A Flash, A Bang,...
It was one o'clock in the morning and the rain was pouring down hard. The downpour drenched everything from Canterlot Castle to the small town of Ponyville. The storm was actually an accident at the weather station in Cloudsdale. The Pegasus ponies there were overdue for some rain so, in their haste, they accidentally added too many rain clouds to their load. The result, changed their forecast from "light rain" to "thunderstorm with moderate rain and light wind". The storm wasn't strong enough to damage any homes or flood any animal's homes in Everfree forest, but the mistake didn't go unpunished. The Head Supervisor of the plant, Rainy Days, gave hell to everypony at the plant.
Twilight Sparkle had just gotten to sleep after her incredibly long day. She usually can handle anything the day could throw at her but today had a 'special' exception. The room was dark and quiet with Twilight passed out over her blankets, sprawled out on the bed. The only sound that could be heard was the white noise of the rain hitting the window seal and roof of the library. Spike had been called away to Canterlot with business with Princess Celestia. It wasn't anything important, just some formalities about him being Twilight's assistant that needed to be resolved and would be back in a couple of days. Twilight was sleeping soundlessly, exhausted from the day when a flash of lightning lit up her room for a short second, followed by the muffled 'bang' of the thunder and... something else... a squeak... a voice perhaps? Twilight, being the light sleeper she was, slipped out of her self-induced coma to the point to where she was aware of her surroundings, but could still be pronounced unconscious, to listen to the sound a again. She was just about to dismiss it as the wind when another lighting bolt struck in the distance, in the same fashion. A flash, a bang,... and a whimper. Twilight, immediately recognizing the sound, woke up fully and looked toward her doorway, and what she saw was heartbreaking. There, in her doorway, was a little filly Rainbow Dash, trembling and obviously crying with her eyes red-ringed and teary.
The lightning. It must've woke her up and scared her. it probably, didn't make it any better that her room was pitch black dark. I'm such an idiot. why didn't i get a nightlight for her? Probably because i thought she wasn't afraid of the dark or lightning. but what foal isn't Twilight? Another flash, another bang, and another, louder whimper.
The whimper snapped Twilight out of her mental argument and she concentrated on the turquoise and rainbow colored figure in her doorway. Her mane was a mess; Probably from tossing and turning in her bed trying to go back to sleep. Her dark pink eyes were wide and teary-eyed from her previous sobbing and were looking around the room, almost as if she thought something was about to jump out at her. Quite frankly, Dash was terrified, and Twilight couldn't send her back to her room in that condition, even with a nightlight. So, she did the only thing she could do, she did what a mother would do.
"Hey there Dash" her voice as soft as velvet, trying not to alarm the poor mare,"Are you okay? Did the lightning scare you?
Dash looked straight at Twilight with wide, pink eyes. Those sweet, adorable eyes. Dash spoke in a whimper,"u-uh h-huh." while moving her head up and down slowly.
Twilight put on her best motherly smile and looked at Dash with comforting eyes. "Well, why don't you sleep with me tonight? Would that be okay with you?" she said as she patted a spot next to her on the bed.
As if she was waiting for those exact words, Dash bolted to Twilight's bed and crawled up to to her neck, nuzzling it and held on to her chest as she started to sob again.
"The l-loud light s-scared me" Dash said as she sobbed
Twilight, at first momentarily stunned at Dash's fast movement to her bed, put her right hoof around Dash's back and used her left hoof to gently stroke her mane. "There, there" speaking in her best motherly tone. "It's alright now. There's nothing to be afraid of." Twilight was actually surprised at herself. She didn't consider herself as the motherly type. She always thought that was Fluttershy's department. But here she was, laying in bed with a filly Rainbow Dash, holding her and and stroking her mane, telling her everything will be alright, like she was her own foal. Another flash, another bang, and another whimper as Dash clung to Twilight tightly.
I've got to find a way to calm her down. This is tear-jerking watching her cry like that. What would Fluttershy do in a situation like this?
At that exact moment, a lightbulb went off in her head. She looked down at the filly and spoke softly,"Would you like me to sing to you to try to help you sleep?"
Dash looked up at the kind-hearted mare with adoring eyes and stopped sniffling long enough for her to speak. "Maybe"
Twilight couldn't help but smile at the little filly who was trying to act like it didn't matter either way to her.That's. The Dash I remember.
"Okay here goes" Twilight looked straight down into Dash's eyes and sang in the most soft,velvety voice Dash ever heard.
"Hush now, quiet. Now it's time to lay your sleepy head.
Hush, now, quiet. Now it's time to go to beeed."
The filly Dash nuzzled into Twilight's neck as she sang, transfixed in Twilight's voice. She continued to hold and stroke Dash's mane as she used her magic to lift the covers over both of them. She continued to soothe Rainbow with her voice.
"Drifting off to sleep, Exciting day behind you.
Drifting off to sleep, letting the joy of dreamland find you"
Twilight started to notice the little filly's breath start to even out. it's working. Thank Celestia.
"Hush now, quiet now. It's time to lay your sleepy head.
Hush now, quiet now. It's time to go to bed"
Another flash, another bang, ...silence. Rainbow Dash fell fast asleep thanks to Twilight's enchanting voice. Twilight could feel her warm, even breath on her neck and smiled at the sensation. She leaned in and kissed the sleeping filly on her forehead.
"Goodnight Dashie" she said as she rested her head on top of Dash's and fell fast asleep.
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This looks interesting, ill track to see where it goes.
Oh, and another thing " 'Mother' to 'Lover' " .....
lulz.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/chris-hansen.gif
Chris Hansen is watching you Molest children.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
This has got pontential to be a good story and I look forward to seeing more, I'm kinda left wondering what kind of spell Twilight was casting that would result Rainbow Dash being reverted to a 3 year old.
Well, not to bad of a start. You're overall grammar is pretty decent. But work a bit on your capitalization, especial I instead of i. And a couple of issues with punctuation. It distracts from the story.
The premise seems ok, although, yes... From mother figure to lover is a bit.... Well, we'll see how you handle it.
You've got a track to follow, and it's well made. Can't wait to read more
D'awww, this is just adorable!
Tracking this one for sure, and I seriously hope you decide to make more chapters of this story!
This is a pretty great fic if I ever saw one.
MUCH better than any of the ones I've ever made.
This just got tracked!
Nice job.
-Entilliumn <-----(why do I keep doing that?)
Err, so, is this like a joke or something?
I guess I will never understand fimfiction.
Backstory where art thou?
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Good day.
NO WAIT I'M ALLERGIC TO D'AAAAAWWWWWW *explodes*
Briliently written bravo!
The sheer adorableness. It hurts
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Maybe a little background on how did Dash turned into a filly in the next chapter? Would love to read more about motherly twi
This could turn out to be very interesting, especially considering you are using in medias res, or at least I hope you are because this would be a bad place to call the beginning of the story.
Cute first chapter. I wonder if this'll have a mixed ending. The ideal ending is Dash being restored to normal. But on the other hoof... Twilight becoming too attached as a mother could be really interesting. Also looking forward to chapter 2 + backstory.
147587
Agreed.
grammar and punctuation could use some fixing, but overall rather good.
although, GODDAMMIT WHERE ARE YOU, BACKSTORY. I WANT YOU~!
and 'Mother to lover'
Chris Hansen: Take a seat, right over there.
I can't wait to see where this is going! keep up the good writing!
147587
Fucking win.
D'AAAWWW
Good fic, Lordly likes. One problem I've noticed that everyone seems to have when they're starting out is with picking a tense and sticking to it. There are a few places where it jumps from past tense(which it should be) to present tense (which should only really be used when writing in first person) Also, you tend to be a bit over eager with your punctuation, Putting fullstops and commas where they aren't needed (and in a couple of places, in an area where it breaks the flow of the scentance, jarring the reader out of immersion).
You need to remember to capitilise your "I"s and you've used Their's instead of There's at one point (another common mistake. Homophones are a bastard. (Remember, There refers to places (and abstracts), Their means belonging to "them" and They're is a contraction of They are.) In one place, you've used Mare where filly would be Much more appropriate (Filly in FiM being interchangeable with Girl, where Mare means Woman.) A Very good first attempt. Fic is tracked unless and until Twilight becomes a FoalFiddler. Then its out the window with it. Speaking of Windows, the term is windowsill, not window seal, but thats just me being pedantic. Hope this helped, even a little. Now, time for sleep (*intends to write a line or two in review, ends up writing a couple of paragraphs after three re-reads.* Theres something about 2 in the morning that brings out the FicReveiwer in me).
*edit* also, sorry to anyone who saw the attack of the half dozen posts. The submit button pretended it was broken when it was not
147641
yes, I'm mad!!!
Awesome! So tracking this! Though, as some of the others have said before me, I would love some background-story-plots-stuffs in he next chapter. I think you did really well for a first time fic! Actually, more than well ! *is totally jelly thinking about my first*
Anyway, keep up the good work
147590
Probably testing a new mass-teleportation spell. Or a diagnostic spell to let her learn more about Pegasus anatomy in order to improve her flight spell. Y'know, the usual stuff.
OMG DASHIE LOOKS SOOO CUTE AS A FILLY! D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Mother to lover..........either your making a mare and filly do it or I'm twisted.
Tracking...That is all.
ALLONS-Y!
Very interesting chapter, Comrade. As it stands, it's too early to give an adequate rating. So, I shall wait for the next chapter. Also, I love the medias in res style; gives the reader more questions to ask, and thus keeps them hooked.
<_< it moved sorta fast, like you were assaulting us with information about what had happened. Could've used a little fleshing out, but for a first fanfic, it was decent.
... Hmmm - mother to lover sounds... questionable. But, ignoring that, this chapter had so much ad'awwableness I'm not even sure how to react to it.
Admittedly, you should probably have thought to put the incident which resulted in this before this chapter, but the cute totally buys you a free pass on that one. However, you need to figure out a better way to seperate your author's notes. Maybe some sort of line break.
I take it you're a fan of My Little Alicorn?
how about My Little Dashie?
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Please continue the story. I am interested.
Oh No!! I'm allergic to cuteness. (R.I.P)
147587
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consider me intrigued, carry on
147906
WE HAVE WINAR
147916
'Winner'
147786
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Good day.
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I am interested... You could use an editor though...
The romance title scares me.
D'awwww, I like it so far. I'm curious to see how this turns into a romance story. I'm tracking
147954
I don't get it.
Anyway, this story has promise. I'll track it.
AHH! Where's the accident itself? I show up, and RD's already a filly, and i'm all confuzzled.
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This seems interesting *clicks track button*
If its not to much to ask, may you make a prologue? Or is it an entirely different story?
Other than that tracked and faved!
Dear pretty much everybody : thanks so so much for reading this. I plan to put the back story in the next chapter so don't worry. I just wanted to get something out there so I could motivate myself to continue it. I appreciate all your comments and I plan to continue. As for the mother to lover thong, I am planning something for that transition. I do realize I need and editor and was actually hoping someone whose been a long term writer here could help me out so message me if you wanna help me out. Ill try not to let you all down.
*Warning* Cuteness processing core overloaded. Reactor meltdown eminent.
OMG I WANT MORE! This is so cute!
I think my heart exploded twice and now I can't think
no I think I sad because of cute overload 
Oh hey there! Glad you finally got your story up :) I'll be watching you