Chapter 3 - She's My Cousin, I Swear!
Thirty minutes after entering the room, I finally emerged, a feeling of relief spread across my face. I then sauntered down the stairs and into the living room.
"With that out of the way, I need to get some sleep. If not, there is no way in hell I'm gonna make it through today." I deadpanned.
And so I flopped down on my cough and grabbed the remote for another flat screen. This one sitting on a second entertainment stand that housed even more gaming systems. The only difference between this setup and the one in my room was that this one had all the latest consoles. The best of the versions too. So I had the newest slims for PS3 and Xbox 360, as well as the new Wii U. I even had a fully tricked out CPU Tower that I had my cousin build for me so I could play League of Legends, Elsword, Diablo 3, and Guild Wars 2 with him and his friends hooked up to it. But alas, I was just way too tired for any of that at the moment. The only thought in my mind right now was to get some sleep. And so I simply hit the power button and put on the Speed channel. I was no big fan of racing, but I figured that if I had something I didn't really like on, I'd fall asleep faster watching something outside my preferences.
Twenty minutes later, I had become drowsy. But before I slipped into full unconsciousness, I though that I saw that one of the racers had a passenger. And the passenger had rainbow colored hair. Before my mind could begin to ponder what I saw any more, sleep finally took hold and wrapped me in it's eternal embrace.
Just as I felt myself enter REM sleep, my alarm went off, forcing me out of my dreams.
'Damn it' I cussed to myself as I rolled over my temporary bed so I could pull my phone out of my pocket. 'Why the hell do I have that set to the damn rooster caw again, I forget? oh yeah, it's so damn annoying, I want to just shut it the fuck off.'
Just as I was finally able to force my cell from my pocket, I heard my name being called from my room. If I didn't remember what had happened what had transpired the previous night, I would have been pissed, but luckily I did remember.
"Yeah, I hear ya, give me a moment!" I shouted up to my guest.
I then proceeded to fight the fatigue brought on by my lack of sleep. I finally succeeded in getting up by rolling myself off of the couch and crashing onto the carpeted floor below. I then got up with a pop and ascended to the second floor.
"You know I said to be up and ready after I knocked once and before I knocked again." I said as I walked down the hall to my bedroom door.
"I know what ya said, but I heard the rooster a crowing. That's how I usually know when it's time to get out of bed. Apples ain't gonna buck themselves, ya know." AJ replied through the door.
Her comment made me stop just outside my room, my hand reaching for the knob. Suddenly a flood of new questions washed over me.' Where is she from? Why is she unfamiliar with the human anatomy? Why doesn't she walk on two legs? Where apples and roosters still exist and are the same as here? And what the fuck did she mean by 'Apples ain't gonna buck themselves?"' The overflow of questions began to make my head hurt. I quickly shook my head, trying to get myself to focus.
"Ok, alrighty then, I'm gonna pretend that made sense and say sure." I said, turning the doorknob and pushing the door open. And there on the floor, wearing nothing more than the stetson that she 'arrived' with on, was Applejack, on all fours with her ass pointing right at me. I swore I felt my nose start to bleed. "What the hell are you doing? You look like a porn star!" I shouted, quickly averting my eyes.
"I couldn't figure out how to put on those confounded clothes, so I gave up. And I fell down and decided that this is how I'm gonna get around when I leave here." She replied, glancing over her shoulder to look back at me.
"I don't think so. I maybe a little fuzzy on the details, but you're clearly not from here, and by that, I mean this planet. Maybe even this universe." By this time, AJ had managed to climb back on top of the bed, looking saddened by my remark. Noticing this, I continued.
"But I don't care about all that." I said with a smile. "I don't know why you're here, but whatever the reason is, I wanna help you. So don't look so glum. Got it?"
She looked up, a smile upon her face.
"But today we need to get a few things done. First of all, we need you dressed. Unfortunately, beautiful women walking around naked is illegal here. So just this once, and I mean that, I will help you get dressed. Then I'm gonna help you downstairs and into the kitchen. There, I'm gonna call my boss and tell him I can't make it to work today. Then, we eat and we play Twenty Questions, because if you're gonna be staying here, you better tell me what I want to know, got it?"
"No problem, sugar cube." She said beaming.
"Good, cause once all that is done, we're going to the mall. So you better learn to walk ASAP. When we're done at the mall, we'll come back here and figure out our next move. Good?"
"Yessir'" She responded with a salute.
With that, I helped her get dressed and showed her how to put everything on. Once we finished, I helped her out of the room and had her lean on the railing that prevented anyone from careening off the ledge and falling down onto my couch. As she waited, I returned to my room and I got dressed myself. I didn't like flashy, fancy attire. The most I did was throw on a tee shirt that had a phrase ironed onto it. Today my shirt was black and it read 'All my ideas tend to get me into trouble.' Which tended to be just the case. I never bought a shirt that didn't relate to me in someway. But aside from the tee, I threw on a black hoodie and a pair of light blue jeans that I had cut the bottoms a little along the inseam. then I put on my accessories. I put on a black watch that I my father had sent me for my 21st birthday, and a black rubber and metal bracelet that had my initials engraved into the top and the phase 'Forever in my heart, 2/14/06' on the inside. The date was a solemn reminder of the day my mother died and my life began its spiral downward. I wore two rings, one on each hand, both identical, bearing one though twelve in roman numerals around the bands. They held no significance to my life, unlike my bracelet did, but I did use them to help people remember my age after I finish bashing their faces in should they decide to cross me. And for my final piece of jewelry, I put on my favorite necklace, a red cat's eye marble with a black piece of material strung through a hole I drilled through it myself. Finally, I put on a pair of black and white sneakers that I had got from my boss at work, grabbed one of the many fedora's I had collected, black of course, and began to leave the room. But before I reached the door, I just remembered my most important accessory, the 9mm pistol I kept in the nightstand on the right side of my bed. I did have a licence to carry it everywhere, but for some reason, I hardly took it out besides to go to the local gun range to practice and to clean it. As I pondered whether to grab it or not, Applejack called my name though the door, reminding me that she still needed help downstairs. And with that distraction, I quickly grabbed only a hip-chain, clipped it to my belt loops, grabbed my cell holster, and walked out without my gun. It wasn't like I'd be needing it today anyways.
"What took you so long partner?" I was asked as I stepped out of my room. It seemed that while I was getting dressed, AJ had been using the railing to help her walk on her own.
"Nothing. It looks like you're doing alright, I see."
"Yeah, I think I got the hang of this here walking thing."
"Oh yeah? Well let's see you make it downstairs without my help."
With that, I walked right past her, sat down on the railing, and slid all the way down.
"Hey now! That ain't fair!" AJ yelled down at me.
Upon landing, I spun around on my heel and shouted back up to her, laughing.
"Hay is for horses, greens are for cows. Pigs would eat them, but they don't know how!"
With that, Applejack glared down at me, her eyes burning with a look that screamed 'I hate you so much right now.'
"What the hay did you just say?"
"'What the hay?' What, do you not have proper vulgarity where you come from?"
I was disparately fighting to keep myself from dropping to the floor and start rolling around laughing.
"Don't you try and muddy the situation with your fancy talk and get up here and help me down!"
"No." I said plainly, no longer fighting back laughter, because now it was time to be serious. "You said that you got this. I wanna see you walk down on you're own. If you start to fall, I'll catch you, but only if you fall. Now come on down. We have a lot to do with little room to screw around with."
"Fine, be like that. I'm a get down there, on my own, and when I do, I'm a gonna buck you so hard that you're gonna be hurting for a week."
Applejack then began her descent. She took the first step cautiously, but when she found that she had kept her balance, she continued down one step at a time.
"Looking good, almost here. And because I didn't want to distract you during your first step, here is a retort to you're comment. Let's get to know each other more before you start making sex threats, ok baby?"
Just as I finished my delayed comeback, AJ had stepped off the final step. In which she then immediately walked right up to me and kicked me right in the one place no man should feel pain.
As I crumbled to the floor, she began to walk into the kitchen, only stopping to glance back at my withered form curled up on the ground, a smile on her face.
"I wouldn't sleep with you in a million years, Jay." She said as she walked into the kitchen, not taking a moment to make sure I was ok.
A few minutes passed as I slowly recovered from the 'Kick Felt Around the World'. After enough of the pain had subsided, I returned to my feet and staggered into the kitchen. As I entered, I was greeted with the the sight of AJ once again on the floor, only this time she was sitting like a dog waiting for a bone next to my table.
"What are you doing sitting on the floor, again." I asked. "There are chairs all around the table, pick one and sit in it."
She turned her head in the direction that I was now pointing in, and upon see in the chair, looked like she just had an epiphany.
"Oh!" She exclaimed, "THOSE are chairs. Shoot, I wonder how Lyra learned all that stuff about humans she's always mentionin'?"
"Are you shitting me?" I shouted in disbelief.
"What's wrong, sugar cube?" AJ asked, turning to look at me after staring the the chair, trying to figure out just HOW to sit in it.
Becoming even more frustrated from watching her gawk at the chair like she was trying to solve a Rubix Cube, I walked up to her, held my index finger in front of her face. Then I gently grabbed her by the shoulders and 'placed' her in the chair the right way. Next, I held my palm in front of her, just like you would to tell a dog to stay. She got the message and nodded. Finally, I took my own seat on the opposite side of the table, pulled out my phone and brought up my boss' cell number and hit dial. While it rang, I glared across at the source of my anger. She had a saddened look on her face, but I didn't care. On the forth ring, my boss picked up.
"Yo, what's up Jay?"
"Hey Jose, I hate to do this, but I wont be able to make it in today. Sorry."
"Why, what's up?"
Before answering, I looked over at the reason I was making this call. A few seconds passed when I finally thought of something.
"You see," I began, "An unexpected guest arrived at my house early this morning. She's not in good sorts right now and she really needs me."
Hearing this caused AJ to look at me and she gave me a weak smile. My boss, However, was unusually quiet, but then her spoke up again.
"Old girlfriend?" He asked.
Now I told Jose a lot, especially about all the girls that ditched me over and over again. But I never thought he'd think I would skip out on work for one.
"Not at all." I said defensively. "It's my cousin, actually. She arrived during the storm this morning. So now she's sick and I can't just leave her here alone. Not to mention that she showed up with nothing for clothes for herself. So once she starts feeling better, I need to take her to the mall so she can pick out some stuff to wear. And before you suggest it, I refuse to let her wear all the shit my Exes have left behind since I moved in here."
"Send me a pic and you can take all the time you need to. I'll just pay you half you're weekly pay. Cool?"
"Sweet, thanks boss, You're the best. Ttul. Later."
After that, I hung up and opened my camera app.
"Yo, Applejack." I said. As she looked at me, I snapped a picture with a click. "Thanks"
"Yer welcome?"
I quickly sent the picture to my Jose. Luckily, AJ was a visual mess, so saying she was sick was a damn good idea. A few seconds past when my phone beeped. I just got a reply from Jose.
The message read -
'I find it hard to believe that a girl that hot is related to you Jay.'
I quickly replied -
'Well, believe it. And you're funny.'
Another beep, another text.
'I know I am. Just let me know if you need anything alright? And tell your cousin I said to get well soon.'
I sent a thank you text and put my phone away, turning my attention to Applejack.
"What in tarnation did you just do with that thing-a-ma-jig?"
"I took your picture with my phone. But that's not what's important right now."
A look of confusion graced AJ's face, "What is important then?"
Rage suddenly filled my being, fueled by the shear amount of questions I had welling up in my mind.
"What is important is that you tell me where the hell you came from! That and the thousand of other questions that I have amassed since you fell out of the fucking sky this fucking morning. How 'bout we start there!"
My outburst had caught Applejack by completely by surprise. Seconds past and she just stared at me.
'Why am I so angry all of a sudden? She hasn't done nothing, so why am I so mad? Wasn't I just laughing a few minutes ago? Sure they were at her expense, and sure, she hit me below the belt. But I did deserve it.'
As I was getting lost in my own thoughts, Applejack just sat there in complete silence. The silence was so profound that it derailed my train of though, drawing my attention to her. Together, we sat in the seemingly eternal quiet. Then she spoke up.
"I sorry fer all the trouble I've caused you so far sugar cube. I never ment to be such a burden to anyone that I met here." She then looked up and our eyes locked on to each other. Her's were filled with sadness and concern. "If answering all yer questions is the only way for me to stay here, then ask me anything ya need ta. I promise to answer them truthfully."
"Alright," I sighed, releasing all my random rage. "Then let's get started."
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Is that a Spectrum reference I see?
2233575 Yes. Yes it is.
Fuck yeah, new chapter!
2234756 Yup, but it's incomplete. I'll be finishing it tonight.
Completeness! Found some errors, though.
Should be an exclamation point.
Ass slide?
*Staring.
No and clothes, Exes might be wrong for some people, but it might not.
"I took your picture with my phone, but that's not what's important now."
Should be shear.
Outburst is one word, and extra r in stared.
Really, really good chapter, though. The stair scene had me laughing.
Okay, I read.
You obtain 4
for the chapter.
Get +1
when grammar is fixified. 
2239938 Thanks for the assist Pyro. I'll fix that tonight.
2240832 I'm sorry if it felt a little drawn out. But I promise the next one will be better.
The rating is 5 moustaches out of 5.
Silly.
2241225 Oh, then in that case *inhales deeply*...hold it...hold it...
*pokes Pyre in solar plexus with (insert object here)*
2239938>>2241225 All fixed.
Mainly because of the funny refferences and great storyline I give you 9
out of 10
2282445 Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
i love it so far more please
2432334 Thanks for the favorite and I'm glad you like it. I'm working hard to get the next chapter out, but unfortunately that is hard to accomplish do to a lack of internet. My phone is the only means I have to get here and check the progress of everything.
Well, you got a like and a favorite from me.
2789099 thanks.