Ch. 4 Stupid White Diamond Butt Horse, She Dumb
I can't believe it... I just can't fucking believe it. Me, the guy who's shit luck led me to being trapped in a world of ponies... And now I'm rich.
I picked up Spike and screamed. He screamed as well, but he screamed in obvious fear. I stopped screaming and looked him straight in his eyes. ”We have to go turn this in, right now!” I held him under my arm like he was a football.
A big purple screaming football at that. I nearly tackled the door to the shop off its hinges as I swung the door open and dropped Spike. He yelped, then glared at me when he was on the floor. I sauntered up to the counter, then slammed my hand with the ticket on it. The unicorn pony behind the counter looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. ”I'll take this in cash.” I pushed the ticket toward it.
Her eyes widened as she read the result on it. I noticed that she re-read it several times, and even lighted up her magic... I guess she scanned the ticket for authencity or something like that. She stammered. ”W-well, of course... Let me just g-go and get it...”
She stood up from where she was sitting and walked into the back room. I tapped my fingers to the counter in a steady beat. After five minutes, she returned with two suitcases levitating beside her. She laid them on the counter and flipped open the latches with her magic.
”Well... It's five hundred thousand bits in each suitcase, counted magically and verified...” She said with a heavy sigh. I closed them and grabbed both of the suitcases with each hand with a grin, then turned around and almost skipped out of the building. Spike followed.
When we got a fair bit down the road, I turned around and saw the same mare from inside the building board over the door, then hang a sign that read 'Out of Business'. She walked away with her head hanging. I shrugged and kept on walking, heading straight to the library. Some of the ponies stared at me and Spike. I didn't care about them and started whistling a tune.
Spike walked in front of me and opened the door to the library and walked inside. I nudged the door closed with a foot. I heard some voices arguing from the floor above, so I decided to go and investigate...
The voices became louder as I ascended some stairs leading to a second floor, which I had no idea existed in the first place. Huh.
Anyway, I heard them go at it just at the other side of a closed door. I leaned down and put my left ear to the door. One of the voices arguing were Twilight and the other voice was that same bitching voice from the yellow wingy pony's place.
I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes, then grabbed the handle of the door and threw the door open. The ponies squeaked in fear and turned to me with wide eyes. I glared at the other unicorn in the room. Her coat was white, purple curly mane and dark blue eyes. Her butt-mark was three diamonds in a pattern. I walked toward her, she took a step back.
I momentarily turned my glare to Twilight. ”Out.” She offered no response and left the room, but glanced at her friend before she left. I turned back to the other pony who was still staring at me with wide eyes. After a few more moments of glaring at her, I spoke.
”Are you enjoying yourself?” I said venomously. She stuttered and her ears splayed back.
”P-Pardon?” She said quietly. I sighed and facepalmed.
”Are you enjoying yourself when you put me in the line of fire to all the ponies who wants to see me ripped to pieces?” I spat at her. ”You really don't know everything, do you?” She shook her head. ”Then why are you so fucking idiotic enough to open your mouth when you don't know about my situation?” I shook my head and sat down on a nearby chair.
”Well, you could be of assistance and share what you're going through.” She glared back. So she has some guts to stand up for herself, huh? ”And do keep in mind all the damage you caused when you first came along...”
”Alright, I'll tell you.” I stood up from the chair and ran my fingers through my hair. ”Well, when I first came through the portal yesterday, I won't lie and admit that I was no less than drunk off my ass..” I muttered. She scoffed. ”Anyway, I managed to stumble down the stairs to the basement and fall asleep there...”
”Classy.” She said sarcastically. I gave her a deadpan stare and she huffed.
”When I woke up, I had no idea where I was or how I got there but I did play around with some stuff in the basement. Nearly blowing up the entire library or something like that... Anyway, along came Princess Sunbutt and her merry gang of polished tincans.” I scratched the back of my head. ”I tried to go back through the doorway, but all I saw was cleaning supplies. No sign of my bed or my room at all.” I didn't even notice that my hands had started shaking.
”So that's when I realized that it would take a very long time before I would be able to go home... Or if I can go home at all...” I closed my eyes. ”Then just everything... broke. I wouldn't be able to see my sister graduate. She had been nagging on me to come for weeks... I can't help out my friends with anything they get on with...”
”Instead I'm stuck here, in some fucked up world where talking horses are the dominant species!” I shouted. ”And this cunt, right here is trying to get me thrown out on the streets where I would either be a living freakshow or a dead body scientists will have fun poking me in places I don't want to be poked!” I breathed heavily ”So please. Tell me, are you enjoying yourself?”
She shook her head slowly. ”That's a good girl.” I smirked. ”Now, if you would excuse me, I have a million bits to rub in a bitchy princess' face whilst pointing and laughing.” I turned around and walked out from the room whilst whistling.
”Spike! Grab Twilight's money, we're going on a trip to whereever the princess lives!” I said with a grin as I gave him a pat on his shoulders.
Spike stared at me. ”Dude... You have a million bits, can't you pay for the trip to Canterlot?” He said as he arched an eyebrow. Canterlot, huh...
…
”..I should've expected a pun.” I muttered. ”No, grab her money. I can't use any of my own yet, I call it economy. Instead of paying for it myself, I get someone else to do it even when I have more then enough to buy it myself.” I grinned. ”I'm like a shady government.
”Now, let's go!” I shouted and grabbed Spike and held him under my arm as I grabbed the suitcases and walked out into the street.
”You're walking the wrong way...” Spike grumbled.
”I knew that, I was just testing you is all...” I said as I casually turned to the other direction.
I never get lost somewhere strange, right?
…
...Oh yeah...
SURPRISE
Stats
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
696 users online
1,024,564 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Er... every speech marks at the beginning of each sentence is the wrong way around...
Now let's see... Rarity is the reason ponies don't like him? Er... didn't he beat the shit out of Carrot cake? He's done more damage than she has in one go!
3360801
Wow, I may have just beaten my last record of stupid things done in writing by a landslide...
And about Rarity, he thinks she's trying to convince Twilight to throw him out when he has no place to stay of his own. He does not approve. More like that will be covered in the coming chapters.
3360873 Ah, got you. Never heard her called a cunt before either. Celestia ain't going to be happy when she finds out he's put that mare out of her living, is she?
Oh, he is SO never gonna let Celestia hear the end of this.
3360801 and again yor there
Holy titties this is alive, nice nice. I'll still read it
This is the greatest random HiE story I have ever read. EVER.
I have chuckled, laughed, snorted, tittered, chortled, giggled....... You get the picture.
Do I smell the beginnings of Trollestia? Or just Politically-correct-don't-take-no-shit-from-nobodytia?
3363451
She's a delightful mix of every Celestia.
Terrifyingly enough even Molestia...
Its been a long time!!! how have you been? we've missed you dearly
This was good, although the out of business thing was rather ridiculous given that the money would have to come from whoever organized the lottery. Of course, that was probably the point.
Is
just fucking with him and watching over him?