Hooves thundered across the grassy hills. Wails of sadness was heard.
The screams of somepony who have lost the only thing that has ever mattered to them.
"WHERE ARE YOU?" Was heard again and again, carried by the wind to far off places.
This is a tale of a small filly, looking for her Daddy.
Edit: The cover art was a request made to Ruirik, to whom I'm thankful for going through with it :)
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Hmm, really interesting. The only question is how she knew the gravestone was her father's from a distance.
EDIT: I forgot to point out what I liked about this.
I like the style you tell this in. While it's a little confusing when it switches from a very present action to a past narration, it does almost make it like a dream. I also like how you don't really manipulate the reader into crying or getting emotional. Not sure what your goals were but I think this is a pretty good piece.
Oh Faust the feels
Wow. That was gooooood.
~Skeeter The Lurker
1965109
If you are talking about the 'Daddy Scenes' as I call them, it's not past narration. It's the filly's thoughts of what she would do with her Daddy if she were travelling with him :3
And my goal with this story was pretty simple: To write a story in a narration style I haven't tried. just a short one that conveyed a lot of feelings through just the words. From the comments so far, it seems like I accomplished my goal.
And may I add, it was one hell of a challenge to write this. I didn't want to needlessly drag it out and compromise its' quality, so getting it above 1000 words without ruining the feel of the story... it was difficult, but it was also fun
1965102
1965110
Anything you especially liked about the story? I always like to know exactly what people like about what I write. It makes it easier for me to know what I should write in future stories
1965284
I'm glad you think so
1966637
[img][/img]
Here you go.
Oh, and bonus points to whoever can find out what the name of 'Daddy' means
1968810 *sniff sniff* thanks
1968810
Ehh... nothing really specific I like about it, I'm afraid.
It was well written (maybe a couple of grammar mistakes, can't remember) and it did feels well.
1969089
Grammar mistakes?
Care to point out where, if you can bother looking through and finding them again that is?
I'll be honest and say that I did not have an editor for this. It was a fresh out of press story... You could say I was in a rush to have it uploaded
1968810 Ooops, yeah, I meant her thoughts, not memories. lol. I agree that you accomplished your goal. Nice job.
1968810
Well, the name itself means handsome and good-looking...But I think you're going more for the Latin infinitive of "amo," which means "love."
1969426
Oooh, we have a
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT-prh3YUiahflqaBrMXFVdwPVI5zobuNZKR7W8Y6KAmZdyatsYFA
Among us :p
Well, I have no personal knowledge of Latin, so I used the all mighty google translate to translate "Love", and Amare is what came out. It said the same when I translated Amare to English so, yeah :3
1969499 technically we have a college student with google. lol.
1969541
Oh... xD
Well, same shit
1969544 lol
1969321
I'll look for them later, but I did say 'maybe'
1972158
Well, I didn't run it through an Editor, so there's bound to be some
1965284
I've seen you just about everywhere on other stories I read and started to get a little envious that you'd never been to my stories...
Then I look through comments of my old stories and lo and behold, look who I found
2665730
Go look at my profile. You were one of the first I ever followed.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2666884
Huh... I didn't know that. What a privilege
2666892
Also, good choice asking Ruirik for the art. He's not bad, eh?
~Skeeter The Lurker
2666917
Nope ^^ I kinda just asked if he minded making it for me, and he just went ahead it it "eh, why the hell not" I think was his reaction to it
The only thing that kept me from being too sad was the father's name. It's like A-mare? O.o But great story though.
2979263
You actually wound up reading one of my other stories xD
I can't really remember what name I gave the father, but I recall it translates into something akin to "Love" in some other language.
Beautiful.