• Published 23rd Jan 2013
  • 5,992 Views, 114 Comments

Incombatibility - TheBanteringBrony



After a night of passion Spike wakes up one morning to a distraught Rarity.

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The library

“Here.” Twilight levitated the old dusty tome to Spike and Rarity sitting at one of the tables in her library.

Spike held the ancient book. He read the title, “Theories of Dragon Biology and behavior by renowned naturalist Robert Plot.” Spike raised an eyebrow. “This is your evidence? This book is a practically a fossil.” Spike nearly choked on the dust coming off of it.

“Well, I didn’t directly say dragons and ponies can’t have kids. To specify, I said that there have never been any documented cases of it.” Twilight took a sip her tea.

Rarity blushed a little. “I just assumed the worst, pardon me for being a drama queen earlier this morning dear.”

Spike sighed. “It’s alright Rarity.” Spike had one arm wrapped around Rarity, holding her close.

“Sadly, ponies don’t have a lot information on dragons. What we do know about them is the obvious or outdated like this book here.” Twilight explained.

“So now what?” Spike remarked.

“Well, I think we should consult an expert.” Twilight took another sip of tea.

“Do you have one in mind?”

Twilight let out a grin. “Celestia.”

Rarity and Spike both shared the same shocked face.

“Oh come on guys, I’m sure she has to know something about this, or she may even have a better book in the Canterlot archives.”

Rarity and Spike turned to each other, both looking a little worried. “You want to try Rarity?” Spike asked. Rarity thought for a few seconds, thinking carefully.

“Yes. Yes I do. But only if it’s not too much trouble for the Princess. She must be dreadfully busy, being the princess and all.” Rarity answered.

“Great! Spike take a letter please!”

Spike found a piece of parchment and a quill pen. Twilight told him exactly what to write word for word. The letter was left a little vague, this was a sensitive issue after all. Spike lit the letter up in green flames and it fizzled into nothing.

“Now we wait.” Twilight stated.

An awkward silence fell between them for a few seconds.

“So...”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

Twilight, Spike and Rarity were hit by a blinding white light and blast of sound emanating from the middle of the library. The sound itself shook the library like an earthquake.

“Finally I get out of that cramped palace! Geeeeez, let me tell you being cooped up in there gives ya the biggest kink in the neck!”

“Discord?!”

“Righta-roony!” Discord was bending his neck in exaggerated ways that no other living creature could bend. His neck bones made audible popping noises as he aligned them.

Twilight was just a surprised as Spike and Rarity were. All of them disoriented from the mortar of chaos going off in Twilight’s library.

“Here ya go kiddo, straight from the hoofs of Princess Sunny-Buns herself!” Discords arm dislocated from his body and floated over to Twilight. It gave her a neatly rolled paper with a wax stamp holding it together with a red ribbon.

Twilight let it fall on the floor and looked at it. She frowned then eyed Discord intently.

“Well aren’t you going to read it?” Discord was eating from a bag of popcorn he pulled out of nowhere.

“I would if it was the real letter from the princess.” Twilight didn’t break her glare.

Discord cracked up. “Oh Twilight you know me all too well. That letter was rigged to explode right in your face. Ink would've gone everywhere!” Discord pantomimed an explosion with his arms.

With a snap the real letter appeared before her, it was a plain piece of paper but Twilight could tell it was authentic.

Twilight began reading aloud.

“My most faithful student,

I’m sorry to inform you that I was too busy with some ambassadors to actually read your letter. Right as I got it Discord volunteered himself to come to your assistance. I reluctantly let him leave the palace. See to it he does everything within his power to aid you. If he causes to much trouble send me another letter and I’ll see if I can dispatch Luna to come help.

My apologies,

Princess Celestia”

“Perfect.” Twilight brought a hoof to her face.

“See! It’s almost like I’m her faithful little student just like you.” Just then Discord sprouted hair on his head identical to Twilight’s mane.

Twilight looked unamused.

Seeing that Twilight wasn’t having any of it Discord crossed his arms. “So how can ol’ Discord help you?” It was the first time he sounded serious since he’s been here.

“Well, I don’t need your help...” Twilight then lifted her hoof and pointed at Spike and Rarity. “They do.”

“Do they?!” He yelled eagerly. He raised his arm and and snapped his fingers. In a flash Rarity and Spike were sitting on a couch across from Discord as he sat in a large armchair. He had a suit and glasses on. “Now tell me...” He took out a pad of paper and pen. He cleared his throat and paused for a few seconds.

“Do dragons have one penis or two? I’ve always wondered-”

Spike jolted up. “That’s it! I’m done!” He roared.

Rarity’s entire face was red as a beet. She brought her hooves up to cover her face in embarrassment.

Discord fell out of his chair guffawing, his arms grasping his stomach.

“Discord!!!” Twilight boomed. Discord payed no attention to Twilight.

In a burst of fire and rage Twilight spontaneously combusted, her coat becoming a burning white and her hair literally catching fire. This caught Discords attention. She teleported in front of him, her gaze crushing his resolve. “You listen to me you neutered chaos god! So help me I’ll-”

“Woah, woah. Okay Twilight. Take it easy. I’ll help them. Geez, back off already.” Discord held up his hands, surrendering.

Twilight backed off, turning back to her normal form. “Seriously?” Twilight replied.

Discord stuck his arm down his throat and pulled out a beating heart and a marker.

“Cross my heart.” Discord then drew an “X” on his still beating heart and showed it to Twilight. Twilight looked equal parts disgust and unamused. He then swallowed the heart in one gulp and wiped his hands together. “Now then...” He floated over to Spike and Rarity.

“So seriously, what’s eating you two?” The Draconequus asked.

“If you must know, Spike and I are trying to have a child. And we need to know one thing.” Rarity took in a breath. “Can dragons and ponies have babies?” Rarity asked.

Discord, looking completely confused, was caught off guard by the question. He thought long and hard, stroking his beard.

Discord shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

“Oh come on!” Rarity threw her forelegs in the air. “You have to know something!” Spike looked just as frustrated as Rarity.

“For as long as I’ve been alive, I can’t say I’ve ever heard of a dragon and pony couple let alone a hybrid of the two. All the dragons I knew about were more fond of treasure than they were of ponies.”

Rarity sighed. She leaned into Spike for comfort. He responded by wrapping his arms around her. “I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.” Spike said. Rarity sniffled, getting teary out of frustration.

“Well...” Discord began.

All eyes were on Discord.

“You guys consider adoption?” He inquired.

Rarity and Spike turned to face each other. “Why didn’t we think of that?!” Rarity happily shouted into Spikes face. Spike scratched the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. “Thats actually a good idea. Can’t believe it never crossed our minds.” He looked up at Discord. “Thanks.”

With a snap Discord made a small piece of paper appear in front of Spike. “What’s this?”

“Your bill.” Discord responded with a toothy grin.

Twilight, Spike and Rarity all had unamused looks on their faces.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying right?”

Twilight walked between Discord and the couple. “I’m sure Celestia needs you back at the palace now.” Twilight insisted, her frayed nerves showed in her voice.

Discord got on his knees and clasped his hands together, begging. “Can I see Fluttershy first?” He even made his lip quiver. “Pweeease?”

Twilight groaned “Fine.”

“Yes!” Discord shot up in the air, almost hitting the ceiling. “Good luck with the whole adoption thing. Catch you love birds later.” In a flash, Discord was gone.

They waited a few seconds, making sure he was actually gone. Twilight went back to the table with her tea pot, poured herself a cup and took a hearty swig. She sighed, tea really calmed her down on stressful days. Rarity and Spike got up and sat with her at the table. Twilight poured a cup of tea for both of them.

“If I’m not mistaken, I believe the nearest orphanage is in Canterlot.” Twilight said.

“Good.” Rarity chimed. “Spike and I will go when we feel ready.” They were all at an agreement.

“To the future?” Twilight held up her little cup. “To the future.” All three gently hit their cups together, cheering for the future.

“You know Twilight, when we get a child, do you know what that is going to make you?” Spike began.

“What?”

“A grandmother.” Spike smirked.

Twilight picked up the book on the table with her magic and proceeded to fling it at Spike. He crashed to the floor as it struck him.

“Okay that was uncalled for!” Spike called from the floor.

Twilight and Rarity shared a little laugh.

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