• Published 23rd Feb 2013
  • 2,262 Views, 193 Comments

Romancing the Clouds - KitsuneRisu



With crime rates on the rise in Cloudsdale, a single pegasus takes it upon himself to right the wrongs in his city. But for somepony who'd never stepped outside of an office before, where was he going to begin?

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Author Notes and other Goodies [2 Feb 14]

This is just a little place I dump answers to some questions I got about what I do and how I chose to do things or why. There's also a little gallery thing below just for the fun of it. There's also some explanations of terms and canon that I use in the fic if people are confused!

Terminology

First/Second Sunrise/Sunset :
Cloudsdale experiences sunrises and sunsets twice. The first sunrise is when the light breaks EQUESTRIA, but is below Cloudsdale from the perspective of a central cloud somewhere looking towards one edge that they determined a long time ago. Second sunrise is when the sun hits that edge. In reverse, First sunset is when the sun dips below the edge of Cloudsdale on the other side, and Second sunset is when it goes below Equestria.

Our regular sunrise and sunset equates to first sunrise and second sunset of Cloudsdale (and other sky lands) respectively.

Earth-borne / groundside :
Terms to describe characters and things of a 'ground' origin. This is not considered a rude term.

Underclouds :
A term used to describe Pegasi who live and/or were born in groundside cities. This is not considered a rude term.

Overcast :
This is the rude version of 'undercloud'.

Police:
The police in each different city and town are named quite differently. Here is a list of the ones that have been named before:

Canterlot Police
Fillydelphia Rangers
Las Pegasus Galeforce
Trottingham Shrievalty

Pigeons:
These are actually not birds. These are actually rats with wings. Literally. They call them pigeons in Cloudsdale, but are general cloud-rodents that have magic to walk on cloud and have a pair of fluffy wingboners. So if you ever see me describing pigeons weirdly in the fic, this is the joke.

Locations and Geography

Equestria:
While there are a lot of discussions about what Equestria actually IS, for the purposes of this fic it refers to all the lands that Princess Celestia has domain over. It is her continent. Cloudsdale is found within its borders, but because it is a sky city, does not fall under her authority. Cloudsdale is independent.

Skylla:
Don't pay attention to the Hearth's Warming tale. All pegasi originally come from a grand city far, far away to the East named Skylla, out of Princess Celestia's domain. Skylla is on the other side of the world than the Gryphon Lands and is equatable to ancient Greece of earth culture. The original language of the Pegasi is called 'Thebos', but central Equestrian (English) is very widespread and common by this point.

The Cirrhara Desert:
It is a sky tundra that exists to the far East somewhere between Cloudsdale and Skylla. It is technically a 'sky desert', not because of dryness and sand but because of hostile terrain. It is mostly fog, and is inhabited by all number of dangerous sky creatures, like the windeater of episode 3.

Eyrietrea:
The giant floating mountain, and surrounding ground, that makes up the Gryphon headlands. It is essentially a suspended island of earth and soil, carrying a huge craggy mountain, around which houses are built. Based off the idea of a Mediterranean coast-town.

M’polani Plains:
The name of the Zebra lands.

Nchi:
200 years ago, Eyrietrea and the M'polani Plains were once part of a larger continent to the west called Nchi, where Gryphons and Zebra shared the land. A war broke out between the Gryphons and the Zebra with the Zebra as the dominant race, as they had magic and tribal warfare. The Gryphons were taken as workers to conduct mining for the zebras to do trade and toolwork with. In order to ensure their safety, the Gryphons tunneled their mountain, rich in a specific kind of floating magic ore, and it floated up above Nchi, taking a large chunk of the ground with it. Over time, peace returned and relationships became better. Nchi decided to split, recognizing each other's independence.

Q&A

Q: Why do you use 'hands' so much in the fic? Why do you use so many terms that have the word 'hand' as a base word?
A: Hands do exist in my world, but not in the same way as humans. Gryphon and dragon paws are referred to as hands in their universe. It's just simpler. And no, those things aren't 'claws'. They have claws, but you don't call a human hand a human nail. In the same way, you shouldn't refer to the body part as a claw. It is uncommon for ponies to use words with the word 'hand' in it, though, although they know what they are and are familiar with them.

Q: What's up with 'everyone' and 'no one'? It's everypony, damnit!
A: Yes, sort of. But it was a pun for the show, and that's how it sort of began. Let's face it. It's incredibly racist and small-minded for a species to refer to themselves and themselves only when including non-pony species in reference to a group. Gryphons are not ponies. So if you wanted to refer to them, you'd have to have a term that encompasses all sentient races. Everypony is a term used only when ponies are included in the mix. A broader term for that is 'Everyone'. Simple.

There are, however, characters who will use 'Everypony' despite this. And this is purposeful.

Q: Why do you spell it 'Gryphon'? It's spelt 'Griffin' in the show! *RAGE*
A: Yes it is. But I assume that was only because that particular spelling lent itself to the pun found in 'Given/Griffin' in the title of that one ep. Regardless, the original spelling of the term is Gryphon. I am just very much more used to spelling it that way, and they really are the same thing. It's automatic when I write it so I decided it'd be easier. Calm down there, chucko. It's a small deal.

Q: Why does Brilliant Cut in Episode 2 have a cutie mark icon? Is she going to be a cast member?
A: No. She was a loaner from a friend. Sort of a cameo character. I put her cutie mark in because I wasn't really thinking about it at the time, actually. In the future, when I do cameos, they will take the ~ mark instead, or no header icon at all. Brilliant Cut unfortunately is a one-time deal, but MAY show up in the future in sort of just references.

Q: Are you a butt?
A: Yes. I am.

Have a question? Ask me!



Hi there, folks!

I do a bit of art, and some people have been kind enough to actually do fan stuff for this fic.

In this thread I show off a little of both, and maybe write a little bit about the characters. I will keep this page constantly updated with cool things and arts as they come in (so do more, people, I like getting gifts, nyuk nyuk) and, yeah! It's just for fun.

Some people have asked me about how I think up characters and my character thought processes in general, so I decided to write a little bit about them, and maybe give a bit of fun trivia on the side.

And maybe inspire people to do stuff for me because I'm an absolute whore. Rarity style.

Please enjoy.


The Egg Gallery

(Updated 2 Feb 2014)


-- General Gift Art --

Pinkie Primus did this amazing MSpaint version of the cover art. I say amazing not in a patronizing way -- we both know the limits of his artistic prowess, and I actually really, really like this. I love how Mocha looks there, all scared and confused.


== ==

Eggbeater

Egg's cutie mark is a flaming eggbeater. Or at least, that's what he thinks it is. He hasn't ever been able to figure out what it means, yet, but perhaps that will be revealed to him in the future. Maybe it's just an eggbeater on fire. No one knows.

Egg remains the only one who hasn't changed dramatically since I started conceiving this story all the way back.

This was my first ever conceptual drawing of him. Besides a bit of colour change, and the fact that this drawing is pretty terrible, he's pretty the same. But the most accurate design I have for his colours and mane is on the cover art.

-- Gift Art --

Egg Mugshot by Martian

This this AMAZING picture of him. It's lovely. Go check out Martian on his page. He's another excellent writer, and as we can see, an amazing artist who puts me to shame.


== ==

Emberkite

Emberkite's name used to be called Sheerwind. His original conception was an ex-flight instructor who was tired of teaching little fillies and put his skills to good use fighting crime. He was actually originally going to be the opposite of what Ember ended up as - extremely straight edge and the one who 'kept everyone on track'. However, through discussions I felt this was not going to work out in a team that was mainly going to be known more for their faults than successes, so I changed him to a brash, young stallion who has no impulse control.

Sheerwind is not dead, though, per se. He'll probably come back in a MotD episode.

His cutie mark is thunderbolts crossed under a cloud. But of course, the skull-and-crossbones motif is there. It represents his recklessness.

This is a very early sketch of him back when he was still 'Sheerwind'. His mane was designed more like a cliff, because he used to enjoy base jumping. His firey tail was a bit more poofy, but right now I envision it more like a streak of fire, snakelike, rather than so obviously modeled after a flame. He still carries some streaks of yellow around his mane, though.

-- Gift Art --

MSPAINT OomberKoote by q97randomguy

q97randomguy drew me this very... interesting picture of Emberkite. I name him OomberKoote because it fits better. I actually like it a lot. Thank you!

Emberkite Raeeegggg by Martian

Another amazing piece by Martian. Thank you, as always! This really captures his anger very well indeed~


== ==

Mocha Leche

Mocha Leche's name is a weird mix of all the languages. It just means 'Milk Chocolate Coffee', and 'Leche' is pronounced 'Leh-chay', and I'm saying this because I've actually been asked this a number of times.

Mocha's cutie mark is a cup of coffee. As she's an insomniac, she's slightly tilted, as is the cup. Also, the shadow of the moon is reflected in the crema of the coffee, to show her affinity with the night.

Of the entire cast, Mocha was the one I came up with the last. But she was the most necessary.

The red streaks under her eyes is not due to terrible eyeshadow choices. It's because she doesn't sleep. Also, her mane is impossible. But I don't care.

Early sketches of Mocha, which I don't like at all, have her in a darker colour. I'm not very happy with this. Also, the second sketch has some random text, but I drew it to mess with a friend. It's still valid though, right?

Yeah.

More recently, I did a one-layer painting of her just to fiddle with art and stuff. I think I like this one the best, although her mane is still impossible.

People have asked why she's on the cover and Survey isn't. It's a good question.


== ==

Survey

When I write for Survey, I think of Stephen Merchant. I actually don't have any art of him, because... I don't.

His mark is pretty self-explanatory. He's not special, but he doesn't have to be. As a Trottinghammer, he sports a thick British accent, and carries some of the odd word choices of the locals. He's Egg's best friend not by choice, really, but they've sort of established a weird hate-hate rapport.

Survey used to have a larger role before I found it to be more funny if he were diminished, and it makes more sense in the long run, in context, to have him skirting the sides of the cast but always flipping over back and forth.

-- Gift Art --

MSPAINT Survey by HerpyDerpy

Just for fun, a friend dumped this on me when I was bitching about how Survey had no art and I didn't know how he sort of looked like. It might not be the final design, but I sure like what it's got so far! It's a lot better than his original idea, although to be frank I like that one a lot better.


== ==

Eternia van der Koekja

This character was the hardest for me to tie down. I had a lot of trouble writing for her because her story was very similar to a lot of others, but couldn't find a groove. She has now, though. And snapped to it quite nicely. She has always been a pacifist, and someone a bit mysterious with a lot of hidden things. Although I assure you all that she has no evil in her heart.

At least, not of her own creation.

However, her design hasn't changed much from the start. I wanted her headfeathers to sort of resemble a french beret, and the spots on her chest look like chocolate chips.

She used to have a pet baby anteater named Archibalt, but I was threatened into dropping it. (The idea, not the baby anteater.)

Her Cutie Mark is... oh wait.

Nevermind.

In my head, Cookie speaks with an odd icelandish accent. Think of bjork but less annoying and thick.

-- Gift Art --

Eternia Sketch by Martian

Martian did me this sketch of her once. It's not complete, but I liked it so much I put it up here anyway. Thanks very much, Martian! Maybe you can finish it one day! *wink wink nudge nudge*

MSPAINT Oootoonooia by q97randomguy

q97randomguy drew another one. Cookie. Yes. It is what it is. I display this PROUDLY.


== ==

Champagne Satellite

Champy's there, too.

She's a brat. Sort of. I wanted to write a brat, keeping the idea of Silver Spoon and/or Diamond Tiara in mind, but much less annoying or flatly tied to that one single aspect of that character. I wanted to try to turn it and make it 'cute' in a way, something that is good to get over, but something that also fuels a part of her character.

Her cutie mark was explained in one of the episodes, and so was much of everything else. So not much else to say about her.

I imagine her voice is like Breanne from this song.

-- Gift Art --

Champagne Satellite Mugshot by Martian

Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod. *eyes leak sugar* Even more incredibly sexy cute art from Martian. Check him out! You cannot resist the eyes...


== ==

Professor Polychromasia

The professor went through so many iterations that I scrapped her original idea and started fresh. Originally she was going to be the comic relief of the group, but I decided to make her a bit more involved since the group is pretty funny as it is already. At the very start, I really made her up as part of the 'mad scientist' trope, with a mane inspired by 'bride of frankenstein'. She had this whole steampunk thing going on with a monocle. Her cutie mark was obviously inspired by Dark Side of the Moon, but I changed that to something a lot more visually interesting.

Here she is arguing with Eternia back when Eternia still had a pet anteater named Archibalt (scrapped), and here she is being offensive to Champagne. Yes, she was that kind of character. Due to the series taking a much darker tone, and my decision to play it straight rather than 'silly', most of these original ideas were changed, and Poly took the biggest redesign hit. She's still the 'quirky' one but not insanely so.

Currently she looks like this in sketches that I never fleshed out. The most complete mugshot I have of her is this one here, which is her image from episode 5 onward. She has white eyes under the dark glasses. The only thing I kept from the old design is that she still wears two sets of goggles. But one of them is necessary for her ability to function in daylight.


== ==

Gale A. Mezzo

One of our... antagonists, Gale was made to fill a specific role.

Of course, I can't say what that is, but she has a pretty big part later on. She's mysterious, and might be hiding more than what has already been stated. Her cutie mark is just a stylized quill, nothing fancy. But her name is based after a joke that I had with my co-conceptualizer. We both watch and are fans of the series Parks and Recreation, and in that, there is a horrible TV show presenter named Joan Callamezzo. Gale A. Mezzo is a simple reference to her, although their characters are rather different.

The A stands for Aubergine. Another name for an aubergine is an Eggplant.

Make of that what you will.

Here is a quick sketch of her, looking annoyed. She would like to very much piss in your cereal.


Comments ( 58 )

I swear... there's a lot of vegetables out there.

...

:facehoof:

Odd. somehow, I had seen 3 new chapters, and now there are only two.

2687383
Shhhh..... Spoilers.... :rainbowwild:

And yeah, there were only 2 new chapters today. The final one and the small gallery.

God I love that last mysterious design.

Mm, Martian is a talented artist like you too, Kits. No wonder I love you both!

Um... update? PLEASE!?

2727260
;_; Working on it ;_;

2735588
Everything in their world is made out of aluminum, copper, lead and gold~

*Makes ninja edits*

2736036
Reponse time, yos.

I'm thinking you have them slotted as sort of licensed free agents. They can, but aren't obligated to respond to crimes.

Yes and no. It's actually a lot more complicated than that. There's no reason why they would not want to help. So I have a history for them that explains their capacity (in this fic, at least) to do what they do but yet do nothing at the same time. I will explain in story eventually. When the time is right, and when the information is pertinent.

Also, you dropped a reference to the Canterlot Police, and the fact that you specified the Canterlot police, stopped me. Is Canterlot the only city with a police department?

Again, yes and no. The Canterlot Police is a reference to the fic that sort of inspired this one, which was a story about a duo in the Canterlot Police solving crimes and stuff. These two fics are unofficially in the same universe. Law enforcement does actually exist in all the other groundside cities that are under Celestia's direct rule. But they call themselves different things, and work slightly differently.

In my canon, they are:

- Celestia and Luna's personal guard
- The Canterlot Police
- The Fillydelphia Rangers
- The Las Pegasus Galeforce
- The Trottingham Shrievalty

And the Cloudsdale one? Well.... we'll see.

Ember (?) was likening the 'Bolts to the Canterlot police. So, are the Canterlot police not doing their job? I might also be grasping at straws.

Ember is an idiot. He's comparing the BASE of what they do what what he thinks the Bolts do. In the end it's all about how much you want to trust Ember, in this case... heh. heh hehe hehe. hehe. :scootangel:

But, you know. if you wanted to get the straight dope on it... might as well go to the source.

I really do like your prologue. Starting off on familiar territory, with familiar characters was smart. Kind of the literary equivalent of testing the temperature of the pool with your foot.

I absolutely MUST credit Crack Javelin for the idea. He is a great, great ideas man and has helped me a lot being a sounding board and giving me a smart frame for the first arc of this story. I'd remember that scene, though. I intend to play off it a lot more than just an excuse to slide into the story.

Also, every time he pulls that ink-bag trick, it makes me wonder how many of those things he stole from his old job.

I think you mean borrowed, there. :scootangel:

That part where he was explaining things in the diner was difficult to read.

It was difficult to type! Haha. But... well. He is unfortunately as he is, yes?

And Champagne, could you have come up with a more spoiled, entitled name?

But it's pretty :duck:

Her body language reading ability is going to be interesting to watch. It reminds me of the show Lie to Me. Have you seen it? Good show.

Gee, I wonder where I got the idea from? :scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel:

But no, it's not completely from Lie to Me. I... do enjoy a lot of police procedural dramas, and I can't say that the quirky characters haven't inspired some of the archetypes, but with Champy I wanted to see what would happen... well.

I'm wondering how much power you are going to give her, you could easily treat her as a sort of Xavier level psychic, who just knows everything that is going on with in a certain radius around her. But I don't see you taking that rout.

You'll see the distinctions between them all in Episode 3. It's a little clearer with Ember, and much less with Egg, because of their personalities. But I'm not a fan of the 'master of all' route when it comes to ability. I like characters to be proficient, but also have it explainable and realistic. Which means... that nothing you see happening here might be completely 100% pulled off with no hitches. Just because someone is confident of something at the time doesn't mean that it won't go sour later... and this might be in the span of one episode or a few episodes down the road.

She might just be very stoic, and always put on a happy mask for others. I wonder which it is.

:scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::twistnerd::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel:

Also, her being adopted is... odd to me. I'm left wondering what led to a griffon chick getting mixed into the equestrian foals service.

This will be expanded on in the future, but it'd be pretty heartless to not take in an abandoned egg or a young gryphon child in a typical 'left on the doorstop' scenario. I'm not saying this is what happened, but there are circumstances that are tied into the whole mythology of Cloudsdale's shadowy past that I'm working up to. Besides. Never said it was through a system.

Ho ho ho. thank you for reading very much! It's been great to hear your thoughts. Hope I will continue to amuse you.

I...I thought this was a chapter... and now I am sad.

Also, the second sketch has some random text, but I drew it to mess with a friend.

That was me! Yay! And I do love her!

Seriously though, glad I finally got my arse in gear to read this, but where's chapter 4, man? Looking forward to more but so help me if those two goons touch a hair on Mocha's perfect head I will cut you up something fierce with your own splintered shinbones.

2801724>>2734539
To 'Busk' is to perform for money on a street, like those living statues or musicians, not 'beat them up'. =)

2802001

threathening

sparks of red-hot shrapnel was

character. covered

familiar bandage

Fixed.

2807740

And I'm calling that this somehow works out to their detriment or benefit somewhere down the line.

No, I just like my established locations to have character. It's also the reason why I devoted a rather long section to Mocha's diner's back story. Because the diner (and the base) is important, and are therefore characters, and all characters have flaws, strenghts, and stories.

Not to say there aren't guns lying everywhere either. :twilightsmile:

2809165

A whole goddamn armory if you ask me...

:heart::twistnerd:

But when a lonely office worker's best friend gets mugged in the streets, he finally decides that enough is enough, and launches himself headfirst into the stupidest possible thing he could do - quitting his job, and waging war on the underworld.

I'm Batpony.
Sunshine Smiles, to be precise. It's the eye-patch that really sells my intimidating image.

3015518
Yes, yes. Not the first time I've heard that. =)

3015645

It's kind of an ugly hairstyle. I don't know what anybody sees in it.

And I don't know why everyone says Rarity has a coiffure either. She doesn't really.
But let's not quiff-coiffure about it.

When I look at his cutie mark, I see an eggbeater on fire. And I think such a thing would be remarkable.

Inspired by the many times I have set an eggbeater on fire by accident. Or maybe other things. I don't know. I'm tricky like that.

I expect you would like to know what I think of it.

The idea makes me nervous.

3016914

And my second guess is that they've planning to impersonate Rainbow Dash to use her status as a national hero for something dastardly.

Clearly you've figured it out. No need to go on then.

I did not foresee a protagonist who was already just waiting for the opportune moment to become a vigilante.

Oh, Egg isn't the sort to do anything without adequate preparation.

The way you refer to the warehouse implies that Egg hasn't moved in yet. But it's been a few days since Survey was attacked, and where has Egg been staying in the interim? He sold his house.

Let's just say he sold his house and was making arrangements to move out in the meantime. He was still staying there for the time, because you don't really move out on the very second the house is sold. At least, that was not my experience here.

"dependent"

Fixor'd

I would dearly like to know, Emberkite, who you would guess they might be selling beached narwhals to. And why those individuals would be buying. And perhaps who would be supplying the narwhals to sell, if you're feeling ambitious.

The Manticore-Gryphon trade union, of course. And they're sold to Princess Celestia to make salves for her skin. You don't live a thousand years without a single wrinkle without some secret.

I did not expect to be reading about a vigilante who started out so competent.

I'm not sure if this is a complaint or just a general observation, but it's something to think about, isn't it?

But still, 50% is an F, so I'm not very impressed with your translation.

Hey, for a guess, it wasn't that bad, huh?

And by the way, you generally use American English, don't you? I don't remember noticing British English, at any rate.

No, I use Singaporean English, which is an odd combination of the two. I actually spell 'colour' with a U, amongst other things. Oh, look, there's another one. I use 'amongst' instead of 'among'. In some cases, we use American slang and terminology due to media influence, but as we were chiefly a British colony in the past, we use a lot of British terms. It's a bit more forced for Survey, of course, but otherwise, I use more British terms than American. And I thought that 'Jell-o' was a brand name that had become synonymous with the product? Sort of like how we all say "coke" when we actually mean "cola". Either way. she's not a jelly. She's not a jelly. It would just sound odd(er) if she went around claiming she was not a jam, though.

I don't know if they have an opening for an agoraphobic criminologist with no practical experience.

I believe this is how most criminology departments in real life do it.

3024173

You never needed to supplement with chloroform before. What gives?

It's the stuff that's in the bags. He just removed it and soaked a cloth in it.

3024449

single quotes a stylistic choice to distinguish this from dialogue

Personal stylebook. Doubles for dialogue, italics for thoughts and emphasis, singles for non-direct quotes or relaying of paraphrase.

Guess that confirms that the picture did not capture the whole team.

No, it doesn't. Survey is not on there, for example. And I never said that everyone on the cover art had to be on the same team.

Also, the colt totally still isn't in the cover art.

No. Punk isn't.

What is the connection between the two meanings of "complementary"?

I believe the definition that you seek of 'giving things away' is actually the one with the 'I'. A complimentary gift, given, with our compliments, since a gift was considered to be a token of ones well wishes. A complimentary token would thus be a token of good wishes, in the same way that we now use the word to describe good wishes of the verbal format.

Complementary goods are things that either fill out a set or support each other in some manner or form.

And that means Canterlot must have police.

Just a tip of the hat to TCW, yes. But I have indeed worked out what they're all called in the different towns, because I am like that.

It's a corollary of Chekhov's Gun: if the gun (reinforced cage) is introduced very suddenly and very conspicuously, it must be fired (become inconveniently empty) by the end of the scene.
I assume it shan't be too long before our heroes hear about this escapee? At which point we will probably be informed of its identity?

Am I to be the source of your literary analysis class now, sir?
Well. I can't say you didn't pick well.

This episode has the clear markings of a standard three act quest. Of course the creature will be resolved by the end of the episode.

Pff. Writing techniques and standards. How dare we follow them.

You're not. Please tell me you're not going to go undercover as an accountant for Cloudsdale Unity. You don't even wear a mask while you're fighting crime; what'll you do if somepony recognizes you?

Yeah, I sure hope this doesn't come back to bite him in the ass at a future, unspecified point.
Which brings us to the theme of this week's episode, kiddies.
Brought to you by the letter 'M'.

what can Egg offer her that Cloudsdale Unity can't, and that she wants?

The real question is more along the lines of 'what does she want?', isn't it? Which ought to be followed by the determination that if you can't offer her anything, then you have to take by force.

Luckily they have Ember on their team. Might be a bit difficult otherwise. He can be more convincing than Egg, when he puts his mind to it. Or dare I say forehead?

And you're just allowing those filthy creatures to live in your headquarters?

I don't see you offering to go down there and get them out.

Does Egg even know what fear feels like? He's obviously familiar with the concept, since he uses it so effectively at times, but has he ever actually experienced it?

Funny you should ask.

Wait, the professor's cutie mark is the album cover of "Dark Side of the Moon"?
Nah, I jest. It makes perfect sense that Professor Polychromatic has a prism for a cutie mark.

Say, will this comment later be connected to part one of the next episode, which I'm guessing will not include the professor until part two? That could certainly confuse people. It's too bad FIMFiction doesn't have functionality for some sort of long author's notes or somewhere else like that to put this stuff where it wouldn't need to move each time you update.

3023041

And I thought that 'Jell-o' was a brand name that had become synonymous with the product? Sort of like how we all say "coke" when we actually mean "cola".

Yeah, what did we call it over here before Jell-o was a well-known brand? "Gelatin"? "Gelatin dessert"? It's not like calling generic tissues "kleenex", there really isn't any properly generic term to fall back on in America. Nothing that I've ever heard used without it sounding forced and artificial.
Also, I think it's amusing the comparison you chose, because I don't know about the rest of the world, but in America there's a huge amount of regional variation in how people refer to sodas. I'm given to understand that people from much of the South use "coke" to mean any soda at all, which has the potential to cause no end of confusion I'm sure. At least if you ask for a "pop" in California, people who don't know what you mean are likely to know they don't know.

3026517

I believe the definition that you seek of 'giving things away' is actually the one with the 'I'. A complimentary gift, given, with our compliments, since a gift was considered to be a token of ones well wishes. A complimentary token would thus be a token of good wishes, in the same way that we now use the word to describe good wishes of the verbal format.

I can say with absolute certainty that if a bar has "complimentary peanuts," it means the peanuts say nice things about you.
On the other hand, the internet disagrees, and The Bedford Handbook, which I know for a fact has my back on this, has nothing to say on the subject. So clearly we must conclude that somebody has been editing the language, and very nearly did such a good job that nobody noticed anything had changed. It was a pretty good job to have replaced my old textbooks that I never managed to sell, though. Very thorough.

3026579

I'd say that it would be cool if the escaped creature were a changeling

Because locking up a changeling in a zoo.... yeah. Seems legit.

If they don't . . . the entire structure of the narrative could collapse from the strain. It would not be pretty if they fail.

Whoops. I guess I didn't think things through well enough. Well, I guess that's it for THIS story!

I believe you mean "commander." Though it's still an unusual choice of words.

I forgot what I meant here. I'll go change it.

Deserts are not exactly known for having ample supplies of clouds

Yeah, this whole thing. These aren't deserts on the ground. They're part of a vast sky-terrain. I'm being a bit vague at the moment, but these will be expanded in the future.

World-building spoilers ahead:

Surrounding the floating Gryphon city of Eyrietrea is a huge wispy mist where evil things live. That is the Cirrhara desert, which is sub-classified as a haze tundra. In Sky terms, 'desert' and 'tundra' have slightly different meanings, and these aren't referring to geographical locations on the surface of the planet.

So the desert and tundra being referred to is actually one and the same. I will, again, be clarifying this in the future. The mist gathers there due to vast magical energies that keep the city-state of Eyrietrea afloat in the first place.

3268510
Haha, well.
Cookie is based off a specific archetype, yeah. She isn't the most approachable of characters, but I am glad you're liking her! How is she to you? Everyone seems to get something different from the characters, so this is an obligatory question. You say you like her but what is it specifically you like? The feedback would help. =)

And as for the spelling issue, I just have a habit of writing it 'gryphon'. But they're the same thing anyway, eh. My ideas of the Gryphons, which has its own mythology that will be explored later on, is that they once shared the lands with the Zebra long, long ago before something happened. Essentially, I picture them as the equivalent of the White Africans, so a lot of Dutch and German heritage, but since this is an MLP thing and not REALLY a mirror of today's world, I lumped in a bunch of European influences in there. My picture of the Gryphon Kingdom would look a bit like the shores of Greece, really, with the tiered houses and all that. Very lovely place.

So it's sort of a mix-up, and I like Dutch names! It came rather naturally.

Thank you for the comment!

3280149 (Sorry, hadn't seen this! I've yet to read the last chapter of the third episode.)
What do I like about Cookie? Hmm... for one thing, it's nice to see a gryphon that's so different from the normal fandom depiction of them, that kind of thing tends to make me happy. The idea of her being adopted by a pegasus couple is also something I like.
As to Cookie herself... she's a genuinely good person who always makes the best of things, and doesn't freak out even when circumstances would warrant it. Her nature is a combination of "cheerful" and "stoic", two great flavours I had never even known could be combined, much less into something that tasted so good. She wants to help, even though there aren't many opportunities for a gryphon to do that there. She's noted as being weird, not just for her race, but for how she acts; and that is the most obvious saving grace separating her from hordes of Mary Sues with superficially the same characteristics. (Of course, it's the good writing and character balance that truly prevent someone from being a Mary/Gary Sue/Stu, but those are harder to define or explain.)

3281207
Thank you for replying! I see now, thank you for the insight. It seems to be very much along the lines with what I was trying to execute, so, yay! Happy ^_^
I was trying mainly to see what 'new' character about her you were talking about that you liked. So, it's 'cheerful and stoic', huh?

Well, I figured, there are some people who can be silently angry and explosively angry, right? Should make sense that there's some people who are explosively happy and silently happy as well. It's not a common characterization, though, definitely. But you know what they say... you have to always watch out for the silent ones. heheh hehe heheh.

EmberXCookie OTP.

Anyway, thank you for responding, and thanks for the fave as well! @_@ This one is my pet project, and your support means the world to me. And It's been a while since an update but don't worry, the next episode is halfway done. I just took a short break from it, as things go.

3883336
Jeez, how fast are you reading.

I"M GONNA READ THIS
WHEN IM DONE
WRITING

but first

ART.

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Episodes are meant to be read as a whole, yes. I had to split it up for reasons of length, but primarily the reason why I categorized them into 'episodes' is because one single episode consists of one story, and the end of a chapter is NOT meant to be a trail off or a cliff in any way. It continues directly.

For this reason also I release them by episodes and not by chapter.

I feel incredibly annoyed, and apologetic. Due to my different schedule, it took me till today to find this update, when I had been eagerly anticipating it for a subjective forever! Sorry I didn't immediately jump on the internet and read this the moment it was posted. :fluttercry:

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That's very, very okay. Just as long as you enjoyed reading it. ^^;

Well now, that's an attractive premise you've got there, you. Let's see how your... PLOT goes, you intriguing story.

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> final chapter

Psst. The story's still marked "Incomplete."

(I would like to mention, for no particular reason, that only Complete stories are eligible for the Royal Canterlot Library.)

Congratulations on the Seattle's Angels feature, btw!

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Thank you! I was pretty damn elated to see it there. It came as a total surprise to me, honestly. Thing is, not sure who said it was complete. It's FAR from complete. I know it was stated as such in the Seattle's Angels' review, but I sent a message to clarify.

And thank you for your suggestion, but this story has a long way to go.

Alexmagnet tells me dis gud story.

I gon read gud story

This story is excellent, I don't understand how it's not more popular.

3959544
Bad luck, I suppose. =)
Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoy it.

Faved, upvoted, unfollowd just so I could follow you again. Absolutely magnificent story. I honestly don't know what else to say.

Other than Cookie is best pony, of course.

Seriously, dude, this is like the first story in months that I just couldn't get enough of. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Never, ever stop writing, you beautiful combination of atoms.

:yay:

3969951
Thank you so very much.

Cookie, huh? Hm.....

And yeah, slowly working on the next chapter which will be a fun motd closed-room mystery deal. Just for fun! But right now I'm working on 3 other stories that came to mind and I wanted to try out. God, I take on FAR too many things at the same time.

inb4cookiedies

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Cookie, huh? Hm.....

kitty

kitty stahp

inb4cookiedies

KITTY NOH

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All my readers know I always kill the most loved character in my stories. :twistnerd:

But nah, I kid. Seriously though. Thanks for reading it. I'm very very happy you like it. I say this a lot, but I actually always mean it. RtC has a whole full story planned out. I intend to try to see it through. All these characters will evolve and change and grow and things will happen and everyone will be happy and stuff and things and Unity will set Cookie on fire and melt her beak off.

EVeryone's happy.

3970015 Whoa whoa whoa, guy, let's not give it away!

4017289
Hey, thanks as always for your lovely comments. First of all, sorry for the bit of trouble catching up. I realise it's been a while, but that's what the author note chapter is for. I was considering doing a 'story up to now' summary, but I got lazy. Do you reckon a sort of 'list of character' summary would help?

Anyway, yeah. I can't say anything more than that. As for names and all that, it's just consistent within the narrative so I didn't feel the need to overly explain, since few other people had trouble remembering. Punk was the guy in chapter 2 that Champagne and Egg got from the scene of Cookie's bakery's burnination. He was reformed and then sent to Survey to work against his wishes, but eventually took under his wing anyway.

The 'wrong once' bit was a reference to the previous chapter where Egg nearly died fighting that weird cloud creature animal. It is also foreshadowing for something else.

Oh, my! This chapter is lonely! That simply won't do at all. Don't worry, little chapter, I'm here now, and I shall feed you keep you company.
Nope. No mixed metaphors here. I'd never dream of such a thing.

Are you trying to... groom my chapters?

I've often found, personally, that the screech of a griffon is a portent of bad things to come imminently, no matter when you hear it. But perhaps that's just superstition.

Probably just superstition.

Yeah, Google agrees with me . . . that would be "Polychromata," Egg. I fear you are not quite right this time.
Also, was Skylla the name of the pre-Equestrian pegasus state, then? And it still exists in some form?

Allow me to explain. The language of Thebos is madeyuppy. I named her after the blood disease thing, but I just needed to re-appropriate the name to something else, so in HER language, it means 'many colours'. But to be honest I really just liked the name Polychromasia (thanks to Twifight Sparkill) so I wanted to keep it. It also has a nicer feminine ending than Polychromata, I felt. =) That's about it. And yes. Skylla is this universe's official 'origin city' of the Pegasi. Screw hearth's warming.

Thus, Cloudsdale has been independent from Skylla for less than a century.Yet they have a quite separate cultural identity already.

This one's really about writing what you know. The country that I live in managed to develop a very unique cultural identity in only about 25 years after independence (and we are only 49 years old) In an interview about this story with Cynewulf, he did ask me if I based Cloudsdale on my home country. I have used it as a sort of soft guide, indeed. Minus the corruption and all the pegasi, of course. Cloudsdale of this universe is far older than my home.

And yes, there's a lot of story there, isn't there? Stop being so perceptive.

4019954 A list of characters might be nice. On the other hand, my difficulties with remembering people sometimes bleed over into fictional characters, and it didn't take me long to catch back up on who everypony (and griffon) was, so it's probably not necessary.

And for reference, I intend to become a sort of "cool uncle" to every chapter ever. Soon, they will all love me more than their creators. And then I can execute phase two of my insidious plan!

4022667

Hmm. I definitely wouldn't see anybody using "progression" like that where I live, but I cannot discount the possibility it is a perfectly standard usage somewhere.

Yeah, I probably meant 'progress', Quick fix.

Fourteen years old. Does Equestria have child labor laws?

Probably not. At least, the younguns can temp or something.

Sounds like it's time for me to do a little analysis. Somebody needs to figure out what your mark means, and I doubt it'll be you.

There is the theme in the story about identity. Not many of them are sure about their mark, or calling. I mean, Egg's just a flaming eggbeater, right? You can be sure that the idea won't end here.

I feel like we need some sort of transition here. Something to acknowledge the passing of time.

I was thinking when I wrote it initially. I might have to revisit this at some point.

And for reference, I intend to become a sort of "cool uncle" to every chapter ever. Soon, they will all love me more than their creators. And then I can execute phase two of my insidious plan!

Hey, as long as you keep the candy flowing, I don't think they'll be complaining.

4014857

Thank you! I think the avatar found me, in hindsight... sometimes that concerns me.

ZuTheSkunk is responsible for this atrocity, and I highly recommend his zany artwork! His DA account is full of pony insanity - needless to say, I'm a huge fan of his.

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