• Member Since 3rd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 19th, 2016

laradash


E

Fluttershy provides an insight of her life, her suffering, and her very own spectrum of colors. Their story, and their future.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

Though they may be despised, as long as they have each other, they'll manage. Well put.

TAKE ALL MY FEELS! TAKE THEM!:fluttercry::twilightsmile::heart:

I don't know whether the grammar was horrible, it was weirdly written, or this is actually a masterpiece and I'm just an incredibly stupid simpleton, but I found this incredibly difficult to read and could only just follow it, assuming I did so correctly.

I can see you have made some mistakes at least - you put ran where it should have been run, and 'unseparateble' is not a word; it should be inseparable. But the rest I really have no idea. For example:

The dawn of a new day was approaching, but what day? I could not answer. And orange be everything, and as high as her altitude possibility, mixed the earth, the cyan sky, and dream, but above all, she.

And I still wake with her from morning to morning, I grab the luck, and with a single breath, I blow away the candle.

Again, maybe I'm being dumb - which is entirely possible and I apologise if I am - but what the hell do these sentences mean? Is it some weird imagery I'm just not getting? Is the grammar wrong and it would make a lot more sense if it was correct?

All I got from this is that this is from Fluttershy's perspective, she and Rainbow love each other, everyone hates gays and she'll be sad when Rainbow dies.

Comment posted by A Fox in Equestria deleted Jan 25th, 2013

This was a very poetic piece of work, and it was well written. Besides a little proof reading, the biggest comments I have are about the spacing of the paragraphs, because currently they are are wall of text, and the fact that the whole piece is in italics. Other than that it is wonderfully done

Wow... that was really good! For me, I wasn't bothered by the wall of text. I do admit there might have been a line or two that I didn't understand. Still, very very veeery nice :pinkiehappy:

Good for you for tackling this issue. I thoroughly enjoyed this. There are grammatical errors etc. but the imagery is imaginative and poetic. :twilightsmile:

Brilliant! I can't say anything else. My feels have been set to manly melancholy.

I love the descriptions and it is a lovely read. I would agree that some breaking of the larger walls of text would help to make it easier to read. Good stuff!

:'3 wow that was beautiful

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