This chapter was much harder to write then it should have been. It makes me sad. The popularity it has, on the other hoof, that pleases me. I'm glad you're all enjoying my story, and for those who haven't yet, I need you to get read the new edit I've placed in the description. I'm sorry for any disappointment that causes. So, tell me how you feel, tell me what you like, tell me what you don't, point out mistakes, say hi. Do any or all of these if you want. Also, if you like it, fav and rate?
hmm the chapter title is a cliffhanger in itself, "the night before I messed up." good job, finally a vampire story where the vampires actually drink blood *gasp*
There is no sad nor tragedy tag on this. Putting it on my read later list and preparing for justice. How often do you think you'll be updating this and long are you planning it to be?
2035005 Why thank you. I do my best! 2035092 Oh, drink blood they shall. Jerks they will be. But of course, it'll all be unpredictable, with a love filled, happy ending. *Gag* 2035321 Updating could take between a few days to a week or two, or longer. It all depends on my mood. As for length, well, I'm not quite sure; I only have the beginning planed out, so anywhere between 50'000 to 100'000 if things go well.
Interesting chapter, I haven't seen any fics where Octavia's so... playful. Found a few things I thought I should address.
raw meet
meet should be meat.
which if fine by me
if should be is
up beet
upbeat is probably the word you were looking for here. Beets are a type of vegetable
asses
I think you may want assess here. Asses could mean either donkeys or behinds.
That's all of the grammar/spelling mistakes I could see. There are also a few things that could help with clarity/flow. Fillies and colts are the horse version of children. While I understand you were probably trying to avoid repeating mares and stallions all over the place, the line makes it feel like children around the CMC's age were getting it on in the cafeteria.
rare few
You don't need to have both here, as one implies the other. Not a big thing, but put together they are a bit redundant.
2036143 Thanks for catching that, and yes, it is pretty hard, isn't it? Poor Vinyl; it's only gonna get worse from here
2037360 Thank you for catching all of those. I'm such a clutz when I write. I fixed everything but the filly/colt thing, just because I picture them as anything between young fillies to teenagers, which the school is composed of. But I do see your point.
2039306 Hey, every little bit counts. Besides, I can hardly ask my readers to try hard when I'm slaking of writing in the first place xD Slacking off as in I'm taking my time writing, not as in I'm intentionally making mistakes!
Stuff usually just sticks out to me as I read, so I point it out to help out the author to, you know, save 'em a bit of trouble. I had just woken up though, so they didn't seem to jump. And I think if you see a couple, you should at least copy and paste one of them so the author can go back and make the corrections. If enough people did that, most stories would be almost flawless.
This may sound odd, but that is the third time someone has said that to me today. And about the eighth time in a week. The first part, I mean. Just... wow.
woohoo its refreshing to see Octavia being the one coming onto Vinyl....love to see where this is going to end up...great way to spend my break from playing Pony Fantasy 6
2035922 And just like that you won me over. Great story so far, loving it. Leaves me a bit curious how much depth there will be to Octavia's character, her being a vampony would sort of null out a lot of her usual fanon personality. Can't wait to see how things develop
2039426 Not that being prudish is a bad thing 2040257 I know right? We never have enough sexy octy. 2041782 Really, you think it's dark? I'm glad; I wasn't sure if I captured the whole "Dark" aspect of Dark, so Also I'll fix that asap. 2041884 Oh, may I know what in particular was the driving force behind your appreciation? And don't worry; I'll find a way to flesh her out within the measure of possibility.
2043028 I just don't like reading sad or tragedy fics about my 2 fav chars (octyscratch) cuz I get, for some reason, way too emotional. I think part of me died after having read Black and White (I love that fic, but it was way too sad for me). But yeah, after having read this I am still intact both mentally and... Apples..
2043278 I don't like clop for the sake of clop, but sex is an important part of our lives and as you've explained, vamponies are very sexually driven, so I would be more worried if there weren't any.
I'm kinda liking the entire "Vampire ponies = nymphomanias x 10" thing xD It's more fun than sexy, really.
And despite the dark tag... It still has some comedy gems, this one probably being my favourite thus far.
I closed my locker and made my way to class, ignoring several cat calls from other females. The idea of a virgin would turn even the straightest Vampony gay.
So, is Maud a vampire, or does she blend in so well no one can tell the difference?
even though it gives me no nutritious benefit.
Do horses not get protein from meat? Does it just not work with them?
but it would also shoot my eyes through with blood. If my shades were to fall off, I’d be found out in an instant.
Ok, Clark Kent, you mask the scent of blood from your eyes with your shades.
And females WOULD make the first move, forcefully, if they really wanted it.
“Back off Cloud Kicker, I have light spray.”
The heck's that? A flashlight that shoots UV rays?
Above me stood a calm gray mare with a long, black mane, a pink bow tie and a treble clef cutie mark. I had heard of her before, as had most of the school. She was a very refined Vampony, very pretty and very talented. Apparently she was an aspiring musician, with a lot of fame, a lot of money and even richer parents. She had just transferred in a few days ago, and I'd had yet to meet her, until now that is. But I knew I would; the moment she heard the school had a virgin, she’d sniff me out.
Her name was Edward Cullen. Seriously, it's like reverse Twilight.
Needless to say, it didn’t work. I thought for a moment and decided that the innuendo was intentional, too.
I suppose I might be giving you the wrong idea. Vamponies don’t buck 24/7, but most don’t usually go more than a week without some sort of love. They’re almost as bad as changelings used to be, before they were annihilated, that is.
This chapter was much harder to write then it should have been. It makes me sad.
The popularity it has, on the other hoof, that pleases me.
I'm glad you're all enjoying my story, and for those who haven't yet, I need you to get read the new edit I've placed in the description.
I'm sorry for any disappointment that causes.
So, tell me how you feel, tell me what you like, tell me what you don't, point out mistakes, say hi. Do any or all of these if you want.
Also, if you like it, fav and rate?
-Mavinator5
I can't wait for the next chapter. It's odd to read it from the other side but definitely worth reading!
It's sorta sexy but not over-the-top. Even if it was I'd still read it just for the concept of the story.
hmm the chapter title is a cliffhanger in itself, "the night before I messed up." good job, finally a vampire story where the vampires actually drink blood *gasp*
There is no sad nor tragedy tag on this. Putting it on my read later list and preparing for justice. How often do you think you'll be updating this and long are you planning it to be?
2035005 Why thank you. I do my best!
2035092 Oh, drink blood they shall. Jerks they will be. But of course, it'll all be unpredictable, with a love filled, happy ending. *Gag*
2035321 Updating could take between a few days to a week or two, or longer. It all depends on my mood. As for length, well, I'm not quite sure; I only have the beginning planed out, so anywhere between 50'000 to 100'000 if things go well.
is*
Great chapter. Really showed how much Vinyl has to go through to survive. And she has done it for 8 years at that. Can't wait for another chapter.
Interesting chapter, I haven't seen any fics where Octavia's so... playful.
Found a few things I thought I should address.
meet should be meat.
if should be is
upbeat is probably the word you were looking for here. Beets are a type of vegetable
I think you may want assess here. Asses could mean either donkeys or behinds.
That's all of the grammar/spelling mistakes I could see.
There are also a few things that could help with clarity/flow.
Fillies and colts are the horse version of children. While I understand you were probably trying to avoid repeating mares and stallions all over the place, the line makes it feel like children around the CMC's age were getting it on in the cafeteria.
You don't need to have both here, as one implies the other. Not a big thing, but put together they are a bit redundant.
I believe that's all I found.
I thought it was good, nothing too hardcore.
Keep it up
2036143 Thanks for catching that, and yes, it is pretty hard, isn't it? Poor Vinyl; it's only gonna get worse from here
2037360 Thank you for catching all of those. I'm such a clutz when I write. I fixed everything but the filly/colt thing, just because I picture them as anything between young fillies to teenagers, which the school is composed of. But I do see your point.
2039274
No prob. I usually catch a lot of them like 2037360 did, but it was early and I was slacking.
2039306 Hey, every little bit counts. Besides, I can hardly ask my readers to try hard when I'm slaking of writing in the first place xD
Slacking off as in I'm taking my time writing, not as in I'm intentionally making mistakes!
2039321
Stuff usually just sticks out to me as I read, so I point it out to help out the author to, you know, save 'em a bit of trouble. I had just woken up though, so they didn't seem to jump. And I think if you see a couple, you should at least copy and paste one of them so the author can go back and make the corrections. If enough people did that, most stories would be almost flawless.
2039348 If only everyone was like you and kailandi, so kind and helpful, this world would be amazing...
Oh well, DREAMIN! Don't give it up Luffy!
2039360
This may sound odd, but that is the third time someone has said that to me today. And about the eighth time in a week. The first part, I mean. Just... wow.
2039382 Wow, you must know Kailandi pretty well... xD I joke.
S'true though, and it's a good thing!
2039274
Gotcha.
I think that describes the vampire culture pretty well.
Also, Pirate Rap =
2039398 ? More like I mean, come on! Sex almost any time you want it!
2039397
Well, thanks.
2039406
True... I must just be a bit prudish
woohoo its refreshing to see Octavia being the one coming onto Vinyl....love to see where this is going to end up...great way to spend my break from playing Pony Fantasy 6
2035922 And just like that you won me over.
Great story so far, loving it. Leaves me a bit curious how much depth there will be to Octavia's character, her being a vampony would sort of null out a lot of her usual fanon personality. Can't wait to see how things develop
2039426 Not that being prudish is a bad thing
2040257 I know right? We never have enough sexy octy.
2041782 Really, you think it's dark? I'm glad; I wasn't sure if I captured the whole "Dark" aspect of Dark, so Also I'll fix that asap.
2041884 Oh, may I know what in particular was the driving force behind your appreciation? And don't worry; I'll find a way to flesh her out within the measure of possibility.
2043028 I just don't like reading sad or tragedy fics about my 2 fav chars (octyscratch) cuz I get, for some reason, way too emotional. I think part of me died after having read Black and White (I love that fic, but it was way too sad for me). But yeah, after having read this I am still intact both mentally and...
Apples..
Stop reading comments and get to work, shoo shoo
2043069 I hear ya, sad stories always make me, well, sad...
I hope you don't mind clop though, for this story will be getting very... steamy.
2043278 I don't like clop for the sake of clop, but sex is an important part of our lives and as you've explained, vamponies are very sexually driven, so I would be more worried if there weren't any.
2043362 Indeed. I have the whole thing planned out.
If only I could go write it...
2043627 Then you must stop replying to my comments, and focus on writing your story.
Tell me your life story first though
2043722 Well, it all started when I was born...
Just read the story! Awesome job, a very nice take on the whole supernatural Octy And/Or Scratch concept.
I'm enjoying it, and awaiting the next chapter.
2090783 Thank you :3, I do my best, and i hope you like the new one.
I'm kinda liking the entire "Vampire ponies = nymphomanias x 10" thing xD
It's more fun than sexy, really.
And despite the dark tag... It still has some comedy gems, this one probably being my favourite thus far.
After reading a bit of "My Roommate is a Vampire," I'm interested in this take of OctaScratch, I honestly think Octavia is the sexier vampony.
This is by far the best story Ive read that I was almost sure would end in porn.
My only point of advice, however is that you could stand to focus on detail a bit more. Overall, though, keep up the good work!
I have this odd feeling that Octavia is not a vampony.
THE SIN, THE LUSTFUL SIN,OH I CAN FEEL THE DARKNESS OF THEIR DESIRES, THEY'RE SOULS WILL BE MINE. MINE!MINE!!!!!!
no wub wubs?!
So, is Maud a vampire, or does she blend in so well no one can tell the difference?
Do horses not get protein from meat? Does it just not work with them?
Ok, Clark Kent, you mask the scent of blood from your eyes with your shades.
The heck's that? A flashlight that shoots UV rays?
Her name was Edward Cullen. Seriously, it's like reverse Twilight.
Your brain says no, but the fanfic pic says yes.
2039360
OMFG, I freaking LOVE None Piece
2043069
There is a story called ‘a puppet to her fame’ that you would love
6294252
Well, she totally blitzkrieged that raw steak.
What!?