CPS Chronicles: Nightmares and Wormholes

by Largefish8

Chapter 13

MLP Chapter 13

Following the attack at Canterlot, Matt decided that the artifacts were better off back in his vault. Of course, that means he'll need to prepare if Daria comes after them again.

As such he had finally rebooted and reactivated the VR chair and had gotten Aria to modify the combine invasion training scenario in case Darius, or Daria as the nightmare insisted on calling her new host dove straight off subtlety dock into insanity bay and launched a full scale assault.

As such Twilight was watching the video feed as it showed Matt’s first person view as he blasted another EGIS trooper in a frighteningly accurate recreation of the dream Canterlot the Nightmare had used on her.
"Matt, are you sure you need to be so...brutal?" asked Twilight.

Aria, who was watching sighed before pulling a mic round to Twilight. "Try now." she said, calmly. "Matt? Are you in there?" Twilight said cautiously, causing the figure to pause, sadly as some mechanical device was aiming at it, the screen then flashing white and Matt jerking awake.

Matt gave Twilight an annoyed look and said, "Do you mind? I was in the middle of a combat simulation training exercise."
"I know. You haven’t come into town since..." said Twilight, stopping as Matt gave a 'don’t go there' look. The 'Betrayal' incident was still a sore point, both with Matt and most of the town who seemed to have forgotten how Matt had helped them several times.
"Daria, or Nightmare, or whatever she's calling herself won't give up on those headgears so easily," said Matt, "She'll be back for them and I need to be prepared for what she could throw at me."

"They'll be safer in Canterlot. I got into your vault far too easily," said Twilight carefully, expecting Matt’s usual reaction to somepony dissing his pride and joy only to be pleasantly surprised when Matt didn't seem bothered. "Yeah...but this time she's in a regular old fashioned human. He's got no magic whatsoever and the auto-defences'll make mince out of anything he sends against me that'll leave his prize intact." he said smugly

"So...you don't need to train with this?" asked Twilight.

"No...knowing this Nightmare, she might just decide to try and take over the old fashioned way. The Icarus has everything she’d need," said Matt, now gloomy.

"Matt, you shouldn't be staying in here all day," said Twilight, "For one thing, I don't think it's good for your eyes."
Matt said, "I'm perfectly fine. I just have trouble with the Lightning tank," before saying "Ok, what do you want?"
"Well, it's about the last Corona Prima we found," said Twilight. "The pegasus helmet? What about it?" asked Matt.
"I kind of need to borrow it," said Twilight wincing as Matt yelled "NOT A DAMN CHANCE!"

"The data we've acquired about the artifacts show that they will only work for their respective races," said Aria, "You would only be able to use the crown anyways."

"Look...we need the..." began Twilight before Matt said "No...these things are poison...no superpowers for you."
"What do you mean 'poison'?" asked Twilight.

"When you wore the crown...you were able to cause more damage than my ship’s main gun. When Pinkie and Applejack wore that hat, they were bulletproof and super strong. I dread to think what that helmet does," said Matt sternly.
"I'm pretty certain it has control over the weather," said Twilight.

"Oh great, that’s not good at all. You already have your weather teams for this. You don't need this helmet," said Matt.
"I think we actually might," said Twilight, "You haven't been outside lately, have you?"

"No, there was a problem last week. The quarantine alarm went off...oh no," said Matt, face palming. "Ok...what’s happened? If it’s another bloody alien vampire..."

"No, no monsters, but it is pretty bad," said Twilight, "You should come see yourself."

...

As Matt walked out of the ship, he was immediately blasted by two things: the brightness of the sunlight and the heat of the air. "Ok, I've been inside for too long," said Matt covering his eyes.
"That’s it, we haven’t been able to get any water up to Cloudsdayle. There hasn’t been any rain apart from what clouds the remaining pegasi got out of Everfree," explained Twilight as they walked towards Ponyville. "I thought you had weather teams for this?" said Matt, keeping a half eye on the forest.

"They've all caught the feather flu," said Twilight, "There's barely anyone left who can fly."

The duo walked out of the treeline at that. "Wait...flu as in virus? Uh oh," said Matt, as his wrist computer buzzed...and armor plates formed a facemask and gloves, causing him to fall back, screaming something muffled about his nose being trapped.
"Matt, what's wrong?" asked Twilight.

"mmmph, mmmph aaace." yelled Matt, his voice distorted far beyond understandability before he finally sat up, the smoked glass lenses in the mask somehow emitting the air that he was glaring.

"What?" asked Twilight. "Mmmbmm bmmmfph mmmmm!" yelled Matt. "I can't understand you," said Twilight.

Mat facepalmed before pointing in the vague direction of town, before shrugging and writing in the dirt 'Let’s just get the smeg on with it'.

Twilight shrugged and said, "Ok, let's head over to Fluttershy's. That's where the others are-" There was a clang and a thump as Matt tried to walk forward but ended up going into a tree.

"Erm...do you need some..." began Twilight, only for Matt to hold up a finger in a 'I got this' fashion....before walking into another tree. Twilight waited patiently as Matt tried to proceed forward only to keep running into a tree, sometimes the same tree more than once. After a second he seemed to swallow his pride and made a 'after you' gesture.

"Ok, just take hold of my tail and- YAAH!" yelped Twilight when Matt yanked her tail. "Not that hard!" she said, annoyed.
Matt made a sighing before simply keeping his face mask pointed at her, clearly only able to see what it was directly looking at. "Mon fada yoda,” he muttered.

...

A trip that could have been shorter if there had been less stumbling later, the two of them were at Fluttershy's cottage.
"Mmph kiginh?" said Matt, clearly annoyed at his translator malfunction...and the new bruises he had.
"Yes, we're there," said Twilight, her patience a little thin from Matt's pratfalls.

"Boogeh!” said Matt, apparently satisfied and also proving that one species swearword was another lifeform’s happiness.
Of course, entering the cottage was another matter since Matt kept bumping into the door frame.

Luckily at that moment, his wrist computer beeped and his armors new additions folded away. "Dinato ka-ank god that’s over. Stupid quarantine nanites," snapped Matt

"What was that all about anyways?" asked Twilight.

"The flu bugs set off the environment alert on my armor," said Matt, annoyed before seeing that Fluttershy looked like death warmed up. "Wow...and I thought human flu was bad," he said.

"Matt...nice to see...see...see..." Matt instinctively braced himself before Fluttershy let out a small sneeze.
"Slightly anti-climactic....oooh," said Matt, catching on as his brain did the maths. No pegasi = no weather teams = no weather = DOOOOM! "Now I think I get it," he said carefully

"We hafta do somethin' soon," said Applejack, "The apple trees can't take much more of this. We've already got a few startin’ ta wilt."

"You need the helmet to let someone take the weather wheel," said Matt.
"And soon, if the temperature goes up one more degree..." started Rarity before suddenly there was a 'poof' and her mane and tail went all puffy.
The group just stared for a second before Matt said desperately, "Ok...so I'm guessing you got a victi...I'm sorry, a volunteer in mind? I'm sorry but I still rate this as a phenomenally bad idea."

"I'd try, but I'm not...not...not...choo!" said Fluttershy. "Just take it easy. Ya ain't in no condition to do any flyin'," said Applejack. Just then, Pinkie hopped in and said, "Sorry I'm late. The Cakes had to get their yeast in the basement before it all got big." She paused when she saw Rarity's new hairdo. "Ooh, nice look, it looks so springy and bouncy."

"No...No...I remember the last time Pinkie wore one of these. I am NOT being roasted on a spit again," snapped Matt, backing up.
"The helmet won't work on her anyways," said Twilight, "We need another pegasus."

"That leaves...oh, now I KNOW this is a bad idea." said Matt, as Rainbow Dash came in.

Rainbow Dash wiped the sweat off her forehead and said, "Wow, this work's hard enough when it's so hot. I mean, I'm pretty much trying to run the whole sky myself."

Matt sighed before pulling Twilight aside “Ok, now I know it’s serious if you're considering giving ultimate power to Dash," he whispered.

"Celestia's away on a diplomatic visit and the post service is down since all the mailponies are sick. If we don't do something soon, Equestria's going to completely dry up," said Twilight.

"Ok, I'll count that. I'll get the helmet and meet you in town. Hey, always put on a show, that’s what I say," said Matt, noting Twilight’s expression.

...

Despite the sweltering heat, many ponies showed up at the meeting in front of the town hall. Mainly to protest the human's 'sticking his nose into their business'.

One unicorn stallion who seemed to be leading the crowd yelled "We don't need that humans help. He'll just make things a whole lot worse."

"How could anything be worse than this?" asked an earth mare.

"He's violent...and he's related to a draconequus." said the stallion a little manically while also voicing one of the more popular rumours the papers had thrown out.

"For the last time, that draconequus was only a copy of Matt's sister. He wasn't really related to her," said Twilight.
The stallion’s words had already had the desired effect, many ponies muttering between themselves. The stallion, seemingly sensing this said, "He's a dangerous monster, he should stay in Everfree." not noticing the muttering dying down...and that everyone was looking past him.

"What? Don't you agree with me?" asked the stallion. "I don't," said a cheerful voice behind him.

The stallion froze up at that before slowly turning to see the 'monster' in question, pulling a metallic crate out of the back of his transport machine...the 'SUV' or whatever he called it. "Am I missing something? My ears were burning...IT’S METAPHORICAL!" he said, snapping the last part as he noticed the crowd apparently straining to see the smoke.

"Anyways, the reason I asked you to come here is that Matt has something that will help us. But before he gets them out, I should explain a bit of Equestrian history," said Twilight, only to get a chorus of groans.

Matt said, "Do we have time for this?" pulling the crate over to Twilight and kneeling down to type onto a keypad on it.
Twilight gave Matt an annoyed look before saying to the crowd, "Well, if you want the short version, we have a magic helmet that will allow a pegasus to control the weather all on her own. And since most of Ponyville and Cloudsdale's pegasi are out of commission, our very own Rainbow Dash will be taking up the mantle, so to speak." Carefully ignoring the constant buzzes as Matt got the code wrong over and over before he resorted to banging the lock and eventually blasting it.

"Take that, you bargain bin lock," yelled Matt a little too eagerly as the keypad smashed from the bolt, pieces flying around, and pulling the lid open. The three artifacts were sitting in a row inside, Matt lifting a metal helmet out. "Here we are, one questionable weather control device," he said.

He placed the helmet on Rainbow Dash's waiting head. She shook her head a bit and said, "Wow, fits great, how do I look?"
"Like an escapee from Rome," said Matt, ignored as several runes appeared briefly on the helmet, glowing with energy before fading out of sight again. "Ok...did it work?" said a pony, curiously.

"Let's see..." said Rainbow Dash before concentrating. A cloud suddenly shot out of the sky at unbelievable speed and hit Matt in the face.

The crowd all winced as Matt was knocked flying. "HEY...WATCH WHERE YOU'RE AIMING...OW!" snapped Matt, before being zapped by a mini-lightning bolt. "STOP IT!" snapped Matt, his eye twitching

"Alright, alright," said Rainbow Dash before concentrating and causing the cloud to spout water at the stallion who was opposing Matt before.

"Much better, do it again," said Matt, with an evil grin

…

One of the stallions, a pegasus who had, if you had asked anyone, strangely escaped the flu ran into his hotel room and slammed the door and locking it. Anyone, especially Matt would have also found the jury-rigged Subspace comm unit in his hotel room very interesting. "Come on...work, you smegging hunk of junk," he muttered, using a piece of collateral wiring from the blasted lock to fuse a connection.

"Watcha got there?" asked Pinkie who was right behind him.

The stallion yelped. "What the he...how'd you get in here? I locked the door!" he said, in an 'inch from freak out' voice.
"You didn't lock it very well. I was taking a few cakes to someone down the hall and I heard you muttering and I got curious about what you were muttering about," said Pinkie.

The stallion sweatdropped and said "Absolutely nothing." backing up to behind the bed where a rifle similar to Matt’s sat, though recently modified to be used by hooves and a mouth.

"It's a puzzle isn't it? Oh, puzzles can be so tricky. I once got one of those puzzle cube things and I still haven't figured out how to get all the colors on one side so I eventually gave up and started using it as a paperweight but then Gummy found and started teething on it so I ended up giving it to him," said Pinkie.

"No offence...ma'am but I really need peace and quiet for this," said the stallion, his hoof fumbling with the rifle.

"That's what Twilight always says when she's working on puzzles. Well, they seem more like homework to me. I mean, who could sit for hours and hours over a sheet of paper? But I leave Twilight when she's working so I'll leave you alone, bye," said Pinkie before going out the door. The stallion gave a sigh of relief before Pinkie popped back and said, "Oh, I almost forgot, I didn't catch your name."
"I didn’t give it," snapped the stallion, finally losing it before slamming the door to find to his shock that she had finished the wiring. “Well...I'll be damned," he muttered, switching it on and immediately covering the speaker as multiple bursts of speech burst forth.
This time, the stallion made sure the door was completely locked before looking at his little device.

One of the voices suddenly seemed to realize "Hey...hey I got a unknown in channel 12...who is this?" said the voice.
"Er...hello? This is Eagle 5...reporting in....very late." said the stallion a little uncertainly
"Eagle 5, you've been gone for months. We thought you were dead," came the reply.

"I was hoping I was too...or at least asleep. I got encoded, guys. This is fucked up...the pink one’s driving me nuts...GET ME OUT OF HERE!" said the stallion, screaming the last part.

"So...you're one of the ponies now," came the reply. "A winged one to boot," said the stallion, "Not like I can get these things to work right. Birds make it look so easy."

"Hold on...the boss lady might have a job for you." said the person on the other end causing Eagle 5 to pause. "Boss lady? Erm...am I talking to the right universe?" he said, carefully.

Sometime later, a woman's voice said, "Eagle 5, your tardiness may become your salvation, if you can perform the task I have for you successfully."

"Erm...who is this?" said Eagle 5, seriously considering hanging up and taking the job at the apple farm outside the town.
"I am Daria, your commander," said the woman's voice, "As such, you are to show absolute obedience and not the slightest deviance from your mission."

"Ooookaay." said Eagle 5, deciding to play along for now. "Sooo...what do you want me to do, miss?" he said before leaning back as the woman screamed "DO NOT CALL ME MISS!"

"Er, would 'ma'am' be more appropriate?" asked Eagle 5.

"I don't care...you are going to steal those artifacts...do you understand me?" said Daria
"Uh, artifacts? As in those magical hats that Lynch had?" asked Eagle 5.

"You saw them? AND YOU LET THEM OUT OF YOUR GRASP? You STUPID HUMAN!" snapped Daria, before seemingly guessing what Eagle 5 was gonna say and adding in a bored tone "Metaphorically speaking."
"Well, I've been busy lately trying to jury rig a working radio together," said Eagle 5, "I haven't received any new orders, or any communication at all, for months."

"Well now you have orders...your mist...what do you mean he'll freak out?...fine. Your new orders are to secure those artifacts...ASAP...what does that even mean...WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S STILL ON?" said Daria before the comm turned off.

...

The first thing Rainbow had to do before she started working with the weather was get enough water to Cloudsdayle to make clouds with. And since condensation doesn't seem to be an active force on this world, there was one way to do it.
Matt had decided to sit down to watch, not really believing that this was how they got crappy weather. He’d ended up sitting next to a grey, wall eyed pegasus mare with a bubbles cutie mark and a mail bag. "Ten creds says this goes wrong,” he said, not looking away.

"Rainbow Dash is the best flyer, better than me," said the pegasus, turning to look at Matt. At least, that's where her head was pointed.

Matt said darkly "Yeah...and given she’s wearing that...we're probably doomed. I've seen this sorta thing before...there'll probably be ape skeletons."

"Nah, Rainbow's the best. She can do it no problem," said the pegasus.

“I've seen my fair share disasters caused by overzealous ambition and this probably...uh...say, would you mind turning the other way?" Matt said, causing the pegasus to cock her head, which in Matt’s opinion, upped the wall eye creep factor. "Er...you aren’t worried about me? The horrible space monster?" he asked carefully in an attempt to change the subject
"You don't look scary," said the pegasus, her eyes rolling a little.

"That’s nice to know." said Matt distantly, getting the dreadful feeling that his own eyes were trying to copy hers.
"Alright, Rainbow Dash, whenever you're ready!" called Twilight over a megaphone. With deep concentration, Rainbow Dash started flying in circles above the lake, getting progressively faster.

Matt watched in interest as the water began to ripple before he also noticed that something that Derpy had done that he hadn't...tied her hooves to a stake in the ground. He quickly found out why as he began to slide along the ground. “Erm...Dash? Stop please." he called, unheard over the roaring

Matt quickly tried to dig his hands into the ground to keep himself from being sucked in, but his grip was nowhere near good enough.

…

Derpy and Twilight watched in morbid interest as Matt was sent flying up and into the new tornado, his scream rapidly falling and rising as he span round before he was sent flying in the direction of the treeline.
"Oh, that's gonna hurt," said Twilight wincing.

Derpy nodded in sympathy as the tornado finished. "Not exactly 10 seconds flat...but pretty close," Rainbow Dash said, smugly before looking around “Hey...where's Matt?"

"Right here," said Matt from against a tree, his voice so rigid with self-control, you could use it as a crowbar.
Aria, viewing from a spiderbot, sighed and said, "I'll get the medicast...again."
"I'm ok...really...are we finished with the doom device?" said Matt

"Unfortunately, there aren't that many workers at the factory," said Twilight, "Rainbow's gonna have to cover for all the sick ponies." "With these powers? I'll cover for everypony, for all Equestria," Rainbow boasted.
There was silence for a second before Matt said "We’re doomed."

"Rainbow, you sure you could handle that?" asked Twilight. "Yeah, what about the natural order of things?" asked Matt. "What natural order?" retorted Aria.

"I'm pointing out that not everywhere has pre-ordered weather...and not everyone will want it." said Matt before noticing he wasn't carrying the audience before saying "You're not listening, are you."

"Rainbow, running all the weather on your own sounds like too much a burden," said Twilight, "You burn yourself out." "Please, all I have to do is point my hoof and..." started Dash. Matt had a feeling what will happen next and scrambled to move away from where Dash was pointing, just in time too as the mini-thundercloud from earlier zoomed into place and blasted the unlucky tree stump that had been in Dash’s pointing path.

"Hey, somepony's gotta make sure Equestria doesn't become a desert," said Rainbow Dash.

"You just vaporized a tree stump." Matt pointed out. “I’m getting the hang of stopping that.” said Dash calmly
"No...give me that...I shouldn’t have agreed...why do I agree to this stuff?" snapped Matt, walking towards Dash
"Sorry, Matt, I've got a job to do," said Dash before almost literally rocketing off, causing a huge updraft of air in her wake.
After the group had picked themselves up Matt said "Like I said...doomed."
"Nopony likes a complainer." said Derpy.

...

A few days later, Twilight took a little balloon trip up to Cloudsdayle to see how Rainbow Dash was doing. She hasn't been seen in Ponyville in days.

She was surprised to see the weather factory, which dominated the city’s skyline seemingly at full tilt, though she knew for a fact that most of its staff was still laid up from the flu.

The rate of which the clouds were going out and spreading meant that Twilight had to land a bit further from the factory than she had hoped.

A simple cloud walking spell later and she was trotting into the main area of the factory. "Rainbow?" she called, looking around for her friend

At first glance, it seemed the machines were running all by themselves, but then Twilight noticed a rainbow-colored blur zipping around.

"Rainbow dash?" she called up, causing the blur to turn and zoom at her, suddenly stopping to reveal the elusive pegasus still wearing the helmet. It took a second for Twilight to see that Rainbow Dash's colours looked faded...not like when Discord had gotten to her but still looking ill.

"Twilight...what brings you...here?" asked Dash, as she stopped to catch her breath.

"Dash...what happened? You look dreadful." Twilight said, gasping in horror at her friends appearance.

"Well...running all the weather in Equestria...isn't very easy...but I can handle it..." said Dash before yawning loudly.
"All the weather? Isn't anyone left to help you? You look exhausted." said Twilight, gently using her magic to pull Rainbow Dash down to the ground and being shocked at how little effort it took.

"Hey...I've got all the weather power of the world on my head..." said Dash, "I might as well use them to help as many ponies as I can..."

Twilight narrowed her eyes "When did you last have a bite to eat...or sleep?" she asked
"Uh...there isn't any time, I've got precipitation to maintain," said Dash before pulling out a weather chart and saying, "Ok, I've got thunderstorms to send north and blizzards to send south."

Twilight looked at the map "Er...Rainbow? I think you might have that backwards." she said, noticing a sign that the map might be the wrong way up

"What? Oh, common mistake, could happen to anyone..." said Rainbow Dash before her head started drooping.
"Rainbow? RAINBOW DASH!” said Twilight, before yelling Rainbow’s name in the pegasus's ear.

Rainbow startled awake with a clap of thunder. "No time to sleep, gotta keep the clouds moving," said Rainbow.
"No...you're barely standing, let alone flying." snapped Twilight, trying to pull the helmet off, only for the holder charm that meant only the wearer could remove it drag the pegasus back down.

"Twilight, I have to do this. There's nopony else who can handle all this weather," said Rainbow Dash, "Equestria needs me."
"You can't help anypony if you end up in Ponyville general hospital." snapped Twilight.

"Ok, one quick snack break, but then it's back to the weather," said Rainbow before dashing off.
Twilight shook her head before heading back for the balloon.

Matt was half-asleep at the converted barn he called home when he heard Twilight and co. "5...4...3" he muttered to himself.
"Rainbow's letting this whole 'responsibility' thing go to her head," said Twilight's voice.

"Ah hope she don’t end up like when ah tried to bring in the harvest solo." said Applejacks voice "1...hi girls." said Matt, sitting up suddenly

The girls gave a yelp of surprise. "Don't do that," said Rarity. "Why not? You do it to me all the time, especially her," said Matt, pointing at Pinkie, the party pony agreeing with a nod.

Matt sat back at that "Lemme guess...power gone to head...and she doesn’t want to take the hat off." he said smugly
"She's running herself ragged," said Twilight, "She's trying to care of all the weather over Equestria and she's working herself down to the bone."

"You've come to the right psychotic Everfree monster." Matt said, a little bitterly. "I got more than a few stunners. Should be simple."

"Matt, we don't want to hurt her, we just need her to stop working so hard before she collapses," said Twilight.
"I was joking...but still...there’s the problem of that artifact...she's the only one who can remove it." said Matt with a sigh
"Yeah, only the one who put it on can take it off," said Pinkie before pausing and saying, "Wait, didn't you first put that helmet on her head?"

"Yeah, I suppose....oh no, this doesn't mean what I think it does, does it?" said Matt, suddenly going gloomy
"That Rainbow Dash can't remove it herself and thus will feel compelled to manage the sky until she runs herself into the ground?" asked Rarity.

"That and there's only one way I could catch her without resorting to high powered stun guns." said Matt gloomily
"Enchanted boots that allow you to walk seven leagues in one step?" asked Pinkie.
"No...dammit, here comes Spark." said Matt darkly

"It may not have ta come ta that," said Applejack, "She can't be more ornery and stubborn than I was, can she?"
"Erm..." said Matt before his wrist computer saved the day...sort of. "Alert...aerial targets detected at 80km outer marker. Class 12 magi units. 76% probability of hostile intent. ETA: 2 hours as current speed." it chimed.

"What does that mean?" asked Rarity. "It means something's flying over this way and are not very happy," said Matt. "We better tell Rainbow Dash about this," said Twilight. "Ok, but first I wanna watch that falling star," said Pinkie, pointing upwards.
Matt looked up, tapping his glasses to turn the zoom on. "That’s not a star." he said slowly.
"It's not another spaceship, is it?" asked Applejack.
"No...its Dash." said Matt, urgently

"WHAT?!" yelled the other girls. "She's either fallen asleep at the wing or she's unconscious," said Matt.
Matt followed the trajectory. "Good news...she's gonna land in water...I'll get some med nanites." he said after a pause where he realized this might not improve things.

"We have to save her," said Twilight. "But none of us can fly and Fluttershy's still sick at home," said Applejack.
Matt noticed everyone looking at him. "You are all going to owe me big time." he said, turning on the 'recoder' that Aria had come up with

In a bright flash of light, Matt disappeared and was replaced by Spark. He quickly took off towards the plummeting Rainbow Dash. "Ok, been a while since I last did this, but it shouldn't be too hard," he said to himself.

The girls however winced when Matt nearly ended up falling as well, clearly out of any practice whatsoever. The embarrassment continued when Matt...sort of caught her, becoming a crash mat as Dash landed on him in mid-air.
"Well, at least he slowed her down," said Applejack.

There was a 'oof' in the distance shortly after Matt vanished, the girls galloping over to see Matt squashed under Dash. "Somebody get her off...she's crushing my spine...I like my spine. I use it for standing." he said with a faint rasp.
"Guess she wasn't going to land in the water after all," said Pinkie.

"Please get her off..." gasped Matt

Twilight and Rarity levitated Dash off, who was still unconscious. "Matt, you need to get that helmet off her before she can object," said Twilight.
Matt reached forward and pulled at the hat, using the plume to yank it off before slipping, causing the hat to shoot into the air...and plunk down on his own head.

"That helmet does not look bad on you," commented Rarity, "It gives you a decidedly masculine appearance."
"Get it off, get it off, GET IT OFF!” yelped Matt, pulling at the helmet only for the locking spell runes to flash and the hat to remain firmly located where it was

"Odd, Matt put the helmet on himself, didn't he?" asked Twilight. "Well, it was more of an accident," said Applejack.
"OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF!” gibbered Matt, still tugging at it frantically

"Let me help," said Pinkie before yanking at the helmet. "No, no, Pinkie, that ain't right. Ya gotta get more leverage in," said Applejack before pushing Pinkie aside, putting her back hooves on Matt's shoulders and then yanking the helmet with her front ones.

"YOU'RE PULLING MY HEAD OFF....STOOOOP!” yelled Matt

Applejack let go of the helmet and said, "Phew, that thing's stuck on tighter than a knothole in a tree."

"I hate these things...I...want...it...OFF!" yelled Matt, causing a lightning bolt to strike the helmet...and him dead center
"Like it or not, it's stuck on there, along with the weather powers and super flight," said Twilight.
Matt stared for a minute before yelling "CRAAAAAAAP!"

"This don't look good," said Applejack. "I know, imagine having Matt be in charge of the weather. I can already feel my ends starting to split," said Rarity as she smoothed down her tail.

Matt looked down to see his wrist comp still clamped over a hoof as it chimed “Alert...incoming contacts have increased speed. New ETA is predicted at 35 minutes. Classification confirmed: Roc class magi lifeform."

Just then, Fluttershy ran over and cried, "Girls, girls, I have bad news, where's Rainbow Dash?"

"Oh, good, she's getting some rest. I mean, no, that's bad. She needs to wake up. I just heard my bird friends tell me that the rocs are flying this way," said Fluttershy. "Rocks can't fly, silly," said Pinkie, "Not unless you throw them."
"Roc...roc, roc roc...Wait...roc s in giant killer bird dino thing?" said Matt, gulping

"Well, I think they might not be as mean as I heard, but they do sound unhappy. Apparently some of our clouds has been getting into their territory," said Fluttershy, "I was going to tell Rainbow Dash to stop making so much weather but she's not even awake."
"Sooo...they're probably gonna want to eat the person responsible." Matt said, raising a hoof as Fluttershy opened her mouth to reply "I didn't know but that’s how it always goes."

"And with that helmet stuck on ya, that makes ya look more guilty than a dog with a stolen bone in its mouth," said Applejack.
"I'm dead." said Matt dully.

"Well, uh, maybe not," said Fluttershy, "I heard that they heard that Rainbow Dash was responsible for this. They may not go after you, but that's not really a good thing for her."

Matt seemed to be thinking before he said "Do they know what she looks like?"

"Unfortunately, yes," said Fluttershy, "Well, at least they know she's a cyan pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane and tail."
"I have an idea." said Matt.

...

"I'm not so sure this will work out," said Twilight. "Trust me, I know how to touch up a pony's hair," said Rarity, "If that particular pony would stop wriggling that is."

"Why have I gotta get a mane job too?" complained Rainbow Dash with a yawn. Matt, sitting in the corner, said "Hey...I hate costume make up too...I'm not looking forward to this at all...but unless you wanna be bird food."

"I got overproductive with the clouds, I should be the one cleaning up after them," said Rainbow Dash. "Yer in no condition ta be lockin' horns with rocs," said Applejack.

"Personally, if it wasn’t for the fact that the guard aren’t gagging for a reason to throw me in the slammer, I'd break out some plasma launchers and send the birdies packing." said Matt, darkly

"The only way we can settle this is with diplomacy," said Twilight, "But I still don't like having Matt be the diplomat."
"Hey...if it all goes south...I can lead them to the Skyraid’s defense guns...that'll chase them off." said Matt.

"Let's try not to resort to that," said Twilight, "The rocs might not be completely unreasonable. I'm sure there's a way everyone can be happy."

...

Matt trotted out, scratching at his rainbow tuned mane. "It’s itchy." he muttered, keeping another eye on his wrist comp, where the v formation of dots were almost on top of them.

"Ok, just be polite, try to compromise, don't let anything else take your attention," Matt muttered to himself.
Matt gulped and tried to empty his mind of anything remotely insulting...which proved harder than he thought it would be.
Sounds of commotion were heard as the biggest bird of preys Matt had ever seen landed in the square. The leading one, resembling a gigantic falcon said "Where is the one called Rainbow?" in an icy tone.

Matt unconsciously started moving backwards until Twilight gave him a little kick to the side. "Ow, I mean, I'm Rainbow...er, Blitz," said Matt.

"You are the one who plagues our land?" said one of the smaller ones in a voice that reminding Matt of the avianos he had met briefly during the Balwak incident.

"Uh, that was an accident," said Matt, "I've been doing so much work with the rest of Equestria, I sometimes lose track of some clouds."

"Natair...hold your tongue. We are guests in their land and this one is one of the ones who serves their leader." said the leader roc harshly.

"Uh, yeah, that's right, you're guests so...I should offer you some refreshments after your long flight," said Matt.
"We...have already eaten on the flight." said the lead roc before focusing on Matts/Rainbow Blitz's helmet. "The helm of Commander Hurricane." he said in shock.

"Uh, yeah, it's a little rigid for my tastes, but how else is one pony supposed to manage the weather for all of Equestria?" said Matt.
"Well...its good you found it. We will take it now." said the roc, holding a talon out expectantly
"Excuse me?" asked Matt.

"You sent storms that threatened the nesting grounds...our code demands compensation...or blood." said the roc calmly
"Oh, of course you'll get compensation. It's just that, uh...the helmet's on loan. It's not fully mine to give away. Maybe we can offer you something else," said Matt.

"Your spine will do nicely." snapped Natair, spreading her wings

Twilight quickly stepped out and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, you don't have to do that. There's obviously more than one reason you came all the way to Equestria."

"Yes...we came for compensation. Be it blood or material." said the lead roc.
"Oh, but there's so much more than that," said Twilight, "You should, uh..." "Take a tour of our great town," said Pinkie, popping out of nowhere, "You flew all this way, why not take in the sights?"

The rocs all jumped back, in standard 'WTF just happened?’ mode which was usual for people who had just met Pinkie without warning. "Er...how'd you do that?" said another Roc

"You guys just weren't paying attention," said Pinkie, "Anyways, there's a lot of cool sights in Ponyville. There's Sugarcube Corner, the Carousel Boutique, Sweet Apple Acres..."

Matt and the others watched as the Rocs got the glazed look of ones being overexposed to Pinkies personality.
"Uh, sure, take in the sights. That's what I always do when travelling," said Matt, inwardly adding 'as well as shooting at or being shot at'.

"It was a long flight, I admit..." said the leader roc, to himself. The group breathed a sigh of relief before the roc added "Unless you plan to appeal to the sun goddess."

"Uh, she's busy, she won't be available for quite some time," said Twilight.

"She knows our laws as well as her own...she will not dispute our claim to the artifact. Commander Hurricane dealt us many blows in her career...the helmet will make a grand compensation for this recent event." said the roc leader
"Did she now?" asked Matt a bit nervously.

"Yes...what did you expect? She was the leader of an army." said the roc. "Erm...do you have a name...erm, sir?" said Matt, noting the birds sharp beak

"I am Okliss," said the roc.

"Erm...nice name." said Matt nervously. Okliss continued "I am surprised...my agents said that you were a mare...is she ok?" noting a black pegasus mare glaring at that

"Uh, common mistake, really," said Matt, "I mean, there are so many mares compared to stallions that most visitors don't realize the difference at first glance."

Oklis's eyes narrowed before he smirked “I suppose so...if you wish to contact your leaders to...negotiate then so be it, but we will not change our minds so easily...now I heard there was some kind of hairless ape running around here..." he said, causing Matt to yelp

"Uh, there may be, what importance would it have?" asked Matt, somewhat nervously.
"I hear it is a warrior...a proper challenge for once." said Okliss

The thought of getting into a fight with this overgrown eagle wasn't nearly as thrilling for Matt. It took all his self-control to keep him from screaming and running.

"That sounds.....fun." he said weakly while making a mental note to sleep with a SAM launcher when this was over.
"Now there's something I'd like to see," said Natair, "Some good old-" "Friendly competition," interjected Twilight, "That's the best way to settle this matter."

"What?" snapped Matt quietly

"Hold on...need to talk to my pal here." said Matt with a manic grin before dragging Twilight into the library. "Are you NUTS?" He snapped. “The last time I took a race I ended up with broken bones and hyperthermia."

"Well, this next race should be a lot safer," said Twilight, "We'll keep the course within a less hostile climate."
"This is crazy. I may be pretty fast but Dash is a natural...literally." snapped Matt, before noticing Spike glaring out the window at the rocs, wearing a tin helmet he’d gotten from somewhere, probably Pinkie before losing his cool “Yes...giant pigeons...cool eh?" he said sarcastically

"Yeah, giant dragonling-eating, egg-stealing pigeons," said Spike nervously.

Matt, who had in a previous adventure spent time as a dragonling shot to the window “They eat dragons? Fire and ice breathing, time freezing dragons?" he said nervously

"Well, not the big ones, but they say the little ones are always the tastiest," said Spike.

"I miss Spyro and Cynder." whimpered Matt, before briefly smiling aimlessly as he imagined the arsekicking the duo would have dealt those overgrown pigeons.

"Uh, Twilight, those rocs aren't going to be here long, are they?" asked Spike.

"I hope not. I'm going to write a letter to Celestia, just in case." said Twilight before looking at Matt. "You'd better get ready. The rules that rocs use for their challenges say they can choose the first challenge."

"Right, get ready to face off against giant birds, no problem," said Matt numbly.

He continued "Ok...so what kind of challenges do these things like?" he asked.

"Well, rocs typically go by three challenges: Strength, Wisdom, and Speed," said Twilight, "I think we can expect them to start with Strength.”

"I am so dead." whimpered Matt.

...

A clearing near the everfree forest had been chosen for the first challenge, Brawn as Twilight had said

"The match of Brawn is one of the highlighting events for our warriors," proclaimed Oklis, "However, considering the challenger is a weaker creature..." "HEY!" yelled Matt. The roc leader ignored this and continued, "The rules have been simplified. All the challenger has to do is remained airborne for 2 minutes. If he is pinned, he loses."

"That seems easy...who's my opponent?" asked Matt before jumping back as Nadair landed "Me." she said with uncontained glee. "I'm dead." said Matt in a tiny voice

Oklis gave Nadair a stern look and said, "Rainbow Blitz is not allowed to be seriously harmed. He has to compete in the other challenges."

As Matt gained altitude, he said to himself, "Ok, just keep out of her reach for 2 minutes. That shouldn't be too hard. I've plenty of practice avoiding-" He was cut off, and nearly cut in half, by Nadair lunging at him with talons bared.

"OH DEAR LORD...RUN AWAY!” screamed Matt turning and heading in a random direction, causing Dash on the ground to facehoof.

After a minute he shot into a cloud bank. "Ok...just hide here and..." he began before Nadair shot through from above, tackling him while heading for the ground. “Oh, this is gonna smarrrt.” moaned Matt before everyone present winced at the crash of impact.
The referee counted, "5...4...3...2...1...the winner of the match of Brawn is Nadair."

"Oooooooh....did I win?" groaned Matt from his mini-crater, Nadair not even having to have pinned him
Rainbow groaned and Twilight said to her, "Well, we expected him to lose this match. But I think he has a fair chance in the other two."

"I just feel pain." gurgled Matt from the crater. "Has anypony got some painkillers the size of the moon?"
Little did anyone know, that a certain pony who wasn't who he seemed had been watching all this. He knew this was a golden opportunity to steal the helmet, but it was too darn funny.

"Oh...this is too rich....Oh it hurts." Eagle 5 laughed to himself, rolling on the ground
It was nice to see that someone else is faring worse than him. Even better that it's the same guy that has caused him so much grief.

After a minute he realized he'd bodged a ticket to get off this rock. “Oh, smeg it." he snapped, watching his meal ticket being led away by the others

"Ok, he's sure to get smashed in those other two matches. Then I'll grab that helmet," he said to himself.

...

Matt groaned as a spiderbot injected another medi-nanite shot. "What’s the next challenge? Bomb disarming?" he said bitterly
"Well, the next match will be in Brains," said Twilight, "I think you'll have a better chance at that one."
Matt thought for a second before saying "Can I pick the subject?"

...

Nadair watched as Rainbow Blitz limp-trotted into view, several of the metal spiders they had seen around the settlement dragging a canister.

"It’s something I got fr...borrowed from the hairless apes starship." said Rainbow Blitz, innocently as the spiders dropped the canister between them. "It’s called a jump engine coil...apparently it’s my turn to set the challenge...so you have to guess what this does and make it do it." he said with a evil grin

Nadair gave an angry shriek and snapped, "That's not fair!"

"Like how you pile-drived me into the bedrock was fair?" said Blitz

Nadair turned to Oklis and said, "This can't be allowed, it's not a proper match!"

"It is in his right. You chose how brawn would be decided...he will choose how cunning is decided...plus I want to see what it does. Continue." said Oklis

Nadair glared at Rainbow Blitz and looked carefully at the 'jump engine coil'.

"Hmm...what’s this do?" said Nadair, poking a exposed section with her talon and taking off as a green pulse shot out, hit a sapling and caused it to turn into a full grown tree. Rainbow Blitz was the first to look up. "That’s not what it does...but well done...you made a temporal pulse cannon."

Nadair glared at Bltiz and snapped, "This is an unfair challenge! Not even you could know how this thing works."

Blitz nodded to a spiderbot who opened up a hatch in the side and exposed a mess of wiring. Blitz reached in and pulled one specific wiring out causing it to light up. “I'd duck if I was you." said Blitz, getting back as the coil began to hum before the air around it rippled and the coil vanished with a sonic boom.

...

Eagle peered out of his hiding place at the sound of a sonic boom. 2What the heck was that?" he muttered before hearing another one over his head and looked up in time to see a drive coil descending rapidly towards his face. "Oh no." he said in a resigned voice.

The drive coil landed on him with a clang. From underneath it, Eagle's pained voice said, "That's it, I'm calling for backup."

...

Matt grinned “Oh, that was too cool. Hat off to Nadair though...I've never seen someone actually weaponize a drive coil like that.” he said

Twilight was looking at the fully-grown tree. "I didn't know you had the technology for ageing spells," she said.

"Jump drives basically rip holes in time and space to get to Nullspace and from it. It stores all the unused temporal energy...she musta opened the proverbial valve." said Matt, adding “It'll wear of in a day or two."

Nadair glared at Matt and said, "You won't get off so easy next time." "Let me guess, we both have to decide on the next one?" asked Matt. "No, the match of Speed is always the same: a race," said Oklis.

"Just a race? Too easy." said Matt smugly. Dash stopped saying “Erm...can we talk in private?"

As soon as Matt and Dash were far away enough from the rocs, Dash said, "Matt, don't you remember how your last race ended?"
Matt stopped as memories came to the front. "Almost frozen to death on a mountainside?" he said faintly

"I mean, I don't expect you guys to do the same course, but know how competitive rocs are by now. They won't make it easy, even if you have the helmet," said Dash.

"Oh bloody hell. It’s NEVER EASY!" snapped Matt before saying “Ok...what’s the plan?"
"Twilight said we have some leeway about how the race goes, mainly with the course. I think I can find something that's more your level," said Dash.

"Like what?" said Matt suspiciously

"A few laps around Everfree Forest sounds the safest," said Dash.
"That sounds like the beginners course,” Matt said suspiciously

"No, it's higher than a beginner's course, but probably as low as the rocs will go," said Dash.
"Oh goody." said Matt darkly

"I suppose we may be able to haggle the rocs into something simpler, like a simple flying across the valley and back," said Dash, "But Nadair will probably won't want to go with the rookie levels."
"That’s something." said Matt.

...

Nadair and Oklis glared at the group. "You jest...You wish to turn down this simple race?" he said darkly, the rocs choice having been a place Matt had never heard off called Ghastly Gorge.

"You have heard about the quarry eels, right?" asked Twilight, "They're supposed to be pretty territorial, not to mention carnivorous." Matt paling behind her.

"Indeed...it will be a proper test of skill...not some simple circle." said Oklis, stubbornly
"Uh, that reason is supposed to be tectonically unstable," added Twilight causing Matt to pale even further and make a whining noise.

"Again...more tests of skill." said Oklis in a tone that said he was not going to be dissuaded.

"It looks kinda crowded in there. You won't be able to spread your wings to their full width," said Blitz, a little desperately.
“Then it will be an equal challenge for my daughter as well." said Oklis
Twilight gave Matt an apologetic look. Clearly, there was no other way.

"Can I at least prepare?" asked Matt. Oklis seemed thoughtful before nodding. “One day...then we will see." he said
Dash said "I've flown the gorge a few times. I could teach you how to fly it...as long as there isn't a rock slide this time."
"Didn't you say that this place was tectonically unstable?" asked Matt. "Well, that doesn't mean there's a quake every day. Besides, we can check for any loose boulders," said Twilight.

"Sounds good enough. We'd better get started...I wish I knew where that coil went..." said Matt.

...

Sigma team watched as their missing pilot trotted into view. “What’s your problem?" the team leader said before a drive coil appeared in front of them and crushed their sniper’s foot, vanishing again.

The other members of Sigma team watched with some amusement as the sniper hopped around, clutching his foot in pain.
"What idiot took the stabilizer off that drive coil?" snapped the sniper before being clocked over the head as the coil materialized above his had

"Hey...I thought Lynch's pets had the artifacts." said the heavy weapons operator on sigma. "What? It’s Lynch we're after. He's camped on the edge of town." said Eagle

"Lynch is secondary, getting those artifacts is topmost priority," said Sigma team's leader.
"Are you nuts or just cash happy? The board'll have us for lunch...literally in the case of Director Flagis, if we don’t get Aria back." snapped Eagle

"Who?" asked one trooper. "Uh, that AI that Lynch has," said another. "Oh yeah."

"The commanders altered the plan. You got a problem with that?" said the team leader, glaring down at Eagle
"Uh, as long as it gets me off this acid trip of a planet, I don't really care," said Eagle.

"Fine...Sigma 2. We'll follow...see what they're up too." said Sigma leader

...

As Matt followed Rainbow Dash towards Ghastly Gorge, he said, "Uh, it's not really as bad as everyone's saying it is, right? I mean, it may have some giant eels and shakes, but that doesn't mean it's impassable, right?"

"I held a race there when I got my pet, Tank. You musta seen him by now....the tortoise with the helicopter?" said Dash, noticing Matts expression before it turned to one of painful recollection…one involving a unwanted headbutt by a flying ballistic reptile
"Uh, how exactly did that race go?" asked Matt.

"Well, I got my wing pinned under a rock. I'm glad Tank entered the race anyways or who knows how long I would have been stuck under it," said Dash.

“Ah...so this'll be a race where I will most likely die under a rock slide or be swallowed whole by a reject from Tremors." said Matt overly cheerful

"Don't forget, you've got the helmet, so you can fly much faster than normal," said Dash.

"That just means I’ve got less time to react." said Matt, adding "You were born to this. No offence."
"I'd be doing the racing if I could, but it's too late for that now, isn't it?" said Dash.

"Hey...I don't even wanna do this.” snapped Matt.

"You can't be serious. Most racing ponies would give most of their pinion feathers for a race like this," said Rainbow Dash, pointedly.

"I'm not a racer...I'M NOT EVEN A PONY...Usually. I thought we solved this last time when I nearly froze to death." said Matt, snapping a bit.

"Matt, racing against a roc is a great honor and challenge. How could you just say no to that?" asked Dash.
"Easily...Like THIS...NO...I WANT MY THUMBS. He can keep the damn helmet...he can probably guard it better." said Matt, stubbornly

"Matt, those artifacts belong with the ponies. What if they somehow manage to get the helmet to work for them?" said Rainbow Dash.

"I doubt it'll even fit them...let alone work." said Matt

"It probably won't work for humans and Daria seems to really want them," said Dash, "We just can't let them fall into anypony's possession, even if they aren't a pony."

"Fine...I...oh my lord." said Matt, his voice trailing off at the sight of the gorge.

The gorge stretched an impressive length. And the way it curved made it impossible to see the end. "And that's not even the tough stretch yet," said Dash.

"It gets worse?" moaned Matt

"Well, there's the wind tunnel and the cacti," said Dash, "And that's only before the quarry eels."
Matt was staring ahead in horror "And this...is supposed to be an easy run?" he whimpered

"Well, keep away from the walls. You don't want to smack into them and start a rock slide," said Dash.
"I'm guessing that’s from experience?" teased Matt

"Well, I got a little overconfident," said Dash, looking embarrassed, "But at least I learned an important lesson."
"Yes...never hit the walls." teased Matt

"And also watch your feet," said Dash. "Wait, you were flying, what does that have to do with-" started Matt before Dash did a low sweep with her legs and knocked Matt off his feet.

Matt immediately jumped back up, backing up and keeping low as mercenary flash training kicked in. "Ok...what?” he said in a low voice

"Just testing your reaction time. Pretty slow reflexes," said Rainbow Dash.
"Urgh...fine, let’s do a run." he said, taking off into a hover

"That's the spirit. Try to keep up," said Rainbow Dash before speeding off.

...

Eagle and Sigma team were also staring at the gorge, and at the two pegasi now racing along it. "I can see how we do this...a few charges in that final section...collapse it on em...dig em out later.” said Sigma thoughtfully

"The multicoloured one’s a primary kill target...orders from the leader." said Sigma 1

"Speaking of whom, I've noticed there seems to be a change in command," said Eagle.

"There's been no change. She has always been in command." said a member of sigma. Eagle nodded slowly “Of course.” he said carefully

"Ok, we bury the demo charges there, there, and there," said the leader, "We want to get plenty of rock rolling."
"Erm...I've heard rumours of some kinda sub-t creatures using the gorge for home..." began Eagle

"I think we can handle a few mole people or giant bugs or whatever they've got here," said one of the troopers.
"I heard they were giant eels." said Eagle, "Or dog miner things...I dunno which."

"Giant eels, yeah right," said a trooper, "There's not nearly enough water for them."

"Ok...but I'm staying here." said Eagle, mentally adding that the fact that every townpony had agreed on the eel story exactly and as such there was probably something to it

"Fine, like your hooves will be any use," said the leader.

"Screw you." said Eagle, making sure he had a good view of what he predicted to be a momentous screw up before sitting down. Sigma's leader rolled his eyes "Ok...get the las-drills out and get those charged placed near those wall holes." he called
Some of the troopers started working on the rock, finding it a lot easier to crack than they had anticipated.

They were so busy that they didn’t see one trooper, leaning into a hole to place a charge, suddenly get jerked inside.
Suddenly, the rock gave way beneath then and two troopers went tumbling down.
Sigma leader rolled his eyes “Hey...you guys ok....hey, where’s Rogan?" he called

There was a loud hissing before what looked like a giant reddish-purple came up out of the hole, Rogan hanging out from its teeth.
"Oh....shit.” muttered Sigma as what was left of Rogan was swallowed, the eel, against all logic having a "Don't mess with me' expression before tail whipping the two other troopers out.

Sigma Team was pretty shocked by this. Which made it easier for them to ignore Eagle's laughing, but barely.
"Ok...new plan...oh shit, here they come...hide everyone." said Sigma leader, looking around desperately before realizing to his horror that the only choice was the holes. "Oh man.” he moaned.

...

Matt and Rainbow Dash were flying past the quarry eel nests and there was something amiss. "I thought you said they don't like anyone getting near their nests," said Matt.

"Yeah...unless somepony’s dug into their nests again. Sucks to be the diamond dogs." called Dash over the wind rucking past them. As it was, nobody noticed the group of troopers finally giving up and jumping out one of the nests and running for it, one with a dog sized eel gnawing on his arm.

However, even without the eels, the course was not easy, particularly with the winds blowing like they were.
More than once, Matt nearly ended up as part of the wall or another obstacle. "This is insane..." he yelled.
"That's one of the reasons this place is called Ghastly Gorge," said Rainbow Dash.

"Maybe some clear, calm skies? How do you work this piece of junk?" Muttered Matt, tapping his helmet
The helmet flashed briefly, only to cause the wind to start blowing in the opposite direction.

"Oh no...nononononono." moaned Matt, being blown towards one of the nests, an eel peering out and opening its mouth open eagerly. "Undo, UNDO." Matt screamed

The wind stopped blowing, causing Matt to give a sigh of relief. However, he forgot to slow down and ended up inside the eel's mouth anyways.
The eel looked pleased with itself before getting a bug eyes look and spitting Matt out with a 'bleah' noise.

Matt landed with a wet splat at the bottom of the gorge. "Ew, eel saliva, why would anyone want this?" he said in disgust.

The eel, turning away at that stopped before slowly turning back with an annoyed look, Matt not noticing. "Stupid eel...it’s probably got a tiny brain." he carried on, oblivious to the eel pausing and slowly turning to glare at him.

"I don't know where people got the idea, but I bet eel tastes disgusting too. They probably taste as rotten as their breath," grumbled Matt.

Dash said slowly “Erm...Matt? Maybe you should take that back." as the eel slowly closed on Matt.
"Why? It's just a dumb overgrown snake with a flat head," said Matt.

Dash gulped before Matt, guessing the reason continued gloomily "Aaaand he's right behind me." turning and being roared at.
"Uh, I taste bad, remember?" said Matt.

The eel simply reared up before landing its full weight on Matt, heading back to its lair after it was satisfied the little pain had gotten the message

Dash landed at the small indent in the ground Matt was in. "Yeah, animals here aren't as stupid as you think," she said.
"That hurt more then you could possibly imagine." moaned Matt

...

By the next day, Matt had recovered in time for the race.

"Oh well...I'll either get eaten, lose or win?" he said, slightly sarcastically

"Relax, just remember what we've done yesterday and you'll be able to get through no problem," said Rainbow Dash.
"I'm going to be some land eels entre." said Matt icily.

“They’re just as likely to go for Nadair.” Said Twilight.

"They definitely would if you'd have let me get the spiderbots to glue pork chops to her." said Matt gloomily
"Pork chops? You humans eat pigs?" asked Dash disgustedly.

"They'd be quorn ones...vegetable based...the eels won't tell the difference...especially if they catch her." said Matt with an evil grin
"I'm pretty sure the rocs will count that as cheating," said Dash sternly.
"Not if they never make it back." muttered Matt darkly.

At that moment the rocs landed on the other side of the gorge, Nadair smirking as best a beak could. "I don't like her...she's evil." said Matt

"You just don't have a competitor's spirit," said Dash.

Nadair called out "That helmet is mine." "Neither does she." said Matt
"You're the better flyer, you just have to stop doubting," said Rainbow Dash.

"She's gonna eat my dust." said Matt, coldly watching Nadair
"That's the spirit," said Dash.

Oklis said "I assume we are prepared."

"Ready as we'll ever be, right Blitz?" said Dash.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Matt said, trotting towards the starting line.

"The rules are simple," declared Oklis, "The two of you are to fly through this gorge. You may not fly over the top at any time. Avoid the obstacles and get to the finish line."

"Simple enough." said Matt. Nadair nodded, adding "Are there any other rules?"

"I think the rest of the rules should be obvious enough to not need stating" said Oklis.

"As you wish." said Nadair, smiling predatorily at Matt, who gulped nervously.

"Now, on your mark," called Oklis, "Get ready, get set...GO!"

Matt and Nadair shot out into the gorge, Matt immediately getting a lead as Nadair seemed to hang back before the two shot out of sight

Matt wasn't going to waste any time. He was planning on getting through this gorge as quickly as possible.
He turned a corner before he felt something trying to grab his tail. He turned to see Nadair trying to get a grip with her talons.
"Hmm, I think she has fowl play in mind," said Matt to himself.

"Stay still." squawked Nadair as she missed again....before looking up and seeing the vines straight ahead. Matt winced as he heard a thump coincide with a 'boik' noise. Exactly the sort of noise a hard object covered in spines made.
"That's gonna smart," he muttered.

He turned the corner...and rolled on instinct as a rocket shot past him.

"What the?" said Matt before looking up and saw Daria's troopers on the ridge. "Oh c'mon, I've got enough to deal with already," griped Matt.

He heard, over the wind, the words of 'Open fire' before he was forced to do a few moved that would have impressed Dash to avoid the hail of gunfire.

...

Sigma leader looked at Eagle. "What are you standing there for? Use those wings and move it." he snapped
"Er, I'm not really good with them yet," said Eagle.

"MOVE IT!” yelled Sigma leader, kicking Eagle.

Eagle yelped and flapped his wings desperately to keep himself from plummeting.

After a second he had the hang of it and noticed he also had a good turn of speed as he gave chase. "Come on, my little ticket to sanity." he muttered, focusing on the helmet

...

As Matt flew on, he grumbled, "Why do they have to pop up whenever it's the least convenient? Don't they have better things to do than shoot at me?"

He looked up to see the eel holes ahead, a familiar one already waiting, somehow with a napkin round his neck. “Oh no.” he groaned

Just then, something flew over Matt's head, just missing him. Matt glanced backwards and muttered, "What was that?"
He also heard a cut off...was that someone saying 'Oh smeg?' "What the hell?" he said before there was a 'ptwi' and another pegasus shot over his head.

Matt glanced over his shoulder and muttered, "I wonder who that was?" He shrugged before flying onwards.

Eagle was up again, a little unsteadily which was understandable seeing as he had just impacted a granite cliff "Hey....slow up." he said dizzily, only to be sent spiraling as Nadair shot past him.

"AIR HOG!" he yelled before noticing, too late, another wall heading for him. “Oh, this'll hurt." he moaned just before impact.

...

Sigma 1 winced as the cam feed from eagle went to static "So much for that. Ok, let’s move. We'll head them off at the last turn."
"What about that big bird? It may be trouble," said a trooper.

"that’s why we've got bazookas...Now MOVE!" yelled Sigma 1.

By then, Matt was nearly to the end of the gorge. There was one last turn, which was basically one large U turn. It kinda made one wonder if the gorge was a natural formation.

Another grazing was felt and he turned to see Nadair this time trying to grip him with her beak. "Hey...rules do not include eating the competition...this isn't a grav race." he yelled

"Survival of the fittest. That's the only rule that matters," said Nadair before snapping at Matt again.
"Are you nuts? I think your boss wants a fair race." yelled Matt

"Accidents happen," said Nadair before swiping at Matt again.

"You are insane!" yelped Matt before leading down low where the going was made harder by the fallen boulders
As if fate was listening, more gunfire shot down just as the two entered the last turn...Matts new 'pals' were back
"Can't I get a break?" snapped Matt.

He turned to see that Nadair was also under fire. "Least that’s something." he muttered before two rockets shot down, hitting the sides of the gorge ahead.

Quite naturally, that started a rock slide, probably with more boulders than the one Rainbow Dash accidentally caused.
Matt and Nadair were both forced to slow to a halt. "Surrender the artifact and you get to live." came the call from on high
"The artifact is my prize! I'm the only one who's getting it!" called Nadair.
"Wrong answer." muttered Matt before the gunfire started again

Matt briefly considered telling both sides that the helmet was stuck on his head and he couldn't take it off even if he wanted to. But then again, that would probably prompt both of them to try to remove his head and pry the helmet off later.
A second later, half of an EGIS trooper narrowly missed him. "I've seen enough." he yelped, getting ready to set off before another body hit and pinned him.

"Hey, you did that on purpose!" snapped Matt. "Of course," said Nadair with a smirk before flying on.

…

The girls and the Rocs had just arrived at the finish when they heard the sound of battle. "What is that?" said Oklis coldly, already imagining what he would do to anyone who harmed Nadair

"Ya don't think another rock slide happened, do ya?" asked Applejack.

"That sounds like no rockslide I have ever heard." said Oklis just as another round of gunfire was heard.
"You're right, sounds like Darius’s sent more of her men after Ma... I mean, Blitz again," said Twilight.
"Who is this 'Darius'?" asked Oklis suspiciously.

"He's a big jerk who wants the artifacts too," said Pinkie.

"If he attempts to interfere...his agents will die." said Oklis in a 'matter-of-fact' voice before he perked up, a blur coming round the corner, another in pursuit.

"Oh, it looks like they got away," said Rarity.

The blurs quickly became properly visible, Nadair with a comfortable lead over her opponent.

"C'mon Blitz, put some hustle in it!" yelled Applejack.

Matt however was clearly too far behind, evident when Nadair slowed down on purpose smugly, something that Oklis didn;t approve of judging from his sigh

"C'mon Blitz, you're almost there!" called Pinkie.

The two were finally neck and neck until another gunshopt was heard, off to the groups left. Oklis was the first to turn in anger at whatever was interrupting to see one of the rumoured hairless apes, sporting more than a few talon marks. "THAT ARTIFACT BELONGS TO US!" the ape screamed as Nadair and matt shot across the line, Nadair leading by a nose...or in this case beak.

Oklis glared at the ape and shouted, "This has got to stop!" He took to the air, followed promptly by the rest of the rocs.
The trooper seemed to be half insane, proven when he continued firing at the Rocs right up until two grabbed him and lifted up.
The ponies quickly turned their heads away, not wanting to see what would happen to the luckless trooper.

Luckily the two rocs that had grabbed the luckless trooper had flown out of sight, though the screaming continued for a bit. Oklis however was looking at Nadair who looked pretty smug and was saying "My prize, pigeon."
"Prize?! I've seen splitters that race cleaner than you do!" snapped Matt.

"I won and you lost. Hand over the prize or I will take it." said Nadair icily

"Hand over one of the most powerful artifacts in this world to a dirty cheater? I'd rather have nails driven into my feet!" snapped Matt.
"I did not cheat..." said Nadair loftily. Matt settled for saying “You tried to kill me...twice."

"Survival of the fittest," said Nadair loftily.

Oklis however had landed "Daughter...is what Blitz is saying true?" he asked

"She's his daughter?" asked Twilight with surprise. "No wonder she has an unbearably overinflated opinion of herself," said Rarity.
Nadair seemed to stutter a bit as she tried to come up with an excuse. Matt gave Nadair a smug look before Oklis sighed and said, "Nadair, trying to kill lesser competitors is hardly sportsbird-like." "THAT'S IT?! After she tried to eat me, you just tell her it's bad sporting?!" yelled Matt. "Well, there's no actual rule against it," said Oklis.

"She even flew over a damn rockslide that I had to bypass." snapped Matt, causing Oklis to pause.
"How high did she fly?" asked Oklis.

"Over the rim...she cut a bit of the corner off." said Matt, a little bitterly "After leaving me to dodge those psycho's."
Oklis gave his daughter a stern look and said, "Nadair, you know it was against the rules to fly above the gorge during the race."
"What? But...but..." began Nadair

"You have knowingly broken the rule and by doing so, you have forfeited your victory," said Oklis.
Nadair just stared before glaring "Fine...dad." Matt muttered to Twilight "Teenager."

Oklis turned to Matt and said, "And since you have won two of three competitions, albeit unorthodoxly, you may keep the helm of General Hurricane. However, the other rocs will demand a compensation for the bad weather you have sent us."
"Like what?" said Matt cautiously

Oklis thought about it and said, "We will want at least three days of good weather, done by you ponies." "That's it? All you want is clear sunny skies?" asked Matt in disbelief.

"Is there a problem?" said Oklis in a tone that hinted that it could be alot worse. "Nope...no problem." yelped Matt quickly, falling over himself...and causing the helmet to fall off.

The ponies stared at the helmet a bit numbly, hardly believing it had chosen now to come off.

Oklis also noticed something else. "Hey...what’s up with your mane?" he asked, causing Matt to notice his reflection in the helmet...and how the mane from under the helmet wasn’t dyed. "Erm...you got me...I colour my mane.” he said quickly
Oklis peered at him suspiciously. "Is that all you color?" he demanded.

"Yes." said Matt, in the tone he used to the CPS board of directors to hide why his equipment had been melted.

"Then you wouldn't mind a little shower on your flank," said Oklis, reaching up with one wing to smack one side of a cloud and cause it start pouring onto Matt's hindquarters.

Luckily, or to Matt’s horror, the dye turned out to be waterproofed. After making a mental note to take revenge if the hair dye carried over, he said "See?" his eye twitching.

Oklis gave Matt an odd look before saying, "My apologies. For a moment, I thought you might have been an imposter."
"that’s fine." said Matt, glaring at Rarity and mouthing 'this isn't over'.

"Well, as soon as I have a talk with my daughter about the conduct of good sportsbirdship, we'll be on our way," said Oklis.
Matt watched as the Rocs left before turning on the girls. "Its PERMENENT DYE?" he snapped, eyes bulging a little.

"Oh, I'd hardly say permanent," said Rarity, "Just long lasting."

"Gravity put it on me...it had to take it off." said Matt gloomily.

"Well, since the rocs have left, the helmet's off, and Daria's men are...gone, I guess you don't have to keep being a pegasus now," said Twilight.

"Fine." muttered Matt, using his nose to prod some buttons on his wrist comp only for it to make a negative buzzing. "What? Oh no...don’t you dare." he muttered, doing it again only for it to say "Foreign substance interfering with generator...please remove substance and retry."

Matt slowly turned to fix Rarity with a glare so dark it rivaled most black holes.

"Oh, uh, I believe I hear Sweetie Belle calling. I better go see what she wants," said Rarity before dashing off.

"NO...GET BACK HERE!" screamed Matt running after Rarity with Dash in tow, who had already realized that she was now in the same boat.

...

Sweetie Belle was actually with her friends, having just failed to earn Cutie Marks in one of the 'critter divisions'.
The trio were trying gem hunter cutie marks in the rocks near Ghastly Gorge.

"Hey, you guys ever hear how this place came to be called Ghastly Gorge?" asked Scootaloo. "Does it have someting ta do with them quarry eels?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Worse, they say that the dreaded Slendermane's lair is somewhere in here," said Scootaloo.
"Slendermane? Who's Slendermane?" asked Sweetie Belle , shuddering at the name.

"He's a tall skinny pony with no face," said Scootaloo, "He waits for careless little fillies to pass his way and then steals them away."

"That sounds a mite spooky. This varmint lives here?" said Apple Bloom, looking around nervously.
"That's what I've always heard," said Scootaloo.

Scootaloo's friends looked around nervously, Scootaloo chuckling at her prank. Suddenlt a moan came from the mist that had gathered in the gorge, echoing creepily around

That made all three fillies jump with fear. "Wha-wha-what was that?" asked Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom said nervously "Sl-slendermane?" Scootaloo shook her head "But it’s just a story I read." she began, the other two gulping as they saw a pony silhouette behind the orange pegasus.

"Guys, what are you staring at?" asked Scootaloo nervously.

Sweetie Belle slowly raised a hoof to point over Scootaloo's shoulder. Scootaloo turned slowly in tile to see a pegasus with a skull for a head come out the mist. "SLENDERMANE!” the trio screamed and took off at high speed for Ponyville. After a minute, 'Slendermane' managed to get the skull off his head revealing Eagle with a huge bruise on his head and wall eyes. "What happened?" he slurred.

Eagle's head had been pretty murky for the last few...minutes, was it? He had no idea where he was, why he was here, why he was covered in drool. He wasn't even sure who or what he was. All he could remember was something like a name. Eagle something. Eagle...eye, his name must be Eagle Eye.

After a minute his brain and stomach, which was growling, came to a consensus and he decided to head for the nearby town. “Bugger this for a game of smeg." he muttered

Comments

[Silentwoodfire]

Despite having introduced amnesia to himself, he still manages to curse like the rest of the outlanders

Aram would be unhappy, he did a MUCH more thorough job with the Mayor when he used that brick.