Joe3562
Joined 29th Jun, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Aww... this is very sweet, and very nice bonding fic between the two.
Not bad, it's certainly a sweet story, but it could use an editor, pre-reader, or second wave of proofing.
You have a few run on sentences in this which could do with some commas and perhaps a bit of rewording.
Standing up on her four hooves, Scootaloo turned around and set her muted purple eyes on a pink coated earth filly with a gray violet mane marked with white streaks through it and her tail.
Twilight, using her magic, closed the door and returned to her reading. (the highlighted part is in commas because it is additional, unnecessary information, it could be completely removed and the sentence would still read fine eg: Twilight closed the door and returned to her reading.)
A top the earth (Atop, meaning on top or above, is one word.)
While you are correct in using commas to separate dialogue from the tagline, if the dialogue requires a "?" or "!" it replaces the comma and the tagline ends in a period.
So instead of "Don't you have anywhere else to be," Scootaloo asked? It would be "Don't you have anywhere else to be?" Scootaloo asked.
You did this on more than just the two mentioned.
Lastly you have a handful of typos or missing words
"slight, cast, ever, has, worked."
Scootaloo counter! (Scootaloo used Counter. It's not very effective.) Sorry this one made me laugh.
All in all it was a nice little read.
2113836
Thanks for the help, I gave a quick read through and made the corrections. I do all the editing myself and I sometimes miss those small errors.
2114144
That is why at times you need a second set of eyes to look things over
how the hell is this complete?
2251450
The story is to be just about the first lesson Scootaloo would receive from Rainbow Dash, I felt I ended it off in a perfect position as good background for my other stories.