldn’t stand. Heck, a lot of ponies couldn’t stand him. And yet, he was still the one of the most watched newscasters around. How he managed that, Thunderbolt still hadn’t figured out.
Thunderbolt’s eyes returned to the single eye of the unicorn across from him.
Armor leaned back in his chair. “Do you want to explain what in Tartarus you think you were doing?”
“I was doing what was necessary to protect this country,” Thunderbolt replied.
Armor leaned forward in his chair. “And in doing so, you not only created two beasts just like Fluttershy, but you let one of them escape. Now there are two of those beasts out in the world, one of which has no trouble taking lives.”
Thunderbolt gritted his teeth. “I’ve made my mistakes. But everything I’ve done, I’ve done for the good of this country.”
“Let the record show that we had Fluttershy in custody. And we-.”
“And you let her slip away, like always,” Shining Armor interrupted.
Thunderbolt glared at his opposite. It was bad enough having to listen to him; it was worse knowing that he was right. He had Fluttershy. He had her in the center of his hoof. And he let her get away again.
Shining Armor leaned back. “This task is no longer your concern, general.”
Thunderbolt’s eyes shot straight open. He then stood up quickly and faced down Shining Armor.
“How dare you?! I’ve been chasing her since she was a filly!” His eyes narrowed as he stared at Armor.
“And have achieved not even the slimmest of results.”
“This is my mission!”
Shining Armor stood up, matching the general’s gaze. “Not anymore it isn’t. N.E.I.G.H.S will be handling this project from now on.”
Thunderbolt wanted to argue. Every fiber of his being said to let Armor know that he wasn’t going to step away from this. That he wasn’t going to leave this room knowing that a little filly had gotten the better of him. But he knew, for all his efforts, for all his anger, it was futile.
N.E.I.G.H.S would be handed all the information concerning Fluttershy and he would be handed some trivial job. Assuming, of course, he still had a job when this was all over.
“You’re dismissed, general,” the director finally said as he sat down in his seat.
Thunderbolt turned around and started for the door, his head pointed towards the ground. His thoughts wandered to that day. It was only a little while ago, but it seemed years ago. The day he had finally captured Fluttershy. The day he had gotten the better of her.
Then it hit him.
“Her blood! We still have a sample of her blood! If the director knew about that, I’d be back on top!”
“Director,” Thunderbolt said as he turned to face the one-eyed unicorn.
Armor shot him a gaze of discontent. It was clear that he didn’t care much of what the general was going to say.
The general opened his mouth to speak, but then hesitated.
“Wait a minute. If N.E.I.G.H.S found out about our blood sample, they’d take it away from me. I’d have lost the only thing I have on Fluttershy. Armor may have taken this project from me, but I’m still capable of making weapons for the future of Equestria.”
“Nothing,” the general finally replied. He then continued out the doorway, passing a purple unicorn on his way out.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
“You wanted to see me, big brother,” Twilight Sparkle greeted the white stallion as she entered the room. Her brother, Shining Armor had called her for a special task. It wasn’t uncommon since she was N.E.I.G.H.S’ top agent.
Director Armor met her eyes and greeted her with a smile. “Yes, Twili. Sit down.”
Twilight did as she was asked without hesitation. Armor had been sketchy with details of her next assignment. It wasn’t unusual, but it still would have been nice to have information. But that was the kind of unicorn Twilight was. She prided herself on her intellect, her cunning, and her resourcefulness. But that only came from years of training, research and studying.
“What am I here for this time?” Twilight asked. “Infiltrate some C.H.A.O.S base?”
C.H.A.O.S was a group of international terrorist that existed long before the days of the Alicorn War. Their membership stretched far and wide. Their activities had been silent for the past few decades, but every so often they would make a move. And it was always bad news.
It wasn’t uncommon for Twilight to work an undercover job. She was an expert in many things, especially espionage.
Shining Armor frowned a bit. “Not exactly.” He then levitated a folder towards Twilight with his magic. Twilight’s horn started to glow a light purple aura then engulfed the folder as well. She opened it up and immediately her eyes focused on a photograph of a yellow mare with a sweet smile.
She remembered the reports on this pony. Despite everything she had read, it was still hard to believe that this was the pony that caused so much trouble. Seeing the face in the photograph made it even more unbelievable.
“Fluttershy. She’s that thing, isn’t she?”
Shining Armor nodded. “I’ve got some ponies tracking her movements, but we don’t dare approach her without starting something.”
Twilight continued to scan the folder. She was a quick reader and was eager to learn everything she could about her target. Whatever her mission involved, she wanted to be ready for it.
“So, I befriend her and trick her into coming into custody?” Twilight guessed, as she finished her first scan of the profile and started her second.
“Nothing like that,” Shining Armor replied. “I need you to get her out of the country.”
Twilight, for once since laying eyes on the profile, diverted her eyes away from it and looked straight at her brother. “Why? Why not just take her in?”
Shining Armor leaned back in his chair. “Right now, she less dangerous in the open than in a cage. But I want to be able to keep track of her.”
Twilight nodded and resumed her second scan of the profile, still listening to her brother go over mission parameters with her.
“You’ll take her across the border where my men will take over from there.”
Twilight spoke, despite her still reading, “If you have ponies tracking her, why do you need me?”
Armor gave a chuckle. “Two reasons. One; Fluttershy’s not the most trusting pony and rightfully so. I need a pony that’s got a friendly face. It will help ease the tension off her. If tensions off her, everypony is safer.”
Twilight had just finished her second read through of the profile and was heavily considering doing a third when Shining Armor stopped speaking.
“And the second?” she asked.
Shining Armor gave a deep sigh, his smile evaporating from his face. “I need a pony I know can do what it takes if this mission takes a turn for the worst.”
Somehow, Twilight knew that he wasn’t talking about the beast. While it might have been implied, she was certain her brother was talking about the general. She knew his history well. He was once a famous four star general, until the beast came into his life. Now he was just a vindictive stallion holding a grudge against another pony.
“But you told the general to stay out of it, didn’t you?” Twilight asked. “You said this was N.E.I.G.H.S’ job, right? You think he won’t stay away?”
Armor scoffed. “If I know General Thunderbolt like I do, I’m absolutely certain that he’ll do the exact opposite of what I just told him to do.”
Twilight nodded. She then placed the folder neatly on the desk and stood up. “Don’t worry, big brother. I’ll take care of this.”
“I knew you would.”
Twilight gave a respectful nod and turned towards the door. “Twili,” Shining Armor called to her.
His voice stopped her in her tracks. She turned her head towards her director.
“Fluttershy doesn’t know that N.E.I.G.H.S is following her. I want it kept that way.”
Twilight nodded and continued out the door.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The television blared in the hospital room with Jack Maregee’s latest news report. Cookie was forced to remain in her bed until her leg was fully recovered. Which meant listening to her least favorite newscaster.
“And what’s worse, fillies and gentlecolts, is that according to eyewitnesses, the hulk is shown to be an ordinary pony. You heard it right folks, the creature that has terrorized the entire country of Equestria is actually a normal looking pony. While this does explain why the creature has moved from place to place without detection, why are we only learning about this now?”
Cookie looked out the window. She started think about what Jack had just said. She thought back to the first time she met Fluttershy. If she hadn’t seen her transform in front of her all those years ago, she wouldn’t have believed it.
“Look around you. Think about the ponies in your lives. Anyone of them could be one of these hulks. These abominations. Anypony could be a dangerous criminal running from the law. And what’s even worse is that the government refuses to comment! How are we to identify the creatures that lurk in our country when our own government keeps secrets from us?! I’m Jack Maregee and I’ve-.”
Cookie finally picked up the remote to the TV and shut it down.
“Had enough of listening to that crap.”
She rested her head back on the pillow behind her. It had been a while since she had a nice place to rest. It was warm, the bed was a little lumpy for her tastes, but it was warm.
Just as she started to relax, she started to hear the door handle to her own turn. As the door opened, Crumble stepped through.
“Hey,” Crumble greeted.
“Sup,” Cookie replied.
Crumble made his way to her side and sat in the chair beside her. “How’s the leg?”
Cookie took a look towards her leg, which was suspended in the air. “Fine. Docs say I got lucky. Most ponies would have lost the leg by now.” Her thoughts wandered to Fluttershy, the pony who had tirelessly medicated her leg. Cookie smiled. “I told them I had a good nurse.”
Crumble smiled as well, but he lowered his head to the ground. It was no mystery why. Crumble missed her. Even though he wouldn’t say it.
“Any word on Flyshy?” Cookie asked.
Crumble shook his head. “No pony’s seen her. Not since the battle with that thing.”
Cookie nodded and took a look out the window. The sun shined brightly through the windows. It was a pleasant sight. She kept thinking about Fluttershy. She risked so much to help ponies that only saw her as a monster. Only to be repaid by taking the blame with nearly destroying Las Pegasus.
She took a look back at Crumble, who was still staring at the ground. “Don’t worry, we’ll find Flyshy.” Cookie stated.
Crumble took a look at Cookie and started to smile.
“After all, she owes me a bike.”
Crumble started to chuckle. It was only for a moment, but it was more than he had done the last couple of days.
“Should have told her though,” Cookie stated, looking straight at Crumble.
Crumble looked off into the distance. He picked himself up off the chair and made his way to the window.
“She knew how you felt about her,” Crumble declared.
Cookie simply shook her head. “I was talking about you.”
Crumble jerked his head towards Cookie, his eyes wide open, and his jaw dropped. He was in shock at what Cookie had said. He started to stammer for words but he sounded like he was babbling.
“Dude, chill. It wasn’t that hard to figure out,” Cookie said, trying to contain her laughter.
Crumble looked back out the window. He took a deep breath and sighed. “What if...” he hesitated, almost as if he was afraid to ask the question. Or maybe he was afraid to hear the answer.
“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” he finally asked.
Cookie just scoffed and shook her head. “Trust me, she does.”
Crumble gave a weak smile and turned his head back towards the window. Cookie did the same.
“We’ll find you, Flyshy. I promise.”
Somehow, Cookie knew that Crumble was making the same promise.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The road was a long and lonely one, but it was the road she always traveled. For a long time, this road had been her companion. It was her path. It was the safest path for everypony else. Even herself.
Fluttershy trotted a steady pace down the side of the highway. The gentle wind blew against her allowing her mane and tail to be caught in its calm breeze.
Traffic was also calm. A car here and there, but nopony else for miles around her. She would try to get the attention of a speeding car, hoping they would allow her to hitchhike, but most ponies didn’t even look at her. Not that she minded, she was use to being alone.
“4 days since the day she... since I fought that monster.”
But she wasn’t alone. Not really. Inside her dwelled a force of unparalleled power. The last time she unleashed it she saved an entire city from drowning. That day might as well have been an eternity ago. The days passed by so slowly.
She continued down the path, cars speeding passed her every minute or two. Again, she would hold out her hoof in a vain in attempt to get some pony’s attention. And again, she would be ignored.
Fluttershy trudged down the path, looking up at the miles to next city sign. Two cities posted on it did little to interest her. They were still within the borders of the country. She needed to leave the country. She needed to find a place she could settle down for a while, until the tensions blow over.
“236 miles to Marico,” Fluttershy moaned to herself. It was going to be a long walk, but she already knew that. She didn’t need to remind herself. But when she put a number to it, it almost seemed to be further away.
Regardless, she couldn’t stay here. She needed to keep moving. She continued to hike across highway. A car came straight down the highway, passing her.
Fluttershy once again held out her hoof and this time the car did signal to the right. The driver pulled the vehicle over to the side and parked it, waiting for Fluttershy.
Fluttershy quickly sprint over to the passenger’s side of the vehicle. When she looked inside, she saw a purple unicorn mare. She had a dark purple mane with streaks of lighter purple. On her rump was the mark of a pink star-like shape, with white stars around it. Her big purple eyes met with Fluttershy’s blue ones. The mare smiled.
“Hi there,” the unicorn greeted. “Where are you headed?”
Fluttershy started to stammer, but she eventually got her words together. “Well... I’m sort of heading for Marico.”
The unicorn nodded. “Marico, huh? Well, I’d be happy to drop you off just 30 miles out. I’m heading for a family reunion in Fayetteville.” The unicorn’s horn started to glow a bright pink as the door lock was released and the door was slowly opened.
Fluttershy grabbed hold of the door handle and made her way into the passenger’s seat. “Thank you so much.” She sat in the seat and reeled the seatbelt from its resting place and buckled it into place.
“It’s no trouble, I’d love the company,” the unicorn replied.
The unicorn released the brakes and started down the road once more. There was an odd silence as the two made their way down the road.
She seemed like a nice pony, but that didn’t mean Fluttershy was ready to talk to her. She was still not good at starting a conversation. Besides, she had other things on her mind. She hadn’t seen Cookie or Crumble since it happened. She hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye or to thank them for all their help. They sacrificed so much for her. For a chance to cure her. But really it was all for nothing.
“How I wish I could just see them one more time? What I wouldn’t give?”
“So what’s your name?” the mare asked.
Fluttershy didn’t say anything. She just kept looking out the window, her mind constantly drifting to her friends she left behind. She felt as if she was abandoning them. They didn’t deserve that. They deserved better.
“I’m Cherry-filled Cheesecake.”
Fluttershy’s ears instantly perked themselves up. It wasn’t like her to poke fun at another pony’s name, but what kind of name was that? It reminded her of a famous toy doll every little filly wanted. She remembered lots of children her age would play with one. She had heard of it, but because of her living habits, she never had one. Not that her father didn’t try.
“Like the doll?” Fluttershy finally replied as the silliness of the name brought her into the conversation.
Cheesecake gave smile and chuckled. “Yep, like the doll. Hated my parents for a long time about that one.”
Fluttershy couldn’t help but think about her own parents. It was hard losing them. It was even harder moving on without them. But she never forgot who they were. She never forgot who she was. She never forgot that they loved her.
Fluttershy turned her head towards Cheesecake and smiled. “I’m Flyshy.”
“Wonderful to meet you, Flyshy.”
Fluttershy nodded and turned back towards the window, looking out at the beautiful field of grain. But instead of smiling, she started to frown. She could feel ‘her’ deep inside her. She was calm for now. But somehow, Fluttershy knew it would only be a matter of time before she found in a situation where she would become upset. It would only be a matter of time before the world saw the return of the Incredible Flutterhulk.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Prane · 12k words · 64 2 · 3.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.132 seconds
Total duration
766 users online
769,998 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
My feelings from this story:
But in the end it was all this:
So, thanks for being so awesome!!!
I cannot express how awesome this is!!!!!
3522519 You are quite welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
When Shy finds out who miss 'Cheesecake' is, She might be a little...upset. Tread carefully 'Cheesecake' For you'll WISH you were in a mine field if you don't
3541191 Puny Twilight.
Alright, thisis a grwat stpry so f-........ Is that... is than 11000 word chapter? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I'm crying now, you made me cry.
Seriously though awrsome story. Gonna have to find time for that chspter.
3670933 Thank you for you feedback.
I really am glad you are enjoying it. As for the 11000 word chapter... yeah, I went a little crazier than I should have. 
Alright, my final thoughts:
The Good:
:You remembered to include Rick Jones! Finally someone remembers Rick Jones! While it would have been nice to see one of MLP's Ensemble Darkhorse in the role, and she seemed a little generic, altogether she is a great True Companion.
I loved how each of the Pony Races got upgrades to their natrual abilities. Fluttershy's in particular is much cooler than The Hulks Thunder-Clap
The story was far more interesting than either of the movies were, and Proffesor Smoulde's part was an excellent mix up. All the fight scenes were well choreographed, and the fic over all held my attention well.
The Bad:
: Including both Rick Jones and Betty Ross was unnecarsary, it seemed to me that you would have been better off Combining the two roles.
The circus was very nice, but setting that up took to long for something that never came up again.
And most importantly: The way the charcter of the Hulk was handled.
Now, this isn't something unique to your fic, in fact its a little better here than in most Hulk related stories, but it's still worth mentioning. Both the Hulk and Bruce Banner/Flutterhy are characters in their own right. They both deserve time and development, but it's something no one seems to grasp.
Altogether:
I liked it a lot. Nicely paced (aside form the very beginning, and we move past that soon enough) and while it would have been nice to see more background ponies used, this still play out very well.
And
is my final thought. 
Good Day
3707412 Thank you for the feedback. I really appreciate all the words you've said. I enjoyed writing this story and when I look back on it, I realized how weak the beginning really was, but that was almost a year ago and I think to myself, "If I notice that this sucked, I must be improving" but that's debatable.
Yeah, the separate powers for the gamma monsters, I really loved that especially Smolders. I really enjoyed that.
I did get a lot of comments that the Betty Ross character was unnecessary and now that I sit here and think about it... He really kind of was.
I wish I knew what I was thinking and I really wished I had thought that through a little more. But I guess that's life, you mess up, learn from it, and move on.
As for the Hulk, you are right, the Hulk is a much deeper character than anyone thinks. He's not just you know, "Hulk smash", no there is a sense of honor and a sense of right within the Hulk, and I tried to show that, but maybe I could have done more, or I could have done it better, or I could have shown more of what went on in the Hulk's mind.
Again, thank you for the review. I really appreciate your words. I'm glad you enjoyed it, despite its flaws and I hope you continue to enjoy my work and I hope to see more of you in the future. Take care.
3773526 Thank you. I'm glad the word count didn't stop you from reading. You are right however. I should have split this into two different chapters. But I'll be honest, I had no idea how long it was until it was posted. I saw 11000 words and thought "Holy crap. I went to town on that one".
Again, thank you for reading and I hope you continue to read and enjoy my work. Take care.
Haven't yet read, but I must ask: is this based on the 2008 movie? Or the 2003 one? Or just the comics? Just wondering.
4602776 More of the 2008 movie. I threw in other elements from other Hulk media as well.
4602843 Okay. :) Thanks.
4602943 You are welcome.
May I add this to my MARVEL group?
4884345 Absolutely. Feel free.
I am a bit late for this, here we go anyway.
This has spoilers. Don't read this before the story, unless you are into that sort of thing.
That was quite the beginning. A nice day in the fields quickly turning into a nightmare. I have to admit I was quite captivated by your use of words in that whole first part of Fluttershy's dream about her past. I would love to capture that within my own writing. It flowed so well, with such descriptions, detailing the mood within the moment. Right from the start this story is looking great. A kind of perfect fist memory, before the nightmare began.
I can already tell, it looks like a story I am going to enjoy.
You have a possible extra word in that. "became her rapid" to "became rapid". Unless you wanted it to be "became more rapid".
I am likely getting ahead of myself, seeing that I read the other story first, but isn't Sapphire Cookie's mom? Or is this another Sapphire all together? It be interesting if Fluttershy knows Cookie's mom this early in the story, and has actually worked with her. Though I don't think that this is the same Sapphire as Cookie's mom.
Names given in a story can be funny like that. In one of mine I made reference to one by the name of Moon Dancer. The same name given to one of Twilight's unicorn friends living in Canterlot. The one in my story is much younger, and is a pegasus living in Cloudsdale. Another, one of my OCs Dazzle has the same name as one of Mrs. Cake's fan based names. Cup Cake, or Dazzle Cake. I did not find this out until well after I already named my OC and was using that name in my story. So I made Mrs. Cake to Mrs. Cup Cake, and kept my OC as Dazzle. I really liked that name for her anyway and was not likely going to change it.
Aside from all that, It is hard to make and keep a name fully original, unless one was to go with an outlandish name like, Rope Burn, Goo Drop, Dead Pan, or even Wind Rush. I feel it is okay to have more than one character in a story have the same name, It is just all in how they are presented within the story to me that matters. Presented in a way that lets you know that they are two or more different character. And who they are by extra description. Be it by gender, color, voice, or location. Any of those and more, to me would help.
I will have to read on to possibly find out if Sapphire in this part of this story is the same as the one in the preceding spin off story. But I think not. Another little mystery Perhaps? Maybe.
I figured that out a while ago, when Blackberry came to her.
It would be good if we got back to what that was.
Funny, I instantly thought elephant. I think getting back to that previous statement- "There was one thing she loved about her job"
From this moment I think it answers that previous question nicely. Seeing how that this is Fluttershy, it is a no brain er. It's the animals she loved about her job.
Cool! So, Fluttershy gets to be an animal handler for them as well. Fitting I think.
Nice little tension builder.
Oh' for the love of...
OK, now that is just corny. 
Doesn't help I was thinking of that very possibility.
Funny none the less.
Another thing that is corny about this- Alex The lion?
Kind of like in an animated movie I saw.
Good name.
Great, I already imagine Fluttershy going green, or having to fight the urge to do so.
I don't know what line I like better, that one, or the old one form the TV show- "Mr. Mcgee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I am angry."
That one had a tone of being a little ominous and foreboding, for it's time. Just a little. But Fluttershy just seemed cute, by comparison. I really can't decide.
Instantly I am thinking that this is Blackberry.
Well, that whole moment could have had something "Bigger" in it.
The ponies in the cartoon have rather big heads. I think part of that trick is the lion opening his mouth wide enough for this to take place. Nice trick just the same.
A good first chapter. I also like the fact that Fluttershy has been herself throughout. That has made this much more enjoyable.
As a fan of Fluttershy that you are, I expected as much, and did not disappoint in the least.
I also like that there is a lot of humor in this. Some serious moments, and that is good, but a lot of humor as well.
You also put together a good supporting cast. Monsieur Pabul has a great personality, and a nice one. Not something I would have expected from a griffin. Though this is not the first story I have read where not all griffins were jerks. It pulls them out from being put into some bad stereotype. And I am liking Monsieur Pabul, as well as some of the others.
Can't wait to see what the next chapters hold.
This is something that I like about your writing. Mine falls short of such flare. What you put down in such a way, with such wording is just pleasant to read. I feel I could learn a lot just by paying attention to much of this story. I will try to. Maybe I will learn a thing or two by doing so.
"Do! Or, do not. There is no try." Thank you Yoda for your encouraging wisdom. You pessimistic little green toad.
What I tell you about coming into my shed!
Sorry. Another story. Nothing at all to do with this one.
Yet I, as well as others still like to read from them. The Redwall collection is some of the many I have, and enjoy.
I was wondering about that.
I was wondering about that as well.
And I was now expecting that.
Humm... Makes me wonder if she will turn Fluttershy in, or hide what she knows about her, and help keep Fluttershy's secret.
Just missing a space there.
And I can see how Blackberry might think that.
I got my answer. Blackberry turns Fluttershy in. Sad.
The way she had been thinking, made it seem it could have gone either way.
Still, one can't blame her for her suspicions, and eventual decision. She is just trying to protect her family, and she just doesn't see Fluttershy as one of them.
Again, good chapter. It's got a nice pace to me. Some of it predictable do to having saw both Hulk movies. One could either call you out on copping and not coming up with your own material, or be pleased that you seem to be paying homage to the films.
I would say that you added enough to make it your own, while making it familiar enough for a reader to get where some if it is based on. It is as always with such things, strictly a matter of opinion, on this matter. My opinion is, I likes it.
A "than" might look good in there. "with more ponies coming in and out than the general cared to count"
N.E.I.G.H.S
Nice name for that organisation. Wish I knew what the full definitions of it was. Though not terribly important. I understand what they do and that is enough.
Director Fury
Why does that not surprise me?
Oh' that would be so sick if it was an Iron Man- Iron Pony, or something like that.
though I don't think that is the one Thunderbolt is getting.
If this is following the movie, I got a slight idea who he might be getting. The one who eventually becomes The Obamanation.
I will just have to see.
One would think with Guam's size, he would not underestimate a small looking pony.
He will not be disappointed then. In do time.
Think you might be needing an "a" in there. "after a long day of work."
Sure, he makes the mistake, then calls the animal out on being stupid. Love how some like to put it on others for what they have done wrong.
I am not the best at this, but this looked odd to me. I might have used the commas in this way.
"They weren’t very strong wings, and flying even a short distance was difficult, but it was an advantage against earth ponies, and unicorns at least."
I know I could very well be wrong about this however. Would be best to consult a real editor about this, than me.
I was at first a little disappointed with this. Fluttershy may not be a great flyer, but she has proven herself more than capable of doing something like this. She only chokes when she is scared. But when she is calm and happy, she can fly with much grace and ease, or even with some level of speed, but not like the others. As far as her abilities it's all in her head. It is more a matter of will, than ability. So this should not have been a problem for her.
Though I sit back and reflect on the situation, and I find many variables to consider. One of the most important, is that this is not the same exact Fluttershy as on the show, not one-hundred percent. This one has had a different life than the one on the show. The one on the show could fly freely if she wished, and did so. This gave her wings some strength, but not a lot. Your Fluttershy has been in hiding for years, and her wings have not likely seen much use. So she may have a very very lite case of atrophy or arthritis in her wings. She was also panicked and stressed when she made that attempt to reach the roof. She did not give herself the time to stretch out properly before trying this. I like to jog, but if I was to get out of a chair I have been sitting in for a half hour or more, and tried to do a sprint, I could hurt something. Tear a tendon or pull a muscle. And I know what that is like. It is not good.
Add all of that up, and what you put down makes perfect sense. So what I first thought of as disappointing, actually works well in this situation, for in this story.
Thought it would have been funner if it was Sector 409.
"She made a clean escape in Sector 409"
That wasn't very nice.
So he didn't like that something "BIG" he was looking for to deal with? This guy is not easy to satisfy, is he?
Again, nice chapter. And again, one could call you out for plagiarism. One could try.
I remember in an old programming book I once had, it literally had in its Copyright section- "I think it is alright to copy. So copy all you want out of this." I am serious. It was in there, just like that.
Sure plagiarism can be a problem. When it is a true copy of someone else’s work and calling it all their own.
Though imitating things is just part of what we do. Even though some of us try to prevent it. We have so many words and phrases that has been used over the years, how can we say anything without ever copying from what another has ever said before? Most anything any of us do say is a near direct copy of something that we have learned to say by another.
Hell even our creating of stories, comics and fan made cartoon shorts based off the ponies in the MLP cartoon is all copping. It begs the question of, when is it stealing of an idea, over just sharing with others what one enjoys in life. This is one debate that is not likely ever to go away.
The Christmas Carol is one that comes to mind. Though most everyone knows who the original author is. That dose not come into question with each new version made.
One of the oldest told and retold in so many different ways is that of Beowulf and Grendel. Many keep history by the retelling of what was said in the past by others.
How horrible would it be if it was illegal to tell others some joke another spoke of? And have to give full details of who originally came up with it, Every single time. I have come up with several of my own, and I don’t make other credit me if any retell it.
So for you to redo the Hulk story from the movie in this way is fine by me. Besides, it is not a full copy. You made plenty of changes, enough that one could say that this story is based off the Hulk movie, and not a copy. It is not like I have not done something like that myself, or most any of us in some way.
Though most any who looks at your story title, and overall story knows parts came from the movie directly. And it is not like you are claiming ownership for all that was written in your story. It was just put there for the fans who know where some of it came from. Personally, I think it is funny that you did your story this way.
OK, enough with my over extensive blathering on such a subject.
Now on to the next chapter.
And the truth will set you free!
No. Not really, for it came too late.
Funny how doing what one thinks is the right thing, can end up being the wrong thing, without having all the answers.
She should have listened the the much older and wiser one of them both. She should have trusted Monsieur Pabul as he asked her to.
It is sad how hard it can be to tell who or what the real monsters are. Mostly when it is are own self. The monster we refuse to see at times.
Sad she had to find out this way. Makes one feel sorry for her, despite what she did. But she did pay the price for her mistake. Does not make the situation any better.
Life just never lets it be that easy.
I don't care to hurt others, but I have.
I have been told, violence never solves anything. I ask them, then why does each country have an army of sorts trained to fight and kill?
Violence might not be nice, but I found violence can solve many problems quickly and permanently. Just as our beloved leaders have done for years, in an attempt to control this world of people we live in.
So now I get to see a little of Cookie Crisp. Cool.
Even in this spot in the story her and Fluttershy have a history already.
In time maybe I will get to find out more about it.
All I do know is that Fluttershy means a lot to her and she intends to try and repay Fluttershy somehow for something she did.
For now I am ending this here before the next chapter: Secrets Revealed.
Well, seeing that I am a fan of both the Hulk and Fluttershy, this has been an entertaining read.
It would not have been so if not for some good storytelling to boot.
It has been a nice blend of The Incredible Hulk Movie with Fluttershy as the Hulk. And it was not just a cut and paste carbon copy of the movie. Much went into it to make it work and believable that it is Fluttershy that all of this has been happening to.
I like the wording used to describe the moments. Something I feel I have yet to do well.
Many times I have just got caught up in the reading, without stopping.
The story got me involved personally. That is, parts I felt I could relate to in some way. I like that.
I do intend to read the rest of this in time.
This is only at around 1/5 of the full story. I have a long way yet till the end.
I may not comment as much from here on in, for such a long read. It all depends on what comes up. I will mostly wish to sit back and go over it without creating such stops and interruptions for myself as I read. It will be much more enjoyable for me that way.
I may likely come back and reflect on what I thought of the rest, latter.
And thank you for making this, it has been fun so far.
6386129
I don't know what you're talking about...
Shit... how'd that get there?
I've always loved that old show and of course, this being a 'Hulk' story, this needed to be in this story.
I'm glad you liked them. Monsieur Pabul was a lot of fun to work on and looking back, I am kicking myself right now because he's a great character and I should have done so much more with him. I loved working on him much more than I did the other character in this story who you haven't met yet. I'm so mad at myself for not. I mean, not really. More disappointed. Ah, the ignorance of youth.
But if I had to change it, I would focus more on the circus with Fluttershy than anything else because I think Blackberry and Pabul are such good characters and I wished I had spent more time with them instead of what I end up doing.
Agreed, I'm currently reading "Elantris" by Brandon Sanderson. A good read so far.
Thank you so much for commenting on this and pointing out things that I missed or mistakes I've made. I look back on this and realize... wow, I wrote that? With these new 'Critique' eyes, I look back at this and while it might not be my best, I'm still proud of it. It was my first step to getting where I am now and without this story, I wouldn't have become the Critique. I wouldn't have written the stories I have or write the stories that I want to. And I wouldn't have been able to meet such good friends like you.
Did I make some mistakes? Oh, yes. Am I proud of any of those mistakes? No, but I accept them. Those mistakes and learning from them helped shape me into what I am now. And hopefully, I'll be able to look back and learn so much more from this experience.
Again, thank you for your time in reading this!
And don't worry about getting to the rest of it. Do it when you can. This story isn't going anywhere anytime soon. 
6388506
I thought it was great seeing that put in, in that way.
I likes that show as well. I remember one episode when The hulk met up with Thor. Thor though the Hulk was a green troll. One thing I did not get about that episode is a small guy carried Thor’s hammer, and could call Thor to him with it as if Thor was a genie. That was so wrong!
Yes, he was one who could steal the show. You did put a lot of work into him. That actually makes it all the more sad that he has been imprisoned for life as he was. It was because you made this character so likable, made his imprisonment that much more depressing to see.
You pointed that one out to me personally, in regards to how I did not represent Punk very well in my first story with her in it. That is before I made some changes (still, don’t know what you think of the changes). You said my story did not give you a chance to get to know her, so that did not make it easy for you to care much about what happened to her in it. There was no personal investment in her for the reader to care.
But you did that in regards to Monsieur Pabul. For the reader being able to like him made his situation all that much more tragic to the reader. So you did your story a service by making him so likable, then putting him away as you did after.
I feel much the same for the things I could have done in each of my stories. Though there comes a time when one must stop making unending additions and just get to putting the story at hand out. One can always find things to add or improve, and at that rate, the story may never get finished. It is one thing any writer who may give a damn about their story must face while writing it. When is it good enough to be called finished?
Funny you should say those exact words, I have a few comments about that below.
Thank you for writing it. It has been a pleasure to read.
And it would seem I have some more comments on it. Far more than I thought I might.
I do understand what you meant. I think, "A storm has broken out." Might look better. Otherwise, to me it seem to suggest that the storm has ended, much the same as saying, "The storm had broken up."
That is another one of the saddest tragedies of hindsight. To not know what one has, until it is gone. Or not know how good things are without the experience of hardship, be it mental or physical. It can be a simple thing to overlook, or not notice when things are going well enough.
Almost the opposite of like resting on one's laurels, feeling all is good, when it is not. Like feeling one is good at art, until one is exposed to what good art is, then one can be aware they have further to go before actually being good at art themselves.
Another but more tragic example of such is the feeling one is living a good life, until exposed to what living “the good life” is like. I remember someone stating, "one of the worst things you can do to poor people is show them how the wealthy live." That alone, helps them to feel poor.
I spent a short time living out of my car while spending some time in Florida looking for a job. It was not going well. I needed to do a job search online to search for one better and faster than just driving around. Within my second day looking, I had for myself that very same epiphany. If I needed to go online and I had next to nothing but my car, the library was the place to go.
That is a nice positive attitude for an annoying situation. Funny thing about Fluttershy, in the cartoon we don't always get to see the things some of the ponies are thinking. I have seen Fluttershy get annoyed with a situation, or something someone said. It is rare, but even she has her little buttons that can make her simply annoyed with something, enough to voice her annoyance about it. Sadly next to none seem to pay any attention to her when she does.
Damn! The connection between Fluttershy and Cookie Crisp is so uncanny to that of Dazzle and Plunk. With Dazzle haven saved Plunk's life once, do to a premonition. And Dazzle being one of the few around to think of Plunk as a good pony. Even Dazzle having to try and convince Plunk of that, and try to remove her self dough in herself that she could be.
Are you sure you were not copping from my story? There seems to be a lot of coping in this.
And I swear, this is my first time reading your stories. There is no way I could have foresaw what was in them.
Sort of funny though, just the same.
I know what those are. Brixy Bixby's notes on Fluttershy! The ones Hot Rod Wheels requested to help her.
Humm... Promising news.
I have noticed you have been making a few references to Faust.
I have yet to read the story, I am God Apparently. I have been meaning to get to that one.
After reading some of your other story that came after this one, I can greatly see why.
Funny, having a conscience and some empathy, even a little, can make it a pain to be a selfish uncaring jerk. It can really ruin one's day to have things one's own way. And this about confirms Fluttershy's opinion of her. Cookie wouldn't have felt hurt by her own words to Fluttershy if she was less than a good person. Giving Fluttershy back her own father's notes was a start.
Yeah, if it was only that easy.
If it was, it would not bother her so much that it might not have been.
Oh' come on Cookie! Have a heart. Do something!
And Fluttershy's faith in her has been restored.
Wow! Cookie found her that fast?
And with the passage of time, they were reunited again, for the second time today.
Well, there was no time mentioned for how long it took for Cookie to find her again.
But it apparently was far more easy to do this time, than the first time.
A "to" might look good in there. "She wouldn’t have minded to see the city"
Or just to change see to seeing. "She wouldn’t have minded seeing the city"
I find myself still wanting to know that as well. Maybe I will never find out.
"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know."
Again I can't help see that similarity between these two and my other two OCs.
Despite that it was Dazzle that had helped Plunk in the first place, it is Dazzle that has a slightly more concerning personal problem. And it has been eating at her mind more and more to have it. In time, it was Plunk who was the one having to feel sorry for Dazzle's situation, and feel the need to help her in return somehow. Though Much like Cookie with Fluttershy, Plunk does not know how to help her but to be a friend to her and to stay at her side.
This is so touching!
Another similarity between Dazzle and Fluttershy in this story, both of them have what one could call a gift. They both think of what they do have as a curse because they yet to know how to control what they can do. For now it is of great personal emotional pain for them each to have what they have. But they in time may learn to embrace it as a help to them for what it is they intend on doing in their lives. In the case of Fluttershy her hulk condition could help her to protect animals, or others in trouble. For her given personality, it is something she would want to be able to do. If such a time comes she may need to.
That was an interesting tidbit of info on her. She has had this habit for a while then. When I was very little, I would sleep walk. I would also often enough be found sleeping under my bed rather then on it. This too was a confusion for my parents when I was small. I grew out of it. What little I remember of that time is I liked to hide in cramped small spaces like a box at times. Something about tight small spaces was comforting to me as a kid. I would just sleep in a box, chest, or under my bed at times. I did not do it out of fear of anything, it just made me feel relaxed somehow. Yes, I have always been an odd one.
Is this just a coincidence? Or might you be hinting at her being a ponified Pepper Pots? Might there be an Iron Pony in the works?
Yes, you just might end up creating for yourself an Abomination.
Oooo! Is this another flashback?
I hope this will reveal Fluttershy and Cookie's first meeting. And Fluttershy's first change.
I see, this is when she saves a pony, and becomes Radioactive. The catalyst that mixes with her earlier injection which makes her able to become the Hulk. I am sure of it.
Cookie?
Yes, that is very possibly Cookie.
OK, I am sure this is when Fluttershy first saves Cookie. Despite her own struggles, she must have noticed Cookie struggling even more than her after Cookie's fall from the bike, and goes back to help her.
Damn, I'm good! Helps that this is all entirely obvious. It was not a hard thing for anyone to take a guess at.
Still did not get the name of that pony she saved. My bits are still on Cookie.
Typical. I could never fully understand a person's incisive need to make others miserable for their own personal enjoyment. If I was to purposely make someone miserable, it would be because they did something to deserve it.
As Harry's wife used this moment he was under the influence of the truth serum she asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?"
"Yeah. But they were all bad."
Seeing that I am a rather small guy, most anyone that I did pick on was usually bigger. And it was usualy for them picking on someone smaller. A part of me got a bit of a kick out of that.
Funny how one guy being assertive to them all could make them leave. Some bullies don't want a fight I found, just easy pickings. Not so fun for them to face one willing to stand up to them and possibly be a threat enough that might mean they may get hurt themselves. And far too many try to be your friend after you kick their ass if they do take you challenging them. Such people are no friend of mine. I only befriend helpful and empathetic people, not hurtful bullies that take pleasure in hurting others.
I can call you a friend. Oh’ you can be crude with an opinion or two, but then again so can I. I don’t see you as a bully, just very opinionated, and with opinions I can mostly agree on.
Oh' Those eye could make me just melt.
And that always makes it worth it, despite not knowing what such a feeling was about, or why it was there.
It is one of those, living for the moment kind of experiences.
That is one of the greatest mysteries of all, not knowing just how another person feels inside. No matter what their voice or body language might be telling you. It is a good place to start for some ideas on how that person may feel. Then again, some of us are such good actors, none can really tell what one might be thinking.
Just yesterday at work, I had a steel bar in my hands pounding on a board showing some rage. All of then took a step back. I have been working with a new crew, so none of them ever seen me enraged before. As what I was hitting was not moving as I wished, I quickly stopped and stated, "Well, that is just not working," in a goofy way, while sporting a goofy grin. Their expression was "WOW!" and said, "We thought you were pissed off!" I told them no. Had them going for a moment though.
As do I. To bad she is just a cartoon character that may grace my imagination from time to time.
I always found this odd in a pony story. A pony gripping something in it's hoof like it was a hand. Some writers found a way around this oddity. One may say something is held in place in the hoof by a magic field that lets the ponies grip things. But not with a physical grip. Much as a pegasus can grip and stand on a cloud. It's magic!
Another writer had written that the ponies hoofs are not like real pony’s hoofs, but are soft and rubbery, and can flex a little allowing for some small level of physical grip on things. Either way works I guess. I prefer the idea that the grip is via magic. Even with the earth ponies.
Hell, if Pinkie does not have some magic in her for some of the things she can do, like drill into the ground with the hair from her main, she has some very odd and unexplainable physical phenomenons about her makeup. She even seems to be able to run faster than Rainbow Dash can fly, or she has some kind of teleporting powers. It is no wonder she was given the same powers as the Flash in the Power Ponies episode.
I think I got off track somewhere. I am just trying to get a grip on this.
I found out from a very young age what a brute I can be, if I don't control myself. I was about five or six at the time. I hit a friend of mine in the face over what TV channel we were going to watch. I hit him in the face and gave him a bloody nose and made him scream in pain. I was quite beside myself over what I had done. I felt such shame that day for what I did. I will never forget that... I never liked hurting others since.
Unless those others were begging for it. I have a dark side that enjoys it then.
Oh' Wow! If that doesn't make one cry with guilt, I don't know what will. Crumble must feel just as his name suggests. He must have just crumbled inside. Here she is apologizing to him for not being good enough and messing things up.
I know I would feel like a big heal after that. There is little in words to cover that kind of guilt.
To be young. Actually I never did like being what I would call ignorant. Yes, some call it innocent, when one is young. I call it ignorant. Here is the problem to me. Innocent sounds cute. But ignorance does not. Yet, they are the same thing. I never find either cute. I find nothing cute about a lack of knowledge on the ways of things. Especially when it is important! And not knowing, is a problem for anyone at any age. Like why not to touch certain things, for it maybe poisonous. Or why not to talk to strangers at a young age. No, I don’t find innocence to be cute. And trying to keep kids cute and innocent for the sake of keeping them cute, to me does not help them. It is a way of just letting them get hurt with something they don't know about. A way of just letting them find things out the hard way, and letting one's self off the hook for not telling them things sooner, by saying things like, "Oh' they will find out eventually. It's just life." As if that is an excuse for withholding info form a kid who is in a position of needing to know things.
I tell you, I wish I was five again with knowing everything! I know now. So much for wishing though.
How can one say "no" after that?
Funny how much the same thing can be said of MLP FIM. And look at the audience it has received anyway. Who knew this would happen?
That answers a few of my questions. It was Cookie that Fluttershy saved, and was the first time they met.
I guess his name does fit him. This guy is a crumbling wreck. He is one confused individual. I can’t help but feel sorry for his confusion.
Also reminds me of the confusion BlackBerry had for herself. To end with, her final decision did not end well for her. I have a feeling the same will happen to Crumble in time. This is also why I don’t find ignorance to be cute. It just creates confusion in a person, even if they are just trying to do the right thing, and not knowing what the right thing is, is of no help to that person.
Yep, he is doing the same thing as BlackBerry. And history repeats itself. I wonder if it will burn him in the ass too.
I also finally put two and two together. Crumble was the other pony in the picture that was shown to Cookie in the police station in the Ghost Rider story. I remember this because it was said he had an important father in the military. His father is Thunderbolt? This makes for quite the situation.
So the three of them end up together again for that photo, after he betrays Fluttershy to his father? Humm...
I don't know if you intended it as such a pun, but Crumble is a crumbly little crumb. He knows not what he does. Sad, it seems he likely would not have done this, if he knew the truth of the situation.
Well, this looks like it is about one-third into the story, so much more to it.
I did not think I would have had so much to say about it, but I guess I did.
This story is going to take some time. Joy!
Back again to give my take on this next chapter. The Return of the Beast. And what a chapter it is.
Not that I am the best at grammar myself, but I do think, "until a Pegasus pony" works better.
Though in this case I also feel I maybe very wrong.
I also feel, "seems to have" looks better.
I was never shy when I was little, though time and experience has taught me, it is never good to share all too much about one's self to others. Just a very bad idea. People can't really handle the differences in another person very well. Some less than others.
Again, the ignorance of youth. Such a folly for one being able to make any kind of good decision in life, at any age. Children are not the only ignorant ones around however. Many adults have proven that, time and again.
Such a forgiving soul. I use to try and be that forgiving of others, but I found, such forgiveness can leave one open to being walked all over by others. They don't appreciate forgiveness for what it is. Instead some use it as an opportunity to simply get away with whatever they wish, over and over, for as long as one can. Sad but true. Makes it hard to want to forgive anyone of anything. Hard, but not impossible. Some are worthy of it, just never know who.
Unnecessary added extra, and a little confusing to read.
"Fluttershy watched as one of her only friends rode off into the sunrise, as the horizon kept consuming her." might look better.
A smaller fix, "she didn’t take notice of them."
Faust has no power here!
I have said it before, Crumble is one confused pony. He knows not what he has done. He is about to find out though, as "She" shows herself.
Nice guy. Not the sort of person that I would wish to have in charge of things.
You could possibly do without the "as" in there.
"getting closer and closer."
Love the suspense build in this, so far.
So that is when she hurt her leg, shown in the picture within the Ghost Rider story.
I like this description of her change.
This makes for a suspenseful moment, even with knowing that she is OK after.
Applejack had such a moment in my last story, as I remember it.
With her leg broken and fear in her eye as death stood hovering over her, all she could do was accept the inevitable. A painful but sure end to her life.
"she was in a shadow" might look better.
Funny, even Tony Stark's attempt at making a good Hulk Buster failed. His latest one shown in the last Avengers movie was an impressive try. It was big at the least. Though still ineffective.
Again, he is just so darn confused as to what is going on, and how he should feel about it all.
No! You ass. But you got it anyway.
Yes, yes you have. Know who's side you're on yet?
That is what happens when you get the military involved. One would think he has known his father long enough to know what he would do.
Oh' now!, he felt he should have expected this.
???
That was Crumble.
He is a pegasus, yes? Should he not be flying to her?
If I had wings, I would.
So far, this is awesome!
Why in Tartarus are you still not flying?
Glory!
Wow! He is being logical for a change.
I know, I know, he is one of the good guys. Can't help but make fun of his past mistakes though.
At least something is going good for him at this hellish moment.
That is one of the few things I actually like about a fight. The adrenaline rush. Oh' It is such an awesome rush. It fills you. Makes one feel invincible! There is next to nothing else like it. Especially when you are winning! That helps bring such a feeling to a whole new level. And that feeling is so incredibly addictive, once you have felt it. This can make even someone like me eager for another fight. Despite my outright distaste for fighting. I know, I have been making fun of Crumble for his self confusion, and here I am not making much sense.
Yes, you just keep telling yourself that as she rips you a new one.
Again, this is something I can understand. It is something I have felt each time I had to deal with someone bigger than myself, despite how much I try to avoid it. It is intoxicating. And makes your whole body shake with pure excitement. A blood filled rage that drives one into a furious madness to fight. But it is not good. It drives one blindly to do foolish things. But can help when in a fight just the same.
At least he is thinking. Though getting the wind knocked out of one's sails, gives one time to reflect on the situation, and sober up from that drug like rush during a fight.
And of course was not the cause of his final change. He will get a taste of the green beast's blood for that. All in good time. Then even the General will see what a monster Guam can be when he has power.
Funny how the General and Guam are so much alike. And General Thunderbolt is too blind to see what giving such power to a power hungry warrior will create.
This is part of why heroes are made by those that don't seek power for self glory, but to use it to help others. And is why the scrawny boy was chosen to become Captain America. Because he had the heart to be the hero they where looking for. Not this Guam guy.
Humm... I am drifting and babbling a little out of context again.
Even I try to be diligent in not overusing such a word consecutively. I try not to.
Can't tell you how many times someone has beaten me to the ground. Only for me to get back up later and shake it off. The look on their faces as they try it again, and me not moving much against their hits the second time around, is delicious. To see "I done fucked up" on them, is priceless. Sometimes that alone is enough to get some to back off and never try it again. Especially when smiling at them as they hit me, when before they were knocking me down.
I am not a savage, I swear.
I don't like hurting people. 
Some just make doing so, so inviting. 
Plus I am getting older, I don't heal as I use to, and I did my fighting years ago. Not sure how I would handle being in one now.
I still surprise some of those I work with at times. I am a small guy, only 5'3" but when a guy moves something that a bigger and younger guy has trouble with budging. It makes them wonder. It makes me wonder as well. How can one do something that someone else that is stronger looking can't? I have no answer for that.
Well, that was certainly exciting!
Yes, pain can make one quite loud. I will never forget when the skin to my inner thigh was melted. Or the many times my shoulder has been dislocated. That is pain!
Miraculous! This once very confused pony discovered what few others have. Humm... With Cookie's help.
Now all of this makes that picture the the Ghost Rider story make a whole lot of sense. Cool!
He should be only so lucky, or "she" with better judgement, might go back to finish them all off. Seems he would rather have that then face his defeat. Personally I would likely kill the prick off, and be done with him. Nothing fancy, just squash him quickly while he is down.
Never said I was a very nice person.
Yes, I so much would want to kill this guy.
He does want her to kill him. He is insatiable!
About time!
And yet he is still a blind idiot. It be Guam that have cost him his son.
At that rate, his anger should be on Guam alone. But not in this story.
Just as the General would say to all of those whose lives he has taken apart for the sake of what he wants. Guam just gave the General a "hurts don't it!"
That was quite a chapter.
With A Journey Renewed ahead, I still have a long way to go. This has been great so far.
And I think I went a little overboard with the comments on this one chapter alone.
I will try and tone it down.
6402721 I'm glad you enjoyed this one. This chapter was a big barrel of fun for me to write. I wanted to make it fun for the audience as well, like all hell was breaking loose.
Thanks for your comments, and don't worry about them being too long. I enjoy reading them.
6407898
Yes, I can imagine you had fun with this one. And it was indeed a fun read.
As for my comments, I know I have a habit of going overboard. Yet only one has actually complained about it. You can very well imagine who.
I am quite pleased with this story. You make Fluttershy fit so well in her role in this. And yes there was a lot going on in this chapter.
Not to say it was the story line in this story that inspired me to write something new, but just reading a good story such as this with Fluttershy in it has. So I am posting today a new short, with Fluttershy in it. If you do have a look at it, try and remember, not all is as it may seem.
Oh' And "happy birthday," even though I am a few days late in saying it.
Seeing that this is September, I have been meaning to show you this.
Love it when a person likes for other to feel that they are on top of things.
He has no story to speak of.
Is not saving lives part of his job? Is not the lives of others most important?
He seems to enjoy killing more. Makes him feel good knowing that he can kill. The thing is, killing is all too easy. It's not hard to do. There is actually next to no challenge in it. Living without killing, or wanting to, that is a bigger challenge.
When winning precedes all other obligations, including the preservation of those lives one is sworn to protect. You have a self serving monster. Too bad the general can't seem to see this, not in himself, nor in Guam.
Sure gutless wimps that can see fighting something that single hoofed destroyed a mess of new bad ass military robots as well a team of solders. No, it takes a fool to go after something like that, without proper weapons. None have seen a proper weapon that can take her down for long. Despite how impressive of weapons they have been given, only pisses her off. No, I would say their fear of her, is well placed.
Like he is the one to talk. Would he have gone up against her again, without the modifications he was just given? It is so much easier to be brave against such a thing as what they all have faced, when one has been given a boost like Captain America did. Plus he is just a mad man, as far as I can tell. Skilled, yes, but quite mad.
At least Guam can see the similarities between them. Though it does not exactly help the situation. I know many people like to have around others just like themselves. Though in some cases if those people happen to be too stubborn, and not in a good way, it can only cause more problems for them. What I mean by stubborn in a good way, is those that have the tenacity to stick with a helpful task till it is done. To be stubborn can be good. In this case, not so much. Not for either one of them.
I can't help but find all of that funny, not in a good way. I have been face to face with such stubbornness. And it is never good. Some just want what they want, wither it makes sense to anyone else or not.
OK, things are starting to fall into place, I think. All though I had thought so before, and had been wrong.
Oh' yeah. That would do it all right. Especially if that feeling had not gone away, and one is still quite fond of that individual.
I know the answer to that one, I think. Provided this was the stolen vehicle in question within the other story.
Yep, this is the very same vehicle in question. Now things are indeed falling into place.
I hate to say it, but seems like another moment similar to one in one of my last stories.
Misty finishing up dishes before she had her fight with Plunk. Then her husband came home and Misty though he was home early.
One big difference. Posey and Fluttershy was having a peaceful, and pleasant time together, and enjoying each others company, while Misty and Plunk definitely was not.
So that is why she was crying. If she only knew how bad Cookie had it. It is interesting how different two people's lives can be, and not even consider that difference. I see it so much how some underestimate how bad of a life another may have had without being told. At times there seems to be no empathy for that fact either.
Fluttershy is one of the few who would not need to know. She is not the type to pry, nor have it in her to carelessly say or do the wrong things to another, as far to many others rather enjoy doing to one another, just for kicks.
Yes, kick them when their down! It's so much fun! :trixyshift:
The name Little Angel fits Fluttershy so well. She seem to practically have a divine soul. One of the most precious things to exist.
And this from one who is non religious.
She maybe shy to a fault, though she is also kind, caring, and considerate, to a fault as well. That is hardly a bad thing. Except what was shown in the episode with the breezes, and the one with Iron Will. Both I feel had some good lesions in them for her.
Again I can't help notice how much Fluttershy in this story seems like Dazzle and some of her personal problems. These bad dreams being yet another. To tell the truth, I kind of modeled Dazzle to be an odd blend of Twilight and Pinkie.
I personally thought it would be funny to see what a fairly powerful unicorn with the personality of Pinkie would be like. She is an odd one at that. Like with Fluttershy, it's sad to see her dealing with bad dreams.
She is kind and caring, though not quite like Fluttershy is. Few are as caring as Fluttershy. Part of why I like her so much. Dazzle has her bad side, and is willing at times to push others around, or try to be intimidating to get her own way if she can. Though at heart, she really is a nice and thoughtful pony, or wishes to be more than she is.
Did not come across much of anything like an error so far in this chapter. Cool!
But this looks like it could use a simple fix. You could lose the a in aplenty. Could also change “plenty” to plentiful” if you wish.
"and food was plentiful"
Oh, no. Her nightmares. She just hates to see others fight. I do too for that matter.
I also like to keep myself as calm as possible. I found it does little good to get all to upset about the many things other people seem to.
I find living strange. Sometimes pleasant, even very pleasant. Sometimes horrible, even unbearable at times. Though mostly strange. And people tend to help make it so. I think about such things a lot. Perhaps too much. Perhaps.
There are times I feel others don't think about it enough. It's all so strange.
I liked the added flashbacks of Fluttershy with her parents. Yay flashbacks.
So, I Monster is next.
Oh' Don't I know it. Those eyes can put you into a trance!
Well, there's a surprise. But that is another thing I like about her. She is calm, It's just her way, and mine.
I have been over at the homes of others, only for them not to even notice I was even around. I have startled a few, when they found out I was still there. I always found that funny.
No, she would not. Though, it would only make Fluttershy all that much more sympathetic and understanding of Cookie.
Cookie has every right to keep her past to herself. I understand the need to not let others know too much about one's self.
I don't ask for people to feel sorry for any hardship or bad moment I might have had, I only ask that people do try and treat each other well. Though for some that is an impossible task.
I know that. Back when I had a surgery done, I was not to move around for a few weeks. I did not like one bit having others tend to me as if I could not help myself. Nor did I like waiting for someone to be around to help me if and when I might have needed it. I found both situations to be quite annoying. So I can sympathize with Cookie.
Removing the "they" might look good. "it didn’t absorb a lot of the shock while on the road."
Or add "were"- "it didn’t absorb a lot of the shock while they were on the road."
This looks confusing to me. Might try this-
"She looked up to the high tree branches, to see a set of long and wide green leaves hanging over them."
I get that. As being an introvert myself, I always find it odd, if not a little bothersome and distracting to have others around. It is not always bad, though seeing how I spend most of my time while not at work, completely alone, by choice, I do find it strange to have others around. It's just not my thing. Most of the time I don't like others around. It is a disturbance to the peace and quiet I enjoy. Sometimes it is nice to have someone to talk to, just not often.
Part of that I understand as well. While growing up I have had to move a lot! And start over each time. Nothing stayed the same for me. Least of all friends. I have had my share of friends, but it never lasted. Either they would move, or I would. This is partly why I keep to myself now. It is sort of a "been there, done that" for me, as far as starting over again. Just don't care for it much anymore.
I can't help but find that funny.
I am surprised that by now Cookie does not give Fluttershy a scowl and say, "Stop that!"
This might look better- "Her stomach felt as if it was in a vice."
This looks confusing to me as well.
Replacing the "found" with "had", and replace "find" with "found" might look better.
"She had often found herself drifting off"
I have been told, you can't take care of others very well, if you don't take care of yourself.
It is not selfish to do so. At that rate, one only brings them self's to a condition, in which one eventually needs help also, then neither person is of much help to one another.
Oh' shit! The three have been found. Now if the others don't piss her off, they have her.
OK, You had me there, I thought she had been captured. It was just another vision.
Could change "the" to "that"
"Fluttershy looked at the firewood that Crumble had gathered."
Still, It looks funny the other way. If "the Crumble" was emphasized somehow.
"Fluttershy looked at the firewood "The Crumble" had gathered."
As do I, seeing how much camping I have done. There are methods to make it easier. It is an art people have enjoyed for years. Not everyone who can do it well, does it the same. I like to cheat by using a lighter. Creating sparks with the right set of rocks or rubbing a stick in a small wooden hole to create heat, is a lot of work. But both can work. I just don't like to do it that way.
Would have been nice to know what method she used. Showing and not telling... I know, like I should talk.
Now if Fluttershy could only put it together what she was doing and feeling at that moment, she might discover "she" is not the monster Fluttershy thinks "she" is.
Should be interesting.
And that is so much like Fluttershy. Scared of so much, yet willing to push past her fears for the sake of her friends, when they need her the most, or when she thinks they do. I remember bringing that up in one of my last stories. Something Rainbow Dash had brought up while talking about her in a fond but sad remembrance.
Again, something I understand. I am not use to having help. I usually don't care for it. For some odd reason, I don't mind helping others.
I am reminded of the Christmas Carol. When Scrooge was told not to shun the generosity of your fellow man.
It helps others to feel useful, if you let them be helpful to you. And at that is a form of kindness, in showing trust in them to be of help to you.
For me however, it makes me feel like I will have a debt to pay, and I don't like feeling in debt to others. This is just another strange oddity in life.
Problem is, some will actually try and make you feel in debt to them, and if they can make you feel shame in not helping them in return after, some will abuse that, and try to suck you dry, by using you as much as they can.
Hard to know a true friend when one comes across such a person.
Fluttershy, seems to have such friends with her at the moment.
Oh' shit! Now that is a revelation for Fluttershy to chew on. She may even piece together that it was her past friendship with him, when they were young might have caused much of her troubles as well. Damn! Sucks finding important things out latter.
And she is forgiving to a fault. Though it would help her to be so, in this situation. She has what is "now" to think of, not as much on how it all happened. He is helping her now, for her, that is all she needs to know to forgive him of his past mistakes.
Well, that was an awesome chapter.
It gave one a chance to see them together in such a way. This was also one of the moments in this story I was so looking forward to seeing. I was not disappointed.
The added details of what Fluttershy was doing to help Cookie with her leg, to me helped to make this a good part in this story. As a fan of Fluttershy, this chapter also gave a reader a chance to see her be herself some more while with some friends. You seem to present Fluttershy quite well to me. This was an excellent chapter for doing that in.
I also see a bit of a return of Fluttershy, and Crumble's past crush they had with each other. Perhaps I will see this grow, further into the story. That would be nice to see.
The chapter also brought up a lot of memories to do with my past.
Speaking of some past memories, would have been nice to know a little bit more about Fluttershy's time with the shaman. Kind of sounds like a male version of Zecora, if I am not mistaken. Though you did say this shaman was a pony, where Zecora is a zebra. Perhaps more of that will be revealed in latter chapters. About halfway to the end now.
Next up The Great Butterfly Migration.
3482092
3482131
So do I.
And I am guessing that you did not see this coming?
I know I didn't.
This is a long one, but is the end of it, I swear!
Part of why it is so long. It's that it covers the last few chapters. So here we go!
"but what they had was enough for them to make it" Or "but what they had was enough to make it"
What a group.
Those pleading eyes again.
"Sure, it wasn’t the most well hidden area." Or "Sure, it wasn’t the most well hidden of areas."
I think you might mean "Spectacle of nature."
Though by the definition of spectacular, I know you might have meant that.
I might have written it as-
“Something she found as an annoyance rather something spectacular of nature.”
I can’t say for sure how best to have use it. I know, your way could very well be correct.
Based on the name of this chapter, I should have known.
Next come another flashback. Man, and I thought I used a lot of them.
But to me, it's all good.
Damn, and I had a light show in my story as well.
Though nothing like this would have looked like!
I thought that was what the flashback would be about. Well, after the fact the butterflies showed up.
Yes, I am sure Cookie felt that Crumble should only be so lucky that his father was not around, Something Cookie could have done without herself.
He is still such a confused pony.
within the next flashback-
Tears started to develop in Fluttershy’s eyes. She almost always knew she was gone, but for a time, she thought them both gone. Perhaps she was hoping against hope. It upset her to know she was right. Her mother was gone. Forever.
Again, another moment similar to one in my own story. Only this time it is the sad moment Trooper had to face. He has his father, but his mother was gone. Only it was Trooper that had to tell his hurt father the very unfortunate news. Quite sad just the same.
At least Trooper was spared having to see his mother taken, and he still has his father.
Though the evidence of the mess he woke up to, told him his mother was gone just the same.
Dazzle was not so lucky. She loved Trooper's mom Patty just like a second mother to her, and yet see got the see the worst of it. In a very unpleasant manner.
I kid you not, even though I was the one writing it, that moment gave me nightmares.
If you only could see it from my minds eye. Grizzly and Gruesome doesn't even come close for describing the vision she had from her point of view. To tell the truth, that moment was sick even for me. I went for broke trying to create something I thought was very disturbing for in that moment. Not sure if I will ever write something like that experience again. It might have been a little much.
And that's the truth.
I remember from the old TV show, The Hulk was often very careful not to hurt anyone. He could have done a lot more to those that he attacked then he did. If anything, he was out saving lives most of the time. Hell, he was even gentle at times, mostly around any kids, or anyone hurt. I could see the Hulk Fluttershy turns into being much like that. Not to say The Hulk in question is not. Even in the movies when not in a blind rage, he kind of knew what he was doing, and tried to be careful not to hurt others. You could see the hurt he felt after his fight with The Iron Man Hulk Buster, when he saw everyone in the city looking in fear at him, while him knowing what he did. But that was not his fault, as usual. He was under mind control that time.
But you know all of this, preaching to the choir I am.
“He told me to come here if I ever needed help."
"The blue pony turned his chair towards them and started to make his way in their direction."
Why am I getting images of Cupcakes?
Crumble and Cookie knows this! All too well.
"You got to be afraid, not to be scared."
"Then as if she had been struck a mighty blow, "
It is not all too far fetched. It is something I have wanted. But at what cost?
"Fluttershy couldn’t help but eye them."
"they would all tremble before that kind of power!"
“Equestria is in desperate need of that power. The griffins, the diamond dogs, the ahuizotli, they would all tremble before the kind of power! Just imagine the cures we could create! The lives we would save!”
He is not wrong. Just depends on who uses it and why.
I can sympathize with Smolder. It would be a great loss. Though the others are right as well. In the wrong hoofs, it would create such untold destruction.
What a decision to make. If it was me in there, I would however be on Smolder’s side on this. Hell, I would want to be a part of it.
Yes, having so much taken away from him by those that just push past him, no way would he wish to give this up!
As much of a monster as that may make him sound like. I do understand that need to be in control over all. It is hard for others to walk all over you, when you have them under your own feet.
It is said, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. And for one who has been under the hooves of others for so long, now getting a taste of such power for the first time, Can make one feel on top of the world!
I would be lying if I sad I didn't envy the guy.
"All she would do is stare at her hooves."
Now this gets all the more interesting.
Here is the thing though, none of them know just what Smolder intends to do, or who he intends to go after.
If I was Smolder, my first task would be to take out any and all military resistance. But he does not have to kill in order to do that. He only needs to take out their toys, so they can no longer play.
Then the whole playground would be his. Does not make him such a monster for wanting to do that.
But I will read on and see what he does, and see if he is the monster they fear he has become. I am sure in this story "there can be only one" good Hulk.
"She knew exactly what she was giving up."
Aaa... Hope.
I guess if one is still alive, there is always hope.
What a thing to rely on in life. I don't trust in it. I rather try to work for what I might get rather than hope for it.
OK, so Smolder is! a monster now. What a waste of such power. What he is doing, is like a UFC champion picking on a 3 year old.
Go kick his ass Fluttershy!
No, it was planned out science! Not Evolution.
I would choose science over evolution any day.
As Smolder had said something like this before, we may have evolved this far, but with science we can go beyond it. This I believe, and would wish to work towards.
Hell, Fluttershy is doing it again. She now sees the merit in not being naturally normal.
Now it is on!
size=16 did not work.
I think it needed to be-
“Chosen to be this world’s new lords!”[/size=16] He then paused. “No, not lords. Deities!” [/size=16]
Yes, that would be sad if this was now over with.
Yes, exactly. Fluttershy while as the Hulk is mostly aggression and brute strength. Fluttershy, to my knowledge does not know how to fight. It never stopped her before, but now she is dealing with someone much like herself. Whoever can more carefully plan out an attack just might win this.
But I know who wins. "She" will win.
Oh' shit. He is a unicorn still. Fluttershy may have her wings, but he still has his magic.
As interesting as all this is, she is still going to win.
Thing is that I can see, he may not be able to keep it up.
I could come up with a dirty joke using that one, and I could just leave it to your imagination.
You know, something about him using his magical horn to fool around with her, and him not being able to keep it up...
Something like that.
I know, I'm awful...
Another moment similar to my story. When Dazzle was in a fight at school. She used her magic to pummel her opponent with a lot of rocks. She was pissed when she was doing it. As I said, she is not always nice. Though she was given a good reason, as far as she was concerned for doing it.
"He smiled as a blaze consumed the entire pile." or "He smiled as the blaze consumed the entire pile."
Damn, his magic is strong though.
"who seemed to be able to do little more than amuse him.
this is the part I was expecting, when his magic fails him. There would be only so long he could keep using it as he would be forced to pour it on. Sill, if he was smart he would hold her up in the air and impaled her with sharp things. Not try and hold her down. That is where he makes his mistake. I do believe.
NO! She bites it off!?
Oh' that makes me cringe.
This is what one gets when a guy forces his horn on an unwilling mare, and she does not wish to go along with his intentions.
She just got tired of getting screwed around with by that thing!
Snip with the teeth, and there it goes!
I was so not expecting this!
Didn't know Fluttershy had it in her to be so cruel.
"Still, Fluttershy wouldn’t stop."
I just can't believe it. This is reminding me of when Rarity was struggling with the jaws of the monster that was attacking Twilight in my other story. Only for Rarity in that situation, it was not much of a struggle. She is not Twilight, but she does have both some power and skill with magic. And Rarity was far too upset to give up trying, or hold back by any means.
"ripping the horn straight off the professor’s head."
Wow! She didn't just bite that thing in half, she ripped it off! Brutal!
What a sad end for him, death might have been a mercy. Now without his horn or legs, he is less than he was before. He may not like the life that awaits him after. A life behind bars. Some would rather die than go to jail, especially in his condition.
This does not mean he could not change again, does it?
That would be wise.
I am thinking that Thunderbolt may be considering Guam to be a liability at last, and might use him as a lab rat as well. That's what I think he means.
If he got Fluttershy (and mostly by luck), he could possibly take in Guam as well. Or so Thunderbolt may think.
"But if it would help Fluttershy, she would."
", her patience faded."
This will drive him mad, not being able to use his magic anymore. As I said, a sad end for him. Or is it? Seeing how this story is now focused on him for the moment.
He too thinks he was defeated by a little filly, and not the big green monster mare. That as well will just drive him mad like it has the other Thunderbolt and Guam.
Your no good to me, so I will make your life hell. Some people...
I can. It helps the story move along.
OH'! This is what Thunderbolt meant with his supposed threat. It was not a threat, but a warning that he would lose his precious gift, and possibly more.
How do you like them apples? You worm!
I knew he would.
Somehow, that makes me smile a little. Forgive me, a cruel chuckle as well.
I thought so. Some things are indeed worse than death. Living as a broken shadow of one's former self while in constant pain, is one horrible way to live. Seems Guam agrees, and it willing to give General Thunderbolt that new life to live, in such misery.
Kind of funny seeing how many lives he destroyed, in the name of serving through the sacrifice of others.
Well, I guess that will do for a punishment. Though a few broken legs and ripped off wings might do a little more.
She said it for me.
Yes, finally. And now Fluttershy is dealing with one who does know how to fight.
This should be better than the last big fight.
Now he is just fighting dirty.
"Fluttershy delivered a powerful blow to Guam’s jaw."
"Fluttershy cried out in pain as they both hit the ground."
Wow. She is kicking his ass. And so soon? He is just not doing too well, and he should be.
I guess he is doing better now.
Now where did I see this before?
Only then Fluttershy was not as big, green, and near indestructible. Also seeing her face hit hard ground, instead of sand in this story, it hurt her more. A lot more!
Poor Fluttershy.
Damn, the stories people come up with can be so violent.
"The general lowered his head for a moment"
Great, he is doing it back to her now.
I guess, turnabout is fair play. And I am sure it will work on her more than on any other pony.
What? In this story too?
What is it with these violent stories where Fluttershy get's so hurt in them?
Steady girl, steady!
That is all she needed to hear. Remind her of the lives she is trying to save, and get her good and mad while doing it!
This will make her snap back into the fight with gusto.
And love will conquer all! It's a beautiful thing.
Here we go!
She gave the name to herself. Unfortunately it's just too damn funny.
I think she only needs to be made once here-
"She felt Guam push even harder, but that only made her angrier."
Oh' so that's who he is.
Funny, it's much the same thing Thunderbolt said to Guamadillus, before Guam went ape on everyone like a spoiled brat that didn't get his way. Though Guam was also angry at being betrayed by Thunderbolt for not telling him what the surum would do to him in time.
I take it that this is pre princess Twilight Sparkle? I thought I read somewhere that it was said all alicorns were dead?
So this would be a pre princess Twilight Sparkle story as well if I am not mistaken.
Twilight's mission is to befriend Fluttershy and travel with her. How ironic.
Cherry-filled Cheesecake.
I would not have come up with that one if I tried.
Wow. I am at the end.
As I have been saying all along, I liked it. It had plenty of changes from the movie.
A somewhat sad ending, despite her hitching up with Twilight.
Brixy Bixby. Nice. I had forgotten that Bill Bixby was the name of the actor for Bruce Banner on the TV show.
I did see an episode of the TV show a little while ago. The Hulk was shown to hold 3,000 lbs. That is a lot! Though the Hulk in the movies could likely do much more. Possibly 8,000 lbs or more. Not sure. He tossed aside a tank of all things! And jump in the air like he was flying. He could not do that in the show. Hell, he died in the end falling from a helicopter. In the movies, falling even from near orbit does not kill him!
The battles in this where fun to read. The last one a little long for me. Though as a final fight it was good. Much better than a real short one for the end.
The traveling with Fluttershy and getting to see her as she is in this was for me the best part of this story. Plenty of comedy as well. Such as the dislike for Jack Maregee most seem to share.
You also made Thunderbolt and Guamadillus so dislikeable. Like the uncaring manipulative monsters they were in the movie.
The time shown in the buildup of Fluttershy's friendship with Cookie was great. As well as the Relationship Fluttershy was developing with Crumble. That made the ending of this sad.
Lots of flashbacks in this. I had though I used a lot of them. Those were fun reading as well, got to know her parents well from them.
Two of my favorite parts was the travel when Fluttershy is Helping Cookie with her leg, and built up some time spent with Crumble. You put a lot into that.
The other was the part with the Butterfly migration. Not to say the rest of the story was not near as good. I just liked those two parts the most.
Yes, as one said, Flutterhulk did not have much of a personality in this. Not to say "She" did not have one at all. Flutterhulk did have much more of a personality in this then the Hulk in the TV show.
However I did not expect Flutterhulk to have much of one in this. Now that Fluttershy is getting use to the idea that it is her fate to be the Hulk, you have an opportunity to write about how and when she come to accept her role as the Hulk as Banner did in the Avengers movies.
You can expand on this more as it seems you intend to by what you shown at the end of this. More to come I hope.
Speaking of the Avengers, you know I had an idea. Seeing that Rarity is such a business pony in the show, and now extended her shop into Canterlot. I was thinking that Rarity might make a good Iron Pony.
Though with Twilight's intellect I might have thought of her in that role. It's just a thought.
Plus it would have to be one with a suave, charming-charisma to pull off being anything like Tony Stark. Rarity has the looks to pull off being like Tony, and has a talent for making things, not just clothing. Like the time she put together an overly done puppet show cart. She has many craft skills. Though that is like comparing my clay sculpting with the works of one who designed the first nuclear power plant. Rarity in skill is no Tony Stark.
My, and seeing Rarity as an available play pony, sleeping with anyone she chooses just like Tony would? Could be fun to work with that. Or could pull the opposite and make her hard to get, and generally uninterested in anyone. Though on the show, she has had more crushes than any of the other main six. So making her openly playful as Tony, could work too.
And the two names have a slight resemblance to each other. Tony, Rarity. You could also put to your advantage that Rarity is a fashion designer, and use that as her ability to have made the Iron Pony suit. Not try to make her out to be a tech head. Though she could be both in your story. You did make Fluttershy a little different then herself on the show within this story. What do you think?
Rainbow Dash I thought might make a good Thor.
She did have control over lightning in the Power Ponies episode. She is both fast and strong. Though for some reason, not as fast as Pinkie Pie. Pinkie can still get ahead of her, somehow. And that was not with using any superpowers, that is none I know of.
Applejack might make a good Hawkeye. Unless that is who Twilight is supposed to be. She might even make a good Wolverine. That is if you had no intentions of building up to creating an Avengers team.
Pinkie as Captain America. Would be different. I could see that.
Actually that would be great to see. Pinkie as the Captain, tossing the shield and jumping around a lot. Make it happen.
Next I am going to read about a Derpy who flaps in the night.
I also leave you with two pictures I came across.
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/1uq3-1432458824-67635-full
pre08.deviantart.net/0408/th/pre/i/2013/161/8/9/mla__flutterhulk_smash____complete_by_kenichi_shinigami-d68kwug.png
6441315 Dude, I'm really sorry for the delayed response. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. I really want to do more with it. I want it to Crossover with my Ghost Rider character again and crossover into my Celestia story. The fight between Smolder and Fluttershy was a lot of fun to write. Because the horn of the unicorn just meant I could go more creative and more wild with it and try to figure out a way for Fluttershy to win.
While Gaum and Fluttershy was fun, I think that fight wasn't as epic as I wanted it to be.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it and I can't wait to hear more from you! Until then, take care.
6467087
Yes, no worries. We are all busy, and I did post a lot to this.
Not the fastest thing for one to respond too, if one was to take the time to read it all.
I agree, the fight between Smolder and Fluttershy was more epic then the last for the reasons you have given.
So, you plan on bringing Smolder back. I have a few thoughts on that I will give in a PM.
I will get back to your Ghost Story. Just not sure when. I also wish to check out some more of your other stories. So yes, you will likely see more form me in time.