Learning ABCs - Aristocracy, Bureaucracy, Chaos

by Isopod

9) No Sense nor Sensibility

Considering everything that took place during the last couple of weeks, Twilight Sparkle could with utmost certainty conclude that, out of the many visits she paid Celestia and Luna, this particular one was by far the worst possible one of them all. Perhaps it wouldn't have been as bad of she hadn't become a member of Royalty recently but between that little bit and the rumours that followed her recent "disappearance", there was little room for consolation in her mind. This day was beyond saving, and not even the ever-cheerful Spirit could fix it with his typical visual humour.

"I'm sure you had the best intentions but that's not very tactful." She noted as she watched the Spirit who, dressed in a striped outfit and dragging a ball and chain around on his hoof, half-wailed, half-sung out the Foalsome Prison blues but even its cheerful take on it had no effect on her mood, and he gave her a saddened smile from the other side of a sturdy set of metal bars.

"Perhaps you're right on that account but I still find this situation entirely thrilling."

"Last time you were incarcerated in Ponyville, you didn't like it one bit. And it was only like, an hour or so."

"Ah, but it's not me rotting in a cell, is it?" Discord offered with a silly grin. The alicorn rolled her eyes.

"The only reason you're not inside with me, as you know, is because you decided you should let yourself out while no guards are here."

"Well they do seem to trust you, ironically enough, to keep an eye on me! Your subjects must love you very much."

"Or, they know this is all just a really weird shape of formality.

"Either way, it'll make for one funny story when you get old!"

As a sorrowful melody left his newly summoned harmonica, Twilight Sparkle pressed her face against the cold bars of her prison, and thought back to what, at the time, seemed to have been just another day in Canterlot...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Actually no, it wasn't at all just another day in Canterlot, it was the day when Twilight's royal education would include but was not limited to meeting a board of various ponies and other individuals responsible for imports and exports of Equestria - a board that was formed because of some ill-tempered individuals trying unsuccessfully to do their job at the faraway borders of their kingdom, and a board whose successes were to have an impact on further interactions between Equestria and the many lands that surrounded it.

That alone was enough to make Twilight more than a good deal nervous, and while Canterlot became more and more visible as she and Discord soared through the sky, and the Castle started to sparkle beneath the setting sun, the young, inexperienced Princess felt again a familiar pang of guilt, knowing she was hardly ready for - and as such, hardly worthy of - such an important diplomatic mission.

Perhaps her nervousness was more obvious that she thought, for as she let the wind carry her, she suddenly felt soft fur beneath her hooves, and realized Discord has made it his gentlecolt's duty, if you will, to carry her the rest of the way on his back.

"You seem every bit lost in your thoughts as we are among the clouds." He snickered, turning his head towards her. "Royal life wearing you down?"

"More than I like to admit." Twilight scratched her nose as she recalled the yesterday's conversation with her friends - they visited her to comfort her about the publicity she never asked for, but once the conversation shifted to today's visit to Canterlot, Twilight had ensured them she had everything under control - a bit too well, it would seem, because even Spike didn't deem it necessary to wish her luck that morning. While she understood that her friends were quite busy these days, she had to admit - it left a bit of a bad taste to see Spike lazily wave from his basket, still sleeping, instead of sharing a cup of tea and an encouraging word or two with her before she left.

Still, there was no time to dwell on such things. She looked ahead. "But it'll be alright. I've gotten through worse, I'll get through this as well."

"My oh my, what a brave thing to say in the face of danger such as the one waiting in form of couple of diplomats!" Discord teased, and Twilight bit her tongue to stop herself from replying, because - he was right. She was being needlessly anxious about the whole thing, and knew that when the time came, she'd do everything the way she was supposed to do. When the moment was of the essence, she could provide with her best self.

Everything until that point however, would be - simply put - bananas.

And such a strange thing it was to think of bananas because the next thing she knew, "Ow!," a banana bounced off her head and fell down, down and down to the grassy plains of Equestria, never to be eaten, and possibly serving as an unsuspecting comedy prop. Both the Princess and the Spirit stared down after it for a long time, not even the ever pun-prepared Spirit willing to make a joke out of it just yet.

"So, how-"

"I have to admit I have no idea, my dear. I can only imagine somepony zoomed past us really fast, somewhere above." As if on cue, they both looked up but if there was a culprit to be found, they had already left the scene of crime a while ago, while the Princess and the Spirit were busy following the approaching demise of the falling banana. "I guess it must be somepony's idea of a good prank." Discord continued, idly. "Quite avant-garde but not unwelcome."

"I do suppose one like you knows how to appreciate the absurdity of the entire thing better than I do."

"Oh? You did not find it interesting?"

"It's not that - it's just that the question of how will haunt me for the rest of the week."

"I should have known a mare like you would be more interested in the root of the situation than its entertaining consequences."

"Not to say I don't appreciate it, though!"

Twilight thought it weird how she was in a position to say she appreciated having a banana fall on her head while flying five thousand, three hundred and forty nine feet in the air on the back of a chaos-embodying being. Discord apparently didn't, because he looked uncharacteristically happy about it.

"So you're saying you do appreciate it?"

"I guess a quirky mystery as just as good as a more... down-to-earth one."

"... Twilight dear, please tell me that-"

"My pun was intended, yes." Twilight's chest puffed a bit. "I must admit, I'm really glad you noticed it! I've been going through the newest edition of the Equestrian Dictionary, and I picked up a few more funny bits that can work great pragmatically just as much as semantically."

Discord found the following speech about Twilight's dictionary and the new practical purposes of its contents endlessly funny and endearing but along with it, he found it endlessly concerning that it endeared him so. The scene took him back to yesterday, and the entirety of the 'accident' that prompted him to come to Canterlot with Twilight in the first place; he had a few ponies to pay a visit to, and Cadance was definitely on the the unfortunate list of ponies who would be seeing him that day. Of course, the young Princess herself knew nothing of the yesterday's events, nor of his intentions as she blissfully continued to list the entries from her dictionary that tickled her fancy. If she did, the Spirit figured, he'd have loads more to deal with than he already did.

It was perhaps for the best, because the moment they arrived, Twilight wasted no time in getting ready for the meeting; he realized she didn't need any more baggage to deal with than she already had. For now, he would handle things alone.

"Well, I'll be going to meet the Princesses and these diplomats." Twilight announced as she lastly placed the crown on her head. "After meeting Asil the last time-"

"Who might that be?"

"The griffin ambassador. Anyway, after meeting him, I'm pretty certain I'll be able to talk to anypony - or anyone else - more easily. He looks pretty uptight but was in fact very friendly." She smiled to herself. "You know, I have a good feeling about this!"

"That's the spirit! Off you go and impress your board of whats-their-names. I'll just be...", his gaze lingered around her chamber, trough the window onto Canterlot, and onto the ceiling, "preparing a surprise party or something while you're gone."

Twilight made a face, halfway between a amusement and suspicion. "Knowing you, you already have that one prepared."

"Just a click away, too!" Discord gleefully exclaimed as he clicked his fingers, and in a second the room was bursting with Discord-ian party vibes, balloons obscuring her vision and confetti falling over her mane. He could hear her laughing behind the curtain of streamers.

"Impressive, if a little unoriginal."

"I suppose confetti are a little overdone at this point but I assure you," he paused and grinned, "they will not be the main charm nor focus of the party."

Happy that she blushed lightly, even though it was accompanied with a roll of her eyes, the Spirit watched Twilight waving at him before leaving the chamber, and the party in the room disappearing along with her; the confetti slowly retreating into their containers and balloon deflating into non existence with her departure, until the door shut close and the last streamer slithered away into the void it came from. Discord spent a moment wondering if he had meant for his magical party to work like that, before deciding the best pony to ask was exactly the one he came to visit.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Alone in her chambers and getting herself a hot cup of well deserved coffee and rest, Cadance was blissfully unaware of the Spirit's presence in her chambers but it still didn't take her by a big surprise when she suddenly noticed one of her lamps didn't look the way it used to. She frowned at the lamp that bore the resemblance of the chaotic Spirit momentarily, then smiled at it, looking a bit excited.

"I was wondering when you'd come back," she remarked, "and yet I didn't expect it to be so soon!"

The lamp spoke to her as it moved in a clunky manner, its big, googly eyes spinning around without control and pieces of it being chipped away with ever gesture.

"You sure do sound... delighted about it."

"I am!" Whether she ignored the pun by accident or on purpose, he didn't know. "I'm rather eager to know about your perception of world through the lens of loving somepony." The Spirit left the lamp and slithered out behind her sofa, eyeing her almost suspiciously from behind it.

"This sort of approach reminds me suspiciously a lot about Twilight Sparkle's inital reaction to me moving in with her."

"Who would ever know two ponies who spent so much time together could have so much in common, right?" She teased. "On a more serious note, you don't need to get defensive just because it's love you want to talk about."

He made a rather painful grimace, the expression which the Princess took notice of rather quickly. She knew this wouldn't be easy for him, yet the amount of distaste he seemed to have for all of this wasn't something she was used to. "How about you get comfortable first? I just brewed some coffee, if you'd like."

It was the Spirit's first time that someone other than Fluttershy or Twilight asked him to have anything with him one-on-one. Sure, he had numerous get-together's with Twilight's closest friends, and crashed a good number of parties during his stay in Ponyville but without having Twilight's level-headedness to even him out or Fluttershy's kind and accepting attitude toward literally anything he said or did, he discovered he had quite the difficulty to sincerely open up to somepony new.

Still, he took her invitation with silent dislike for the situation, slipped onto the sofa and crossed his arms. A cup of fresh coffee floated over to him, held in air by Cadance's magic.

"Drink up before it gets cold. If you need any sugar or milk-"

He didn't wait before she finished that sentence to take a good, long sip. The beverage was hot, bitter and fulfilling. Though he preferred it that way, this time it only served to remind him of Twilight. He sighed.

"A mixture of my exact feelings on this whole mess."

"Pardon?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing, just musing on my own. Though I guess the reason I'm here is so you could help me muse."

"In knowing that, you've already made progress. Perhaps you're not aware, having spent most of your time with the literal Princess of Friendship but ponies are in general rather hostile towards their own feelings. It's good that, even in such a hostile environment, you know what you came for, and have to do."

"That might be the case but to be perfectly sincere, Twilight's sister, I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Understandable." Cadance nodded, preparing to continue. For a moment believing she would have to pull things out of him word by word, she found herself surprised when she was interrupted by what she could only describe as an impressive monologue on emotions.

"I mean, what is the point of even discussing these things with anypony else? From my understanding of this ideal pony-tastic society, these things happen, progress, culminate, and then either last forever, or simple fade away with time. There is no definitive textbook on it, no branch of magic that ever successfully explored it, not a single self-help book that can give one a definitive solution - if none of that helps, what does? What is there that I'm missing in the grand skill tree of romance? Which part of this emotional scheme have I managed not to master in this couple of thousand years long life? If I haven't figured it out by now, I can assure you nopony else has, which in turns renders this entire discussion utterly unnecessary! And yet, in spite of that, here I am!" He yelled in frustration. "Here I am trying to make sense of stuff I haven't felt since I was mortal, and we both know it is pointless! Or at least," he eyed her horn and wings, "you will know in a couple of millenia. Give or take."

"The reason you're so frustrated is the fact you have it wrong from the start - the fundamental difference that makes emotions difficult to coherently put into words, unlike just about anything else, is the fact emotions belong to living, intelligent beings. Life hasn't been called a mystery since the early days of the world for nothing. It simply is! And it's out job to make sense out of it on our own. Including but not limited to, love."

The way she effortlessly answered his speech in such an elegant manner confused him. She could have at least acted as if she was caught off guard with such a view of his, he bitterly thought.

"Since when are you so full of wisdom?"

"You'd be surprised how many ponies share your, if only similar, point of view. The couples I help are often frustrated upon realizing love isn't always a fairy tale affair."

"I figured your job was to force ponies into relationships rather than couple counseling."

"F-Force them?" To say she was aghast would be an understatement but the Princess managed to hold her composure. For a little bit. "That is just about the worst possible way you could have put it!" She couldn't help saying.

"Oh, indeed?" Stuck between the glee of discovering what button of hers he could press, being all too defensive, and at the same time not-anymore-sure why he was here, the Spirit seemed agitated as he turned the conversation to her. "Is there something more to you than playing matchmaker? I would love to see it! Tartarus, I'd love to feel it!"

Perhaps he meant it. Maybe he was just trying to get a rise out of her. In fact, Cadance figured, he was probably just being a dumb old bag of rotten carrots like he usually was when thing didn't go as he imagined. Whatever the case was Casance smiled. The warmth of her smile was invasive, and Discord recoiled, suddenly realizing what he had said.

"I didn't mean that."

"And yet, so it will be."

Her horn glowed. Hearts of pink filled the room, the magical light engulfing him.

Author's Note:

This one took a while.

Thank you for reading.

Comments

[SmugKitsune]

Oops.

[PrincessTwilightSparkle1]

Be careful what you wish for, Discord.

[PrincessLaLa]

Oh dissy dissy dissy, what have you gotten yourself into this time?

[Professor Blu]

Ah yes, a classic once more, I am excited to dead more in the future

[Vaguely Demented]

So in the Cadence should be in a cell?

[Isopod]

9908361
WHat?

[Vaguely Demented]

9910488
Sorry, should be “in the end Cadance should be in the cell”, as it certainly sounds like she set Discord off magically for whatever is about happen.

[Kuraara]

Yay another chapter! I'm always glad to see that you are still working on this fix. All the other unfinished Twilight and Discord stories I follow have long been abandoned.
Great writing as usual. I love your characterisation of Discord and reading the ideas you come up with. I can't wait to see what scheme Candence has planned and how it ends with both Twilight and Discord in jail.
Thanks for writing!

[Isopod]

9922262

Thank you so much for leaving such a nice and throughout comments! It's little "reviews" like these that keep me motivated, knowing people enjoying these fanifics still, even after so many years. Again, thank you so much! With any luck, the next chapter will be out this month. :)

[Venerable Ro]

Personally, I would have advised against inflicting mind-altering magics upon a deific reality-warper.

[Isopod]

10039891
I would consider that a very good advice!

[lazyreader19]

Oh boy lol

Glad to see our favorite fluffy pals again, also got a prediction: placebo effect, she does the heart sparkles, discord thinks he's feeling more than usual, and it turns out she didn't do anything but an illusion and he just realizes these feelings weren't able to be forced all along

Just a guess