Chapter Divided by 0: April Foal's Day
Mary bit her lip, full of tender anticipation for more of the attention she was finally receiving from her husband. "Ohhh... Yes, yes... yes! Right there. That's the spot, don't stop." Her back leg kicked idly, jiggling in air in an erratic pattern that almost matched her hurried breath.
Stan rolled his eyes, smirking. He'd never seen his wife like this before, but he didn't particularly mind it in the least. Before, when she was human, she had been miserable as of late, and cheering her up had always taken a great deal of effort. It was only since her transformation that things, funnily enough, had changed. And he had to be honest with himself, he was a little amazed by some of the changes in his home's atmosphere that had come with it. Still, while fascination and acceptance were two widely different animals, he would do anything to keep his wife happy.
He was a good husband, after all, and that extended to the strange requests she had begun making. At least, strange compared to how things used to be.
Mary groaned again and rubbed her neck up against Stan's arm once, then twice, dragging herself slowly over his bicep in a half trance. "You have no idea how good this feels."
Stan exhaled tiredly, but kept up the work. "Well, I'll take your word for it."
Mary opened her eyes slightly, half acknowledging that she was listening. "Mmhmm?" she intoned. "Oh, yeah, right there. That's the stuff."
"Would you hold still?" Stan's deep voice rumbled. "This isn't exactly easy when you're constantly shifting around like this, you know." He gently tried to slide Mary closer again after she'd begun scooting away from him, seemingly without knowing it. "It's hard enough to do two things at once as it is." Once again, he set himself back upon the task at hand.
Meanwhile, Mary just giggled at his expense, then hummed in pleasure and contentment. "Sorry, Stan. I really do appreciate this, though. Thanks for understanding. It's just way too difficult to manage it on my own, you know?"
Stan nodded his head absently. "That makes sense, all considering. I'm just happy to be here to help-"
Before he could finish speaking, Mary made a sudden sound of discomfort. "Ow—, Stan, pay attention! Not so rough I— Ow! Okay, stop, stop. Just pull it out if you're going to mess it up that bad." She winced, enduring the sudden discomfort as best she could.
Stan frowned, trying to fulfill what was asked of him. "Alright, just hold still and I'll—"
Mary tried her hardest not to cry out. "Ah! Stan, be more careful! This thing is sensitive—"
"Don't you think I know that?" Stan shook his head in exasperation, continuing on. After a moment more, he looked up in a mild panic. "Uh, Mar, I think it's stuck."
Mary scowled and craned her head around to look at her husband. "It's what?"
"I said it's—"
"I heard you the first time!" Mary clenched her eyes shut, suddenly beyond frustrated; even more so than she had been before. "Just keep trying."
Stan did as he was told, but after a minute of struggling, and a great deal more discomfort on both of their parts, he was unable to manage. "I don't think I can get it out... Should I go get some scissors?" He looked around at the other various tools that were left laying about, wondering if any of them could perhaps help in dislodging his wife.
Mary's eyes widened in horror. "Are you kidding? Don't be crazy, Stan. Sure it hurts, but it's not worth ruining it over."
Stan raised an eyebrow, then looked down in an unsure sort of way. "So you actually like this thing?" A wry tone snuck into his voice. "I've never really gotten that impression from you before." He chuckled briefly, recalling all of the misery that his wife usually displayed when the current topic of discussion was ever mentioned. "After all, you usually just curse and swear at it nonstop-"
Mary interrupted, a new fire suddenly burning in her eyes. "I do not curse! Often... And so what if I like it a little bit...!?" Her expression darkened further as she went on. "And if you can't get it out, I'll go and get Twilight to help. I'm sure she's an expert with this stuff, anyway."
Stan put on a wounded look, watching as his wife made to leave. "Twilight? But you barely know her."
"Why should that matter? We're both girls." Mary turned her nose up.
In the other room, Twilight raised her head from the computer, suddenly filled with a sense of dread.
Back in the other room, Mary went on with berating her husband. "Anyway, you missed out on your chance to be useful, mister."
With that, Mary hopped off the couch, the brush hanging from her tail's tip clunking onto the floor unceremoniously. "You can just sit there with this smart attitude of yours and think about things. Maybe when I come back, I'll forgive you. Hmph."
Stan watched her go, then shrugged, sighing to himself in a confused way. "Mares," he muttered, smirking a little, then unmuted the television.
Herbert finally couldn't hold it in any longer, and exploded into a mad laughter. "I— and you— she— Do you even know what you both just—" He began kicking his legs out from where he sat on the other side of the couch, and devolved into senseless wheezing.
Stan looked over, arcing an eyebrow. "Dad, would you relax? And what's so funny?"
This Next Part brought to you by the illustrious Hoopy Mcgee!
Later that night...
Stan stood up from the bed, and for a moment Mary's heart broke. Did this mean that he didn't find her at all attractive?
"Just a minute, I thought of something," Stan said. He grinned at her. "I think... yeah, I think it will help."
Mary's heart leapt as Stan ran out of the bedroom. She couldn't help wondering what it was Stan was going to get to "spice up" their first attempt at lovemaking since she became ponified, and she started mentally reviewing different possibilities.
Is it food? she wondered briefly before shaking her head. Nah, he's never been much for eating in bed. Her stomach rumbled. Though, I wouldn't mind some strawberries or something...
As the minutes passed, Mary waited. At first with a nervous and fluttery anticipation, which was followed by a bored curiosity, which led straight to a frustrated impatience.
"Where the hell is he?" she muttered.
A moment later, Stan came bursting back into the bedroom. He had a piece of paper in one hand, and what looked like a tape dispenser in the other.
"Alright," he said. "Sorry that took so long. The printer was acting up. But I really think this will help."
"What's that?" Mary asked, pointing at the paper,
Stan flipped it over. "Ta-da!"
"That's... that's a picture of my face. As a human."
"Yep!" said Stan as he took a piece of tape off of the dispenser.
"And what—"
Mary froze as Stan leaned forward and pressed the paper against her forehead. A second later, she felt him press the tape firmly down.
"Yup," said Stan as he straightened up. "That should about do it."
Mary heard a zipper, followed by what sounded like denim hitting the floor.
"Okay," Stan said. "Let's do this thing."
Mary scowled where she sat, so hard that her face hurt. Not that Stan could see it.
Happy April Fool's day from The Madverse!
Whelp, that's all for now folks! Thanks for reading.
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READY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
4167470
Weren't you supposed to write this.
This was hilarious!
4167631 It was his idea, actually.
That video is awesome!
The chapter was good too.
Beautiful and hilarious
You know I was just goofing around when I sent you that
The first, and ONLY time I'll ever write anything even remotely cloppy, I'm sure
You weren't joking!
This is amazing. I hurt my face just reading it because my amused smile kept growing.
Good grief.
Hahahaha!
This happened.
I don't even.
Heh...
Thanks for the laugh, didn't expect this one.
Well played.
4167873
You're quite welcome, sire.
....and now for me to be THAT guy.......What exactly happened in the first part?
I know its probably SUPER obvious, but somehow the punchline evaded me...
Edit: I'm a fucking idiot
X the population of the internet
4167943
4167948 Yeah, I got it and OH MY GOD DO I FEEL STUPID!
please excuse me as I do humanity a favor by jumping off the nearest cliff
I love that moment when makes "click" in your head.
In the first part my theory went from bellyrubs to grooming her mane with his fingers, but tailbrushing fits best ^^
At first I was hesitant to follow the vido link (partly due to some abhorrent prank earlier today), but I gotta say: That song's the best thing since the last best thing! Thanks for including it
4168554
Your welcome. Glad you enjoyed.
That's the first thing I thought of when I read that sentence. Those reaction faces.
This was amazing.
Obligatory "That mare is a spah!" TF2 joke.
4167631
I typed up something in the madverse group last year and was making all these incredibly suggestive posts of making it look like Mary and Stan were doing things "R-rated" with Mary in the throws of passion, but after I got the channel to flip out and react I posted that he was brushing her. The story I'm working on is intended to be a clopfic, I'm working on it now and then and getting it going. I'm already 2k words in the first chapter on first draft. with parts of future chapters set aside for reference to maintain continuity to MLM. ^^
Good shit, meng.
This was funny but also immensly disappointing. I mean finally Stan and Mary are about to do it, and that is what fappens!? Oh well, the other part was disappointing too. I wanted to read about Twilight brushing Mary's tail, I think it would have been awkward but adorable.
4171308 Heh, I'll keep it in mind for the future. ^^ Still, other than Hoopy's guest work, I do consider this chapter 'canon'. So it totes happened.
4171368
I'm so used to reading the fake sex scene stuff, I knew stan was likely brushing her main/tail, rubbing her belly, or scratching her head behind her ears. or a combination of 2 of those. (if you could brush a pony's mane and tail at the same time without magic... and do it well, I would be impressed.
4172160
Would it comfort you that his blog yesterday about my writing a MLM fic to be legit?
4173270 oh. I know that is legit. I meant this April Fools chapter merlin did. I knew it was just suggestive and not actually what it would sound like at first.
I really like that song.
Well, as the Ninth Doctor would say, 'Fantastic!'
My god.... The rick rolling Derpy.
4198853
4216957 Tis a mystery wrapped in a poor plan.
4220693
Heh, just lucky.
I am suitably impressed, your writing, as I have said before is well above excellent, and the duality of this story and Twilight landing makes an interesting read, even though I have to read the parallel chapters at the same time to get the most out of the story I feel, I cannot wait for more.
I give you 4 Celestia's and a Derpy
4252094
As always, you and the majority of my readers do me far more flattery and kindness than I or my tales are worth.
Thank you, though.
4252396 I think your stories probably do deserve the praise they get, Simply because I can't find any constructive criticism.
And that on a level of achievement, is like getting an Oscar.
4272360
You're quite welcome, though that's a funny way to spell 'awful story'.
4272360
Thought I'd reply with more, too, seeing as you shared so much pertaining to yourself in regards to Bobby.
I'm honestly really flattered you like the story so much. Sorry I didn't write that out better. 
I've been hiding away lately due to not updating much. After all, if you can't see something it isn't really there. 
As for old Bobby, I don't want to ruin stuff for the story, but yes, he was definitely being a jerk, and I think that a lot of people can be sometimes, even without stopping to realize it. I do have stuff in mind for him.. it's just a matter of writing it.
I put this on my read later when it had 3 chapters and finally broke down and started reading it last night. I ended up reaching the end at 4 in the morning without being able to put it down. Thank you for redeeming the whole person changes into a pony genre for me.
4290383
You're welcome.
The sound you may have just heard would be my sides achieving escape velocity.
4304877
The stories happen simultaneously, so reading them in any order and stopping to read sign posts if there is one will see you through.
(This story has its first sign post at chapter 23)
4360555
Ah, geez, don't remind me.
Yup, lots to go yet! I'm not exactly on top of writing more, but things are far from concluded one way or another, certainly. I just need to learn how to write better, and sack up in order to write more. 
4479635 Always.
4494907
Hah! Brilliant. xD
4752800
Thanks! I've been agonizing about the correct way to spell that word for ages!
4764395 Not a problem!
I'm just glad to see you didn't take my comment as me being flippant or hypercorrective or whatever; that wasn't what I intended at all and was somewhat worried it came off as such regardless. 
4768725
I know how you feel.
You came across just fine and I appreciate the advice.
4768725
4770579
4770694