Chapter 9
Octavia's flustered charging had carried her to one of Ponyville's innumerable parks. The day was now beginning to wind down, though the sun continued its bright and cheery path as spring's longer days were wont to. Her cheeks still flushed, Octavia searched for a pony she could relate to, somepony who she could really tell such a secret to. It'd have to be somepony she knew, and who she knew could keep a secret. Since that was literally nopony in Ponyville, the first pony she laid eyes on would have to do.
Cloudchaser brushed up beside her, giving a nod as she passed on by. Before Octavia could whirl around and confess her deepest secrets, the pegasus pony had taken off on some airborne errand. Octavia revised her standards - anypony who could not escape would have to do.
Of the ponies hanging out nearby, one was projecting an aura of comfort and understanding. Most of the ponies in town viewed Lyra as something of an eccentric, because of her unusual habits and obsessions. Which is not to say the other ponies were not equally as obsessive, just that they were obsessed about things that actually existed, which is at least somewhat justified.
Lyra was reclining on one of the park benches in the pose which had become characteristic of her around town. Fillies would sometimes try to emulate her, either out of parody or awe, and uniformly failed. It had taken Lyra years to adjust her spine and muscles to allow her to sit on a bench with her hind legs extending downwards, and her neck braced against the back. She sat now in this position with her forelegs gripping a newspaper in front of her. Octavia identified it as the Canterlot Esquire Gazette as she approached. Lyra's hooves were visibly shaking.
Octavia sat on the bench beside Lyra. Lyra did not react.
"Lyra?"
"Whaddya want, 'Tavi!?"
"Oh nothing much. Just to chat."
"Not right now, 'Tavi!"
"Have you seen the new colt in town? His name is Hist. Hist Amine."
Lyra did not respond. The paper had stopped shaking in her hooves.
"I think he's - he's - "
"I don't care!" Lyra shouted. She snapped the top half of the newspaper down and swiveled her head to look at Octavia.
"- so special. He's so unlike everypony else. It's only been a day, and already he's asked me out!"
"Just five minutes. That's all I want to myself, just five minutes."
"I'm going to go with him, he wants to do something I'd never thought I'd do. It feels so wild and different."
"I've had a very bad day, all I want is to be left alone."
Lyra snapped the paper back up into its previous position, then moved her forelegs until the paper was neatly blocking the view of Octavia. 'Tavi tried to lean around it, but Lyra followed her movements and continued blocking her out.
"Have you ever spied on somepony? I feel dirty just saying it, but it's so - just - exciting!" Octavia gushed.
"Shut up."
"I mean, I've met a lot of colts. I've met a lot of ponies. He's so unconventional, he just tells you exactly what he wants. I've never met a pony who does that!"
"What I want is for you to leave me alone."
"I'm worried that if I put myself too forward, I'll scare him off. Have you ever had that problem?"
"Go away."
"I mean, I do like him. Is this what love feels like, or am I just infatuated? Will it fade out? I'm so nervous, ah, I can't decide now. Maybe I should cancel?"
"Yes. Cancel. Do that."
"But I did promise. I should keep my promises."
"Promise me you'll go away."
"No, I'm going. I won't call it a date but I'll go with him and spend time with him and get to know him and - and - "
"And what!?" Lyra shouted.
Lyra's shaking hoof ripped a piece off the corner of the paper, dropping it down to reveal her face. Her teeth were clenched, her eyes narrowed.
"Oh thanks Lyra, thanks so much for listening. I always know I can count on you! Thank you so much!"
Octavia stood up and leaped off the bench, dashing towards her home again. Her mission was now so much clearer from her chat with her good friend Lyra. Small towns had something that the big city like Canterlot never had: Ponies who cared about you for no reason but the goodness of their heart - strings.
As Octavia ran by, a yellow pony with a bundle of carrots for her cutie mark passed. Octavia gave her a nod. As the pony turned around to confess her deepest secrets, Octavia had already passed and gone too far to catch. The pony revised her standards - she needed somepony who couldn't escape.
Carrot Top sat on the bench beside Lyra.
"Lyra?"
"Whaddya want Carrot!?"
"Nothing mu - "
"Not right now, damn it!"
Vinyl's task now completed with the expected amount of difficulty, Thorax returned to the meeting point. Vinyl was not there. This was at last his chance. He took a look around to make sure nopony was looking, and finding much of the town to be going about their business in this public place, he found many ponies to indeed be looking. His stomach had stopped growling and moved into an aggressive whine, which would soon be followed by a formal complaint lodged with his superior officer.
Thorax looked around again, this time looking for Vinyl's characteristic mane. Since it was not present, he presumed he had enough time to duck inside the house and eat something.
The kitchen of the house would do just fine, his cinnamon bun from earlier was still waiting for him on the table. He pulled the Nectar out of its hiding spot again, and attempted to remove the cork. It refused to budge, having been wedged in by Spiracle with an impressive amount of strength. Thorax delicately held the vial up and gently bit the cork in his mouth. He then carefully and calmly pulled as hard as he could, until the cork gave just a little and the vial went flying away from him.
Nectar splattered across the table cloth, at least half of it impacting the cinnamon bun and the other half being applied to everything that was not the cinnamon bun. Glowing with triumph at overcoming yet another obstacle put in his way, Thorax cleaned the table with his tongue - catching all the important Nectar along the way. The bun itself, carrying the rest of the payload, would have to wait and serve as the rest of his rations for the week. Eat heavy today, eat light tomorrow - Thorax had no idea where he had heard the phrase, or if he had even made it up on the spot, but it certainly suited the situation.
"Mister Hist, are you here?"
Octavia had come in through the doorway to witness Thorax in the kitchen, cleaning off the tablecloth. Thorax paused and looked up at her.
"What the - what are you - are you licking the table cloth?"
"I spilled something on it."
"What?"
"Eight parts water, one part sugar, two parts sodium chloride, one part calcium-oxide, three milliliters of dimethyl sulfide, fifteen units button mushroom extract, saturated ground blink-grass in whatever quantity guarantees total dissolution, one vial 67-Benzodiazepam, three-hundred grams wheat-germ. Heat mixture to boiling, stir in additional pulped blink-grass and boil until water has evaporated. Transfer to monitoring vat and match pH to 8.55, adding traces of quicklime as necessary. If pH drops too low, add more water and grass, re-boil."`
"I meant - well, I suppose you did tell me what you were - I - blink-grass?"
"It grows in the forest, so I've heard."
Octavia's bafflement was Thorax's masterstroke. He had cleverly left off the one component of Nectar that would have given it away: love. No doubt Octavia was now running through the process in her mind, wondering at what chemical he had described, and being absolutely flummoxed by it. Only a changeling would have made the connection.
"Well, I haven't had a single thought about chemistry since high school! Thank you for the refresher, Mr. Hist."
"I am an expert in the field."
"I certainly hope so," Octavia said. Her face had gone red again, no doubt she would need to relieve herself soon.
Vinyl kicked the door open and stormed into the kitchen, shoving her way past Octavia and pressing herself up close to Thorax's face. Her breath was hot, her voice was cruel.
"Rookie! You - hey, somepony finally cleaned the tablecloth off - you finished the flyers yet!?"
"Yes. The entire west side of town has been propagandized, honored officer."
Vinyl sat back, confused.
"Wow, really? You didn't just ditch the flyers?"
"Sir! No sir! I would never do such a thing."
Vinyl looked at Octavia, who nodded. Octavia was not sure what the nod was meant to communicate, but in Vinyl-language, it meant something important.
"Wow, okay. Damn, you're fast. I'm not even half done yet! I'll get you your bits tomorrow, cool? I don't have any change on me."
Vinyl went to the tap and turned it on, then took a hit of the water with her neck craned upside-down.
"See you tomorrow, newbie!" she shouted, after her drink. Refreshed, she left to the east side of town to resume her advertising campaign.
The sun, now having found its way to the horizon, cast long shadows in front of Thorax and Octavia as they prepared for their mission. Thorax knew that Twilight Sparkle would be in the Library down the road sometime this evening, and knew he had to spy on her. He had already come up with a plan.
Without saying anything, he went to the side of Octavia's house and stared up at the rooftop. Octavia followed his gaze, intrigued.
"Why are you looking at the roof?"
"I just realized I can't fly. How can we get up there?"
"I'll go see if Vinyl left a ladder anywhere."
Octavia vanished around the side of the house while Thorax cursed his selection of an Earth Pony. Unable to fly, he would be more vulnerable in case of emergency, though he was more inconspicuous, as Spiracle had mentioned. No doubt her expertise would prove valuable in the end.
Octavia returned a few minutes later, bearing a small stepladder on her back.
"Climb on the this, then hop to the chimney. That should do it."
Thorax did as she asked. The roof itself, covered in thatch, was slightly slippery. Octavia followed him up as he ascended, then lost her balance for a moment. Thorax instinctively grabbed her forelegs and pulled her onto the roof proper. She pressed her cheek against his briefly afterwards. Thorax, taken aback, held his position. She was probably just unbalanced. After a moment, she recovered, and the two took their position near the apex of the roof.
There, protected by the slope of the roof, they had an excellent view of the Library only a block away.
"Well, that's task one done. Now what?"
"We watch - and we wait," Thorax answered.
After about half an hour, a purple mare appeared on the street behind them. Octavia, having grown bored, had waved to her, and received a wave back. Thorax had paid it no notice - he had a very important job to do. The mare then made her way towards the Library and entered it without a key. This unexpected visitor may have caused complications, if Twilight Sparkle were to return to find some unicorn in her house, there may have been a conflict.
"So, you wanted to spy on her, right?" Octavia asked.
"Who?"
"That was Twilight. You didn't know what she looked like?" Octavia asked, seeming relieved.
"Oh. No."
There was a little movement in the Library now, but Thorax was too far away to see it.
"So, now what?"
"Watch and learn," Thorax said.
Thorax began to use his secret weapon. He could increase his visual acuity at any time, simply by holding his eyelids close together. This allowed him to zoom in with pinpoint precision on anything within his sight. Normal ponies could never have done it, but changelings were anything but normal ponies.
"Are you squinting?"
"Shh, that blur just moved." There had been some activity near the kitchen - or maybe the study.
"This is ridiculous. I'll see if Vinyl will let us use her binoculars."
Octavia stomped the roof a few times, and a moment later, Vinyl appeared outside.
"What are you two idiots doing?" she asked.
"I need to borrow your binoculars," Octavia said.
"I lent them out to Pinkie, she said she was going to watch ponies bungee jump. What are you doing?"
Thorax spun around, taking his sight off the Library temporarily.
"We are conducting surveillance. Any assistance is appreciated."
Vinyl's expression remained clouded by her glasses.
"Why don't you just get closer? Idiots." Vinyl trotted back inside.
From their new vantage point five feet from the window, they had an excellent view of the inside of the Library's kitchen. There was nobody inside at the moment, but Thorax was certain something important he could report to the Queen would happen here.
"So is this what excites you? It doesn't seem very exciting," Octavia noted.
"Excites me? This is - shh, someone's coming!"
Thorax and Octavia ducked as Spike entered the kitchen and walked, unaware, towards the fridge. Thorax could see him from the edge of the window, hopefully remaining out of sight at the same time.
Spike opened the fridge, pulled out some tomatoes and lettuce, then went to another nearby cabinet and pulled out some bread. He then put the bread down, put the tomatoes and lettuce on top, and returned to the fridge. Now he removed a yellow bottle and squeezed some unknown substance from that on top of whatever mixture he was making, put more lettuce on, and then put yet another piece of bread on top. He took the concoction back to the main room of the library. Thorax cursed his foolishness again - he should have brought something to write on!
"What was he doing?" he asked Octavia.
"Making a sandwich?"
That was definitely going in his report.
The door opened around the corner and the same unicorn from earlier walked up. Thorax quickly identified her as none other than Twilight Sparkle, his target.
"Hey there! Spike said you two were looking in the window, you hungry? Want to come inside?"
"No, we are busy," Thorax hissed.
"We'd love to," Octavia said.
"Great!" Twilight said, and walked back around the corner.
"What are you doing! You're going to blow our cover!" Thorax hissed at Octavia.
For once, she smiled darkly at him.
"Oh you want to do some spying? Watch a master at work."
Octavia led Hist into the Library and sat down at the table in the middle of the room. Since Twilight had been out of town, it wasn't covered in books like it usually was. Twilight sat down opposite her, and with a little prodding, she managed to get Mr. Hist to sit as well.
"Spike, could you make us some tea? Maybe a sandwich for our guests?" Twilight asked.
"Sure thing, but you owe me one," Spike said.
"I owe you three, but who's counting? I'll find some way to pay you back."
Spike disappeared into the kitchen while Octavia winked at Hist. She knew how to wrestle secrets out of a pony, this would really get him going.
"So Twilight, how have you been?"
"Oh just great 'Tavi. Went to Canterlot to pick up some books the Princess wanted me to read, got to catch up with my parents. Wish Spike could have gone, they said they missed him."
"Oh really, what books?"
Octavia gave a big wink to Hist, who continued to glare at Twilight.
"A big one on light magic, and one on detecting energy signals coming from other dimensions. Mostly theory, not too practical, but I'm not complaining!"
"Any idea why she wants you to read those?"
"You know, there never seems to be any pattern. I think she just wants me to be well rounded."
Thorax was composing a song on the spot to help him memorize this conversation, but was having trouble rhyming with 'dimensions'. Conventions? Suspensions? Hedge Funds!
"Here's two sandwiches, just the way you like 'em 'Tavi. Dunno about your friend, hope he likes daisies," Spike said.
"I am neutral to them," Thorax answered.
Realizing he'd be expected to eat what was presented, Thorax choked down the ashen sandwich. The expression on everyone else's faces was that of horror mixed with pity.
"Well, glad to hear she has your best interests at heart. Have you met my friend here? Mister Hist is from Canterlot as well," Octavia said.
"Charmed," Twilight said, smiling.
Thorax pulled Octavia's ear down. "I need more than that. She has to tell us all her secrets," he whispered.
"All my secrets huh?" Twilight said. She held up a hoof to her mouth, lost in thought. Octavia cast a displeased look at Thorax, what kind of spying was this? There was no way asking her would -
"I once switched my brother's toothpaste with chili sauce, I've never been roller-skating, I learned how to cast dark-magic spells when I was ten but please don't tell the Princess. Let's see... I hate rhubarb even though my mom sends me rhubarb pies in the mail - "
"Wait a second. You don't like rhubarb? I didn't know that," Spike said.
"Yep. That's why I always let you have them. Sorry," Twilight apologized.
Twilight continued, "I haven't actually read a single fiction book in over a year - don't tell Rainbow! - I cheated on a math exam once because I studied the wrong textbook - "
"What!?" Spike shouted.
"It was a secret. I'm really ashamed of it, and I made sure to study up afterwards - but he did ask," Twilight explained.
"This is good. Might I have something to write it down on?" Thorax asked. Spike pulled out a quill and some parchment.
"Way ahead of you buddy," he said.
"I'm actually really good at Croquet but I pretended like I wasn't to let Rarity win last week because she had a really bad day... Princess Celestia called me to Canterlot to tell me that there's probably a spy in Ponyville and I should lie and say it was to get new books... I threw my old foalsitter's horseshoes in the lake when I was nine and told her I didn't know where they went... I can't write with my eyes closed... oh! And I once switched a ruby Spike had with a garnet to see if he'd notice."
"Wait, did I?" Spike asked.
"Nope. You said it tasted like strawberries, though."
Spike's quill whirled for another few seconds then he put the parchment down and shouted, "Done!"
None of that, however, had sounded like anything the queen needed to know - except maybe that bit about rhubarb. If the Queen needed to poison Twilight at some point, he would make sure she did not poison a rhubarb pie. Otherwise, his first report was shaping up to be a bit dull. He needed something more.
"Wow, was that all of your secrets?" Octavia asked.
"No, but that's all I can remember. If I think up any more, I'll let you know, okay?" Twilight said.
"Sounds like a good deal to me. What do you think, Mr. Hist?"
"You have aided me greatly. For that, you have my thanks. Is there any way I may repay you?" Thorax asked.
"Oh! That's another secret! Spike?"
Spike had gotten up and ran over to the kitchen.
"Tea's ready, one sec," he said.
"No problem, I got it. You see that book over there?" Twilight asked, pointing towards a reading table along one wall. On it lay a large book bound with two thick covers. Papers were scattered all around it, some having fallen to the floor.
"I see it," Thorax said.
"Take a look! It's a secret, sort of, because it's not ready yet."
Thorax and Octavia went to look at the book, titled 'Everything There is to Know, by T. Sparkle'. Octavia occasioned to open it, and after the first page, the rest of it was blank.
"Just started? I didn't know you were a writer, too," Octavia said.
"Just non-fiction. Fiction writers are such a tedious bunch, wouldn't you say?" Twilight said. Octavia and Thorax agreed, and nodded to indicate this. They nodded a lot more than they should have.
"Oh yes, indubitably," Octavia said.
"Quite," Thorax said.
"I'm trying to catalogue everything, you know, like an encyclopedia but way more in depth. I've done a hundred pages and I've only just begun!" Twilight said, trotting over to her two guests and motioning at the papers scattered about.
"If you guys know anything about - well, anything - I'd really appreciate it! I could even list you as co-authors!"
Thorax realized the true aim of his mission, though whether or not Wise Queen Chrysalis had known it, or merely had some sort of premonition, he did not know. This book, a guide to everything, was key! If he could secure a copy for the hive, they would never be caught off guard ever again! All he had to do was help Twilight finish it, then get her to give him a copy.
His name would be carved on plaques in the hive! Everyone would bow to him as he passed! He'd be regarded as the spy to end all spies, the spy who knew everything!
"I will help you finish this book!" Thorax shouted.
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Changeling squinting powers, activate! Best chapter yet, poor Lyra...
Damn you! You've literally made me laugh out loud several times, waking the freakin' dog.
Also I gotta say I really love the way you characterized Octavia. I'm imagining that she used to be a well-mannered, posh Canterlot pony and moving in with Vinyl into Ponyville corrupted her into another one its crazy-ass inhabitants.
This is so stupid. In the most hilarious possible way of course. Looking forward to the next chapter.
My body says "sleep", but my brain is telling me "read the next damned chapter, idiot"....
wat do?
....Oh Thorax, you adorable oaf.
Is Twily really that dense? Or is she playing the fool to confuse the real fool because he acts all the more foolish?
So.....much......fail......
What the fuck am I reading?
It's like a train crash, I want to look away, but I can't. Thumbs up.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Well, guess Thorax is out of luck. XD
All this crazy shit going on and I just wanna know why Lyra's so grumpy, she's usually so nice.
I....um.....I've got nothin, not a god damned thing.
AAA i understand now , this is the genre of comedy were everyone is stupid