Lyra's Grand human hunt

by -Twilight

Anon's Magic Band

"I've always had an Undying interest in anthropomorphic creatures like Minotaurs and Apes but never have I met they're Predecessors. Legend always told of Humans being extinct, some believe they never existed at all. But I know hehe; I know they exist, I have proof now. Just imagine it, Lyra Heartsrings; Master Anthropologist and amazing hunter of mythological creatures "

"They'll call me.... ahem... " Lyra climbs atop the table
"Lyra van Strings!" Lyra chanted making the nerds around her stomp their hoofs in appreciation.

"Then what of me?" You point out. "What will happen to me once I'm officially captured."

The nerds look up at Lyra and at each other, Lyra was the first to speak.
"Well.... we were thinking we could test on you. just some simple mental and physical tests then after maybe put you In a zoo with other monkeys. being their predecessor maybe you could learn to evolve into a proper ape. or maybe the apes will become more like you, talking and wearing clothes and stuff like that.

Well, let me just stop you right there. Everypony in the room stopped and stares at you.

Well for one, humans are not the predecessor of apes and I'm sure we're not predecessor of Minotaurs either. heck, you would probably be called crazy if you even said you saw a Minotaur on my planet much less to claim to be a great great great ancestor of one.

Everypony gasped and looked up at their "so-called" leader for confirmation.

"h-how is that possible, my books they all said- And they were wrong? " Lyra began to cry.
"My life's work... worthless"

You were starting to feel sympathetic for the green loser. still In the potato bag you squirm to her side.

"Hey want to know something?" You say to Lyra

"No" she replies jokingly.

You too both exchange laughs before you begin. after all, you had an idea.

"The human race began over 200 million years ago from the magma below magmatharon mountain which still stands today." You began. Everypony gathered around you with note pads and quills ready to eat up your lies like hay fries.
"Back then humans were not bipedal but walked on fours like you."

We were predators, hunting larger animals with our wits, cunning, power and *ahem* magic
Lyra was the only one to gasp in awe at that. You knew that what you were saying was a bunch of crap but you really didn't feel like explaining the true origin of humans considering how you didn't really know all of It.

"Yes Lyra, magic." You continue. "Humans used to have powerful magical abilities back then. that's how we survived the harsh elements. My ancestors used magic in their everyday lives up until the late gorgaorgen era 400 years ago during the Star war on planet Han solo. That's when... It was STOLEN!" coincidentally, Lighting struck the window causing a startling booming noise It also shut the power off; leaving us in darkness, well all except for my glow in the dark armband.

"Whoops, I just don't know what wen't wrong" A voice from outside yells.

"Wh-what is that? inside the sack? Is that some of your magic anon?" Lyra asked curiously.

You grin knowing they can't see your face in this dark, you have an idea on how get out.
"why yes, yes it is. I would looove to show you it so you can study on it but..... I'm a little.... tied up at the moment" you say.

"Oh that's no problem at all" Lyra said happily. her horn lit up and shot a beam at the sack that was constricting me, slowly tearing it fabric like some sort of lazer beam.

"Thank you" you say happily. you stretch your arms out. The ponies eyes following your banded hand.

"Oh yes, this old thing. This is the MAGIC BAND OF GORGENTHAR invented by my great great grandfather Issac Clarke who suffered from minor Dementia " you say, trying not to burst out in laughter at the stupid name you made up."

everypony gasped in awe as you take off the band and placed it down for them to examine.
"w-what does it do?" one pony asked to you curiously.

"Well other than look well on me, everything..." you reply simply. It was easy to convince these ponies that your plastic 50cent rubber Glowband was a mythological magic band from a far away land.

The ponies gasp in awe as you say that. Its only a matter of time unt- "show us" somepony broke your thought. There it is.
"Well I would love to show you but you see, this is a very powerful device, not something to be used inside such a small area. I'm afraid I would need to be outside to show you.

Your thankful for the power outtage and for their lack of other lights. as of now, the only lights are from the glow band and Lyra's horn.

"Haha there is no way in Tartarus I'm letting you out of here that easily, only a foal would not see that's just some stupid rubber band you get from the joke shop." Lyra objected.

Crap they have them here too. time for plan "B"

"Exactly what we want you to think. Are you sure its a fake band? are you willing to take the risk of missing out on real alien technology?" you say, trying your best to intimidate her and her theory.

"W-well...." she turns to see many faces on her, some with plead and others with anger.

"Alright, Lets see this magic band of yours anon, but no funny business" Lyra said. she opened up the door leading you out into the backyard.

~~~~~~Twilight Pov~~~~~~~~

You, Twilight sparkle are enjoying your daily walk around ponyville, it keeps you in shape, not to mention you were looking for something, somebody to be exact. you decided the first place to look was Lyra's home knowing her....... obsession.

"Alright let's see this magic band of yours anon, but no funny business." A familiar voice said from beyond the fence.
"wait anon?" you watch the scene unfold through a hole in the fence. You see anon standing in the backyard around a set of small rocks. You also see anon holding the glow band he bought from Canterlot the week before.

"Alright, for my first trick of magic, I shall make these rocks dance around me! " Anon announced to his small audience of nerds and Lyra. They all clapped their hooves expectantly, well, all except Lyra who seemed to be doubting It.

"I didn't know Humans could do magic, Anon has never said anything about them being able to, I gotta see this.
You watch as the human walks around the rock patch while doing some motions with his hands, almost as if hes trying to lift them off the ground. you couldn't help but chuckle loudly at his attempts. You cover your mouth quickly to make sure nopony hears you.

*you look back into the hole and find that nopony noticed you outburst but somebody did.
you notice he is staring slightly at you, making motions with his mouth.
"kelp me?"
"kelp tree?"
"help me?" yea that's definitely a help me. but for what? oh no, did he get captured by Lyra and is forced to entertain them like a magic monkey slave? That has to be it! how much times has my intuition failed me? "

You look around to see your talking to no one.

"Alright fine, I'll help him." You leave the fence to find a better line of sight.

~~~~~` Anon Pov~~~~~~

"Alas there seems to be something wrong with it" you say knocking it with your other hand knowing perfectly well nothing will ever happen.
"Come on, I told you this was garbage, Lets go." Lyra said. Her horn started to light up as the backyard door opened. She was motioning you in.
"Come on gods of magic, I know you exist. you decided to plop me in a magical world of unicorns and mythology and I'm sure it wasn't for this." you think to yourself. Just as you do, you notice your band changed color. from a creepy green to a glowing purple.

"Anon? anon can you hear me?" a voice said from your head.

"Oh good you can hear me, don't talk but listen, I'm going to get you out of here with teleportation but the thing is, teleporting someone else somewhere will take a bit of time, your going to have to stall them to stay outside. I enchanted your Gorgenthar band? Is that what your culture calls glowbands? whatever, just give them a show until I'm ready.
Trusting the voice as twilight you obey.

"W-wait Lyra!" you stick your hand out towards her and the door. immediately you had glows with a purple aura along with the door. "good, Anon, now just think about what you want to happen" Twilight said in your head.

You think of the door slamming shut before they can enter again. Magically your wish is granted as the door slams, bonking Lyra on the muzzle.. again. All the other ponies cheered, except for Lyra who was unconscious by the door.

"Alright, I have made the magic band work!" observe as I entertain you for a little longer!"

You raise your banded hand as all the rocks around you begin to circle you and dance around with life.
everypony was cheering, stamping their hoofs against the ground. All except Lyra who was still unconscious.

"I'm almost done, one more trick should do make it a big one."

You close your eyes, you were ready to conjure up the magic, you know wasn't yours.

The rock, by magic, lifted themselves into the air and began to swirl themselves in patterns.
The ponies all applauded again, you think you heard one of them say "The magic is strong with this one"

"Alright, anon ready when you are." Twilight said.

You ignored her, you were to captivated by the magic blessed upon you.

"ANON! " a voice shouts in your head. your arm band reverts back to its green color and the rocks fall back down, some hitting you on the head.
Everypony started laughing.
"Wow, I never knew all this about humans, this is so amazing" one nerd said
"I sure wish Lyra was a wake to see this" another said.

Now's my chance.

"and for my final closing act, I shall make myself disappear!" everypony stopped laughing instantly.
"d-did he just say he was going to disappear?" one said to the other.
"Well we can't let him to that" one of the only females said. They all begin to approach you with shovels and hoses and other things they could find around the yard.

"Uh... Twi, I could really use your help right now" You say out loud.

"Don't worry I got you." Twilight replied.

Soon your body begins to glow purple, startling the ponies around you, they prepare to pounce at you but before they could grab you, you disappear leaving them to bonk heads. and pass out as well.

!!!!! three hours later!!!!!!
Whhaph do youf meffh youf losf him?
((What do you mean you lost him!)) Lyra shouted through her muffle at one of the nerd-ponies. her voice sounded clogged since her entire muzzle was heavily wrapped by bandages. The other ponies fared no better. Some had casts and others eye patches. All because of one human, you.

"I don't know how he did it, he just.... poof!" He did say some thing about Twilight though.

"thhhght ? thhhght spharkhle ?" Lyra broke out into a grin which she had to stop because her jaw was bruised.
(Twilight ? Twilight Sparkle? )
"mfffph mpph mffh mppfh mthigh lightppph?"
(So you want to play that game twilight?)

Lyra steps toward the window, slowly stroking her blind bag human doll.

"Apph geft you neft timph anon, neeft timph"
("I'll get you next time anon, next time!")
·

Author's Note:

Well I promised you a longer chapter so this is what you get. lol
Let me just say, Anon magic was a spur of the moment thing, he will not get anymore magic chances like that again. unless i realllly change the script but I doubt that.

I hope my references brought you some nostalgia, see If you can count how much references and while your at It, favorite, share and follow for MOAR!

It seems I'm getting better and better at making stories, much less errors and punctuation fails. Granted I have had a lot in my time here but it had been attempted and prevented :) please do tell me If there is any that needs to be pointed out

Comments

[DezzarTac]

aawwwww yeah

[Fugly Duckling]

"Lyra van Strings!" Lyra chanted making the nerds around her stomp they're hoofs in appreciation.

that's like saying ''making the nerds around her stomp they are hoofs in appreciation''

EDIT: great chapter though

[randomfandom]

best story ever, it's funny, but not crazy crazy crazy all the time

[Brony_Commissar]

As a history nerd... I cringed at this chapter. Great story though.

[Order]

Well also my hand and call me uncle John I think we might have just done some crap ya hear