Ch. 5 - Loyalty
The Monster in the Twilight
Loyalty
“Apple Bloom! Where’re ya headed?” The call of the young farmer echoed across the whole of the farm, causing the young filly to whom it was addressed to stop, turn around on the road, and huff in exasperation.
“Just over to a friend’s house to do homework!” she called back. “I’ll be back by supper!”
“You better do that. Big Mac and I are gonna be working the south field until late. Got quite a crop setting on blossoms, and we wanna make sure there ain’t no bugs in ‘em. You be careful now, and stay away from the Everfree. Someponies reported seeing the monster in there just last week, and I don’t want ya anywhere near it, ya hear?”
“I hear ya, sis!” The little filly trotted away down the road, continuing only until she was out of sight of her sister, before doubling back along a thinly-trod path. Sweet Apple Acres actually butted up against the Everfree Forest along the Zapapple tree line, but this early in the season they were still skeletally bare and somewhat creepy. As she approached the forest, she began to dart from bush to bush, finally slipping up to a familiar evergreen bush and tunneling underneath the soft branches into the dark interior.
“Monster? Are you in here?”
It had been over a week since Apple Bloom had seen Monster, about the time the Royal Guard came through Ponyville on one of their periodic searches of the Everfree. Nopony ever said it out loud, but dozens of strangely armored pegasi and unicorns led by a Princess was a disturbing sight, even if they were supposedly just looking for dangerous monsters in the Everfree. Apple Bloom knew better. Whatever monsters were in the dark forest seemed more afraid of ponies than ponies were afraid of them. Even the hydras in the swamp fled in terror when they spotted anything with hooves. She was afraid she knew who the Royal Guard were really hunting: Monster.
The little filly’s encounter with the frightened creature started last fall when she had fallen asleep on top of a perfectly good pile of leaves and lost her backpack. The next day when she returned to the tree to search for it, she found it sitting on top of the pile, all neat and clean with the homework inside completed and the apple fritter she had been saving for later gone. To a little filly, this was a dream come true. All she had to do was leave homework under the tree and the next day it was all done, perfectly, with all of the problems worked out in excruciating detail.
It did not last. After a week, Apple Bloom had picked up her homework, finding it undone with a little notation in the margin labeled ‘too easy.’
“The homework monster needs fed,” she had declared, bringing back not only her homework the next day, but two books from the school library. She had been rewarded by a completed homework page and a small note.
more pleaze
Nothing dangerous would ever say ‘please,’ and if it was really dangerous, it would spell better, she thought, checking out two more books from the library.
Eventually by the time winter was nearly over, she had nearly exhausted the small school library and had resorted to checking out books at the town library. Miss Dewey was always nice as could be about it, but Apple Bloom felt a little nervous about lugging books around with titles like Pre-Classical Unicorns and Their Accomplishments or Seventy Simple Spells for Simpletons⁽*⁾.
(*) With less than a year to go before retirement, Miss Dewey could not care less about what books anypony checked out of the library.
Apple Bloom’s routine had been simple: Drop off the book bag with uncompleted homework and a book after school, head out to go crusading with her friends, and the next morning, pick up the completed homework and the bag now filled with yesterday’s books on the way to school. The ease of the procedure made her sloppy, and Miss Cheerilee had suddenly gotten suspicious when she turned in the answer to ‘What is the sum of the numbers 1 through 6’ as S = ( n / 2 ) ( A + T ) = (6/2) (1+6) = (3)(7) = 21.
Because there was not enough time to recopy her homework and add a few mistakes in the morning before school, even the simple logic of young students determined she needed to change her routine to pick up the completed homework in the evening, when it was still ‘fresh.’ So that evening, with a bag full of apple fritters, Apple Bloom placed her homework and book bag in the customary spot before vanishing into a nearby large bush to observe. She had every intention of inviting Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, if only Scoots could stay quiet and Sweetie Belle could survive the scrubbing which would follow returning home covered in twigs. If her homework monster observation project had worked, she had plans of setting up a real concealed blind with observation peepholes and camouflage netting, and possibly a muzzle for Scootaloo.
The first hour passed without any observations of homework monsters of any type. She passed the time scribbling plans for a blind and nibbling on fritters.
The second hour passed much the same, but it was getting late, and she was strangely out of fritters despite being quite certain she had packed enough.
Apple Bloom decided to pick up her bag and head home, but when she did, there was a noise.
It was only a small noise that could have been easily overlooked by anybody but a small nervous filly in a rapidly darkening wood. It sounded a little like a whine, as if a small puppy were begging at the table, but grew in strength when Apple Bloom began to carry the book bag away. On a whim, she turned around and returned, listening to the whine grow softer, like a game of Hot and Cold. The growing darkness only amplified her terror when she finally realized the whining noise was coming from the very bush she had been hiding in.
Five minutes later, she was at home, upstairs, and under the covers.
The next day Cheerilee was relieved that her initial suspicions of cheating were unfounded. The homework Apple Bloom turned in was so bad, it could have been copied off of Scootaloo⁽¹⁾.
(1) It was.
It took three more days before Apple Bloom worked up the nerve to return to the homework spot, this time poking the bush with a long stick before setting out her ‘monster bait’ and settling into the bush to wait. She had brought a book to read and a couple fritters to nibble on, but was too nervous to do either. Instead, she simply shivered in the cold, trying to listen for every rustle and creak in the very rustley and creaky forest.
At first when the book she was holding twitched, she paid it no attention. The shivers from the snow and nerves made it feel like a boulder in her hooves anyway. It could have just been a twitch. Then came the very quiet and terrified sounding voice.
“Buk?”
She almost ran again, except the voice sounded even more afraid than she was. Ever so slowly, she placed the book on the dirt, and pushed it in the direction of the voice. “Monster?” she whispered. “Would you like the book?”
With a purple blur, the book zipped into the darkness and the sounds of fleeing hooves vanished into the dark forest. When she finally got up the nerve to look, she found the book Monster had brought back sitting in the slightly-warm depression under her bush where the creature must have been sitting, watching her every move since she had arrived.
Over the next few months, Apple Bloom spent every hour she could find sequestered away in the bush, slowly gaining the trust of Monster. Her friends in the Cutie Mark Crusaders complained that she spent so much time ‘studying’ they did not have enough time for any good cutie mark gaining activities. It hurt to lie to them, but ever since she had discovered Monster, she knew the frightened creature needed the companionship she could provide more than anything else in the world.
A faint rustling in the bushes made her heart skip a beat. After such a long absence, Monster was always skittish and twitchy. It took long minutes before the tip of her slightly glowing horn poked out of the darkness under the bush. She always had a glow about the battered protuberance, even if it was firefly-like and just at the needle-sharp tip. Although a nearly uniform brilliant white, the large horn as a whole had a somewhat mottled appearance, as if chips and needle-like splinters of it had been fractured away and regrown over the course of years of abuse.
The top of her head slowly emerged next, with both tattered ears flicking and twitching in different directions, or occasionally freezing up at the smallest sound. What hair she had left on her scarred coat was snow-white near the horn, gaining the slightest tinges of purple in a color gradient that grew in darkness the further it went across her patchy coat, continuing down to nearly completely purple at the muzzle and neck.
The eyes still bothered Apple Bloom. They were dark to the point of nearly being completely black from the shadows she preferred to hide inside, with only the smallest purple ring around their outside edge. Neither eye tracked together, and they never seemed to be looking directly at Apple Bloom, but somehow she knew every single motion she made was being tracked and analyzed in the likely event Monster thought she needed to flee.
“It’s okay,” whispered Apple Bloom. “You’re safe here.”
Ever so slowly the rest of the unicorn emerged into the dim light under the bush. Large patches of dark colors across her coat appeared at first glance to be mud or some forest plants rubbed into her flank in dirty smears of ochre, vermillion and brown, but on closer examination they were actually areas where her coat had been burned completely away, but grown back in patches of ugly scar tissue. Almost lost behind the scars on her flank was the tattered remains of a cutie mark, vaguely resembling one glaring red star like a blotch of blood surrounded by five small white stars.
What little remained of her tail was but a stub with a few loose hairs clinging to it, grown much longer than her patchy mane. From the top of her head all the way down her neck, what parts of her mane remained were neatly shorn down nearly flush with her coat. It was this basic grooming that first made Apple Bloom eerily aware of a fact she did not like to think about.
Monster had another friend.
The creature crawled flat against the ground up to the little filly, and nosed her saddlebag gently with a small, hopeful grunt. Her dark nose twitched, and a faint line of drool leaked out from between her jaws. “Eritterr,” she grunted with one eye looking up in the general direction of Apple Bloom and the other locked onto the saddlebag.
“What do we say?” Apple Bloom asked gently, removing her saddlebags and reaching inside.
“Owww.” The short stub of a tail beat vigorously against the forest litter and her rear end waved back and forth.
“The word is not ‘Now.’ The word is ‘Please.’” Apple Bloom frowned slightly at the adult-sized pony looming over her while she pulled out the warm apple fritter. “You can say it. You’re not an animal.”
“Haaaam.” The stub of a tail quit thumping against the ground and the big purple eyes grew mournful. “Haaam toooo. Haaammnaauulll.”
“Animals don’t read.” Apple Bloom pulled a book out of her bag and squinted at the big words in the title as if that would make them easier to pronounce. “Canterlot: Equestria’s Crown Jewel of Culture. I think that means they’ve got a lot of gems there. But if you’re just an animal, I guess I’ll have to take it back to the library.”
The short, stubby tail thumped against the ground once, as the creature tried again to use big purple eyes on Apple Bloom, which would have worked better if she had been able to use them both at the same time on the same target. Then the tail thumped again, and again, and again.
“Phhhhllzzzzeeee.”
“The book or the fritter?” Apple Bloom grinned when the creature’s tail thumped repeatedly against the ground.
“Boffff.” The little filly grinned when Monster grabbed the offered fritter, then paused. Instead of jamming the whole thing into her mouth, Monster took the most cautious, delicate, definitely non-animal bite. The warm, sugary goodness of Apple family cooking overwhelmed what little control the scarred unicorn had, and the rest of the fritter vanished in three more quick bites. A purple aura surrounded the book and gently tugged, unable to make it move because of a small yellow hoof still holding it to the ground.
“You know the rule.”
Monster tugged gently again before sighing and pulling another book out of the shadows. “Raaayyhhhidde.”
“Trade. Right. I can’t afford to buy you nearly as many books as you read; I’m just a little filly.”
Monster just grunted in response, swapping books by almost dropping the old book at Apple Bloom’s hooves and clutching the new book to her chest with a deep, appreciative sniff.
“Buks,” declared Monster gleefully. “Buks, buks, buks!”
Apple Bloom giggled at the grinning unicorn. “I’m glad you’re happy. I’ve got story problems for homework today.”
“Buks fuhhhhst,” said Monster firmly, sitting the book down on the ground and settling in beside Apple Bloom. “Buks!” She stared at the little filly, who remained sitting quietly and not moving until Monster suddenly blurted out, “Anks. Ank ooouuu.”
“You’re welcome. All right, I’ll read with you first.” The little filly settled down next to the unicorn and nodded. “Go ahead.” A delicate violet aura surrounded the front cover of the book and opened it up to a beautiful print of the city of Canterlot, spread out in all its tower-covered and waterfall-strewn glory.
“Canterlot,” read Apple Bloom carefully. “The capital of Equestria and the hub of the civilized world. In these maj-es-tek towers live the cream of Equestrian so-sigh-et-ee, dead-ek-ate-ed to— What’s wrong?”
The unicorn had frozen in fear, looking at the book as if it were a venomous snake⁽²⁾.
(2) Not entirely true. A snake of any variety would have been vaporized by this point.
“Don’t be afraid,” whispered Apple Bloom, gently touching her on the shoulder. “It’s just a book. I’ll close it for—”
One scarred purple hoof darted out and stopped the filly before she could even touch the cover. The unicorn’s breath was coming in short pants and both eyes were locked onto a particular image in the book. Slowly, she moved her hoof over to the book and poked the picture, as if she expected the image to become real under her touch. Her body was tense as a board and the hoof gently trembled while she traced the horn and wings of a large white alicorn caught in flight over the city.
“That’s Princess Celestia,” whispered Apple Bloom. “Do you know her?”
“Hurt.” The word from Monster was almost perfectly clear, without a hint of her speech impediment but laced throughout with unbearable pain. “Kill.”
There was a slight sound of rustling leaves outside of their hiding place.
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Wow. What a very impressive update! As soon as I got the email that this had updated, I immediately stopped studying for my calc 1 exam and whipped out my computer to read it!
I must say, this is coming along rather nicely! Needless to say, I've already favorited and thumbs upped it, so have a mustache!
my, my, my, this is very interesting.
Every chapter makes my addiction worse!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
ok, I like where this is going XD
Need moar MOAR!!! This story gets better and better as each new chapter comes along. I'm really enjoying the Applebloom/Twilight interaction. Plus, i'm happy Twilight has s friend.
YUS! This story just keeps being awesome... It pleases me
I love this chapter and its character development and Apple Bloom and our little insight into Monster. I greatly approve.
oh sweet story, reveal your secrets.
Very nice, can't wait for more
Very well done! It makes me laugh and cry at the same time to think of Twilight's predicament, so instead of a traditional mustache, I give you a Derpy.
well this is interesting. she can math and write and read fairly well, but seems to have problems with speech. curious...
Yay for plot development! Things are going to get interesting I'm guessing...
Goodness, this story is growing on me. Quickly, I might add. The characterization is just perfect, the writing is excellent, and it all leaves me wanting more.
Plus, the image of Apple Bloom helping and reading to a damaged Twilight is so amazingly cute I can barely stand it.
Huh. so twilight is still smart. but since she hardly ever talks to anyone she seems to have a broken vocabulary. It also appears that celsestia did infact mentally scar twilight as well. the Plot seems very intesting. My biggest hope is that somehow she still becomes friends with the mane 6.
Poor Twilie needs a hug and eloquetion lessons
i can just picture applebloom and deranged twilight together in the forest
one of the more interesting mental-images i've had in my life-time
the story is progressing nicely, get's better with every chapter
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/4590663680/h59A5BFF8/
Oh jeez. This new damaged Twilight just about breaks my heart.
Oh god the Applebloom and Twilight interaction....it's too adorable!!!!!!
th49.photobucket.com/albums/f257/KevinMartin997/4chan%20and%20other%20crap/th_1291315114163.jpg
Interesting chapter. So we see what the year's have done to poor Twilight.
Buk buk buk buk buk!!!!!
Very very nice! I love how this is turning out, and we finally see how Twi has been doing in the time that has passed. I also really like the idea that Applebloom has secretly become friends with Twilight, god knows she sure could use some company. My only issue is Applebloom's and AJ's dialogue in the first parts of the chapter. They have a certain dialect which should show through in certain words, instead of saying "I" the phrase "ah" can be used just as effectively when writing for a character with a country accent. Dialogue for southern characters will also usually be as simple as possible, meaning less complicated words and more metaphors. There are also some spots where there are words missing, nothing too major but I would recommend going over the beginning part of the chapter, and either getting an editor to double check your work (If you don't have one already), or maybe try to find another one. Other than the excellent work!
Chapter 4: "a millennia"
Seriously?
Okay, that's my pet peeve addressed. Aside from that, the story thus far is wondrously engrossing. To see Twilight so broken, yet still recognizably herself... Incredible.
Definitely looking forward to more.
AWWWWWWwwwwwwww!!!! Applebloom is SOO awesome! ...and she's the kind of character that would do that I feel like... it's always the kids isn't it?
Awwwwwwww... I wove her!!! HUGS HUGS!
...and I do have to say that I'm greatly enjoying this tale! Please keep it going! This is quickly becoming a story that I'm very excited to see the updates for!
Another great chapter, was wondering what Twilight's new appearance was going to be, and the way you described her did not disappoint.
2045225 TWO friends, not just one... I am ffaaiirrllyy certain it is a particular rhyming zebra who is the other (after all, who else would be willing to cute the mane of 'Monster' who LIVES out in the Everfree, eh?)
On another note, only found one grammar error
.... should read "After such a long absence", but again, only one I could find. Till next chapter, keep up the awesome work!
This story is brilliantly tragic... as odd as that statement sounds, it's accurate.
Twilight is almost completely broken, a true Twi-zan of the Everfree forest, but elements of her personality peek out from her justified paranoia and near feral mind. Her intelligence and desire to read seems to have survived despite her language and social skills. I expect her second 'friend' is either Zecora or Fluttershy. Probably Zecora though because she lives within the forest, where as Fluttershy probably tries to stay as far away from it as possible.
2045397
I think it would be more interesting if she became friends with only some of them... Fluttershy as an obvious one would have the possibility of finding her and would just try to help obviously, and thus RD would probably meet her eventually.... But i can't really see how Rarity or Pinkie would ever come across her before the whole nightmare happens...
Could be interesting though... Applebloom is certainly living up to Generosity right there... With kindness and loyalty still possible... Shining armor after what hes said and the stance he has taken could certainly be honesty.... just need laughter and there could be a set of elements that arent under Celestia's control... since it is fairly obvious Twilight holds magic more strongly then ever now....
Can't wait to see what happens...
I'm guessing she thinks Celestia meant to hurt her, since I can't imagine why she'd want to hurt or kill Celestia.
I wonder who Twilight's other friend could be....
would be the "cliche" answer
. could be a possibility, since whoever it is, cares for Twilight's mane.
does know everypony in Ponyville...
would be an interesting change of pace
2045588 Actually, Celestia DID intend to hurt/kill poor filly Twilight in order to stop her intense magical flareup, but backed off when she saw that gleam of her soul still inside. So instead, the Ruler of Equestria performs an even more heinous act: banishing a still living, broken-minded youth into the most dangerous piece of geography within the realm.
Apple Bloom made friends with the "monster" who still seems to have her brain's cognitive function at its peak but her speech has gone to the wayside.
Can Twilight still read? If so Apple Bloom may be able to communicate with her via writing.
Facinating description of Twilight, it would appear as if she was turning into an alicorn similair to that of Celestia but do to its premature cut off left Twilight's head and horn still alicorn-esque.
Now we just have to figure out if Twilight wants to kill Celestia or if she was meaning Celestia tried to kill her. Can't wait for more.
2045587 yeah I am very excited to see who meets who and it would be interesting if the elements went to different people.
I just hope that Trixie dosn't become the element of magic. That would suck.
2045593
I would recommend rereading Chapter 3; my confidence isn't 100% but if I'm right that one contains the answer in a not-very-subtle way.
It's been said already, but it's worth repeating.
Poor Twilight.
Her mane and tail are almost nonexistent, her coat is discolored, and she's covered in likely self-inflicted scars. She can barely speak, and is constantly (and justifiably) terrified. She's so dangerous that the monsters of the Everfree flee from anything that resembles a pony. She's hunted by her own brother several times a year.
And still, all she wants to do is read.
I'm hoping for a happy ending, but it hardly seems possible at this point.
I truly do enjoy this story. It is both fascinating and sad, and poor damaged Twiley is still totally awesome. I am also loving all the small touches and details that make this story so rich. (like the fact that ALL of the monsters in the Everfree are bucking terrified of anything with hooves... you go girl! )
Poor Twiley - I'm thinking the combination of her initial youth, a decade of isolation, and the brain damage implied by Celestia to have occurred when Twiley called down the freaking sun has led to her terribad speaking skills. Yet nothing can truly chain her curiosity or native intelligence.
I'm also thinking that Zecora got sent to the Everfree earlier than expected/planned in order to help poor little Twiley. I think she's the one cutting Twiley's mane.
My personal guesses re: the story and elements?
Twi - still magic (sort of implied in chapter 1)
Applebloom - loyalty (mostly because of this chapter heading)
Everything else is too up on the air still, but i could see...
Shining Armor - honesty? (he doesn't hide the fact that she's his sister from anyone)
Zecora - kindness, generosity, or laughter
Cadance - kindness or laughter
... based on what we've currently seen. While ordinarily i'd say "how is family members hunting Twiley friendship?" - a feral Twiliey learning to trust them again could definitely be a trigger for friendship - especially with a family she barely knows...
Great story, I want to see Twilight saved.
2045644 she was doing Applebloom's homework so I guess she can read, if not I gotta wonder how she managed to do the reading asignments!
(I could do with some spelling .... hell grammar aswell 
)
2045593 Twilight techicly isnt in Ponyville
so Pinkie might nto know her... though then again forth wall hast no power agenst the Pink.
Zecora would be agiven. Fluttershty and Twilight both would be to afraid of each other to comunicate I think, untill Fluttershy realises she would need to help Twilight (which by that point would likly be to late and Twilight would've fled, asuming she is always detencing herself form others like she was with Applebloom.)
Cannot wait for more good sir!
2045759
Interesting guesses... though i really don't see applebloom as loyalty... in the chapter she seems much more like generosity, or even kindness.... but then maybe her loyalty wasn't really expressed in this chapter, and she is fairly loyal to the CMC in the show, though even in the show she is very genrous and kind, so decent contender for all 3 i suppose.
I can definitely see Zecora as Laughter though, esp with the Rhyming (which certainly wouldn't help someone with a speech impediment heh) and her usual cheerful easygoing attitude!
Cadence as Generosity(donating all her time and effort and resources to help with the search?) or kindness?
Shining armor as honesty, or even loyalty for his blunt honesty to celestia and his tireless dedication to his sister?
Right there we have a very believable group of elements.... though i would be kind of sad if we don't see Fluttershy (who does go into the forest on occassion) befriend the hurt and scared Twilight... (because it would just be so in character and so very darn cute!)
...the homework monster is the BEST THING.
With every chapter I'm loving this story more and more. It's a remarkably fresh and beautiful A.U world you've written here.
2045155Same thing for me. Only difference is that my dad tells me what will happen if I keep doing this... and it makes me want to shoot myself.
wow this story is all sorts of levels of awesome. So many interesting characters
Though, footnote humor is great and all, but I do wish there was a better way to display them on Fimfiction
How did the CMC get together if Twilight wasn't there to bring them together?
You have done a fantastic job writing Twilight.
Oh, I hadn't given this thumbs up yet? Time to fix that.
Yay an update. :) I'd just like to suggest swapping "poisonous" snake with "venomous". A poison is ingested and a venom is injected. So poisonous snakes would be fatal when eaten and... that gives me interesting images considering a feral pony lol.
I'm always surprised by how brilliant this story is. I don't know why, but every time I get a new chapter update, I forget how much I love this.
When Applebloom went to the bushes and called out to "Monster", I went Awww. When she found her homework done, I grinned. When she went through the motions of getting her homework magically done, I laughed. And your description of how she looks was heartbreaking. I love this story to pieces. *hugs*
O.O
I... You... That... GOOD GRIEF! You just continue to deliver... This is AMAZING...