Even Stranger

by SaltyJustice

Chapter 3

Thorax pushed open the wooden door and immediately winced as the blinding light within caught him by surprise. His eyes took several seconds to adjust to what was in front of him.

The hotel was a grand building, incredibly ornate compared to what he had seen in the hive. There, wooden furniture was a rarity and everything was worn out. Here, nearly everything was wooden, the chairs, the tables, the interior. Instead of primitive stone tools they had glass and metal finishing. A brass metal tube ran along one side of a table that ponies were standing against, talking loudly and periodically taking swigs out of glass pitchers full of some frothy substance. All kinds of foods were on every table in front of the ponies, salads and exotic fruit and breads stuffed with who knew what. It was enough to make Thorax faint at the sight of it. It'd take you several lifetimes to get all this requisitioned back at the hive!

"Go on," Spiracle hissed at him as he stood, dumbfounded. She prodded his rump and he grudgingly stepped into the world of wealth and finery before him.

He sat down in front of a table to admire the things adorning it. A fine white cloth draped over it, made of silk perhaps. It had metal plates and as he waited, a pony came up to him and cleared his throat.

"Sir, if I may, the sign said to wait to be seated," he said.

Thorax took a look at the pony, who was wearing a tweed vest and giving him a disapproving look. Spiracle trotted over and sat down next to him.

"Gotta forgive this one, he's a little slow. Is it all right if we sit here?"

The waiter looked down at a little symbol on the table and grunted. "Sure, fine."

Thorax was still too busy taking in the sights. There was a stage along one side and a teal-colored mare had taken, starting to dance about as the stallions gathered to whoop and shout.

"Y'all gotta be more careful, Hist. Ponies in small towns are more suspicious of outsiders."

"Sorry," Thorax muttered. The mare was quite talented, though Thorax had nothing to compare her against. The audience was certainly enjoying the show.

"Are all ponies rich like this?"

"What? No, I mean - what? Look kid, this ain't rich. This place is a bit of a dive, actually," she said, casting a disapproving look at the table cloth. "This isn't even real silk, huh. I never noticed until now."

Thorax looked at the empty plate before him. Surely, with as much as these ponies had, they wouldn't notice if he took this one thing? Having a metal plate back at the hive would give him a lot of pull. Everyone would ask him to borrow it, he'd have favors coming out of his ears.

"Listen up. That guy is gonna ask you if you want something to eat, say yes. Tell him you want a salad with Caesar dressing," Spiracle said.

"Why that? I'm not hungry," Thorax said. The nectar from earlier had been more than enough.

"It's important to keep up appearances. Ponies eat three times a day, once when they wake up, once at noon, and once in the evening before bed. If you don't do that, they'll think something is up."

The waiter had come to them and put two glasses, yes, glasses, full of water in front of them. Thorax could see through the liquid from the side, and he took a drink. It was clear and cool, perhaps the ability to see through it reinforced the taste. Stone jugs at the hive? He would never go back if he could avoid it, he'd steal a glass on his way back, too.

"Whaddya having?" the waiter asked.

"Apple cider, with a bit of cinnamon," Spiracle said.

Thorax didn't say anything. The waiter shifted in place, then cleared his throat. Spiracle kicked Thorax in the shins from under the table.

"Oh! Salad, with cease her dress."

The waiter gave him a confused look and Spiracle laughed softly to herself. Thorax had really hoped her said that right, and the waiter seemed to accept it, as he left them alone after that.

"You're a walking disaster, kid. Didn't anyone ever even give you a head's up about this kinda stuff?"

"I didn't get any training."

"No training, not even an advisory pamphlet?"

"No."

A wave of exasperation flowed over his companion's face as Thorax laid eyes on the mare again. One of the stallions from the audience had gotten up on the stage now, and everypony was howling and laughing. Fortunately it seemed to be drawing attention away from him, but all of the confidence he had felt earlier had evaporated. He must have been out of his mind to think he could handle this.

"If I had a say in this, phew, I woulda kept you back in the vats. Now listen, the best way to learn is by doing and I've only got you for a few more hours before you're on your own."

A single drop of sweat creased Thorax's head and made its way down his face, resting on his snout.

"I'm on my own? What?" he asked.

"Didn't you listen? I'm going to take your reports once a week, you're on your own between those."

Thorax fought the urge to panic. "What am I gonna do? I don't know anything! I'm gonna get caught and they'll beat me and torture me and then kill me and - "

Spiracle stood up quickly and kicked him in the chest, causing Thorax to double over and fall on his side. The entire room stopped all at once, all the noise the ponies had been making cut to silence in an instant. Spiracle hovered over him and put her mouth close to his ear.

"Don't say stuff like that ever again. When I stand up, you apologize to me loudly and then I'll laugh, get it?" she whispered.

She stood up, and Thorax stood up afterwards. Every eye in the room was on him, and he bowed his head and apologized. Spiracle, on cue, laughed and slapped him on the back with her hoof, and boasted, "Nobody talks about my momma that way!"

All at once the room returned to its previous state, the ponies forgetting about the altercation in an instant. Thorax tried to get his head to stop spinning by taking another drink of water as Spiracle sat herself opposite him at the table.

"Sorry kid, but you gotta watch your volume."

After a moment, Thorax could piece together what had happened. Spiracle was clearly some kind of super-agent, she must have been what real Infiltrators were like. He had had an image in his mind of what they did, always lurking in the shadows and never being there when you looked, but that was just a fairy tale, rumors told by changelings in the hive who would never venture beyond its walls. Real Infiltrators were something else altogether, and no less the magnificent for it.

The waiter came back to their table, carrying a plate in his mouth with some greens on it, covered in a white fluid. He put in front of Thorax and murmured that he'd be back with Spiracle's cider as Thorax looked it over.

"Eat it, trust me," Spiracle said.

This wasn't hay, and the only solid food Thorax had ever eaten was hay. He knew from his biochemistry training that changelings only needed solid material in sparing amounts, most of what they needed was nectar. He had also learned that nearly all foods, including hay, tasted like ash. Any changeling could tell you that.

But this stuff? Glorious. As soon as he put it on his tongue his mouth exploded again, nearly as strong as nectar but a hundred times more concentrated. The green lettuce tasted just like hay, but the sauce was amazing.

"Like it? I've tried nearly everything, that's the only stuff that tastes good," Spiracle said with a smile.

The waiter came back and dropped off a glass filled with am amber fluid. Some small specks of a dark brown material drifted lazily in it. Thorax was too busy wolfing down the salad to hear Spiracle ask the waiter what time the westbound train was leaving.

"Westbound? Seven, I think. You need tickets?" the waiter asked.

"Two, please. To Ponyville," she replied.

Thorax had finished his salad by the time the waiter came back, depositing three pieces of paper. Two of them had pictures of a big black thing on them, the other had small writing all over it.

"What are those?" asked Thorax, eying the paper. Spiracle was looking most intently at the one with the writing.

"The bill, you have to pay for stuff out here," she said. Her eyes bulged suddenly.

"Crud! You didn't know that, did you!?" she blurted. She sighed with relief and relaxed herself. "Dodged a bullet there."

"You don't just fill out a form?" That was how he did it at the hive, if you needed something then a requisition officer would get it for you. Everyone just gave everything to you if you needed it.

"Crap, crap. I've got enough money to get you to Ponyville, but after that - crap!" Spiracle said, putting her hoof on her head.

"Listen, I don't know what we're gonna do. You'll have to survive on your own until I can get you a funding source, crap," Spiracle said, seeming to be talking more to herself than Thorax.

She pushed the paper with the black thing on it towards him, and explained that this was a train ticket, which would get him to Ponyville. She was going to ride the train with him, but her other assignments meant she couldn't stay. He was their only agent assigned to Ponyville, possibly for a long time due to its distance.

She showed him what 'bits' were, the form of currency in Equestria. Ponies would pay each other for services using bits, and he'd have to find a way to get them if he wanted to have a place to live. She tried to give him an explanation of as much as pony society as she could, as the sun came up and the ponies in the hotel got tired and made their way towards the back, out of his sight. As she was trying to explain markets and gardening, Thorax saw her notice the brightness coming from outside and she stopped mid-sentence.

"Time to go, kid. It's almost seven," she said.

Thorax turned to look, to see what clock she was looking at, but there weren't any in the hotel. Spiracle left some bits on the table, having told Thorax how to pay for things and leave 'tips', and started towards the doorway, which now had light streaming out from behind it.

As she opened it, bright light shone in and Thorax though someone must have turned on the lights outside, too. Only when he stepped outside was he awed by the enormous white orb in the sky. The sun. He had heard of it but never gone outside to see it. As he stared, Spiracle slapped him in the cheek.

"Don't stare at it or you'll go blind!" she said.

Comments

[Nealj7772]

this story has so much fail that it's winning!!!

[fractalman]

"Don't stare at it or you'll go blind!" she said.

*chuckles*

[tsaukpaetra]

This is great. I thought the premise would be interesting, but we can hardly contain our mirth at this hapless drone!

[Nox Knock Jokes]

He closed the door and looked around the room, trying to spot anything unusual. A highly trained Infiltrator would be able to see this sort of thing instantly, yet nothing at all seemed out of place. There were only three objects in this room anyway, his bed, the desk, and the small letter resting atop the bed. He sighed, figuring that his contact would reach him later, and sat down on the bed to wait.
There was something under his flank. He sat up and looked at it. A letter! Oh, his contact was a devious one.

[Rhawkas]

Wow, Thorax is so dumb he makes Ditzy look like a genius. Love reading about his blunders. XD

[CrystalMoon3]

8303915
That's because ditzy is a genius!