Mordane Stronghoof
written by Mr Stargazer
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0 words chapter, yeah right!! After all a picture is worth a 1,000 words!
I should have seen the word count before I got excited.
6943261 A thousand? I dare say, old chap, the map itself fortells a novel before we return to Equestria!
Mooooorrrdanes, got a map like, game of throooones.
Annnnd, just like game of thrones, everyoooones totally nakeed.
6943404
6943416 Replace Little Finger with Mordane and you have a Trailer for your story so awsome that if hype was a fuel source it would keep your house heated until the sun exploded.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/106173/mordane-stronghoof-act-two-path-of-thorns. Why cant i read this?! It taunts me with none existence!
6943510 Well luckily you have already read it. Its in this story now. I contacted the admins about the error of the deleted story showing up but there is nothing I can do
He's gonna conquer fucking Korea. I knew it. He IS MacArthur!
Nice
Look at the two land masses by Aerena... now...
How ya doin?
Also, if you ignore all land north-west of Meir, it look like a penis.
Omg, I can't unsee the T-rex wearing a hat.
6943558
So wait, This story is basically the same thing as the deleted "Path of Thorns" book? Also i think Trollestia is the pony that is making 'path of thorns' keep popping up
6944476 shhhh don't tell no one
Yay new update with... 0 words? Just a map... HEY TWILIGHT, CAN YOU COME OVER HERE? I THINK YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS
6944476
Wow, now I can't. Thx
I like how you named one of the cities "Faen" with means "fuck" in Norwegian
6944476 dang it...
Oh cool, we get to see the entirety of the Stronghoof Empire before Mordane shows them the meaning of hostile takeover.
6935011 He managed to finish the first and second books a while ago, but took them down to improve quality if I'm correct.
6946200 Truth be told I wrote this three years ago.
I actually did start a total rewrite a year ago that fixed all the problems you mentioned and made far more sence.
It was disliked for being a rewrite. So after some people asked I republished this. It might be interesting for you to read and see as I struggle to improve the quality as I go.
Now I'm writing this again and I'm sure that it will have a significant jump in going into the future.
Hay, so I've been with this story for a long time, longer than my fimfiction account has been active, so I think I'm qualified to offer some honest criticism. First of all, let me point out that in the end this story still makes my favorites list. All in all Mordane Stronghoof holds my interest; you clearly have a good mind for story crafting, weaving powerful suspense that keeps me reading. That said, I feel like there is always room for improvement.
My biggest gripe with this story is the sudden philosophical debates. Powerful philosophical questions have a place, and I see you trying to play that as a serious story element. I respect that, particularly in fanfiction where big questions are oft tossed aside for more 'fluff'. In some places you execute this flawlessly, when Mordane asks himself questions he can't quite answer, or where we see him actively deluding himself as a coping mechanism.
Where you fail biggest is when you have characters suddenly break into philosophical debates. Make no mistake, the fact that these debates take place is not necessarily the mistake, what is lacking is the execution. I find myself likening these scenes to radio commercials, where an argument is presented, only to sell the audience the 'right' answer. You construct these scenes, but it becomes apparent that whatever character has the last word is out of character: acting only as a proxy for your own opinions.
Now, weaving your opinions into a story isn't bad, in fact I feel that it is a good thing, but only when executed smoothly. Each time one of these 'debate' scenes shows up I feel like the story has been interrupted, as I mentioned earlier, by a commercial, as you try to sell us your opinion.
Perhaps a better way is to simply leave tough questions up in the air? That would let the reader to draw their own conclusion from the rest of the story.
Anyways, I feel like I'm being unfair. All in all this story is great, I just figured that I'd point out some of the reasons why it sits below many of 'the greats' of fimfiction in my mind, in an effort to help you bring it up to that level. All in all though, this story excels in interesting plot lines, and understandable, flawed, real characters. I mean, damn, Mordane has to be one of the best original characters in fimfiction, sitting in my mind right next to Littlepip (Fallout: Equestria). If you were to smooth out some of the jagged edges this story would really shine.
6946602
Well, I've certainly read most of it already, so if nothing else, I might occasionally check up on it and see how that ends up going. The concept behind it is, in and of itself, interesting enough, or I'd never have looked at it twice, but the execution (especially of everything that happens after he crosses the mountains) is really seriously lacking. It's making it hard to continue from the point at which I wrote that last comment.
Still, I understand your point there. Thinking about it, this really feels very much like a first work. All interesting ideas and things that you probably liked as an author, but all in all letting the story run away with itself and descending into navel-gazing at times. If you're planning to improve on it, I suppose I'll give it another chance.
6948204 Its funny. I'd honestly like to talk to you in more detail as to your point of view.
You see. I have a problem with getting away with myself sometimes and I'd like to hear the particular scenes you are talking about. There is some issues though as I haven't really put my own opinions into the story. Often Ive put conclusions that are blatantly wrong.
I'd appreciate it if you could spare some time by sending me a pm. Thank you.
6949197
My poker face:
Grade: UF- (ultimate fail minus)
When will the next chapter come out?
6977761 asap, working on the fine details and editing it.
6977762 THANK YOU FOR REPLAYING
But could you make an estimation, like worst chase scenario.
6977970 Worst case? On 2/27 evening around ten.
Actually worse case is the house I'm in burns to the ground and I die in the flames.
6978102 Its already the 27th day of the 2nd month.
Oh and well...let's just hope that doesn't happen hehe he *awkward silence*
6978179 -OH SH#$ A CANDLE!
6978247 Nope, nothing to see there
6979442 He hasn't gotten his mark
6979493
Yep saw the comment and assumed I somehow missed but then got to the next chapter and saw the AN about the retcon so my reading comprehension skills are redeemed!
6978179 derp, well my editor went to bed. I expect he will get it back to me asap. Then I'll put it up.
That morrowind city, author is lazy
7624786
I...I don't have a city by that name.
6943777
Now I really hope Mr Stargazer writes a one shot clop chapter of Mordane with the Princess of Heridan, fact I feel like it should be mandatory he do so what with how long the waits are between chapters right now.
Why, in all the is sensible, did I have to read you'r comment now as I'm planing to reread this book.
8836055
Balmora. It's the second city you visit in the game Morrowind. You just happened upon it, good (or bad?) luck!
9839496
Ohhhh, yeah that was by accident. I've not played that game.
It would be really helpful to have the castle fortress’s location added to this map.