• Published 2nd Feb 2013
  • 925 Views, 22 Comments

Dash and Twilight get The Munchies. - Steventheman



A disaster report on why Elements of Harmony should not take intoxicating substances. Warning: May lower IQ to 6, which is a poor IQ for a glass of water...

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Team Queen Metal Strider

Queen Chrysalis flew over the wartorn streets of Los Angeles. All the LACP and the CFP retreated after the arrival of Strider. She still can't believe how she came to owing him a favor. As she attempted to recall the events that led to the blood oath, she saw Bro Strider, Metal Wolf and a strange clown man engaged in mortal combat. She focused, and brought on her Cadance disguise. She landed behind Bro Strider.

"Hey, asshole!"

Bro Strider didn't turn around, being far too busy cutting up bullets before they exited the Metal Wolf's guns. "Chrissy! Do me a favor and deal with the clown asshole! I hate clown assholes. All filled with confetti and tears."
"And your dick!" Chrysalis mocked.
Bro smirked for a split second. "Good to have you back, Chrissy."
"Same here, fucknuts!"
Kefka noticed the pink alicorn, and he drew his sword. Chrysalis dropped the disguise and blasted him twice with a Consumption Bolt. "Huh!?" she gasped. He had no love. His heart was only filled with malice and hatred. "Well, if I can't feed off you, then I guess I have to kill you."
Bro Strider pushed the Metal Wolf off himself. "That was the plan, Chrysalis! I didn't bring you here for a dinner date!"
"If your idea of a date is fighting giant robots and evil clowns, then you can take me right here and now!" Chrysalis shouted, kicking the psychotic clown in the chest.
"Not now. I have a headache." Bro said, missing a slice with his katana and cutting the air in half.
"YOU FOOL, STRIDER. YOU DON'T REALISE THE TRUE THREAT!" Metal Wolf shouted. He stopped fighting.
"Yeah. Clown Asshole." Bro said.
"My name is Kefka Palazzo! Remember it, Strider, for I am the one to kill you!" Kefka said, batting the Queen away.
"Why? I'm too awesome to kill."
"You have been fighting me in Hel since the Skaia Incident!"
"Oh yeah. You're that clown asshole." Bro shrugged
"What!? That is insulting! How do you not remember me?!"
"I've seen a lot of assholes."
"GO FIGURE."
"Shut up, Prez." Bro said.
"LISTEN." Michael Wilson said, opening the faceplate of the Metal Wolf. "We need to work together to bring back our America. What better team than Bro Strider, and the other two?"
"Hey, dickhead! I have a name! I'm a Queen!"
"Okay, we need to go to the White House. And the reason is...Because I'm the President of The United States of America!"
"Well, technically it's now the Glorious People's United States of Democratic America." Bro corrected. "Since the Combine took over, anyway."

Metal Wolf, Bro and Chrysalis turned towards Kefka. "You coming, or are you gonna pout because I can't remember that good since being dead?" Bro said.
"No...You know what, I'm going back to Hel. I think my absence might mean that Optimus and your foolish brother have dropped their guard."
"I feel bad for you son. You got ninety-nine problems, and if you touch my bro, I'm all of them."
"Oh blah blah blah. So boring!" Kefka said, before a flash of light took him away.
"What a bitch." Queen Chrysalis said. Bro and Wolf nodded.


"Dash?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah?"
"You ever like, found yourself wondering what the entire point of your existence is?" Twilight said.
"Not really." Dash replied. "I knew my whole thing was going fast and being awesome."
"Well, walking along this seemingly infinite highway has made we think about why we're here."

Dash opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a pickup truck stopping by them. The window rolled down, revealing a blonde woman with her hair in a ponytail. "Hey, where are you two off to?" the driver said, in a Southern accent.
"Washington, D.C. We need to go to Taco Bell."
"Hop in the back."

Dash and Twilight hopped into the back of the truck. "Hey Dash?"
"Yeah?" Dash replied.
"Didn't that driver seem kinda familiar?"
"Not really. If you're thinking about Applejack then the difference is that AJ is a pony, and the woman is a human." Dash said.
"Yeah, it's most likely a coincidence..."
"Dash?" Twilight asked again.
"Hmm?"
"I'm fucking freezing to death here. Huddle up."

Dash and Twilight shifted closer together. "You know, if anypony saw us like this, won't they get the wrong idea?" Dash asked.
"Meh."


The President looked at the TV screen. Bro Strider? Betraying America?

And what the hell was that black pony-thing with them?

"This is it." the President said. He lifted up a phone. "All Overwatch forces, deploy to Washington."
"Can you tell us which Washington, sir?"
"D.C. you morons! Bro Strider and the Metal Wolf are coming!"
"...Affirmative."

The President hung up, then dialled a different number. "Department of Defense?"
"Mr. President, sir?"
"Defense Emergency."
"Yes, sir. Raising alert status."

The President looked at the screens. Where the hell are Solid Snake and REX?

Author's Note:

I'm not gonna pretend that I even had a plot written out first. This is just literary shite.

Yo, if you can, tell your friends about this. Let them suffer too!