• Member Since 15th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 27th, 2013

IndieDK


T

Twilight Sparkle receives an urgent letter from Princess Celestia, asking her to go to Canterlot. Before Twilight knows it, the purple unicorn finds herself a fugitive, wanted dead for being a threat to Equestria.

Eventually, she finds herself making the most unlikely ally and starting the revolution that spans across 1000 years of suffering and two kingdoms.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 24 )

Interesting, though Celestia using murder/execution to solve her problems is so overused, I think.

Your backstory for the alicorns, Cadance, Discord and the like is pretty interesting though :twilightsmile: We'll see where this will lead :pinkiehappy:

This is brilliant :D

well shit man that's just...wow:pinkiegasp: keep up the good work man:twilightsmile:

Can u have twilight win in the end?:fluttercry:pweez?

wow is all I can say:pinkiegasp:

2043922
:flutterrage: I JUST UPDATED TODAY! HAVE PATIENCE! I HAVE CALCULUS IN THE WAY OF ME AND PONIES!

:scootangel: Thank you for your consideration.

2043954 I was just saying it informed me of the update and I didn't see it was all, lol.

2043954 Still don't see it lol.

Good job so far. I can't wait to see what happens next little sister!:pinkiehappy:

2044052
Thank you kindly, BBBFF! :twilightsmile:

Ok there it is. I don't understand though? what in the world happened to make all this stuff suddenly escalate so quickly!?

Twilight trusted Sombra and jumped to revenge just a bit quickly.... you would have done better by going the "Sombra wasn't a bad guy when he was turned upon suddenly by his mentor, Celestia. But eventually over hundreds of years his sense of betrayal warped him into a bad guy" route.

Then you could have Twilight at first not trust him, and then, after a while of his intricate tales of his life and his times with his mentor she would begin to trust him.
Later on, however she would find that he had become corrupted, and she would distance herself from him or something...

And Harmony was angry about her use of dark magic or something...

ANDSHEWAKESUPANDITWASALLADREAM!

I personally think you could have gone about this better.
(Not neccessarily the way I put it in my demonstration above, but better than this.)

The whole point is, you rushed the chapter- you need to put some though into how the characters' personaties work, and stuff. Sombra is pretty much, a blank script. However Twilight has a very well defined personality.

(I don't see Twilight pulling quite as much of a face heel turn without feeling betrayed, and desperately pondering over it for at least a few days; if not a month! she should at least try to check on her friends. and read a few thousand books in an hour or somthing...
Although, when she finds out her friends have been arrested, she will surely be devastated- enough to want revenge!
Things have to have a certain order.

Hope this mess of a comment helped!:twilightblush:

oh crap:pinkiegasp: im still liking it keep up the good work:twilightsmile:

2043875
Same:pinkiegasp:
Its still very good writing though

you did jump the revenge train a chapter or two to quick but besides that so far so good

Moar moar moar!

:twilightoops:

uh oh...

i swear to god, if twilight doesn't come out tops in the end:fluttercry:

this must continue

MUST

i want moar:pinkiecrazy:

In response to the chandelier fight...

Still, this needs to go on.

Celestia's being such a bitch. :trollestia: Plus, how did she hear that she put Spike in front of the door? Was there actually someone watching? If so, I'd certainly love to know who. Plus, in the episodes following the Crystal Empire, Twilight doesn't act evil at ALL. :facehoof: Plus, how is Equestria going to survive with the elements of harmony in jail and on the run? :twilightangry2: Doesn't Discord remember anything from his past? Also, Twilight put Spike in front of the mirror to see what she saw, and Spike was comforted straight after. That DOES NOT make her evil. In fact, you said that Sombra began to turn evil after doing a bunch of dark magic, right? Twilight did only ONE small spell. Sorry for complaining. :twilightsheepish: Just needed to get that off my chest. You can have it. :pinkiesmile: Bottom line: Has potential. :pinkiehappy:

“Are you going to tell me that Shining Armor and Cadence are having a baby?”

Woah Twilight. It's not for another 3 seasons!

Welcome to the future. We still want updates.

8580861
3 years now...still waiting

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