- Member Since 6th May, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 5th, 2014
TheVulpineHero1
Hi, I'm British, and you're reading a bunch of stuff you don't really care about! Yay! Go easy on me, I'm still finding my way around.
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Awwwwwww, well this is just so perfectly bittersweet, I think I might... ugh... um... *grabs chest and falls over*
Wow.
That was really good. I honestly didn't expect such quality in the writing of this. You, sir or madam, have great talent. You captured the characters well, and made it seem possible. That's what I like in most shipping stories.
Other than one part, where you said feet instead of hooves, I didn't see any mess ups.
Keep it up.
This is fantastic. I don't understand why you say that Dash is the hardest pony for you to write, considering what you've done with both this and FOTF. If it really is that difficult for you, then I commend you on a job very well done. Seriously, I'm in love with this story, since the first paragraph, really. Can't wait to see where you take it.
This is coming along great. I really look forward to reading what you put in this next. Keep up the great writing!
Super duper cute and surprisingly relatable...Dashie might not be in "peak" form, but your writing certainly is. Keep up the good work, sir!
2486121
It's probably get more that way as time goes on, since this chapter was pretty much "introduce plot, abandon it, talk about porridge and honey and slippers and stuff." I enjoy doing it that way, though.
2486169
Whoops! I'll have to go back through and find that. I wasn't super cautious on editing this since it was just intended as a story where I play around with description and worldbuild without any real concern for the audience. Glad you enjoyed it, anyway!
2486650
I said Dash is the hardest pony to write? Huh. I must've been crazy -- I actually find her to be one of the easiest by far. There's a reason why in a lot of my stories (Fear, this, LGYA, P&B, Three Mares) Dash plays either a starring or important supporting role. The ponies I have difficulty with tend to be Fluttershy, Pinkie and Luna; I think Fluttershy is a more nuanced character that I'd have to practice a lot to get to grips with, Pinkie runs on a whole different logic system, and I just don't use Luna very much so I have trouble when I do. I used to find Twilight difficult, but I found my groove between the interlude chapter in Fear and the Three Mares In A Boat thing. Sorry if I made this story seem more impressive than it actually is.
2486688
It probably won't get updated very regularly...The basic brief of this story was to do basically what I wanted, and update when I wanted to update. So, obviously, I must have really wanted to talk about porridge and stuff. But, I do have some limited plans as to which direction I want to take this, so we'll see.
2487268
Well, I try! One of my things is trying to add depth to characters by way of innocuous details that nobody else cares about, and that was in full flow here. Glad you liked it!
2489325 I may be misremembering, but somewhere early on in Fall, you may have said as much. Even if she is a easy to write as you say, I find this impressive. So there. I love the way you captured her voice in this, and I love the conflict, as far as it's gotten at this point. It is very much a Rainbow Dash problem to have...
I dig this a lot, so far. It's lightly melancholy--it begins with Dash questioning her relationship with Fluttershy but then quickly segues into mostly fluffy and amusing slice-of-life stuff. I wonder if perhaps the main conflict will be that Dash feels like she's stagnating. That's the sense I got from this introduction, anyway.
Especially liked this line: "Her eyes open, and suddenly widen when she realises she's not in her cottage, but soon enough she finds my face and her panic passes." That says a lot about the relationship between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, in a compact space. Overall, I really like the voice you've created for Rainbow, though there are a few bits that read a bit awkward, perhaps. The parentheses in the sentence "When we're done eating (I finish faster because I've got no table manners) ..." come to mind as one such bit, as this is first-person POV.
Looking forward to what comes next. I really hope you're enjoying the writing of this, since it's your pet project.
2491948
Well, I would be lying if I said I was paying maximum attention to the voice when I wrote this; I was really going for a voice which still retained elements of Dash-ness, but which was perhaps a little older and a little more mature. Some of my own voice slipped through, which is why there's parentheses and semi-colons scattered about everywhere. I might change that quoted example to an em-dash aside.
Stagnation is one of the conflicts I'm planning on looking at in more detail, but not the only one, and not exactly the main one either. If all goes astoundingly well, I get the feeling that this story might actually become an nuanced and intelligent look at a relationship; if it doesn't, it will just be a chance for me to screw around with description when I don't want to write other things, and generally make a big meandering story that doesn't go anywhere. Either is good, since practice is practice and it familiarises me with the universe. Glad you're enjoying it so far, though!
Relationship descending into familiarity and monotony, breeding a sense of being taken/ taking things for granted. Our protagonist is experiencing something which happens to most relationships, after passions pass, and a lives settle into a routine, with each partner bearing a set of responsibilities, and the daily expectations of meeting those said responsibilities in order to eke out some semblance of living. At this point I don't see it as a matter of Dash not loving Fluttershy enough, but that because of the familiarity bred through the routine everyday living, Dash is beginning to notice things, little things, that didn't irritate her before, now do, because the the passion and freshness has worn off. Things that got dismissed in the passion, or was accepted because it was "so cute" now is beginning to grate upon her nerves and is a source of irritation to her. Now at this point, it becomes a test of love, as I see it. Does Dash love Fluttershy enough to communicate her concerns and irritations to Fluttershy, and put in the effort towards maintaining their relationship? Or will Dash choose to break off the relationship because it's requiring too much effort and work to go into it, it's not exciting and fun anymore, it's "too troublesome" and the net happiness factor is dropping into the negatives? Either path is equally viable, and could enhance Dash's character depending on how well it's written and thought out.
2497608
Haha. That's some interesting interpretation. I'll be addressing some of those things, but I'll also be going in a few different directions. My aim isn't really to make a masterpiece here, but rather to blow off steam, so my apologies if I don't quite live up to any expectations in the course of this story.
enjoying thi sso far update soon
The banter and relationship between Rainbow and Applejack is lovely here... Just enough of a ghost of tension, just enough lovely awkwardness, and definitely enough slow-burning desire to make everything delightfully strange. I really love the way you describe the three of them:
This just seems entirely in-character for all of them, with subtle nods to their feelings and ways of thinking.
I can't think of an intelligent way to continue saying how much I love this right now, so I'll probably stop before I make an utter fool of myself. But I freakin' love this story and always get happy little tingles when I see an update. Thanks for sharin' it!
2576220
I'm having a bunch of fun, though.
Haha. I'm glad you like it. It really seems to be one of those very niche stories that only really appeals to a few people willing to tolerate the absolutely glacial pace I take things at. I do try hard with the characterisations, since one of the things I really wanted to do was build a nuanced, mature Rainbow Dash, which by extension means trying to figure out how she reacts to her friends and how they react to her, and also how they react to their other friends and how Dash reacts to that. It's hard to explain.
Awesome chapter
It's kind of frightening how much Rainbow has changed herself for Fluttershy's benefit here. I can't think of it as entirely healthy, and you have me incredibly concerned for the future... again...
Damn.
It's a very interesting perspective of Rainbow Dash's relationship with Fluttershy.
I like how realistic this feels. Keep up the good work!
2576220
Agreed very much. That was one of my favorite bits, how the relationships between all three characters have been set up. The awkwardness comes not from manufactured conflict but from three friends all trying to do the right thing while maintaining their relationships. They all act just how it feels they should act, given who and how they are.
Coolio
2604574
Yeah, one of the things I wanted to examine in the story was change, how far it can go and how everypony reacts to it and perceives it. Either than or I'm just screwing around.
2604815
Thanks! I know this kind of thing isn't everybody's cup of tea, but it's nice to think that at least some folks (other than myself, of course) are getting some enjoyment out of it.
2632781
Hehe. DB's a cool guy. I'm surprised he reads my drivel a lot of the tim, but I much appreciate it.
I am in love with this story...its so perfect! And seriously amazing writing!!
I really love where you're going here. What Rainbow is thinking and feeling and doing feels so real to me--in large part because I've thought and felt and done things very similar, in some previous relationships. I also like the ambiguity so far, that the story doesn't seem to be forcing the reader to go with "Change is terrible, and they should break up" or with "Love conquers all, and they should stay together." Relationships are messier than that, and neither Dash nor 'Shy feels to me as though she's being set up to be the "bad guy," which I also like.
I hope that, no matter where they end up, as individuals and in relation to one another, that they find some peace. Poor ponies.
2632781
I ... uh ... heh, thanks?
And that, my friends, is how I cried myself to death because of feels.
Yessssss. Loves me some sarcasm and banter.
You seem to be long gone. And that's the fandom's loss, because your writing is beautifully crafted and conveys marvelously this story's theme of troubled contentment, of knowing something's missing though there's nothing to miss. So many penetrating character moments, so many perfect details.You had me from the first few words, but this was my favorite passage of all:
…Even though it sounds dumb, I feel really proud of 'Shy at times like this. I still remember when she used to go super quiet whenever anypony spoke to us, and how she used to move around in a way that put me between her and them, like some kind of shield. Her being able to just stop and chat with whoever speaks to her on the street, without getting all worried and anxious like she used to, is like this huge achievement. They say she's not as talkative when I'm not around, but it doesn't matter. It just makes me realise how far she's come since we started living together.
I've changed too since I moved in. There was just something about living with 'Shy in that little cottage that made me quieter, I guess. AJ I always used to shout at, and Pinkie I always used to shout with, but there's never any need to shout when I'm with her. It's not like I need to compete with her, and I don't need to try and get her attention because I've already got it. When I stopped talking so loud, I started to learn how to listen – I mean, really listen. Listen like Pinkie listens, sometimes, how to listen to the pony and not just the words they're saying. And after a while, 'Shy learned how to talk a little louder. We changed each other, basically. We didn't quite meet in the middle, but we moved so close that it got hard to be apart.
I don't know how I hadn't found you before, but everything you wrote is now on my list. I do hope you pop in again someday.