Secret Admirer
Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
* Secret Admirer *
It was a clear and beautiful night in Equestria as the full moon hung directly over the little earth pony town of Ponyville. Most of the town's residents were all fast asleep by this late hour, with only a scant few homes with any lights on. However, this was not the case for one building in particular: the Carousel Boutique. While the rest of Ponyville slept, this shop's fastidious owner was very much awake and active. The white coated mare scurried to and fro about her shop at this late hour, gathering up materials and sewing supplies.
'No,' Rarity thought to herself as a piece of fabric hovered before her scrutinizing gaze, surrounded by the light blue glow of her magic. 'This simply won't do at all,' she thought as she put the fabric back and brought up another for inspection. 'Just dreadful,' she dismissed as she picked up yet another piece. After repeating this process several times and still not finding a piece of cloth she was satisfied with, she gave up in frustration.
'I'll never complete this order by tomorrow!' she despaired as her gaze flickered over towards the pony mannequins she used to size dresses, several of which had sections of cloth haphazardly draped across them. 'What ever shall I do..?'
Just then, a rapping on her door brought Rarity out of her gloomy reverie. The white pony gave an annoyed humph as she sauntered over to the door.
"Yes? Who is it?" she called out in an irate tone. When no response came she gave an unhappy snort as she neared the door and opened it with her magic. "This had better not be some kind of pra-" she began to chastise whoever she assumed to be outside her door until it fully swung inwards, revealing nothing but empty darkness filling the void outside of her doorstep.
Rarity stuck her head through the doorframe and looked down both sides of the street, but still she saw no trace of whoever had knocked on her door.
'How dare somepony interrupt my important work for nothing,' Rarity thought as her aggravation peaked. As she turned to head back to her work, something bright and colorful caught the corner of her vision. 'What's this..?' she wondered, her irritation now turned to curiosity as she turned back towards the doorway and bent her neck down to inspect the arrangement that had been left at the foot of her door.
A beautiful bouquet of flowers had been lain neatly at her doorstep, and Rarity's eyes widened slightly as she took in the wondrous pinks, reds, and purples that made up the arrangement.
'How...beautiful,' Rarity thought in slight awe as she picked up the bouquet with her magic and turned it in the air. 'Someone left these for me..?' Now a flattered blush crested the mare's cheeks at the very thought of it: someone had left her flowers! As the flowers swirled in the air, something dislodged from within and lightly fell to the ground. 'A letter?' Rarity's heart began to thump in her chest with giddy excitement; not only had she received flowers, but a letter as well!
Gently, she set the flowers down on a table near the door and then diverted her magic to the folded piece of paper. Bringing it level with her vision, she slowly unfolded it and began to read:
My Dearest Rarity,
For quite some time now, I have admired your grace and beauty: your mane, so luscious, your coat, so well kempt; I've never once met any other pony so beautiful. And for the longest time, I have watched you from afar; ever the observer, I know I cannot act on my feelings for you. If I were ever to do such a thing, it would only cause terrible complications for us both, and I do not wish for that to happen to you. Therefore, I must simply find solace in expressing my desire in this form, in this letter. My greatest wish is to be able to directly tell you how I feel, but I simply cannot. I am truly sorry if this letter brings you any sorrow in the fact that I cannot reveal myself to you. I just simply wish for you to know how I love you.
Sincerely,
Your Secret Admirer
Rarity's heart felt as if it were trying to beat its way out of her eardrums as her eyes scanned over the short letter again, and then again. A crimson blush was heavily painted across her face as she fell back on her haunches in stark disbelief.
'Such elegance, such prose...' she thought, her mental voice sounding distant, as if it was not even her own voice. 'Who...who could have written such a beautiful thing? For me?' Rarity vigorously shook her head to bring her focus back and she rose back to her hooves. 'I simply must know who wrote this!'
Rarity's mind instantly began to fill with images of potential suitors. 'Who could it be? Could it be Hoity Toity? Or perhaps Fancy Pants?' her mind began to reel at the vast possibilities. 'Nopony in Ponyville could have written such a beautiful and passionate letter! It must have come from a very noble Canterlot pony!' Rarity gave a repressed squeal of delight; never had she felt so utterly filled with joy, and for once, it was somepony admiring her rather than the other way around. Then, Rarity was struck by the fact that she still had a large dress order to fill out.
'First thing tomorrow I shall begin my hunt to discover who my admirer is!' she thought in glee as she tenderly placed the letter next to the bouquet before closing the door and returning to her work, her mind clear and filled with ideas fueled by the giddy joy the letter had induced in the purple-maned pony.
* Friendship is Magic *
Rarity gingerly trotted down the main drive in Ponyville, the letter from the previous night still very much on her mind. With the enthusiastic energy that the love letter had created, she had managed to ink out some of the most fabulous dress designs she had ever made in her entire fashion career. She even had the very letter with her still, tucked away with care in one of the saddlebags strapped across her back. Earlier that morning, she had invited Twilight Sparkle out for brunch, not just to eat, but because she wanted to show the intelligent pony the letter in the hope that she would be able to help her towards her goal of finding out exactly who had written it; Twilight was the most astute pony in Ponyville, after all.
Rarity quickly arrived at her destination: the Ponyville Cafe. She had tactically decided that eating at Sugarcube Corner was a terrible idea since she was not sure how overzealously the hyper-active Pinkie Pie would react to news of the letter.
"Hi, Rarity," Twilight greeted from one of the outdoor tables as she waved a hoof at the approaching mare.
"Good morning, dear," Rarity politely greeted back. A waiter pony quickly took the two mares' orders and hurried off to fill them.
"So," Twilight began as soon as the waiter had left. "You sounded kind of rushed when you invited me out to eat, this morning."
Rarity tossed her mane absently as she gave a small apologetic smile. "Oh, yes, I'm terribly sorry about that. I was in such a terrible rush to deliver the dresses I made last night."
Twilight waved a dismissive hoof at Rarity's apology and gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it; something else seemed to be on your mind, like there was something you wanted to talk to me about?"
Rarity knew that Twilight was too insightful not to see that her mind had been elsewhere earlier that morning, despite the fact that she had indeed been in quite the hurry.
"Yes, well," Rarity started as her horn lit up and the letter slowly floated up and out of her saddlebag. "Last night, I found this on my stoop...along with an arrangement of flowers." Rarity set the letter down on the table and Twilight took it in her own magic and began to read. Rarity sat in silence, allowing the studious pony to read. By the time Twilight had finished, her cheeks had a light dusting of red to them.
"Wow, it seems you have...quite the admirer," Twilight finally said as she placed the letter back on the table. Rarity gave a lightly despondent sigh.
"Oh, I simply must know who this secret admirer is," she replied wistfully with a touch of longing as she placed her hoof against her forehead and swooned slightly. "This could be the stallion of my dreams if he truly does love me so."
"Heya, guys! Whatca up to?"
A rainbow-maned pegasus pony streaked by the two mares, returning quickly and hovering above the two, her cyan wings flapping lightly.
"Hey, Rainbow Dash," Twilight greeted normally, though Rarity was slightly incensed at being interrupted from her train of thought.
Just at that moment, the waiter pony returned, bringing the two girls their dandelion sandwiches, along with a side of hay fries for Twilight. Rainbow Dash perked up at the sight of food.
"Don't mind if I do!" she said as she grabbed a few of Twilight's hay fries and munched on them.
Twilight threw a mock-glare at her but, seeing as how only a few had been stolen, no real damage had been done. "To answer your question: we were just discussing this love letter Rarity received last night."
Rainbow Dash nearly choked on the hay fries. "Love letter?" she squeaked out through a giggle, clearly amused.
Rarity threw a nasty glare at Rainbow Dash, which was promptly ignored. "Well, I'm glad you find my love life so entertaining," Rarity spat haughtily as she crossed her hooves indignantly.
"Sorry, sorry," Dash replied as she landed next to them. "So, who's it from?"
"We don't know yet," Twilight replied. "It's just signed 'Your Secret Admirer'."
"Well, howdy y'all!"
The group was interrupted for the second time as a fourth pony happened upon them.
"Fancy meetin' y'all here," Applejack said cheerily as she walked up to her three friends.
"Hey, AJ," Dash and Twilight said in unison while Rarity opted for a more proper "Hello, Applejack."
"What're y'all up ta? Havin' some kinda 'get ta’gether'?" Applejack asked out of curiosity. Twilight opened her mouth to explain, like she had to Rainbow Dash, but the cyan mare beat her to it.
"Rarity has a secret admirer!" she snickered, earning a glower from the white unicorn.
"Well Ah say, good on ya, Rarity!" Applejack congratulated enthusiastically as she patted the white unicorn on the shoulder with a friendly hoof. "Any idea who this 'admirer' migh' be?"
"We were just trying to figure that out," Twilight answered.
"It just has to be a sophisticated stallion. One with class, one with refinement," Rarity gushed, her voice airy as her mind galloped off into fantasies.
"Or it could be a sophisticated mare," Dash interjected randomly, earning an odd look from Twilight. "What? It could be," she shrugged. Though it was indeed random, Rarity seemed to take the possibility to heart.
'What if it is..? What if that is the 'complication'?' the white unicorn had not considered it before, and she was not sure that she was entirely opposed to the concept of it, should it come to pass.
"Oh! Look at the time, I forgot I needed to finish an assignment for Princess Celestia by this afternoon," Twilight suddenly said with urgency, breaking Rarity from her thoughts. The purple unicorn quickly wolfed down her dandelion sandwich, much to Rarity's distaste. "I hope you find out who your admirer is soon," Twilight gave her best wishes as she walked off back towards her library.
"And Ah jus' came inta town ta pick up some supplies," Applejack said as she too began to walk off. "Good luck with yer search!" she called back.
Now only Rainbow Dash and Rarity remained.
"Well...I need to practice some new moves..." Dash said slowly as she eyed the hay fries hungrily. "See ya!" she said hastily as she grabbed the fries and dashed into the sky.
Now left alone, Rarity began to daintily eat her own sandwich and think even more deeply about the issue at hoof.
* Friendship is Magic *
Over the course of the next two weeks, Rarity had absolutely no luck discovering who her admirer was. But, it was not for a lack of trying. Ever since the arrival of the first letter and bouquet, every night there would be a new gift sitting on her doorstep. Even when there was not always an accompanying letter, Rarity knew that it was from her admirer. However, when there was a letter she would keep them in a special place, as each one was so well written and sweet. The gifts would range from more flowers to gorgeous, sparkling gems, and Rarity would manage to restrain herself from using the gems in any dresses.
Despite her best efforts, she was never able to catch her admirer in the act. It seemed that the admirer knew she was on to him...or her, and therefore would deliver the gifts and letters at random hours of the night, the only sign being a short series of three knocks on her door. Rarity would always dash for the door, becoming more and more desperate to finally see the pony that loved her, muzzle-to-muzzle. But, even if it was seven at night or two in the morning, when she was working particularly late, there was never a trace of the one who had left her the gifts.
Then, one night, Rarity was up late once again working on a dress order when...
"There it is!" Rarity perked up on pure instinct as she heard the signature three knocks at her door. Without even thinking, she rushed for the door. 'Why oh why can't I be the fastest pony in all of Equestria?' she lamented as she made for the door, her heart already sinking at the thought of finding nopony there for the countless time. Then, there was a sound that made her heart soar: the distinctive sound of a pony tripping and falling over something.
'This is my chance!' she thought with glee as she threw the door open with her magic.
"At last! I can finally meet you and gaze upon the face of my-..." Rarity began to dramatically declare, but her voice fell short as her eyes widened, taking in the sight of the pony whose haunches rested on the ground just a few feet in front of her door, rubbing at its apparently bruised hind leg. But, most notably what Rarity took in were the three very distinctive red apples on said pony's flank.
"A-Applejack?" Rarity squeaked out as the orange mare got back to her hooves, but immediately froze.
"Oh...uh... Hey there, Rarity," Applejack said awkwardly as she turned to face the purple-maned unicorn.
"This...this must be some kind of mistake! Okay, who are you delivering these for?" Rarity haughtily demanded as she motioned a hoof towards the fresh roses and neatly folded letter on her doorstep. Applejack just stood there in an awkward silence, half in the darkness, half in the light coming from the doorway.
"Now, Applejack, I know you're an honest pony, so just tell me who my secret admirer is," Rarity said, her voice disturbingly calm and even.
Applejack lowered her head, her stetson hiding her eyes from view, but nothing could hide the bright, burning, scarlet blush set in her cheeks. The earth pony mumbled a response that Rarity could not hear.
"I beg your pardon?" Rarity replied.
Applejack's blush burned even hotter, if that was even possible, and muttered her reply once more. "...It's me."
Rarity began to hyperventilate as her chest tightened. "T-that just simply can't be! These...these letters were all so well written! How could some farm pony write such eloquent letters?!" Rarity demanded, no longer hearing how insulting she sounded.
"Now wait jus' a gosh darned minute!" Applejack said forcefully as her head snapped back up, her pride kicking her shame to the curb, though her face was still a vibrant shade of crimson. "Jus' 'cause Ah ain't some fancy 'city pony' means Ah can't write good?"
Rarity was rendered speechless as she realized how rude and callous she had been, and to her friend. "Applejack, I didn't-," she began but Applejack cut her off.
"Ah see how it is," she said, the hurt clear in her voice. "Ah'm jus' some simple 'farm pony', Ah can't possibly have feelin's or nothin' and express 'em elo-…er...uh...'eloquently'." Applejack's embarrassment came back two-fold as she stumbled over her words in her attempt to clarify herself.
Silence penetrated the darkness, leading to a long awkward pause as Applejack cast her emerald gaze to the ground. Then, she suddenly turned and began to slowly walk off into the darkness.
"Applejack, wait!" Rarity called out after her, causing the earth pony to halt in her tracks, but she neither looked up nor back. Another pause prevailed before Rarity spoke again.
"...Did you truly mean everything you wrote?"
Applejack slowly turned around, her expression one of disbelief. "Wha'..?"
Rarity slowly walked up to the orange mare. "Did you...mean it?" she asked softly, but firmly, her eyes shining.
Rarity had spent the past two weeks obsessing and fantasizing over the pony that was so infatuated with her that at this point, she no longer cared that her secret admirer was a mare after all, and a close friend no less. Applejack's jaw moved up and down, trying desperately to work, before she finally emboldened herself and found the words she was looking for.
"Well o'course Ah meant it!" she finally replied with fervor. "Ah meant every word!"
Rarity gave a soft smile as Applejack's expression turned to one of conviction with a dash of determination. She knew that the earth pony would never lie, much less to her.
"I'm sorry, Applejack..." Rarity said as she hung her head slightly in shame. "When I read the letters, I was just so shocked at how beautifully written they were, and I...I found it hard to believe that you would write something so passionate and complimentary," she explained as Applejack listened intently. "I never would have thought of you as a sweet talker, and I always thought you disliked my style of beauty."
Applejack nervously scuffed her hoof on the ground as her blush brightened. "Well...jus' 'cause Ah don't personally like all that frou-frou pamperin' nonsense don't mean Ah cain't admire it in you," she explained in a tone of hushed admiration as she lifted a tentative hoof and brushed it along Rarity's luxurious mane, slightly startling the white unicorn, though her smile began to grow none-the-less.
"And, ta be honest, Ah studied a lotta books so Ah could write them letters for ya. Ah'm not really tha type ta write a lot of sappy hooey, but Ah still wanted ta impress ya-" Applejack's lengthy explanation was cut short as Rarity suddenly planted a swift kiss on the earth pony's cheek, causing her to lock up in surprise, her jaw slightly agape.
"Well, it worked," Rarity said matter-of-factly, pleased with herself at evoking such a response from the confident mare. "What matters the most to me is the fact that you truly meant what you wrote, and that all comes from the heart." she finished by brushing her hoof lightly against Applejack's chest, causing the earth pony to stir from her stunned state.
"Ya mean it? Ya mean yer okay with...how Ah feel?" Applejack asked in uncharacteristic bashfulness.
Rarity gave a curt laugh before smiling. "Of course! Love is love, my dear."
"And...even though Ah'm not tha stallion of yer dreams?" Applejack pressed, her tone clearly showing how awkward she felt at this burning fact.
Rarity had to restrain herself from giggling at the scene, for fear of damaging the mare's pride; if she did not know better, she would have guessed that she was talking to Fluttershy wearing Applejack's hat. "As I've already said, darling, the important thing is that your feelings are so strong."
Applejack instantly brightened up, a big smile on her face. "So, ya accept mah feelin's?"
Rarity gave a simple nod. "I do..." the white unicorn trailed off for a moment, a small, coy smile gracing her lips
Applejack's expression instantly filled with joy and she had to physically restrain herself from leaping into the air while yelling 'Yeehaw'.
"Then, do ya..." Applejack began hesitantly, though her voice was filled with excited enthusiasm to match her wide grin. "Wanna go out someplace tomorrow?"
"Ah ah ah~," Rarity chided light-heartedly as she accentuated her statement with movements of her hoof, taking Applejack back slightly in confusion as the white mare smiled in light amusement. "I think we should take it slow, my dear."
Applejack gave a light, and relieved, chuckle. "Alright, sugarcube, we'll take it as slow as ya like," she replied, her face positively aglow with a happy grin.
Rarity blushed timidly and her sapphire eyes fluttered ever so slightly at Applejack's use of the generic nickname she always used for her friends; because, the way she said it then, it sounded less like a generic nickname, and more like one that was meant just for her now.
END
Author's Commentary: I sure hope you all enjoyed my first Friendship is Magic story as much as I enjoyed writing it! All feedback is happily welcomed.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Tumbleweed · 1.3k words · 316 12 · 11k views
- LightStriker · 9.7k words · 249 9 · 7.1k views
- Casper B. Wordsmith · 41k words · 428 14 · 9k views
- Starlitomega · 16k words · 319 9 · 8.6k views
- Lycan_01 · 6.3k words · 320 6 · 9k views
- Ebon Mane · 9.1k words · 180 24 · 8.6k views
- take flight · 702 words · 86 3 · 3.7k views
- Donnys Boy · 4.2k words · 657 14 · 13k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.171 seconds
Total duration
1,030 users online
2,241,055 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Loved it! A tad short, but maybe I'm only saying that because I was captivated the whole time :P
My jaw dropped at the end, which made it even better.
We definitely need more fics shipping those two.
Very well written! Amazing first effort. Hope to see more from you!
That's quite a surprise you put in there. Never would've suspected AJ. But yeah I'd ship that
Well written I liked it a lot, and thus In the name of Celestia I demand more of your works
It's good, but just a little bit plain in my opinion. You don't really seem to do much to emphasize any real emotions. It's a little bit dramatic and fairly touching, but there's no real hook to it. That's the problem with romance and slice-of-life stories: they don't try to emphasize any individual emotions and end up being a bit too plain.
I'm not saying this is a bad story- as I said, it is good, cogent, and well-written- but seriously, someone throw a pie or something.
it's a nice one
keep up the great writing
I enjoyed it for the most part. It was well written (and proof read, which is always a plus), but as mentioned before a little short and plain. However, considering it's your first FiM fic, you have potential to churn out some great stories in the future. Keep writing!
A sequel. I demand one!
152094
Well, I'm glad you liked it and had your jaw dropped, as that was my intent: to surprise the reader.
And, don't worry, you'll definitely see more from me.
152222
Thanks, I have a lot more ideas I'm excited to do, so you'll see more from me yet.
152235
I can understand how you feel. I wanted my first story to be short and simple with no real strong love convictions. My beta-reader said it enhanced the tone of the story that way. I'm glad you still found it a good read though. Perhaps pies would have been thrown had Pinkie Pie been involved.
152272
I'm a one-shot author by nature, but that's not to say I won't write long one-shots. If people are willing to read chaptered stories that are 12K~14K words per chapter, surely they're willing to read a one-shot just as long. Plus, some of the best short stories ever written are 20~30 pages of pure text.
152278
I might possibly write one, but I just want to clarify to anybody reading that this is a one-shot, whole and singular in design. I always get a sad when I see people tracking/following my one-shots because it means that they expect/think there will be another chapter, when there won't be. And I hate to disappoint people who enjoy my work.
To other commentators:
Thanks for your comments and support, I'm really surprised at how quickly my story got a response after being posted. It's so much slower on FanFiction.net.
It's not so much that we expect another chapter, as we think it might come and want to know if you change your mind/post something on the blog. :)
At least in my case.
Thought it was lovely, and was actually thinking it could be Applejack; after all, she's got that Manehattan upbringing. ;)
*Giggle* That was cute. I always like those kinds of stories.
Applejack and Rareity, how sweet.
It may be your first MLP fanfic but it's a really good one.
152296
I totally agree with you, i'm still working on a 20k+, and while I could theoretically start doling out chapters now, the safety of knowing the entirety of the story (and being able to change it) is too great for me to break it up, until i'm finished.
Well, I guess that explains the lack of a Spike tag, at least...
But still, thanks to Butterscotch Sunday, I DO find Rarijack a suitable fallback ship.
Always like Rarijack. And this was a truly sweet story. :D Love the opposites attract vibe of the two.
Aww, such a cute story. And the ending!
That was a great story I loved it and I do love the Rarijack pairing, it's my favorite pairing in this fandom and it alwasy will be.
I can't wait to see mroe of what you can write.
Very nice for your first story and it's rarijack, one of my favorite pairings
. It may not be anything groundbreaking but it's short and sweet. Nice job
...
How do you like your reviews? Nice or blunt mode?
152342
Ah, I see. Well, Applejack didn't spend that much time in Manehattan
152621
Well I'm glad I could make your day.
152683
Thanks! I really tried hard to do my best on it.
152689
Heh, I like some of Butters' work, the less pornographic ones anyways.
152898
I like reviewers to be honest in their reviews.
I've never understood why Applejack gets all the girls, what about Spike?
I enjoyed this a lot, it's actually the second non-clop shipping I've read. Keep up the good work. 
a happy one shot? that doesn't end in the main characters being heart broken/killed? yeehaw!
Loved it. Sequel! Sequel!
for a first fanfiction. this is awesome. i would love to see a sequel to this. where AJ and Rarity expresses each others feeling a bit more
This is rare, pardon the pun. Having to read an Applejack Rarity fic is really price less which makes me want to beg, please give more AppleRarity please
You deserve 5 stars.
D'aaw.
Heh, better than my first fanfic, which is still a WIP. My second and third have gotten a LOT more reads and tracks, and I understand your confusion over tracks on one-shots. When a story I like is complete, I Fave it, if it isn't already, so it doesn't clutter up my "New Read!" Area of Track-space.
Will Fave, 5/5! I would like to see their first few dates, and, of course, Everypony else's reactions. XP
Love the style, write as you, not as someone else, lest you be charged with Plagiarism!
Good story
You are good with word as I see on the letter and the story telling, and I suspect it was AJ (I thought it was RD).
Well, i wait for your next story, make it a series next time!
Amazing story. You should write some alternate endings, the way you wrote it pretty much makes it fit that pretty much anybody could have been the admirer. I suspected Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Spike, Rarity from the future trying to raise her self esteem (but i'm weird).
Loved it
152934 Spike gets plenty, I have seen him with twilight, fluttershy, rarity, pinkiepie, and the cmc. only pairing I have yet to see is spike and rainbow dash and spike and applejack. someone should get on that.
I personally loved this. I didn't need all that flashy nonsense like some of the others on here. It was cute and sweet just the way it was!
You did a solid job, i'll be watching you for future works.
152934
I don't know why people dislike her so much, she's my favorite pony. Well, it's a close competition between her, Fluttershy, and Luna.
'Cause Applejack is awesome
152946
I know right!
152970
Well, since people really seem to want a sequel I'll have to think something up.
153024
I'm surprised it's such a rarity (no pun intended either, heh) since I consider Applejack/Rarity and Applejack/Rainbow Dash to be the only two Applejack pairings with a foundation of sorts. Sure, you can make other Applejack pairings work, but the aforementioned ones have a more solid in-show basis.
153206
I'll take your ideas into consideration when I try to think up a sequel.
Well, thanks
153364
Sorry, I don't think I'll be doing any alternate endings, it's just an Applejack/Rarity story. And...Rarity from the future? Terminator Rarity...
153726
I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was meant to be rather simple, I didn't want to do something complex for my first Friendship is Magic story, but I'm glad you still enjoyed it none-the-less.
And I was expecting it to be Spike - What a twist!
Short, simple and sweet. Very nicely done. While I agree with previous people's suggestions that it could have used more emotion in some parts, I do understand your desire to keep it simple as your first fic. Your prose style was clear and accessible which suited the story you were telling. However, I would recommend against starting a story by describing either the sun or moon over Ponyville - one of the biggest cliches in the book!
Overall, a nice quick and enjoyable read. Well done. Keep up the great work!
i read this last night, but you surprised me with the pairing at the end. I was expecting RariLight. What with the proper prose and Twilight blushing slightly as she read the first letter.
A very good first story. I love the couple, and was hoping for it. I understand that this is a one shot, but I hope you write more lovely romances in the future.
Holy shit this list of comments is long (Sorry if I offended anypony I just can't think of any other words to describe the length)
Also This is much better than some fanfiction stories of read I may not read much ummmm..... whatever the name is for Rarity Applejack stories but I liked this one so you have my approval
It's a cute story, and great writing! Hope to see more from you!
Alright then.
The entire thing is rushed in general. You had too much speed going from one event to the next; it's somewhat distracting and very disconcerting. It's almost dizzying.
During the restaurant scene, it seemed like the characters appeared out of the blue, with little to no reason of actually showing up.
The 'admirer' shows no signs of guilt upon Rarity mentioning the note. No sweating, not even a wince. Given that pony's general character, that seems out of place, doesn't it?
When I get access to an actual computer, I'll give a more comprehensive review.
1.5/5. A for effort.
154327
Well, now that I think about it in the context of Friendship is Magic in general, it is awful cliche.
154552
The character system arranges itself however it pleases, I didn't check-mark the characters in that order. Even though your assumption was correct, I didn't have any influence over how the characters were arranged. At least, if I did, I didn't realize it. Can that still be considered a subconscious accident?
155009
Well, in a sense you're right. I wanted to hurry and get a nice Friendship is Magic story out so I likely did rush a few parts. I probably should have added more to the restaurant scene, and perhaps I'll fix it up and revise it sometime. Though, when does Rainbow Dash ever not show up without a reason?
Also, I find your assessment of Applejack to be in error. Applejack is a confident, prideful, honest pony. As the letter says, she's had feelings for Rarity for awhile. Therefore, any potential nervousness would've been repressed just so that her friends (and Rarity) wouldn't catch on. Plus, since she left the letter, there's no reason for her to be nervous that Rarity found it, as that was her intention to begin with. Plus, if you're coming from the "Applejack's an honest pony" aspect, well Rarity never directly asked Applejack who her admirer was, and Applejack has shown that she's willing to use logical loopholes to not tell the truth and not be lying at the same time (as evidenced in "The Last Roundup")
Don't get me wrong though, I'm not trying to bash you or anything, I'm just simply countering your logic with my own. Seeing as how so many people enjoyed it, I simply chalk it up to "can't please everybody".
I wish you had enjoyed it though.
I really liked this! My initial guess was Fluttershy, because loving somepony from afar seems to be her style, but Applejack was my next guess.
I can definitely understand Applejack feeling that coming out about her feelings would complicate things, given how different the two of them are, and I think it's very sweet to see the amount of effort she made to impress Rarity and win her heart.
I love this pairing!
Yay RariJack!
Very fun read I must say, looking forward to reading more from you.
I thought it was going to be Fluttershy initially. But I'm pleased it was Applejack. Rarity and AJ make a wonderful couple!
Good work. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
I heartily approve of this story. It's very strongly written for a first one - I'm still working up the courage myself. Well done, and I look forward to seeing more!
155149
Heh, well I'm glad you enjoyed! I firmly believe that Applejack would go out of her way to impress someone she had strong feelings for, just like a true southern gentlepony.
155371
It would most certainly seem that it did. Bad site, bad!
155630
Seems the popular first guess is "Fluttershy" and I can very much see that happening. I guess the initial likelihood that it might be Fluttershy only adds to the surprise of the big reveal.
I am NOT a fan of AJ/Rarity, but I enjoyed this story very much! 5/5, good job~