Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy sat by the river, enjoying a beautiful Summer day. The sun was shining all around. Nature blossomed in full beauty as a result of the perfect Spring... The yellow mare tended to her own project: writing a novel. However, to complete this work she needed to ask her friend a question... A rather difficult question...
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Da Faq did I just read?
Anyways, good story!
The author wanted me to comment on this story, so I did.
[Insert detailed review here]
Spike, the love doctor, in the library!
Whoa, slow down a little. You are moving a little fast in the story for me, I feel like the scene changes before I have a chance to catch my breath. You might want to read it out loud as well before you post because some sentences feel like they are missing some words. Still a very cute story.
1991322
Thanks for the advice. I've had similar advice on other stories, and I've also been told that the pace is good. I'll work on that in my next story.
1992001
You're right. I didn't really intend to make some sweet romantic saga story where each of the characters slowly open up to each other over many weeks of visiting backstreet restaurants and ordering spaghetti on every occasion.
It was just meant to be a short confession thing.
So thanks for pointing that out! (Not sarcastic or anything, just in case it sounds like that)
Short, sweet, and simple. It is a little odd that RD would ask Spike for advice on love. Still, well done!
That was short, good and well written. Nice job
Dawwwwwwwwwww
That's all i can say after that. Well, that and D'awwwww.
Nice.
lol i loved the ending!
inb4 ThatEscalatedQuickly
A single problem; the very end. After the cute romance scene, the story's flow immediately stops for an abrupt cut to what at this point is probably the farthest thing from the minds of either pony. Other than that, however, the story is quite good.
Wasn't bad, but it also wasn't good, I gave it a like, wrote a comment, now its time for some snacks... have a good day author.
-OG-
It earns three things: First the obligatory d'awwwwwwww
Second: A like.
And third: a comment about the fast pacing and cutaway ending. It was pretty fast paced, and the ending was a cutaway to the furthest thing from anyponys mind. Beyond that, it was short, sweet, and terribly diabetes inducing. Great work and I look forward to more.
Congrats on writing the best selling novel of the year. I assume this is the story though.
As others have stated there are problems with the pacing, but more than that is the lack of charicter development. There is really no set up of where the character's emotional position is at the beginning, and this is nessisary when you have the charicters act out of canon. There is a lot of potential here, but it could use quite a bit of polishing before the potential shines through.
Thumbs down from me, as this really seems like a rough draft outline more than anything.