Every morning Spitfire had a routine. Get little sleep, barely eat, and listen to everything your managers tell you. But she began to realize this isn't right, being thrown around like a toy. She did love her fans, but was the subjugated life of her's worth it? Sick and tired, Spitfire is on the verge of giving up. But once she makes a wish, she is encountered by a strange stallion. Who changes her life and creates the perfect getaway.
~Opinions please?
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Don't be shy to leave a comment and rate please, thank you.
This i going to be good.
I like how everything that can go wrong actually goes wrong but now that the Doctor is here Spit might want her old life back when she goes through what he is going to take her.
I want the next chapter as soon as possible.
Camo Flash out!
New chapters are coming soon. I promise. I plan on having about 20 chapters in total. And I'll probably be finished by early/mid spring.
And another awesome chapter(was there ever any doubt
)
I wonder what dangers await Spifire and the Doctor.
I hope the next chapter is up soon the tension is killing me.
Camo Flash out!
Could really picture the scenery, like how you described the villain. You give the doctor a very quirky but caring personality. Hoping for more!
I'll read this. Unique combo of The Doctor and Spitfire. A great change from The Doctor and Ditzy. My personal favorite combo though is The Doctor and Twilight but still this is unique.
3200812
Thank you for the response! I'm working really hard on this story and I wish it had more views and such.
Thank you for the comment, and I hope you enjoy!
Geranimo
3236777
You're too cute
Okay, you wanted comments, so here I go.
I like the premise. Spitfire seems like a great companion and I can sense great potential for great adventure. Throw Soarin into the mix for additional awesome and I'm sold.
...but then there's the execution. Narration is all fine, but dialogues... my god, dialogues!
Who talks like that? Let's get over it line by line.
This line demands exclamation mark and at least one comma.
This line just sounds awful. Say it out loud and tell me you want to hear it in any show.
Again could use an exclamation mark, but really, I cringed when I read this. This is not a retort you use again "you dissapointed your parents", but against "they died because you suck". Which is not the same thing, at least not in this concept.
Hint: instead of saying it out loud, leave this out of her dialogue and let the narrator fill in the details. They both know it, there's no reason for her to spout the "as you already know..." exposition.
Same grammar problems.
Excuse me, but wasn't she the one who hired him BECAUSE he's strict and she needs it? Also, this line sounds like you really, REALLY wanted to put drama where it's not needed.
Yeah, she sure looks like somepony who isn't bothered by death of her parents. Also, this guy should never use the word 'subject' in a sentence. Ever. In fact, replace it with "it" altogether.
...which is why I'll remind you of your biggest tragedy. Here, let me also bring up that time your boyfriend wanted to kill you so you stabbed him in the chest in self defense, killing him on the spot.
Seriously, that line is awful.
Again, want sympathy? Then don't hire an ex commander known for harsh language and bloated ego!
Again, whats with all that exposition? Who talks like that?
I could go on with the rest, but honestly I'm too tired to think anymore. Bottom line- the dialogues need A LOT of work. They sound stiff and out of place, thats not how people/ponies talk. I rate it from chapter 1 alone, but I'm not sure I want to keep on going like this. Which is a shame, because everything else is fine.
it's sad when good stories like these become forgotten and never finished