After being severally beaten at the hands of Dr. Robotnik, AKA Eggman, Sonic and his remaining Freedom Fighters undertake a daring rescue mission to save the citizens of Knothole. But just when things seem to clear up, Sonic's Freedom Fighters, Knuckles Chaotix, and several airships from the Egg Fleet are thrown into a peaceful world that had sealed itself away from the rest of the multiverse. With new rules to play by, new allies on each side, and no visible way of getting home, how will the Hero's of Mobius and there new friends fare against the Eggman Empire.
Chapters (8)
This does seem like a great idea and I do wish to encourage you upon keeping up the good work. I mean seeing the "Archie" Comic version of Sonic against the ponies of Equestria will be an interesting match up.
It's alright
I think this is the first sonic/mlp crossover that use's the sonic comic series. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
Interesting indeed I see you doing the whole Egggrapes arc again. I loved it when I read the comic and thought Sonic must be crazy, But then they built a brand spankin new city out of nowhere.
Is it just me or was one of the alternate worlds the one dubbed the Luna-verse world ?
Also was one of the world...our world ?
I cannot wait to see what happens next in this tale of yours.
Here is a review for you, hope you appreciate it.
> Plot (8/10): It is pretty interesting, and I haven't seen anyone tried to crossover MLP with the Archie's Sonic series, so big point on that part. May lower or raise the grade during a later point of the story, depending on how you do.
> Story Pace (6/10): The story pacing seems all right, but at certain points within the story, it seems to go a bit fast. Slow it down a bit and maybe a bit more descriptive. After all, not many people are a big fan of Sonic (I am, but still) to know anything involving the comics.
> Grammar/Spelling (3/10): I...I am not sure if I can stay positive with this part. I mean, the only reason why you got a three, instead of a two or one, was the fact that your paragraphs was nicely gone and I saw no wall-of-text. However, beside that point, I am not sure if anything else can be look at in a positive way. I mean, for crying out loud, do you not know about the word 'too' and the difference between it and 'to'?! Then, there is also missing marks, including apostrophes used for possessive cases. Finally, there are many cases where you really needed to used capitalization.
Spelling seems to being doing fine, but I spot a mistake on the last sentence: 'on' should be 'one'. Don't worry if you get a few spelling mistakes here and there, we will point them out for you if you did.
> Overall (6/10): I think this story has good promise and I'll be keeping an eye out for it. However, I must feel the need to say that if this story has any hope to survive, then it needs either to be corrected by the author or get an editor to do it instead. Because, seriously, the grammar is choking the story to a slow and painful death.
2032968 I know, the comic version of sonic is a freaking psycho. when i read that issue for the first time i was all
. also, the city technically didn't come from nowhere because the nanite city was already there to begin with. Nicole just took control of the empty city after all the chaos emeralds got sent into the silent zone and reformed it to her liking.
2033398 our world was not one of the worlds referenced. the referenced universes where, yes, the Lunaverse, the swapped gender universe (don't know its actual name), pokemon, spyro, kirby, lion king, and star wars ( specifically the battle of hoth from the empire strikes back).
2033489 thanks for the review. this is honestly the first time someone has gone so in depth with it on any of my stories so i really appreciate it. i do know there's a difference between the word to and too, but i really have a hard time telling where each word should go because I'm kind of new at writing. this is only my second story here on fimfiction and i do it because there's nothing to do in my town unless you pay for it. as for my mistake of misspelling one.
. that's not even that bad compared to some of the other things I've caught in my writing. in the first chapter before i edited it i had spelt coffee as cofe for some reason but diagnostic perfect on the first try. and about the editor thing. I've searched a little and no one really seems that intrested. and since you were able to pick out my mistakes so easily, i was wondering if maybe you would help me do it. please
. you don't have to, but if you did i would be very grateful. going through my story by myself is a huge pain an i end up missing the small stuff.
Another great chapter really looking forward to when the freedom fighters and Eggman cross zones and end up in Equestria. Will any of Sonic's and the freedom fighters other enemies appear in this story?
2033720
Well, I guess so, I would be happy to be your editor. However, I must warn ya, I am not going to be your permanent editor. I have my own stories (as well as other projects...if I get my lazy butt off to do them) currently being work on, and while I am fine right now, when I finally have enough to publish here at Fimfiction, I am going to be a bit more busy. However, at that point, I might still serve as a back-up editor if anyone is unwilling (or unable) to edit for you.
2034107 sweet! thank you
. and i totally get the non permanent thing, you got to do what you got to do. Its not like I'm writing to become popular (though that would be awesome), its something i just like to do and improve my skills with. so if and when you leave its not like it would be the end of the world. I'll send you the password sometime tomorrow when i get off school. I'm looking forward to working with you.
2043322 Tails's last name is prower not prowler. don't mean to sound like a dick, but it just pisses me of when people mispronounce his name. nothing against you.
Also I was pretty sure that Tails's only super form in the games was super tails
. if I'm wrong then its probably because I didn't finish the genesis games (only been a fan since 2003) because every time I tried to my emulator would crash at specific points of the games so I never got to the final levels
.
Sonic and Knuckles meet Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
Nice update to an interesting tale.
Good chapter thing's are about to get interesting.
Glad to see this story updated again. So did Mobotropolis also get transported to Equestria?
Grandmaster's for Equestria huh. Well I wouldn't mind still seeing Bunnie's uncle. But here's a few names that would be interesting.
Blueblood
Lightning Dust
Sombra
Trixie
Gilda
Chrysalis
Garble
Chief Thunderhooves
Vinyl Scratch
Again great chapter. Hope it won't take as long for the next update though.
'Sorry four the wait guys' it's meant to be 'sorry for the wait.'
2738692
was not actually thinking of that song when I wrote that, good catch though.
2738658
Don't worry, Bunnie's uncle Bouregard (don't know if that's how you spell his name but I'm to lazy to check right now) will still be in the story, more so than the comic actually. Like both him And Matillda a lot. And I like the idea of using Sombra for a Grandmaster, nice choice.
2829749
Well thank you very much. I put a lot of time and effort into each and every chapter, trying to prevent the unfortunate mistake that many Sonic/MLP story writers make, progressing the story to fast. But not to bash any of the other stories out there, there are a lot of good ones, like Sol Umbare, or something along those lines, a current one I'm reading by Dream Bolt.
So now that I'm done with that, can I call you Dr spooky van creepy? If you don't get the reference please don't be angry with me, It's the first thing that came to my mind when I saw your username. Finitevus is my second favorite villan in the Archie Sonic Comic series after all.
my top fav are Nicole,Sally,and Bunnie all three of wicth aren't seen any where but satam and the comics no fair
Great chapter. Personally i'm also leaning towards no on the ponies geting super forms. Though if you decide to give any of the ponies super forms, maybe just have it be Twilight.
2043322
Great chapter. Glad to see this story is still around.
What character would i like to interact with each other. I'm not sure but here's some idea's.
Bunnie's uncle with Braeburn and Little Strongheart and Chief Thunderhooves
Dash with Snively
Twilight with Sally
Maybe Anti-Bunnie and Bab's Seed
Discord with pretty much everyone. I love his character.
Once again great chapter.
I am willing to help you pre-read and things like that.
Shadow, Hope Kintobor and post-nanite Nicole. Also, the comics are by far the best version of the Sonic lore (at least in my opinion).
You forget that the emeralds are basically alive in their own way and can be used for good as well as evil.
You dare to break the 4th wall!?! YOU MUST DIE!!!
If any of the ponies go super, the most sensible would be Twilight, and as an anti-hero, Trixie makes the most sense, as she doesn't hate Twilight, though she might be of a more comical rival I imagine, along the lines of Silver, as they spectacularly screw up everything, while (though the time-frame doesn't match up,) Sunset Shimmer would match up with Shadow, except she smiles more, and... also doesn't really hate Twilight... It also seems to me that this story lends a beautifully well placed chance for Lightning Dust to be given a choice to either team up with the Eggman Empire, and search for revenge, or team up with the Elements and the Freedom Fighters, and earn their forgiveness and a second chance, since Rainbow Dash is honestly not as hotheaded as many make her out to be. I will be watching this story intently
, and will be willing to give a helping hand if I'm around. As a side note, you should have made this whole chapter the author's note for the previous chapter, you could crush someone's hopes with this kind of stunt.
This story must continue, or I'll hunt you on the internet, I will find and stalk you in real life. And I'll kill you.
"Oh don't worry," Tonic said, as he dismissed her glare and got ready to run back out into battle. "just let me round up Bunnie and Tails and we'll have this place robot free before lunchtime."
Tonic?
i think you mean Sonic.
4298379 Sorry about that it appears even with two sets of eyes little mistakes like those slip through.
Anyways onto Gigawatts question; Kinda, let's just hope no bad music and such.
4298937 Little mistake?
I don't know if you noticed, but there are dozens of mistakes riddling this chapter. Never mind anything plot related, the grammar/spelling/punctuation of this was just so horrendous. I don't remember much of what this story looked like before, but this is just a plain awful way to make a reappearance. You need some serious editing help.
I'd offer that help, but... I don't know. I really want to see where you can take this story, but I tend to grow very annoyed with stories that I edit for when the original wording is so heavily flawed that I have to rewrite sentences. And this chapter looks like one of those occasions. Mind you, I don't think I'd have actually had to rewrite a sentence for this chapter as far as I could remember, but I would be heavily editing every single paragraph if I were.
...I'd consider helping, if you wanted me to. But if not, you should still get someone else who is also willing to help.
4299202 yeah, I know that this chapter isn't really up to snuff right now, but what do you really expect from about half a year of not writing.
Amyways, that help you offered, I may take it seeing as one of my two prereaders seems to have vanished off the face of the planet. ShardofDarkness is all I have right now. You don't have to go in and reedit every little thing, but some helpful tips and reminders, with examples to what they refer too, will help a lot.
4299416 Well I could help if you could send me the gdoc of the chapter. We can continue this conversation via PM.
4308166 Well in my defense I sent you the chapter for review three days before I published it, and you sent me your note Two days after I did. I also had no Idea you were in italy at the time.
And I also know about that little mistake, going to fix it when I have time. And I will be making GDocs for all of the chapters this week sometime so things will move a lot smoother.
Awesome chapter.
The original hedgehog hands down
my favorite sonic character is bunnie,sally, and sonic
scourge and glida
GAAAY
5355140 well damn! Watch yo language!
Little sad you cancelled the story. I like to read more of it. Hope you can pick this up again one day.