Things you never expect

by Thorn buck

We came in peace

Equestria

Ponyville Entrance

"Wow... Just, wow," After standing in the exact place doing nothing hostile for one hour, guess what happened? NOTHING!

"Vat a varm velcome..." The doctors sarcasm couldn't have gotten any higher.

"Do we really look so menacing? We are wearing clothes for gods sakes!" I was starting to lose my temper, after all even I have a certain limit on how much bullshit I can take in one day.

"Ze sad truth, mein fraund, is zat I’m starting to lose my patience! Zere is not much time left before I vill personally start breaking doors down if zese ‘ponies’ keep me vaiting any longer…" Medic’s voice lowered as his eyes twitched.

I sighed as I rubbed my eyes; things weren't going exactly as planned. I wonder what Eliphas and the Kaptin are doing?

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"ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS! ORKS!"

"Silence Ork! You have been singing that for the past one hour!"

"Oh, shut it, chaos boy! You’s just a pansy like every otha chaos boy"

"May the warp claim your soul...."

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"I jus’ realized zat ve haf overlooked vun major detail," Medic’s voice echoed in the empty village as he turned towards me. "Zat zey may haf alerted ze military ven ve were just standing here" he was sweating bullets. My eyes widened in realization.

OH SHIT!

*clop*clop*clop*clop*

The medic reached for his gun and swallowed a lump in his throat as the sounds of a cavalry suddenly appeared.

OH SHIT!

Advancing towards us was a large group of golden armored ponies (Some with wings and horns) carrying spears and helmets. I took a step back and glanced at the Medic’s gun. It was a red dart gun....

Darts versus armor....We are so screwed!

"You just had to have a weapon that doesn't work against armored enemies," I hissed at him, who in return just laughed awkwardly.

"Vell, I usually just concentrate on updating my healing ekvipment since I almost never use offensive veapons." The advancing group stopped about 60 feet from us and made space for a much larger white equine with a flowing mane, a tiara, wings… and a horn, flanked by six smaller ponies.

This must be their ruler. Time to try this again. I stepped forward and motioned Medic to lower his gun which he did, although slightly reluctantly.

"We come in peace," I said as I stared at the horse square in the eye. She was about my size.

One of the six smaller ponies stepped forward. This one was orange, wearing a Stetson, and glared daggers at me "You! You are the ones that hurt mah brother!" the pony accusingly stated while pointing at us. I could already feel the sweat beads starting to form on my face.

The red one was her brother!? Quick! Think of something! I internally struggled as the white horse narrowed its eyes.

"We come in peace" FUCK!

The blue winged pony standing with the other five just snorted.

"Says the one who knocked Big Mac out!" The winged pony commented with a scratchy voice.

"I assure you that it was purely on self-defense" I tried to reason with the equines, but the orange one was having none of that.

"Mah bother would never attack somepony without a darnn good reason!" He better have good explication for attacking us....I irritably thought. The silent horse finally decided to speak and stepped forward.

"Creatures! You have harmed one of my little ponies and caused havoc in Ponyville! Not only that I can also sense that you have spilled the blood of many creatures" WHAT!?

"It’s just mein job and it has nozing to do vith zis vorld" The medic glared at the horse while I picked my jaw from the ground.

"As my companion here said, we come from very different worlds and it’s his job to kill other people, but I assure you that I have never killed anyone!" I was in no mood for sick jokes and I could feel my temper rising again.

"While you may claim so, I can clearly sense that you have spilled the blood of the innocents" She coldly stated. How the hell does one "sense" that!? "You will come with us to Canterlot where you will be judged by your crimes." She motioned toward the guards who in return started to walk towards us " Please refrain from fighting back theres no need for more violence and I promise that you will have a fare trial" She claimed as she looked at us with....pity?

I couldn't hold it back anymore. After waking in a different world separated from my family, having to fear for my life several times and finally being lectured by a horse. All this in one day! "What’s your name?" I bluntly asked causing a raised eyebrow from the horse.

"My name is Princess Celestia, the co-ruler of Equestria and the raiser of the sun," If I wasn't so pissed of I would have questioned the "raising the sun" part. But now was no time for those kind of questions.

I let it all out.

"Listen Celestia!" I spat causing the guards to stop and glare at me "I have a wife and a son waiting for me, and I have no time being lectured by a talking FUCKING horse! So if you would be so kind as to send us back to our world, or direct us to someone who can so we can get of your hair, mane, whatever! But I warn you, if you attack us we will defend ourselves and it won’t be pretty!" The "princess" stared at me with wide eyes while, one of the six fainted, the others, except the pink one, who just covered behind the others, got into different stances, which I presume were fighting stances, while they glared at me.

"Then you give me no choice! Guards!" After hearing those words the guards resumed their advance.

It’s now or never! I took a deep breath. "ELIPHAS! BLUDDFLAGG!" I screamed from the top of my lungs earning confused looks from the guards and an insane laugh from Medic.

"Let ze dissection begin" he gleefully replied as the familiar stomping sound of something fast approaching ringed in my ears. The guards froze in place as Eliphas and the Kaptin ran to my side while Celestia’s eyes widened in horror.

"I have never felt so much darkness... " she whispered, as the six looked at Celestia with worry written on their faces "We must stop them at once before they taint this peaceful land," Celestia addressed her subjects with determination.

"You got it Princess! Leave these freaks to us" The blue one boasted.

"I believe it’s time to show these pathetic xenos the might of the chaos" Eliphas said as he glowed purple."My connection with the warp may be lost , but I still have enough of warp energy left to dispose of these xenos."

"Iz time for a propa stomping! Youz two handle those six while wez smash the goldy ones" The kaptin pointed at me and the doc. I really hoped it wouldn't have come to this, but there was no going back now! I got into a boxing stance while the doc faced me.

"Lets show zem vat ze humans can do, mein fraund," Medic laughed. “Bin ich korrigieren?”

I nodded.

.......To be continued

Comments

[Whinnymane001]

Well so much for first contact.

[Alex Wadegrove]

This will be interesting.

[EchoWolf31]

Celestia and the royal guards vs Eliphas and Bluddflagg. Well this will end quickly.

[???]

ORKS ORKS ORKS ORKS ORKS!!!!!!!!!

[Cadmium]

Hell Eliphas alone could probably take on the entire royal guard and win especially when he is dedicated to Khorne and carries the fully upgraded mark.
SWEEPING DOOM and whats left of the guards can be picked up in the next town lol.

[SpacelordVen]

uh...uh... BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE, MILK.... FOR KHORNE FLAKES!!!
nice to see a new update. kewl beenz. btw, im so fukin scared of the outcome... duz... wait, what blood was spilled? i dont rmember that happen ning (tablet typing, excuse the mistakes) if you need an editor/pre-reader or anything i'm glad to help.

[Bronyhood of steel]

lets go practice medicine imagine an uber charge eliphas or ork

[that volksblob guy]

MILK FOR THE KHORN FLAKES BOWLS FOR THE BOWL THRONE!