• Member Since 25th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 27th, 2016

InkRose


E

Daring Do has always been an amazing treasure hunter and archeologist, and when Princess Celestia asks her to find and recover the ever-mysterious Alicorn Amulet, Daring gladly accepts. But when she is blackmailed into helping an ancient evil recover the amulet instead, death and mayhem follow her at every turn, and she must make a choice between her own life and the preservation of Equestria.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 33 )

2001391 What the heck are mushies? :rainbowhuh:

2003777

If it helps any, I don't remember making that comment...:unsuresweetie::unsuresweetie::scootangel::scootangel:

Silver out!

So far you seem to have a good idea where you want the story to go. I certainly am looking foreword to seeing how this story turns out.
There where a few typos that I found but not to many. One thing to work on might be trying different wording to help the reader picture the locations better.
Also working on making the sentences less jagged would help with the flow of reading.

Here are a few changes that I thought might help with the flow of the sentences. I stopped making them after the first two pages because I realized I would just be interfering with how you wanted the wording to go, so these are just suggestions that some may even consider a step back from what you wrote.

Daring needed to get if for her client - if to it

Use the word powerful a bit more spaced out, maybe try strong or rewording so you don't need to use quite as often.

she needed information on how to obtain the Alicorn Amulet, by legal ways, preferably - to
she needed information on how to obtain the Alicorn amulet, preferably by legal means.

Such a carrier of power could not be safe within a museum. - to
An item of such power could not be kept safe within a museum.

Attempts to steal the Amulet would happen often. - to
There would simply be to many attempts to seal the alluring prize within.

Can't wait for the next chapter. :D
~nothwestcore

2006276 Thank you very much for the tips, I was wondering how to make many of the sentences flow better. :pinkiesmile:
I will most definitely be adding those sentence edits when I fully edit the first chapter.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

oh darn. I was thinking of writing a story like this. Oh well, you seem to be doing a terrific job. :twilightsheepish: I await more.

2045727 Aww, sorry about that. :twilightblush:
Anyway, I'm glad you like it! Thanks!

Make sure to write more for the next chapter. Like 10,000 words long min.

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Ink Rose's Daring Do and the Alicorn Amulet

Grammar score out of 10: 8

Pros:

-Interesting idea with the windigoes
-Good build up of mystery and setting up of plot
-I like your characterisation of Daring*
-Indiana Jones reference!

Cons

-Paced a little too fast; try to draw out the main events a little, or your story will be very short.
-Be a little more descriptive
-Having thousands of ice crystals rushing through your blood stream would kill somepony very quickly. Even a few millilitres of oxygen can do that. I only say this because I needed a third con.
Notes Section:

*Since little is learned about Daring in her episode, I enjoy seeing the way authors build her character. While there has been, so far, little character development, I like what I see.

-Your Austailian accent is better than some I've seen, but needs a little work. Try looking up phrases and terms they use (Being Australian myself, I have never heard anyone use the word noggin). Also keep in mind that we tend not to pronounce or emphasise the letter 'R' in latter-syllables (e.g: "I suRe do like reading when it's cold and rainy outdooRs." The capitalised Rs. would not be emphasised, and doors would be pronounced the same, with the 'R' skipped.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: FimFan14's Stereoheart

2078468
Hey, thanks for your in-depth review! :pinkiehappy:
Seriously, this has helped a lot. :derpytongue2:

I will be sure to read your story too and provide a review! Thanks again! :D

This review brought to you by the group: Authors Helping Authors.

Fic: Daring Do and the Alicorn Amulet
Grammar: 9.5
Pros: The references to earlier material (Sombra, Amulet, Windigos... etc) are not scattered randomly. There is a cohesive nature to it all.
I like that the fic takes the Indiana Jones nodd from the actual ep and expands upon it.
Your presentation of the Windigos is rather unique. There are not many fics with the Windigos as major players, but I find your depiction of them as a more organized force rather than a pack of wild monsters to be mroe fitting.

Cons: Daring seems OOC. From little we saw of her in the ep, she didn't seem to the type to get flustered or show overt signs of fear in times of danger. In the fic, she seems rather amateurish in her dealing with the inn keeper and seeing all the Windigos.
Your sentence structure needs work. The way it's set up, there isn't any major grammatical issue. However, there is an abundance of simple sentences, which creates a very choppy narrative, which leads into my next point.
The pacing, oh the pacing. Well, to put it straight, it's way to fast. The simple sentences contribue to this, but a lack of description (you'd be amazed how a little description can really balance out pacing), jumpy time slots (an hour went by in the span of a couple words), and lack of important scenes. Now, I don't want to sound like a nitpicking butthead, but it would have been nice to begin the fic with Daring receiving Celestia's summons, meeting and receiving the mission, and traveling to Trottingham. Think of it like a movie. Even if there is action at the beginning, it is rarely of the immeidate climatic kind.

Notes: If you can sort out your pacing issues, this fic will go from good to great. TBH, I don't think there are enough Daring Do fics, and she's such an interesting character to explore. Keep on keepin' on with your writing! When you can, please review my story, Marks of Harmony. I don't expect you to read it all at once, that would be too much even for me! If it's easier, you can review groups of chapters rather than the whole thing. I know a lot of people do that.

Cheers!
Inky Jay

This story has been reviewed by the Equestrian Critics Society

Story: Daring Do and the Alicorn Amulet

Author: InkRose

Reviewed by: Quillbit Marelor

From her first appearance on the show, Daring Do has become a popular character amongst fanfiction writers. Seeing as there was somewhat little time to develop her character in the show, writers go wild giving her creative and interesting traits and adventures. The possibilities are endless with Daring, her capabilities only limited by the author’s creativity. InkRose’s Daring Do and the Alicorn Amulet brings readers another somewhat creative Daring Do tale, though this trait may be the only one that may prolong its survival.

Full Review

Score: 5.7/10

2616630
Wow, this really helped me to see what needed to be fixed in my story, even more so than what the pre-readers of Equestria Daily said.
I thank you very much for this review, and highly appreciate the time put into it.
I especially thank you for giving me some actual positive feedback. Usually in-depth reviewers just point out negative traits of a story, but you balanced it out with both negative and positive.
Thank you very much, you have really encouraged me to rewrite this story into a better form. :pinkiesmile:

i fell like it needs more tho it's missing part of the story



love the story tho

:rainbowhuh::rainbowkiss:

Hi inky,finished reading and I don't like it, I LOVE IT! Absolutely fantastic! :twilightsmile::heart::twilightsmile::heart: please come up with more! U hav my full support! :pinkiesmile:

Ohhh, a very good story starring the Pony adventurerer. Feels very much like an old-time adventure story,and sets the pace for the adventure to come. Can't wait to read the rest, keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

Awesome second chapter. Love How you tied the Windigoes to the Alicorn amulet there Can't wait for chapter 3! :twilightsmile:

This story so far is AWSOME!!!!!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:


(Oops went a bit crazy with the Pinkies.......)

inkrose,i have seen your deviantart pictures,your youtube video's and your stories and i love them :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy:

How can I read the whole thing? I am new and have no idea how to use it :raritycry::heart:

This story is fantastic; the pacing could be worked on a little but overall a great story. Can't wait for the next chapter.:pinkiehappy:

I followed you and your'e YouTube videos are amazing:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I visited all your channels your'e devinart is amazing!!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3420572 to read the first chapter click "The Frost Mare" in the green color. Same with other chapters.

That ending of the chapter

Oh, joy.

Really got me there. :rainbowlaugh:
I have no idea why, but for some reason it reminded me of League of Legends.... :rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:
Don't ask. :rainbowwild:

Please right more I have to know how dareing do gets out of this one.

So you are Austailian,mite? (I'm not Australian,I just thought that would be appropriate for the occasion. That is just brilliant.

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