Day of the Cutie Mark
Day of the Cutie Mark
Five years passed since the day of Princess Twilight's birth. She grew into a playful young filly, keeping her caretakers on their toes when Celestia or Cadence were not around. Cadence herself had just reached her teenage years. Twilight and Cadence spent as much time with each other as they could when Cadence wasn't busy learning how to run the kingdom, should their mother fall, which seemed highly unlikely, seeing as Celestia was an immortal, which in turn passed down to her daughters.
Today was a Sunday and Twilight was looking for a way to earn her cutie mark. She had become a bookworm in a sense, and even though she was only five years old, she showed a big interest in the art of magic. She had studied a lot on whatever magic books her mother would bring her. Today though she was anxious about getting her cutie mark, since almost every pony else in magic kindergarten had earned their's. Twilight wondered what her special talent was, because it defiantly wasn't in reading.
For today, her sister was busy with her lessons in politics, so Twilight was being escorted by a royal guardsman and her hoof maid. She found it as annoying as her sister did to not have time alone to think or to make friends. She really was shy to make friends on her own, and every where she looked, she felt she wouldn't fit in with any pony's crowd. Even when she did try to talk to somepony, they would be too scared to speak themselves, due to the fact they didn't want to upset the guardsman. The only time she liked being escorted by a Royal Guard was when Shining Armor was escorting her. He now had become a fully fledged Royal Guard and was moving up in ranks fast. Twilight knew he seemed to have a fondness for Cadence, and she could tell early on every time Cadence and Shining Armor looked at each other, they had that gleam in their eyes. Twilight thought at first Cadence had used some sort of spell on Shining Armor, but soon learned that Cadence would never cast a spell on somepony just to get them to love her. In fact, often times Cadence would blush in Shinings presence.
Twilight was unlucky today however, and dealt with a stuck up Pegasus guard who seemed to show no emotion towards anything. Her hoof maid tried to please her in whatever way she could, which Twilight did not mind at all. Soon Twilight came upon a crowd of Earth ponies, pegasi and unicorns. They were gathered around something Twilight could not see at the moment. Twilight trotted over to the crowd and poked one of the pegasus mares while saying, "Excuse me miss?"
"Oh, your highness," the mare said and bowed.
This made the rest of the pony crowd jump in surprise, realizing they were in the presence of a royal family member. They all soon bowed to her and Twilight was all of the sudden a little nervous to ask her question. She soon mustered up the courage to ask, "What was everypony looking at a moment ago?"
"Well your majesty, it appears some foals found a dragon's egg, but have no idea where it came from. There are no Dragons around for miles right now, and the great migration of the dragons ended nearly four months ago. You're welcome to come look yourself your majesty," said the pegasus mare.
"May I Misty?" Twilight asks her pegasus hoof maid.
"Of course your highness, just don't get too close. I'm not sure how dragon hatching works," Misty says.
Twilight soon trotted up to the egg, and saw that it was green and purple. She did some reading on dragon eggs and thought she could take a closer look. She didn't get too close to the dragon egg, for she didn't want Misty to worry. She thought 'Maybe the dragon egg was dropped by accident from it's nest, but then how did it get here to Canterlot?'
"Where did the foals you mentioned find this egg ma'am?" Twilight ask the pegasus she had poked.
"Oh, please call me Spitfire. Wonder Bolts' Captain at your service. Boys, can you explain it to her please," Spitfire said.
Twilight had heard of Spitfire before, but had not recognized her out of uniform. Twilight had seen a few of her moves and hoped she could pull off moves like that when she gets older. Her attention was soon grabbed by a pegasus and a unicorn colt as the pegasus colt says, "My friend Forge and I found it just outside of Canterlot in a rose bush your majesty. We don't know how it got there though. We were going to bring it to whoever had a good amount of knowledge about dragon eggs when my Aunt Spitfire had spotted us while signing autographs. Oh, my name is Soarin' by the way your highness," Soarin' says.
"Well I know some things about dragon eggs and I know if there is not a dragon mother around to help it hatch, magic is another way to help a dragon baby hatch, have you tried to use magic on it Forge?" Twilight asked, now a little more comfortable to talk to the foals.
"Well no, I haven't your highness, though I doubt my magic is strong enough to make it hatch. It was hard enough to levitate it here your majesty. Those eggs seem to take a lot of magic when somepony is using it on them," Forge says.
"Hmmmmm, well I wonder if maybe I should give it a shot. Can't hurt trying right?" Twilight asks.
"I suppose not Princess Twilight," Forge says.
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea your highness. We have no idea how dangerous a baby dragon can be," the Royal Guard says.
"Oh honestly Silver Sword, you're overreacting. Now I don't know that much about dragons, but even I know a baby dragon is harmless. It's the teens you should keep your distance from, and dragons age a lot more slowly then ponies," Misty says.
Twilight was relieved, but also surprised by her hoof maid scolding Silver Sword for being stuck up and over protective. "You may go ahead and try hatching the egg Princess, but remember to mind your distance. I still don't know how hatching goes for dragons," Misty says.
"Thank you Misty," Twilight says.
Twilight proceeded to try use what magic she had studied in her books to see if it will hatch the egg. Everypony watches her as she desperately tried to make her horn glow in magic. She was getting a few sparks to come out of her horn, but her horn wasn't glowing. She kept trying and trying for a while but then almost felt she had reached her limit. She stopped, lowered her head to the ground and said, "I am sorry for getting everypony's hopes up."
Spitfire was about to go comfort the little princess when all of the sudden....
BOOM!!
A flash of rainbow appeared in the sky. This had startled Twilight so much that her horn glowed out of control and a surge of magic was aimed right at the dragon egg, hatching to reveal a purple and green baby dragon. Twilight's magic surge then became larger, engulffing her in a purple orb. Her magic began levitating some ponies, including Spitfire, Forge, Misty and Soarin', off the ground, and turning other ponies into random plants and animals, including Silver Sword. The baby dragon had become a massive dragon.
Meanwhile in their studies, Princess Cadence and Celestia had noticed a flash of purple light, immediately stopping what they were doing to investigate. They soon came upon Twilight, who was surrounded in her orb of magic with her eyes shining as bright as Celestia's sun. Celestia realized that her daughter needed to be calmed down in order to get her magic back in control as it had been with Cadence when she had earned her cutie mark. Celestia flew down and placed a hoof on her daughters shoulder calming the little pony down. The orb that surrounded her vanished and every pony had turned back into their normal selves and had their hooves on the ground once more. The baby dragon then was back to the size that it had been when it hatched now sucking on it's tail.
"Twilight," was all Celestia could say before her daughter burst out in worry.
"Oh mom, I'm so sorry, I......." Twilight was cut off when Celestia said, "You have a very special gift. Aside from Cadence and myself, I have never seen a pony possess such raw abilities, and at such a young age honey."
"Huh?" Twilight blurted out confused.
"But you need to learn to tame these abilities through continued focused studies dear. Much like what we've had you do already," Celestia continued.
"Huh?" Twilight blurts out once more.
"And I think it's time to enroll you as one of my personal students in my School for Gifted Unicorns. I'll be able to work with you and your sister more closely now," Celestia says.
"Huuuuuuh?" Twilight said in a high pitched squeal of surprise.
She had been overwhelm at the fact her mother was telling her she was gifted, and the best part there were witnesses to prove it. Cadence came up to her sister, put a hoof on her shoulders and says as Twilight looks at her with shock expression, "Just accept it already little sis."
"Yeeeeees! Oops, sorry mommy," Twilight says.
"It's alright honey. Cadence reacted the same way when I enrolled her," Celestia said chuckling at the memory of Cadence being enthusiastic about her enrollment.
"Oh, and one more thing Twilight," Cadence says as she points at Twilight's flank.
Twilight looks back at her flank and see's that she now had her cutie mark which had a big pink six-pointed star, surrounded by smaller white six-pointed stars. "(Gasp) My cutie mark, Yes yes yes yes yes," Twilight said excitedly hopping around her mother.
"Okay, calm down sweetheart, or you're gonna tire yourself out," Celestia says.
"Oh, sorry mom," Twilight said now blushing.
"Wow Princess Twilight, that was amazing. I never experienced magic like that before," Forge says.
Twilight blushed at Forge's compliment and tried to avoid eye contact. "I've flown before, but to be levitated was a fun new experience for me your highness, keep up the good work," Soarin' said.
"Thanks," was all Twilight said.
"Be sure to learn control on your abilities your majesty, I can see you becoming a fine flyer too if you keep at it Princess Twilight," Spitfire said.
"I will do my best Miss Spitfire," Twilight says.
"That's the spirit young princess, and please just call me Spitfire your majesty," Spitfire says.
Twilight nods in reply."Well, I think it's time for us to head back to the castle. We will take the dragon with us. He is going to need a home," Celestia said.
Twilight nodded in response once again and Cadence then says, "Thank you all for helping watch our sister today. (She then gives a glance at Silver Sword for suspicion of him being over protective) We know you are all amazed to have witnessed her ability in her magic. You may go about your business now an enjoy the rest of your day."
The crowd soon dispersed with Spitfire and Soarin' flying away to find who made the sonic rainboom and Forge taking off back to his schooling. More Royal Guards soon joined Silver Sword as they escorted the Royal family, the hoof maid and the dragon that Cadence had levitated onto her back back to the castle. "Just wait until our cousin, Blue Blood hears about this. He will be so jealous about it," whispered Cadence to Twilight.
Twilight chuckled at the thought of her cousin's face once he heard the news. "So I see you have your eyes on a certain somepony," Cadence says loud enough for their mother, Misty and the guards to hear.
"Huh, what are you talking about sis?" Twilight asks.
"I saw the way you looked at that unicorn, you have a crush on him. What was his name?" Cadence asked.
"His name was Forge, and I do not have a crush on him," Twilight says, not really knowing what having a crush felt like and really didn't think she had a crush on Forge anyway.
"Riiiight," Cadence teases.
"Forge? That is one of the young colts that attends my school. Maybe you can see him once in a while for a date," Celestia says, joining in Cadences teasing.
"Moooooom, I just met him today, I don't even think he considers me a friend. Besides, you said I need to tame my abilities through focused studies," Twilight said trying to change the subject.
"Yes, but I didn't say you had to do it alone did I," Celestia said.
"Well, no but, can we just stop talking about it, please?" Twilight begged.
"Okay, we'll stop teasing you. So, what should we name this little bundle of scales?" Cadence says, gesturing to the baby dragon.
"How about Spike? His scales make him look like he has a spiky mane," Twilight says.
"Well Spike it is then," Celestia said.
Soon they were back at the castle and it was an hour after sunset once they had arrived. Celestia and Cadence walked with Twilight into her room to have some mother/daughter/sister time after the three princess's had dinner while Misty took Spike to have him looked after by one of the servants of the castle. Her door frame now had her Cutie mark engraved at the top of it. "Word spreads that quick, huh?" Twilight asked as she sat in her cushion and removed her shoes, while Cadence removed her small crown.
"Twilight, you're the subject of everypony who witnessed you earning your cutie mark. It was bound to reach the ears of everypony in the castle sooner or later," Celestia said as she combed her daughter's hair.
"But what does it exactly mean? My cutie mark I mean" Twilight says.
"Well that's something you'll have to find out for yourself honey, as does every other pony," Celestia said.
"Okay, but when will I know?" Twilight asked starting to feel tired.
"When the time is right, my little pony," Celestia said.
"But probably not tonight. You need your sleep little sis," Cadence says.
"Okay..... Can, can you read me a bed time story big sister?" Twilight yawns.
"Sure thing Twily," Cadence says.
Soon Cadence read Twilight a story about Star Swirl the Bearded as Celestia tucked Twilight into bed. Cadence was about half way through the story when she noticed Twilight was asleep hugging her doll Smarty Pants that Cadence had given her when she was four. Cadence and Celestia then kissed Twilight goodnight and soon made way for their own rooms after they bid each other goodnight as well. Another eventful day was over and soon most ponies were asleep as the moon moved across the night sky.
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1995784
Thanks for letting me know.
I say don't rush into a romance too quickly, it can spoil the story. Otherwise, keep it up!
1999910
I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.
I can see this hitting a thousand likes in a month easily. You sir have created an excellent story that can go nowhere but up. Good luck, looking forward to the next update!
This is good, the premise and the story are adorable and clean.
BUT you must go back over this again as it needs work, if you don't have a pre-reader to check it I suggest you find one as they can help you immensely.
I'll put a favorite on it to track, I'd like to see more and hopefully your writing will improve later on.
>>mines5
i agree.
I like it please continue working on it!
I like it. can't wait to read more because i want to find out if she becomes friends with the other Main 6 and dose she hide her wings and royalty like every other story
Sounds interesting. Will definitely read later once my Calculus homework is done. However, you may want to shorten the summary just a bit.
OH dear. I can'tunderstand why but I simply ADORE this story. Its so nice.
Very good story. I always Saw Twilight and Celestia as Mother Daughter so this story is one ill look forward to reading very often and probly multipul times
keep up the good work.
The premise and general direction seem promising, but I do have to agree with others and say that the more technical errors distract me from really getting absorbed in the narrative. Things like neglecting to spell out numbers in the very beginning of the first chapter, a tense error ("Twilight begs" instead of "Twilight begged",) and your/you're error in the second chapter, etc. are the sorts of things that will interfere with readers' enjoyment.
It might sound like nitpicking, but writing is always a battle to acquire the readers' suspension of disbelief; to hook them and get them emotionally invested in your story so that they keep reading, especially early on. Fanfiction already starts from an unfavorable position in that regard, so it's really worthwhile to put some extra effort to make the presentation live up to the story you want to tell.
Try not to let the suggestions that you get someone to do a detailed proofreading discourage you, though. Errors are, I've found, simply a fact of life. Knowing what you've written, you'll often naturally see what you intended to write rather than what's actually on the page. It's normal, and it's why the position of proofreader exists. You will learn, of course, the types of mistakes you make and to keep an eye out for them, but when they do happen, a positive attitude will go far.
...sorry, I kind of went off on my own there. You (obviously) haven't been negative at all, I'm just giving preemptive advice in the hope that I don't come off too harshly. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Should be You're. I don't think it's her subject
I plan to read this at a later date. but it does look like it may be a nice one; can't wait.
1995798 'cadence' is a name in this context and should be 'Cadence'.
Well, that's a good read for now, and a refreshing change from the other genetic-oriented alicorn!Twilight,
! Keep up the good work!!
Upvoted, Faved, and Tracked, as it should be.
Like it! Keep on the good Work!
An interesting idea...it shows promise. Though I must admit, I always pictures Celestia having a child via magical means, ie. sculpting her out of clay and breathing life into her...but that's just me.
2002705
Meh, that would only work with a Alicorn Rainbow Dash or Applejack
Anyways, good fic. keep it up
I hope you keep on writting
but a romance so soon ? it wouldn't be good for your story
Crushes usually ruin a lot of stories for me. So it might be better off without. Though it would make a good conflict if Forge grows up to be an arrogant stallion who wants to blackmail or force princess Twilight to marry him or something. Anyways, it would be good if you try and do some character balancing since this fanfic is kinda glorifying Twilight too much and it's turning her into a boring character. Hope you'll balance things out once the other mane six enter the picture.
i think the crush should be one way (forge to twilight with twilight not noticing) so that she sticks to the way she was as a kid in the series. then maybe later (like, a season or two) he can come back and maybe by then the rest of your growing fan club will be able to accept her in a relationship with a colt. me personally, i always was partial to a twidash pairing, but you might not share that opinion. anyway, i like where this story is going, keep up the good work!
2002705 in other words the storyline, Sunset? I like that story, it's a good one!
just as this one has started out as. we will have to wait to see if it keeps up the interest levels
HOPE SO!
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL
I think I love this version better than the other one.
Filly is a female young pony, what you mean to say is that some foals found Spike's egg, and Soarin' was misspelled.
By my own admission, my own spelling and grammar isn't that good, so I'm not going to get on your case about that stuff.
Just please keep in mind for future reference:
Filly = young FEMALE pony
Colt = young MALE pony
Foal: Young pony in general
Anyway, splendid job on the second chapter. I only have two suggestions:
1. As was aforementioned, don't rush too quickly with the romantic stuff. I don't mind romance as long as it is realistically paced AND there's a realistic reason behind it, but romance just for its own sake AND rushed just seems a little too corny. Early crushes that don't pan out are perfectly fine, since they, along with the knowledge that she will probably long outlive most perspective suitors anyway, might provide a decent Freudian Excuse why Twilight becomes an anti-social bookworm (i.e. having no real friends other than Spike, her big sister and maybe Shining).
and 2. Maybe include a few chapters depicting Twilight at points in her life after hatching Spike but years before Nightmare Moon's return (not only learning to control her magic AND how to fly, but also spending time with Spike and Candance and showing various reasons why she grows up the way she does).
But, of course, I fully respect the fact that it's YOUR story and you don't have to do the ideas if you don't want to. At any rate, I'll certainly be looking forward to more, but am quite willing to be patient.
2005511 I agree, seeing some of Twilight's life well before her visiting Ponyville would be good. There's no cannon to work with so you've essentially got a blank canvas to work with and can do pretty much whatever you want, within reason. I always love reading about pre-elements stuff.
2002705
2003121
Sunset
MEGUSTA
I like it, though I can't imagine Celestia calling ponies honey. That's just me though.
FINALLY an original idea for a Twilycorn story and it's a good one you have my nod of approval 4.bp.blogspot.com/-9QjARWd5a84/T3OXHJJbe1I/AAAAAAAAA34/OVtLNvwpMvI/s190/nod-of-approval.gif
I'm liking where this is going
just something try to repeat the names less, use something like the pink coated alicorn for cadence or the princess of the sun for Celestia
i think that would help with the flow of the story, keep going this is a nice story
This is good
If you want to know what I think. I THINK IT IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are three types of stories on this site.
First is a bad premise but good execution.
Second is a masterpiece, balancing premise and execution.
Third is a good premise but bad execution.
Yours is the last one, but with some polishing it has the ability
to end up as the second one. Please get an editor and polish
this a little bit.
For example there's a lot of missing words and it overall
seems a bit rushed.
Good luck!
Whoever made the Twilicorn pic should get a free hug.
It is adorable and makes Twilight look almost like a young Celestia.
Love this fic and cant wait to see how things progress.
Flat, characterless, and rushed. Pity, the idea could be a lot of fun if executed well.
Correct me if I am wrong, but these seem to be conflicting tenses, the first one being present tense and the latter being past tense. Similar things have appeared else where in the story which tripped me up a little.
Something like this might look better as.
"Okay. Can... can you read me a bed time story big sister?" Twilight yawned.
Having read the comments on the first chapter I think that everything having to do with structure has been said. My only quibble is that you might want to consider hoof maid rather than hand maid ( no hands)
Idk y but I liked chapter one more than chapter two.
I hadn't planned on commenting again until the end, but there's a couple of things I felt needed to be addressed. First, Spitfire is not only a Wonderbolt, but the captain? So, she held that position for the 12-15 years it took for season 1 to start? That is an absurdly long time to be in a position like that. Usually, a person stays in a single rank for no more than 5-10 years (10 being an extreme example), and filling a particular billet for less than that. Also, that would place Spitfire somewhere in her late 40's to early 50's by the time season 1 comes along, and she has no evident wrinkles on her face. Now, I realize the power of name-dropping, but this is a bit of a stretch for me. Perhaps if you made her Spitfire's mother, or just had someone totally unrelated, but this is a bit much.
The second thing I wanted to address was this:
Breaking up dialogue with actions should always be done outside the quotation marks, like so:
Parentheses should only be used within dialogue if the character is still speaking what's in them. That's all I wanted to say here. I'll move along now.
the D'AAAWAAWWWW is getting stronger with this one
This is a red herring, you could probably leave it out, or say that Cadence was learning so she could take over from Celestia someday, or something like that. Avoid red herrings! Usually they're a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you meant "definitely",
This sentence needs to be broken up. Try,
This is meta-gaming, unless Twilight could read minds, there's no way she could get that Misty was calling Silver Sword on being stuck up and over protective, she just said he was overreacting.
I think five years old is waaaayyy too young to have a crush on someone. Maybe ten, at least.
This honestly is hard to read, the switching tenses and stilted writing is painful. However I think you really have something here and if you get a proofreader and/or editor to help you, your story could become one of the greats.
Keep up the good work!
Ponies sure seem to age faster than humans. Twilight didn't act at all like a five year old.
A very good concept but it would be better if it was longer. Just more descriptions to set the tone.
4514018 You have to keep in mind that this Twilight we're talking about
Two issues with this chapter. Twilight is way to young for that scene. I put Twilight at minium 8 years old and max 10 in the show when she gets her cutie mark. If we went by your math then Rarity is living on her own and running her own story at 15. That's a bit nuts. 18-20 makes more sense.
Two: Spitfire cannot be a captain at this point. a recent member of the Wonderbolt but certainly not captain. Heck i got crap from some people for having Spitfire present in my story that takes place about this time. I had to point out that Spitfire in mine was a new member.
I suggest fixing this. otherwise good story so far.
The writing style of this is... Rather hard to get into. Its so bland and clinical. Its almost like reading stereo instructions.
I LOVE THIS STORY SO GOD DANM FUCKING MUCH.
you get 
out of ten mustache's
I hope this story stays good.
++ Orbital D'awww Cannon activating++
Teen Cadence, the sheer thought of such a thing...
Celestia: DO YOUR HOMEWORK
Cadence: I'm BUSY MOM!
Twilight; BOOKs!
Cadence: Twilight, could you do my chem homework? I have a date.
Twilight: Ok!
Cadence: Ok, I'll even give you a cookie!
Twilight: Here, Cadence I wrote your essay!
*pulls out a huge stack of papers.*
Cadence: O.o