From the Desk of Twilight Sparkle
The Lavender Letter
Chapter I: From the Desk of Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
There's something I need to tell you.
I know we're going to be seeing each other in Canterlot in only a few days, so I could easily just bring this up then, as it's not a terribly time-sensitive thing...but I've had a moment of particular lucidity just now. Enough so, at least, to admit to myself that being faced with the idea of speaking about this in person will scare me silent—as it has once before.
I told myself then that I had time to hesitate and delay, and, well, I wasn't exactly wrong, either. And that hasn't changed, so...I'd just end up doing the same thing again.
So I'm writing a letter, allowing myself the time to think and choose my words that paper grants, with a little side of temporal and spatial distance giving me the (logically nonexistent) feeling of safety I need to write with complete honesty.
And since I've stalled for almost the entire first page now, I'll get started.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I know, I know, you're so surprised, right? And that's fair, really, given that yes, I do a lot of thinking most of the time. I very rarely think about this, though.
As a point of fact, I've realized that increasingly, especially over recent months, I've made a habit out of not thinking about this.
Well, I'll just lay it out procedurally. It's easy to stay focused if I put my thoughts into a list, you understand.
The first time I thought about it was in the days following the royal wedding. Back in Ponyville, after the glow (and adrenaline) had faded, I was just re-sorting the library shelves like I do every second week.
And I suddenly started thinking about the wedding, how happy my brother and Cadence were—how they had a love strong enough to save Canterlot when all hope seemed lost. And from The Beginner's Guide to Spellcasting all the way through to Seven Equestrian Epics: Pinnacles of Pony Poetry...I just couldn't keep my mind from wandering.
I wondered if I would have a moment like that someday.
Of course, I realized then, as now, that I'm hardly the only pony who did. Rarity and her mad dive for the bridal bouquet continues to live in something resembling infamy.
...Anyway, it occupied my thoughts for that morning, but was content to pass out of mind thereafter.
Until four months later, when Fluttershy and Big McIntosh (Applejack's brother, you recall of course) began seeing each other. Well, romantically seeing each other, that is. I mean, they started dating.
I was, and remain, happy for the both of them, but it did stir a spark of melancholy in the back of my mind. Those thoughts from the not-terribly-distant past came back to me, and behind my smile, I wondered when—if?—I would have somepony like that.
It only held my focus for the one day, though. I wasn't exactly getting old and gray, after all, so I put such concerns aside for time to worry about in my stead.
And it did, quietly and contently, for much the rest of the year, until the Grand Galloping Gala. (Thank you again for the invitations—I can't imagine securing our repeat appearance was entirely easy.)
I remember that night very vividly, so I think I'll retell it.
I'm sure you saw Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie glued to each other for much of the evening, but it was the way that it happened that sticks with me. Rainbow, being Rainbow, was taking every opportunity to rub pinions with the Wonderbolts, building on her graduation from their training academy. In particular, she was spending a lot of time 'talking shop' with Captain Spitfire.
We all noticed relatively quickly that Pinkie seemed...distracted? No, perhaps 'fixated' is more accurate. She was all smiles and bubbly laughter when we were around her, and brushed us off when we asked if anything was wrong, but...we've all known her long enough to have learned how to catch glimpses of what she's really feeling.
In those moments, she was always staring at Rainbow Dash and Spitfire, and she always had a distant, forlorn look in her eyes. None of us really knew what to do or say about it. Well, except the one of us who always does at times like those.
"You're going to lose her if you don't tell her," Rarity said to Pinkie, like it was the most casual thing in the world. Which, in retrospect, was exactly how she needed to say it, wasn't it?
"But what if she doesn't like me back?" Pinkie asked, her voice soft and trembling.
"Then you do a lot of crying, and things are a little awkward for a while," Rarity answered plainly, sipping at her levitated glass of punch. "Then you move on, and go back to being friends. And Pinkie, dear, do remember? That is the worst that can happen. There are all manner of better outcomes—but they all require that you take the chance. Now go on! We're all rooting for you."
And she was right, we were. All of us watched as Pinkie walked across the hall, pulled Rainbow Dash away from Spitfire with a friendly smile, led her to a quieter corner of the room, and told her biggest secret.
And we saw her jaw drop and eyes go wide, and we were shocked right along with her, and then she was confused, and so were we, and then Rainbow Dash smiled that overconfident smile of hers, and leaned in to give Pinkie a long, close nuzzle, and we all nearly burst into cheers.
I think you would have been cheering with us, Princess, if in secret, had you not been stuck greeting the late arrivals for that half of the ball...
Well, anyway. Rainbow and Pinkie were a matched pair for the rest of the night. But the bigger story is that it didn't end with them.
After our little group cheer, Big Mac pulled Fluttershy away for a dance, leaving Applejack, Rarity, and me to our lively gossip. Applejack had not even suspected Pinkie's feelings, while Rarity casually told us that she'd known for months. "You can't say you're surprised," she said, "that a pony as socially conscious as I noticed the spark of romance so easily."
And then she had the most unexpected expression—in hindsight, I'd call it 'resolution', but then hindsight is good that way. Regardless, she proceeded to drain the rest of her punch in a single tipping. "...And on that note, I think I shall step out to the gardens for some air," she said in that easy, aloof tone (you know the one). But then: "Oh, and Applejack?" she said, in that same casual way she'd spoken to Pinkie, but then she turned and looked AJ right in the eyes, and said very deliberately: "If you don't tell her, you're going to lose her."
And then she smiled, and trotted off to the west gardens, leaving a pair of dumbstruck ponies in her wake.
I'll admit it plainly. As Rarity walked away, my first conclusion was that she had left me and Applejack alone, after having just said...well.
I only panicked a little. Only until I got the courage up to look at Applejack, and then saw her staring off after Rarity, even more stunned than I was, and it wasn't too hard to put it together.
“Well, go after her. I’m rooting for you,” I told her, with as much smile as I could muster.
"Thanks, Twilight. I...I think I'll do that," she replied, nervousness thick in her voice, but I could see her eyes sparkling with sudden hopes. I couldn't help but be happy for her.
When we all met up after the Gala, Rarity would regale us about how she'd been waiting for weeks for Applejack to get the nerve to say something, because 'a lady needs to be approached'. Ah, Rarity.
But back in the moment, when Applejack went after her to the gardens, I found myself left with the realization that I was suddenly the only one alone.
That time, it stuck in the back of my mind for days. I...may have cried a little, just once, when I couldn't get out of my head that all of my friends now had special someponies, and I was the only one who didn't.
Oh, and on that note, what about Spike? Well, you remember my letters from last year—he and Sweetie Belle are now...if not quite dating? They're still a little young for that, perhaps, but these days, no one's pretending it won't happen. It's adorable more than anything, really.
But, back on point. My being the odd mare out stuck with me for some time, and even when it faded...it never quite went as far away as it had before. It couldn't, really; Fluttershy was already spending a fair amount of time with Big McIntosh, and following the Gala, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, and Applejack and Rarity, started, well, taking personal time as couples. I never begrudged them it, of course—how could I?
Still, it meant that I had quite a bit more time to myself, and as you know, Princess, time to myself is time I spend thinking. Some of that time, my mind drifted back to memories of that moment at the Gala, after Rarity walked away, when I thought...
No, no, I'm not just going to trail off and leave it unwritten. I thought that it could have been me.
I panicked at the time, sure, and had Applejack actually turned to me, I have no idea what I would have said or done, but, well, I don't really think about Applejack when I remember that moment. I just remember the simple feeling—the sudden realization that somepony likes me? Could be in love, with me?
You know me well, Princess. I'd say at least as well as I know myself—possibly better, with your gifts of insight and experience—so you know that I've spared the subject so little thought as much out of nervous hesitance as legitimate disinterest. But over the past two years, I've found it increasingly hard to ignore.
Maybe I'm just growing up?
Kidding, kidding! I still remember our promise never to do anything that silly. Ah, but for those halcyon days...uh, is it bad that I'm just now looking back on my fillyhood with such rosy nostalgia?
Well, anyway, now that I've exhausted that tangent. After the Gala, I spent more time thinking about romance. Having a special somepony of my own. Not all that much time, all things considered, but still, more than I had ever previously. It was a growing portion of my schedule, loathe as I was to admit that to myself.
Until Fluttershy got engaged.
You remember that letter, I have no doubt. I made a point of writing it such as to express my boundless happiness and excitement for her, and in so doing likely made plain to see how much I hurt at the time.
It's been a long stretch of months since then, and yes, I'm fine. It took a few weeks for me to work through, as I'm learning these things tend to, and my truly being excited and happy for her certainly helped.
(They still haven't set a date, by the way, but I expect it'll be sometime in the coming spring, if you want to ensure there's some flexibility in the royal schedule.)
That was the real tipping point, it's plain to see now. Not only was I the only one alone, but now one of my friends was starting to prepare for marriage. And while I may not be the peerless judge of relationships that Rarity is, I think I've learned and observed enough to say that the other four are going to get there. It may take a year or three, but barring some kind of wacky catastrophe, I'm inclined to call it a sure thing.
Very unscientific of me, laying such faith in an intrinsically unprovable hypothesis, isn't it?
I've been feeling very like that recently. Less satisfied with the status quo, the safe, secure, empirically reliable. Discontented with my life of cloistered study. Oh, and don't worry, I'm still a nice vibrant lavender, not turning all greyed out or anything.
Just...thinking.
I'm still doing just as much of that, Princess. Only now, about different things. Things that seemed silly, and a little foalish, and that weren't at all important to me even just a year or two ago...but now seem like some of the most vital things in all the world.
And as it tends to do, all that thinking has over time translated into more practical considerations. Hypotheses, testable theories, plans of action.
I spent one particular week agonizing quite a bit over one such idea. You remember, at the beginning of this letter, how I mentioned I had been scared silent once before?
It was this past Summer Sun Celebration. I had come to realize that for all the time I was spending thinking about all of these things, I had really been very silly—all those hours of thought over more than a year, and I hadn't thought to just ask you for advice. (The realization kind of snuck up on me, and I was so shocked by it that I spent an entire morning drinking the same long-empty cup of tea and re-reading chapter four of Arcane Science for the Growing Filly eleven times. You won't tell anyone, right?)
So, I resolved myself to make up for that, and put together a comprehensive, organized (and summarized) list of all my previous thoughts, ideas, and concerns, so that I could ask for just such advice once I was in Canterlot. It was a clear, straightforward, obvious means to the answers I needed. I still remember how great it felt to be running down those checklists, so completely sure I'd finally hit on exactly what I'd needed.
Until I started thinking about it.
That didn't actually really start until I was already on the train, halfway to Canterlot, the night before the Celebration. I had all my painstakingly collated notes—pared down to a neat sixteen pages—sitting there in my saddlebags, when a little idea in the back of my head started to bother me. So I took out those notes, and I looked over them all again.
That was the first time I really glimpsed the truth of things.
I was hardly sure, of course, but enough of an unknown had been introduced into the equation that, when we met the next day after the ceremony, I was far too hesitant to bring up what I had really wanted to talk about. I think you noticed that something was bothering me, but you've always been kind enough to give me time to work things out for myself when I need to. Thank you for that, by the way.
It's been a long stretch of weeks since then, with the passing of highsummer and autumn now settling in, and I've done plenty of thinking. Revised my notes, re-evaluated my theories, developed a slightly variant course of action. And now, perhaps to my detriment (but I don't think so), I'm writing you these letters so that I can't get all worked up about some last-minute wrinkle and back out again.
To that end, you will find enclosed within this one a second, sealed letter, that outlines my thoughts directly. I would ask that you refrain from reading that one until our meeting two days hence, when I can address any questions or concerns you may wish to raise about my conclusions.
Well, that about sums up my year's-worth of pent-up rambling. And...this should be an interesting weekend!
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
~~~~~
They walked into the solarium, where Celestia made her private study, surrounded by vibrant greenery under broad skylights of crystal glass.
"So, Twilight Sparkle. It's been quite some time since you've sent me six pages! I admit, I found myself waxing a touch nostalgic for your heady days of reports and essays written into the quiet hours past midnight."
The Princess laughed, warm and gentle as always, yet Twilight remained stoically silent, her eyes affixed to a scroll sitting upon the desk toward which she and the Princess drew. A simple letter, carefully inscribed onto parchment dyed to lavender, with the subtle crowning of 'From the desk of Twilight Sparkle'...
It was still sealed.
"Ah..." Celestia said quietly, lowering her head to Twilight's ear. "I managed to resist reading it in advance, though it was tempting to peek, just a little."
Yet still, not so much as a peep from the unicorn, to which the Princess could not help but be very curious indeed.
Such solemn resolution, my student. Or perhaps resignation? Just what is in that letter?
"Well then," Celestia continued, her voice still light and unconcerned. "Shall I get right into it, or would you prefer we pause for tea first?"
For some reason, that seemed to be what broke Twilight's silent resolve.
"It's...probably best that you read it now," the younger mare said in barely more than a whisper, her ears drooping precipitously, and her lips creased into a frail, conflicted smile.
"Twilight," Celestia said softly, her casually aloof royal court voice cast aside, "whatever it is that you're worried about, whatever it is that made you write an advance letter to force yourself to speak—I'm right here with you. And I'll help you through whatever troubles you may have."
And having now offered her student sincere words of comfort, while still composed on the surface, inwardly Celestia was confused to see Twilight grow even more worried and unsure. Why, she was starting to tear up!
So without even a moment's hesitation, the Princess dropped down to her knees beside her student, and leaned in to offer her a comforting nuzzle, like she had so often when Twilight had been a precocious filly scampering around the castle halls—
And Twilight nearly threw herself into a desperate, clinging hug, holding onto Celestia as though she were dear life itself.
...Almost as though she thinks it might be the last time.
Celestia began to have an idea of just what was in that letter.
~~~~~
Dearest Celestia,
There's something I need to tell you.
I'll try not to get sidetracked for six pages this time.
Over the past two years, in particular through recent months, I have given great thought to my studies of friendship, and of the things beyond it. I've been inordinately blessed to that end, really; I've had immediate access to field studies on three different couples, all comprised of ponies I know well, all of whom grew together under different circumstances.
It's been an enlightening bit of research.
Through my friends and their growing happiness, I've come to see and know about something I had never before considered seriously: love.
Oh, of course, I knew plenty of kinds already. The love of my family, the love between friends, and of course, the seemingly bottomless, unconditional love of a wonderful teacher, ever patient and boundlessly compassionate. But in this letter, I speak directly of romantic love: that profound, majestic bond that ties two ponies together for a lifetime.
I always shied away from love. When I was young, I was content to hide away with my books and spend my hours in study. Then, as I grew, you introduced me to the magic of friendship, and though at first I was hesitant and wary, I eventually came to know that kind of love, through my circle of friends and the Ponyville community. It wasn't easy at first, and I wonder if I would have ever chanced it myself without your encouragement.
I was afraid, of course. But you knew that.
I've come to know, and grow, much through friendship. And as I wrote above, recently, through those same friends, I have been given a clear vision of what lay beyond.
This was what I wanted to talk about during the Summer Sun Celebration, before my nerves got the best of me. So I stayed silent, and spent a few more months thinking on the subject myself, until I came to a conclusion—one that you would have made clear to me if I had asked, I think.
You helped me to understand the value and power of friendship, Celestia. But to step beyond friendship—to learn about that deeper love that I've now seen so clearly...
Well, I said I had something to tell you, and it's only taken me a page to get here. That's not too bad, really.
This next step in my studies, this next kind of love I want to learn about—it's something that I need to do on my own.
Accordingly, I am hereby resigning from my apprenticeship.
Now, please, don't call me over and try to change my mind, tempting as it may be. I've put weeks of careful thought into this, and difficult as it is, I have realized it to be the correct course.
And of course, this is in no way intended as any sort of slight against your teaching. I've treasured every moment, and I wouldn't take back a single day for all the world. This is just what I have to do.
So...now I'll tell you why.
(I do hope, a little selfishly, that we're somewhere fitting for this—the solarium, maybe? I expect it would be late morning, so the sun would be just starting to stream in through the crystal skylights. Well, so long as it's not the throne room or council chambers, anywhere is fine really...)
I've already learned my first lesson about romance: you have to take risks.
It was shown to me plainly at the Gala last year. Pinkie Pie was so worried that Rainbow Dash would turn her away that she waited in silence for months; Applejack would have done the same, had Rarity not essentially knocked her on the head with a giant "tell me" sign.
I didn't realize it at the time, of course; understanding came later, once I had the proper viewpoint.
Given how I'm about as intrinsically risk-averse a pony as you can find, you may understand why it's taken me this long to wrap my head around the idea. The thing that really sparked that, I mentioned in my other letter – again at the Gala, when Rarity walked off to the gardens, and for a moment I thought she had been talking about me.
I started out just wondering about the feeling, the idea of being loved like that. Tried it on, saw how it fit, you could say. I found, to my surprise, that I rather liked it.
All this was in those revised notes I talked about, the ones I was going to show you at the Celebration, until something caught my mind on the train.
That something was the other half of that idea – not simply being loved like that, but to love somepony like that myself.
I didn't really have any direct experience to work with...but I did have months of second-hoof observations to compare against, and an hour of quiet train ride to think over. So, I thought about that idea.
By the time I arrived in Canterlot, I had realized that I did have somepony that I loved like that—at least, I thought it was like that. It was hardly assured—viable hypothesis at best, further testing and data required, but it was enough to make me hesitate. I needed time to evaluate, and it was easy enough to tell myself that I had that time.
So, I've spent these past few months thinking about it; gathering data, testing, evaluating, turning that train ride hypothesis into a working theory that has informed my course of actions.
There was one last integral piece that completed the picture. Again, it was at the Gala—a veritable cornucopia of compiled conclusions, that turned out to be. Specifically, what Rarity said, that one sentence of just ten words, that sparked not one, but two romances:
'If you don't tell her, you're going to lose her'.
I had indeed learned that first lesson, but I hadn't ever expected to be taking a risk like this.
That would be why I wrote these letters in advance, because I can guarantee you that right this moment, I am absolutely terrified. I'll be sitting at a window, or on a balcony or such, looking at somewhere far away, thinking that I'm out there, to keep myself from running away from here.
It was easy enough to spot in hindsight, once I knew to look for it. The royal wedding, when Chrysalis defeated you in combat, cast you down with a blackened horn...
I knew it was plainly silly—and logically impossible—but I wanted to protect you. To jump between you and her, and drive her back through sheer defiant will.
It's sprouted and grown over these past years, and over the more recent months, as I've come to understand things better...it's really begun to bloom.
So that's why I've resigned from my apprenticeship.
I've fallen in love with you, Celestia.
I knew that I was falling long enough ago that I probably could have stopped it, if I'd so wished...but I didn't. I chose this, knowing full well what it would eventually mean. Because sometimes you need to wager what's safe and secure, risking your middling joy against the potential pain and despair of loss, for the chance of grasping that pinnacle happiness.
So, well, now that I've gone and jumped off the precipice, here's hoping you'll catch me.
With greatest sincerity and fondest hopes,
Twilight Sparkle
~~~~~
Twilight was not in the solarium, staring out from the third-most distant from Celestia's desk of four windows on the south wall. In fact, Twilight was not even in Canterlot Keep. Nor even the greater city beyond.
Twilight Sparkle was in Ponyville. She was in her library, and it was a lovely, ordinary day, and she was reshelving her books as she did every two weeks.
She was up to G.
"Let's see: 'Gryphons: An (Abridged) Avian Account'..." she muttered quietly to no one in particular – she had the library to herself – as she took hold of the book in her magenta magical aura. She held it steady beside her as she scanned the shelves—she knew where it went, of course, but a librarian and scientist does not stay sharp by relying on assumption of previous facts.
"Here we are," she finally said, as her eyes fell upon its proper place. "Third case: History, fourth shelf up: Equinology, seventh alphabetical position." She slipped the book into place, nodding to herself in well-earned satisfaction.
She was practically flying through reshelving today! Why, at this rate—
"...Twilight?"
The lavender mare shook her head a few times; maybe she was trying a little too hard for that new reshelving record. She thought she'd just heard—
"Twilight."
Yes. Yes, definitely pushing too hard. Maybe a break was in order? Some nice lemon tea and a croissant, like she'd had earlier in the royal kitchens.
Wait, what?
Hadn't she been in Canterlot, visiting the princess? Why was she reshelving in—
Twilight Sparkle gasped and nearly sprang clean out of her purple coat as a wingtip gently prodded her in the side.
As she caught her breath again, she realized she was looking out a window...and there was Ponyville, far off in the distance. It wasn't clearly identifiable, but she easily enough spotted the tree that was her library based on the layout of the town, which itself was off to the south, judging by the position of the sun above and to her left—
I'm in the solarium, she realized, as her mind started turning again. What had that all been just then? Was she coming down with some kind of fever? Why had she—
"Sorry," said a gentle voice but a few hooves' breadths from her ear. "I didn't mean to startle you..."
Twilight turned and found Princess Celestia sitting next to her.
"But you seemed a touch...distant," the princess whispered with an apologetic smile. A smile Twilight would have seen, and been somewhat relieved by, but for her eyes being locked on a roll of lavender parchment resting at the princess' hooves.
Right, of course, the unicorn thought, the expected tone of abject terror notably absent. That's why I was off in the library reshelving. Coping mechanism.
"...Sorry," Twilight eventually managed, her voice strained. "I was shelving."
"Ah, so I was right," Celestia said with a giggle. "You were back in your library."
The unicorn glanced up briefly, catching a glimpse of Celestia's warm smile before she caught herself and tore her eyes away again. She couldn't look into those eyes, that had been so patient and forgiving all her life. To look into those eyes would break her, and so she locked hers on the source of her worry instead.
She read it, Twilight thought as she stared at the rolled-up letter placed before the princess. She read it, and now she knows everything.
A heavy silence had descended, and the long pause endured, pregnant with the lingering tension of unspoken hopes and fragile dreams.
"...So," Twilight eventually whispered, barely loud enough to be heard. "Now you know."
"Yes." Celestia said, her voice similarly quieted. "Now I know."
So that's it then.
Celestia officially knew.
A second silence crept in and fell over the pair, but this one was, thankfully, far less oppressive. The hard part was over; the risk taken, the leap made.
"...You know, it's strange," the unicorn absently remarked, her eyes glazed over in thought. "It's like a great weight has lifted from me. Perhaps somewhat paradoxically, given that I haven't gotten any sort of answer, but in a way that doesn't matter. It's out of my hooves now. I'm simply awaiting judgement, and there's a sort of peace in that."
Twilight took a deep breath, and found herself smiling as she exhaled.
"...Though maybe that's just the adrenaline talking," she added, chuckling.
"There is likely that to consider, yes," Celestia replied softly.
"Well, that may be," Twilight continued, turning and matching her eyes to the princess' own. "But that has its advantages. For example: if it's to be one of the last things I may ever get to say to you...I love you, Celestia."
The princess had apparently not expected that. She already knew, yes, the letter had seen to that, but it had been written down there—not spoken aloud, not breathed into living truth. But now it had been, and Celestia's eyes were wide, and...
Twilight squinted a little for a better look, just to be sure, but against all expectations it seemed that yes, Princess Celestia was blushing.
It can't be, Twilight thought, incredulous. It's just—it can't be. ...Can it?
"...Twilight," Celestia began, her ever-strong voice turned soft and hesitant, as she knelt to bring her eyes level with the stunned unicorn.
Just four words, Twilight desperately prayed. Just four words, and everything will be perfect forever.
"Dearest Twilight...thank you," Celestia said with trembling warmth, her face straining to carry a fragile smile. For she knew, it was plain in her eyes.
Those were not the four words Twilight had hoped for.
They held there for a long moment, staring into each other's eyes, both hoping to see something that would tell them it would be alright.
Neither of them found it.
"...It's alright," Twilight lied, shattering the silence. "I understand. I knew going into this that it was a long shot."
The lavender mare stood, offering the still-silent Celestia a weak smile.
"Well, I should probably get back to..." She trailed off, lowering her head a moment to hide her eyes, and blinking a few times as she raised it to meet the princess' gaze again. "I can't—shouldn't stay, I think. That could be difficult."
She drew in a calming breath, nodding and forcing another weak smile to her face, before turning away from Celestia and looking to the solarium doors.
"We'll have to deal with some things. I've got some books the Royal Archive will want back once I've officially resigned, to start with. It'll, uh, probably take a while to deal with all of it. I'll—you should send a letter in a few days, maybe? ...Yeah. Letters should do fine."
Twilight started walking toward the doors.
Twilight started walking away from Celestia.
It wasn't that far to the doors, really; about sixteen steps or so? And she was already through six, seven, eight now—
"...Twilight," she heard Celestia whisper.
No, she told herself immediately. Don't you dare look back.
Eleven, twelve—
"Twilight?" she heard Celestia plead, and there really weren't any two ways about it.
If this is the last time we meet, she thought hard at herself, then I'm leaving her with a memory of quiet dignity, not a blubbering, sobbing mess.
Fifteen, sixteen; a hoof raised to the handle—
"I'm not saying no!"
The words themselves tempted Twilight to look back, but it was for the voice that had spoken them that she actually did. For there had been no princess in that voice.
Only Celestia, who she looked to now, the proffered hope holding back enough tears to risk a meeting of their eyes.
"I'm not saying no," Celestia softly said again, as though to ensure it had been heard.
"You're...you're not?" Twilight asked, hesitantly.
The princess shook her head, risking a gentle smile. "No, I'm not. I'm just..." She trailed off, pausing in thought, and her gentle smile turned apologetic. "I'm not saying yes, either."
Twilight drew her hoof from the door handle, and tentatively took a few steps back—but only a few.
"So what are you saying, Celestia?" she asked, with her eyes fixed to the floor just far enough in front of her that a white figure was visible in the periphery.
"I'm saying...that I need some time, Twilight," the princess responded, breathing a sigh as she directed her gaze through the nearby window, to the peaceful and sunny lands beyond. "You'll forgive me for not bursting into song, but suffice it to say I was not prepared for this."
The unicorn couldn't help but laugh a little at that, and, well...
"That's really pretty reasonable, given how long I spent doing the same," Twilight said quietly, and then, tentatively, "How long do you think you need?"
Celestia looked back from the window, favoring the lavender mare with a genuine smile. "Well—"
"Please don't say two months," the unicorn quickly added.
The princess laughed, shaking her head. "I was thinking more along the lines of two days. You're here for the weekend, Twilight, and...I promise you, before you depart, you will have my answer."
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had me on the edge of my seat the whole time, and yah left me hangin. you dastardly writer you! lol!
so far, an excellent read. Favorited.
before i go, have a pinkie!
Hmm... interesting start.
Very interesting read. The letters are very much Twilight.
Perhaps one of the best written Twilight/Celestia fics I've read. It's so Twilight to have to have so many revelations and have to revise her own thoughts over and over before she arrives at such a conclusion. And the fact that Celestia and her haven't immediately realized their deep and undying love for each other. Kudos, and I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!
Feels.
Proceed.
The letters are Twilight's all right xD
And it's nice to see that, for once, they don't immediately fall into each other's hooves. Now I'm curious as to how the next two days are going to unfold from Celestia's view...
When I first saw the "thank you" line, it was at the bottom of the page and I really DREADED it ended there. God, that would've been killer.
This is... somewhat reminiscent of back when I was going to declare to my girlfriend. I had this whole speech planed out, had the perfect time... And right then, I figured, if I went down the tangent, I was going to chicken out. So, as much as Twilight goes on a tangent here, even though the reminiscence is important at the end, it feels really natural given how she is. And every little bit of that giant six-page letter is important, if you ask me.
Either way, very good start. Looking forward to seeing how you continue this.
dl-web.dropbox.com/get/Images/spike-brilliant.jpg?w=AABSdyIJ2qPObjBe_mxG9qpJbC3yZK3stWurFHooXB-pYg
This may have eclipsed Eternal and Composure for my new favorite Twilestia. Well done, sir!
2014424
Oh. Oh my. I think I need to sit down.
...I'm already sitting down. Oh dear.
(I don't last long against praise of the magnitude, it seems.)
That was amazing, one of the best Twilestias I've ever read.
2014424
Well said. Even if i thought that there will never come another masterpiece in the quality like this two, but here it is.
And also for me it has replaced these 2 in my Favorites.
Ty Sunchaser for that, and i hope you can stay on this level.
Amazingly well-written!
Do you know when we can expect the next chapter?
Well...now that I've read the truely masterful creation through letters of Twilight's confession, I am eagerly looking forward to the weekend of awkwardness!
I tend to be a bit effusive with praise when I read a well-written story - something I try hard not to do anymore, but... This is truly a beautifully written, touching story. The depth and intricacy and plausibility of Twilight's thought process on the nature of her feelings, coupled with her shift to resolution, was really spot-on. I understood and felt everything you described.
Beautifully done! You've made a fan of me.
.... Huh. I have to admit I'm not a big fan of this pairing in general, but the way you wrote it is downright excellent. I might have been happier if Celestia gave her a 'no' - that would have been an interesting idea to delve into - but this is still done neatly enough to warrant praise. Your characters were really well constructed and the prose is really fluid. Good job. ^_^
Bucking awesome, all my favorite ships in one story, and your idea of how Twilight approaches love is just as i imagine she would, a lot of research and data. I can't wait to see what Celestia's answer's gonna be. Even though who could say no to Twilight, no-one that's who.
People have asked, what does it take to make a good [Romance] story. (Yep, i'm talking about you, Mister)
And, when I read this story, I feel You have the answer.
I was already following you, and from Finer Vintage I knew you could do this justice, so I'll say: this is among the the finest Twilestia setups to date. I need to see where it goes, of course, but given how it's begun, I'll go ahead and give it the gold star and thumbs up it so richly deserves.
Just to make sure everyone's aware, since a few commenters seem to think this is all of it...
This isn't all of it.
There's a whole 'nother chapter from Celestia's side of things. As for when it'll be posted...oh, a few hours from now, I think. For the moment, I'm just basking =D
This was a brilliant story that I wholeheartedly think deserves to be featured. i was feeling down but it really cheered me up, and for that I thank you.
2014795
I never noticed it was incomplete.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/485/222/629.gif
Now I am really excited.
How long did it take you to write the letter?
I'm only wondering because it might be the best one I've ever read.
Just sayin'.
Excellent. So painfully slow, but in a good way.
2015138
The entire story took about two weeks from idea to completion, but only about five sittings of real work. The letters themselves (of which there are four, two to each chapter) I did in single sittings to each pair. It was the narrative bits between them that took more time.
And, yeah, I'm particularly proud of how they came out myself.
Hey, she didn't say no! That's something to build on, right?
Yes, yes, yes. It's so rare to see such well-written romance, especially for my favorite pairing!
Very much looking forward to Celestia's answer! Even if it's a no... Twilight really should remember how Rarity told Pinkie that the worst case scenario ends with them still being friends. Last words she gets to say to Celestia, my ass.
Well done!
Some faith in the feature box has been restored!
tickld.com/images/content/21336.jpg
This is made all the better for me personally because I can relate to the situation. I've written letters to people, in my own household even, to tell them things I didn't have the courage to say to them directly. There's something to be said for putting words out there in a form that you can't take back, but which is delayed so you can actually get it out. Not the best way to say something that needs to be said, perhaps, but unarguably better than not saying it at all. I'm wondering if Twilight has thought about the effects of Celestia's immortality (or very long lifespan, depending on your headcanon) will effect Celestia's view of the situation? Namely, I'm wondering if Twilight has thought that if Celestia says yes, the sooner Twilight asked the better? Being functionally immortal could easily put Celestia in a mindset to want to enter into positive relationships, romantic and friendly alike, as quickly as possible in order to have more time to spend with them in that capacity.
I'm hoping that this story's version of the two don't completely ignore that aspect. I can understand why some people would like to think that it wouldn't matter to either party, but Celestia's seeming immortality is a thing, and it will have an effect on her relations with others, and for them to pretend it won't strikes me as uncharacteristically immature. They're both grown and intelligent mares, they can deal with it head on. Not saying you should write it into the story, I'm just kind'a rambling a bit, lol
I rarely like Twilestia stories, they often degenerate into "Hot for Teacher" fantasies that feel like borderline abuse of power (at best). This one managed to side-step those pitfalls wonderfully and with true artistry to boot. Instead of borderline pedophilia, this story encapsulates the changing relationship between a student and a mentor as the student reaches maturity and independence. Bravo for proving me wrong about an entire genre.
This is all very solid, and I've greatly enjoyed things so far. I like that Celestia needs some time to think, and the last scene was really rather moving. Well done, I look forward to more -- how long will this run for, do you think?
2015483
I can rather relate to that perspective. There was one story that featured recently...it had two chapters. The first was an absolutely beautiful rendition of Celestia gently nudging a bashful Twilight toward more than friendship, and it was full of lovely imagery, ending with a quiet dance...I was shocked at how good it was. And then the second chapter descended into cheap smut that took Celetia's gentle nudges and turned them into domination / sexual predation. I was disappointed, to say the least.
Really when it comes to any relationship, you need to approach it with...I'm hesitant to label it as such, but 'a certain maturity'? I'm not going to say that 'romances are more than just cuddles and kissy faces', because while they are, the cuddling and kissy faces are still at the core. The 'maturity part', such as it is, needs to come in regarding what the paramours need to work through to get to those cuddles.
This is particularly true if, as in many real relationships, only one of the two is anything close to in love. (Zomg, complex relationships in ponyfic? Who knew!) That necessitates careful consideration on the part of the other party, and that thinking needs to be shown. While many shippers - writers and readers both - are content to put blinders on for much of the backend behind two ponies (or people) getting together, real romance needs to delve into the why. As I mention when I talk about writing, it all comes down to the why--from 'why is this scene here' to 'why will this character make X life-altering choice over Y'. You need to dig into that, and you need to sell it.
As to whether I do so, well, once I post the second chapter (within the next few hours, I think) you all can decide whether I managed to do so. I think I did, but everyone's a critic
Can't wait for more!
and you just now hit me with a big pole filled with "d'awwww"
oooo my fav ship and its you doing it.
2015569
Pardon me while I just get this out of the way...
omigosh Varanus read my story and liked it omigosh omigosh
Ahem. Now then. This story in particular is a oneshot, though it ended up being long enough that I decided to split it into chapters (one for Twilight, one for Celestia, and a short epilogue). Celestia's chapter I'll be publishing shortly, and the epilogue either late tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest.
That isn't to say that the potential isn't there for a long-form story, if I really wanted it...but I had an idea for a longer Twilestia before this even got written, and I recently came up with a second beyond that, so, yeah.
Although, I could write those to tide myself over until Composure updates...
(Sorry to hear about the lost work, incidentally, but very glad it's still carrying on.)
2015697
Composure is getting on very well, as it happens, so no fear. I look forward to the second half of this, and am very intrigued by your mentions of a longer Twilestia tale, as what's here has assured me of a rather satisfying level of quality that I can expect from it.
Best of luck!
I'm not a fan of Twilestia. (I mostly read this to see if you were making a play off the Scarlet Letter)
But I liked it. It's a LOT better than the Twilestia I've read before this. I'm glad that you seem to grasp that this is not really kosher, familiar ground for the princess--a lot of Twilestia writers overlook it.
Thouroughly enjoyed it. Good job
That chapter was excellent. Bravo, good Sir. Bravo.
This is one of the most refreshing portrayals of Twilestia I've come across in a good while. Twilight writing the letters was brilliant, and it was so quintessentially Twilight. When she finds herself somewhere unknown and uncomfortable, Twilight seeks out what she knows and has helped her overcome her problems in the past: letters to the princess. Twilight's rambling, soulful writing is well done and I can just picture Twilight hunched over her desk, lower lip subconsciously bit as she struggles with what to say. I can also imagine a waste bin full of discarded attempts, sentences crossed out and a few broken quill tips strew about, forgotten in her struggle to squeeze her soul out onto the page. Bravo. I cannot wait for the next. If your Celestia is anywhere near as good as your Twilight, and I've no doubt she is, this will undoubtedly shoot to the top end of my list of all time favorite Twillestia fics.
Ok, this cliffhanger has reached the level of intenciti that I will litteraly suffer leukemia if it would mean that the next chapter would come out. I'm not even joking, I'd suffer treatable cancer to save myself and my fellow readers the agony that is this cliffhanger
Stealing the heart of the leading mare, are we, Your Highness? Piracy might be befitting of a princess after all, especially if she can have her treasure seek her instead.
You've caught my interest, and that of many others, as it would so happen. A fair warning, though. From one sought after man to another:
It isn't easy being so popular.
So... many... feels... HNNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!
"I've fallen in love with you, Celestia." Cursed out loud at my Kindle.
What a wonderful story...I always love reading romances with Celestia, and this one was very enjoyable in just how long it was - how we really delved into Twilight's first conscious speculations on love, her growing interest, and the sheer quaking she felt in wanting to admit her feelings. That's what I enjoyed the most about this....just seeing this wonderful pent-up mare start to genuinely begin thinking about love, what it is and what it means for her, and she slowly becomes more and more away that she's been in love with Celestia for quite some time already.
I'm not sure if it's just me, but that's how love always worked out -- very slow and steady....never in my life have I ever had a "love at first sight" moment, nor am I sure such things really exist; for me, everything came about very slowly and while the attraction was always there, it takes awhile for it to build up high enough to actually consciously realize it....for Twilight, someone as pent up and inexperienced as her, it took her ages for her to sort herself out with romance (no Cadence for help?)....but it all works out because it all leads into the realization of an affection that's she had since she was a little filly; a love for someone who was always her hero, idol and whose adoration mature and blossomed into something truly wonderful
Needless to say, I enjoyed it; I haven't technically read the second chapter just yet (and I probably should have before reviewing
), but I wanted to say something first. No errors of any sort caught my attention....definitely was an endearing chapter ^_^.
So much of this story is so very, very good, but was it REALLY necessary to ship every single one of the other main six? I can understand why one romantic pairing would be necessary to the story's plot, but all the rest of them felt so unnecessary that it almost threw me. I'm glad that I continued reading, though, because the material after that is really touching. Still, those pairings in the first letter feel like they were thrown in without any other purpose than you supporting them personally, and that's really not a way to engage a reader. Still, the interaction between Twilight and Celestia is so sweet, and it feels so realistic for both of them.
2017321 I'm sorry you missed the entire point of the story.