• Member Since 13th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 28th, 2017

Burraku_Pansa


A man who doesn't write half of his stories half as often as he should like, and writes less than half of them half as well as they deserve.

T

The elders tell of times long past, when throughout the plains, hyenas massed.
Yet they were not as we are now; naught but beasts they were, strong, fierce, and fast.
And they acted as befits a beast—procreation, slaughter, feast—
Till a Monster came, we know not how. Through Him, lowliness soon ceased.


A poem, with a short scene framing it. Entry for the World-Building Alliance's January writing contest, where it earned an honorable mention.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 24 )

What is it with hyenas being easily led astray into following insane dictator-types? First Scar, now Discord.

Ooooh, this was good. The poem there was pretty cool.

1969253
They're never prepared enough.

2211014
Apparently not...

Don't they know that a shiny new era is tiptoeing nearer?

I get rather a 'Zecora' vibe from Yaman talking in rhyme the whole time. Maybe that's deliberate (in which case I'd assume a area-of-origins thing), I 'unno. But I'm not sure if I like it.

(Worst possible day to comment on -- well -- anything. Whatever.)

2354099

Maybe that's deliberate (in which case I'd assume a area-of-origins thing)

Hit the nail on the head—that was precisely my reasoning. Sorry you're not sure if you liked that aspect, though.

Very well-crafted story, Burraku. The poem was real nice. Poetry and campfire tales are a great device for worldbuilding, I find.

3760588 Danke schön, Pear.

3910919 Oh hey, kickass. Thanks, TOW. Question: I know there's a thread in the group detailing rejections, but is there one detailing acceptances? I was actually worried about this getting in.

3913134
That is a great question. Unfortunately, the answer is no. It's not like I haven't thought of it, but I'm not the highest-ranked admin, so I can't simply implement it. I'll poke Mayhem or arcum and try to see if I can get them to implement that.

It only makes sense. Admins explain rejections, and contribs explain their recommendations. I guess it's probably seen as redundant, since we already allowed the story in.

3913885 I wouldn't exactly call it redundant. I imagine most any author likes to hear what they've done right.

3914005
That's true. It's certainly encouraging, especially when nearly every critique focuses on the flaws. The only way to work in complements right now is in a rejection post, which is a bit confusing. That pretty much only works when things are just below the standard.

At the moment, there are contributor posts on most stories. I try to only judge stories that are posted to the contributor thread. That way, the stories I pass get some feedback, and the ones I reject can feel like they got a fair chance. If I disagree with a contributor's opinion, I'll typically either ask for a second admin's opinion or leave the story alone.

Lovely story, and you haven't screwed up the rhyming either, which is a pretty hefty accomplishment as far as such things go. :derpytongue2:

This was beautiful and amazing.

This... This I reread about three times. And perhaps the reason why is that you painted a picture without a single need to describe the ones in question. I looked, then read, and finally made sure. Thats, I'm not sure how to place. It by itself is a work. Clever, well done, and echoes with you. But looking more into it, there are nuances. And its that I find so appealing to see.

Truly well done.

5506653
Thank you very much for the kind words, and for the watch.

5506831 More than a few authors poked you as someone to watch. And they are very right in this regard. You wrote a short and simple story that was anything but.

You weaved a real gem, and it was something to enjoy. A rare thing for me to want to reread immediately. So I do look forward to you continuing with your muse. May it always be with you.

I'm imagining your hyenas as gnolls from Warcraft.

Is this more or less accurate?

5507072
And here I admit to having played some kind of skeleton mage on a friend's account for about two hours before never trying WoW out again. Not for any particular reason, mind. I just… didn't.

Unless you mean actual Warcraft, which I've played exactly zero hours of for much the same non-reason.

5507133 What I mean to say is that in my mind, these feral hyenas look something like this:

img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070930061412/wowwiki/images/9/94/Gnoll.JPG

5508036
Nah, less humanoid, walks on four legs. Pretty much like a normal hyena, except all black, gigantic, and with red eyes.

A wonderful little story. I'm sure Pinkie would be able to get along with hyenas quite well, but then again, she gets along with anyone! :pinkiehappy:

5508036
So, twenty weeks later, I happened to look though the comments on this story again. Turns out, when I responded to you with 5508141, I thought we were on a different story of mine—one with hyena-ish monsters. I recognize that it's probably far too late for you to even remember if you were confused at the time, but hey. Sorry for the confusion all the same.

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