James Morgan is your typical teenager living a relatively normal life on Earth. However, his life turns upside down when he finds himself in a land inhabited by talking ponies. Not only that, but he's one as well! Join James as he goes on the adventure of a lifetime, meets the best friends he will ever have, and perhaps find something more.
This is one of those stories in which and OC becomes part of the mane cast and takes part in the show's episodes.
Thank you TheKingOfHearts, Plasmadon and Alex The Lone Wolf for inspiriation.
Rated teen for language.
Chapters (5)
If it's any consolation, this is one of the few first-try-self-insert-teenage-HiE-Mane-6-romance-adventure fics that don't completely fuck up on spelling and grammar.
This actually wasn't bad. Maybe a little long for those that don't want to spend that much time reading fics but it was good enough. Don't now where that thumbs down came from. Could use a little more originality, shorter chapters, and you'll have to accept the fact that not may people like human fics. I'm doing one right now JUST to get it out of the way.
2032320
To be fair, this is just the first chapter. I can improve and make the chapters better if I try.
This was rlly good looking fowrd to the next and you did to things that made This oh so much fun to read #1for you trolled twilight gets best thing ever and 2nd it was nice and long. I say fanfucking tastic keep it up dear sir i look fowrd to more
2032320 i perfer the human ones my self as long as nopony is hurt it kills me each time inside when thay get hurt and i cant help
2036618 Than try.
2101808
I assure that I will.
Sorry for the lack of updates folks. Just don't feel very motivated at the moment.
Holy crap
I can't wait for the next chapter!
2316106
Since it's the Easter Holidays and I have 2 weeks off school, I hope to make some progress on the Chapter 2.
YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS! A new CHAPTER! You receive over nine-thousand mustaches!
Vegeta: IZ ERVA NUN-THUZEND!
Me: Yes Virginia, I stated that already.
exams? i pry for your safty
2401457
Much appreciated.
Love this story!
I haven't yet read a story where the human is an alicorn. Very good story can't wait for new chapter after your exams and I wish you good luck on them.
2509455
Why not check out MLP FIM Off the Record?
2512056I will it looks good, but will be one of the longer stories I read. With over 100,000
2501959
I like stories in which humans take part in the FIM storyline. Is there a community around here dedicated to those sort of fics?
2522593
Already part of it, haven't found a lot of them.
Summer Will Be Here Soon, That Means You'll Get to Have All The Time to do More Chapters.
BTW, Love The Story.
A few typos but decent.
I've seen a handfull of stories in this vein but no one addresses having a 7th task for the additional member getting Twilight to the goal of finding the elements and defeating the Nightmare. Yours is the first I have read to somewhat address that by performing an act related to his Element (valor) when NMM is attacking Twilight directly in Harmony Castle.
Good job, I cant wait to see where this goes.
2633938
Care to name any stories like this one for me?
2637062
There are some scattered in my read-later list. none of those think to have an actual task for the 7th element. This one is in my faves and was close but he just charged in at the last second to save twi without anypony knowing he was there up to that moment. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/22486/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-off-the-record
Ah! while I was looking around for more such tales, i did just find an old story I had forgotten about that seems to have an actual challenge in the quest to get Twilight to the castle to defeat NMM. He remains a human and fights timberwolves sent in a last ditch effort by NMM to keep them out of the castle... (takes 10 chapters to get to the first episode, btw ;) http://www.fimfiction.net/story/13083/a-whole-new-world
2638532
Yeah, I've read both of those already.
Huzzah, for two reasons! One: another well written Seventh Element story and two: a British brony! Most seem to be sick of them, but I like reading them if they're written well, seeing what you call your Seventh Element and who you pair off your OC to which Mane Six member.
As one who has written a similar story, has read all the ones you've mentioned and a Brit, well done and keep up the good work sir!
Brony + Alicorn + 7th Element + Romance tag = insta-downvote.
And how Valour relate to Friendship and the others Elements ?
2750440
About time we saw a hater around here.
2750440
Have I made any reference that the show exists in my character's universe?
True you didn't mention anything about the show yet, except :
And that's why your character don't give a fuck and don't react realisticaly to anything happening to him. He open his door in the middle of the night, black out and awake in a new WORLD, with a new BODY, surrounded by a TALKING DRAGON and a TALKING UNICORN and ... he play the smart aleck.
I'm pretty sure any real human being in this situation is not going to react like this or accept that these event are happening so easily.
The main thing that bother me so far in the story is the fact that you ( self-insert ) don't struggle at anything. There is no surprise, no awe, no discovery, no adaptation. You don't care about a new body, you talk the language right away, you can walk, run and jump immediatly; Celestia know you and your future role.
Did is life on Earth so miserable that he forgot about his family, friends and life in less than a day ?
You don't describe this new world at all, you don't explain how weird it is to you to see pony using the same motion range and emotions than a human being ( real pony cannot reach being their head, or make hooves gestures like we see in the show.
Take the travel from Canterlot to Ponyville, you didn't describe anything ! I'm pretty sure any human being should be a little worried to fly in an open chariot. Or be amazed by the architecture of Canterlot. Or make some comment about the landscape from so high in the sky.
You just didn't care and jump to rewrite the whole show to include yourself everywhere.
And spice the rewrite goddmit !
Don't rewrite blindly the show, add some détails. What happen between the end of the second chapter and the start of the third ?
Describe the party, describe how he start to live with Twilight, how ponies react to an Alicorn before jumping right away to the next episode of the show.
The MC don't feel alive to me, he's way too bland and uninterresting, because you failed to describe his reaction at the start of the story. Your world is boring too, because you failed to make it appear interresting, you just rewrite the show word for word while including the self-insert.
And it's boring, you don't add anything new ! Show more emotions and interactions, describe things, show us your headcanon for things.
2750526
Thank you for your criticism. While I agree with some of the points you have made, let me these are just the first three chapters of the story, and I will do my best to improve in future updates. The reason my character reacted as he did was because I thought the freaking out scenario is too cliché, and I'll also admit that when I wrote the chapters, I simultaneously watched the original episode via YouTube. Next time, I'll watch the episode, go over ways to affect the story, and then write the story.
*Thinks About Reading Stories, Sees That This Has Been Updated*
*Notices That The Favorite Button Isn't Giving Any 'Updated Stories Indication'*
DAFUQ?!
Yay! Update! Hmm several typos like Gun-Ho (Gung -ho) but nothing that cant be scrubbed out eventually. Good job!
Bleh, it's been so long since I read this that I don't freaking remember what happened!
2751748
Sorry about that, but I've said it enough times already that I was focusing on my GCSE exams.
2756742Probly never read your blog, so I doubt I'd have heard it. And if you mentioned it in the chapters, then I don't remember. Either way, I understand.
Well I read your story all the way to this point and from what I seen, its a good story. Of course its following the same structure of the original series, but its nice to see the original series in different view points, though I would like to see more interactions of the main character with the story instead of being the bystander, but thats just nitpicking( I actually like that part where james and twilight actually converse about james origins, more stuff like that would be nice to see). You did not make james a OP character when he became a alicorn thank god for that cause I really hate that when that happens. Its more fun watching a character grow stronger as the story progresses, using all the things he learned into good use. The romance is cute, it did not just spontaneously combust the second they meet each other, I actually had no idea that was your intention until later on the story, good job with that. Now the whole james hating pinkie, its funny when he talks to pinkie like she's the coming of the end of the world(looking forward to the pinkie sense part) but I think you should tone it down, or even better make him see pinkie in a different light as time goes on(make a personal episode between original episodes, I would like to see these as well.) To sum it up, its good and cant wait for more(you dont need to use all the things I requested, there just my opinions of the story, if it does not follow your views of the story than do it your way, though it is a good idea to consider them and see if you like it or not). If you need any tips for writing take a look into this blog Important to all writers!
2768735
Thanks for your feedback. When I first started this story, I didn't think it would get this much positive feedback. I will say though that I don't really intend to make any filler chapters in my story right now, but I might consider it as the story progresses. Also, I just haven't found a good spot where James can interact with the story yet, but the story is still early and I'm sure I can find a place for him in the future.
I like the story so far. I have an idea for what can happen to James in the Bridle Gossip episode, for when the poison joke take effect. He will transform into his human self. What do you think?
2875590
I have no intention to do that. I plan to make him human for the first time in Equestria Girls.
2875929 Oh, i see. Still, would have been pretty funny if it really happend. But i see you want to focus more on the actual show. Oh well, good luck with future chapters.
Ooops, another victim of the Auto-replace speilczech; herd - heard
"...As I walked out back into town, I had two things on my mind. #1: Pinkie. That girl was so annoying, naive and childish that it knocked me sick. Unless she doesn't realize dark the world really is, then she will never get through life. Ignorance may be bliss, but the world has never rewarded the naive. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those guys who sees the world as a horrible place where there is no good and the only person you can trust is yourself. I'm the sort of guy who knows that there are dark parts of life, but there are equal amounts of good. Friends, true friends; not the people you copy and hang out with just because you think they're cool, are the people who can lead in the direction of the good parts; though when it comes to friends, I'd consider Pinkie anything but one of mine..."
This is definitely going to lead to between-episode chapters.The EoH bearers learn over the first season to be in Harmony with each other, because that is the strength behind the magic. Things happened specifically to force them to come to grip with each other's differences, and the Elements might cause a special event with Pinkie and James so they can at least come to an understanding.
If he has his way though, there will be problems that could shatter the unity of the group. The reason Pinkie Pie is so gung ho on believing the world is beautiful, on being Happy, to avoid the bad emotions and seeing the world in any bad light, is avoiding facing one pony; Pinkamina Diane Pie.
) ...can be a bit of a shock to the others....
I really doubt she can ever go "cupcakes", but having a depressed and depressing, angry, and disturbingly human acting Pinkie Pie (I'm out-Jamesing James! Okay?! >
That can be as bad for the group when they really need her as a Discord outbreak will be.
2926279
I don't intend to do any between episode chapters. You'll just have to keep reading the story to see what I do about Pinkie and James.
Griffin the brush off fight scene and why isn't all the ponies surprised at an alicorn amongst them???
Well fudge it, have an upvote.
3148928
Holy shit it's you! I love Off the Record, and as I've said, you are one of my inspirations for this fic. Thanks so much for noticing this story, it means a lot when I've read stories as good as yours.